A friend of mine recently emailed me this great question. Let me know if you feel like you can relate to this too! He says,
“I’m in an otherwise happy marriage but my spouse is old-fashioned when it comes to sex. She says she’s not interested in trying new things (such as new positions, toys, different sexual behaviors, etc.). Every time I approach her about it she shuts it down. I bought a book once that came well-recommended but she refused to read the book, saying I shouldn’t look at that stuff. If I were to approach her to do the Intimately Us app with me she’ll shut it down right away. Our sex life is OK, but I feel like she does it out of duty rather than really desiring me sexually. What should I do? I feel stuck and wish things were better and more exciting. It feels sad to think that I may never have a great sex life like what it seems like others are having.”
I started to reply to him and thought, ya know what, this would make a great podcast episode! Even though relationships with the dynamic like my friend’s are common, this is something that’s not talked about or addressed head-on very often. We mistakenly think everyone else seems to have a happy sex life but us. Not so. So let’s go there today!
My purpose today is to share a message of hope and understanding to those that feel like what they’re getting is duty sex. I want to talk about what duty sex is and isn’t, why couples fall into the pattern of duty sex, and what you can do about it.
In this episode I’m using the stereotype of the husband being the one feeling like he’s only getting duty sex from his wife. In your marriage it can be the other way around and the principles still apply. In reality it goes both ways, as I’ll explain.