Shame is a universal emotion — and for many Christians, sexual shame is one of the hardest to overcome.
In this deeply honest conversation, I’m joined by Natalie Hamblin as we explore how sexual shame quietly divides marriages, and how couples can move toward sexual wholeness instead.
We talk about:
- How shame creates emotional and physical distance
- Why hiding parts of yourself fractures intimacy
- The difference between guilt and shame
- How faith and sexuality actually belong together
- How to reframe sex as God-given and good
- What to do if shame from your past is haunting your present marriage
- The power of education and communication
- And how Natalie and her husband moved from fear to deep connection
And if sexual shame is something you’re actively working through, I invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library.
We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat! We’d love to have you join us!
Guest
Natalie is the creator of Shaking the Sheets, where she helps married couples have shame free, faith informed conversations about intimacy, desire, and deeper connection.
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
From Sexual Shame to Sexual Wholeness with God’s Help, with Natalie Hamblin
Dan: Shame is a universal emotion. Everyone feels shame at some point or another in their life, and almost everyone also feels sexual shame. Now, shame to me is the feeling that you’re not good enough. That’s the instinct to hide. It’s the instinct to [00:01:00] kind of wanna split yourself and hide a part of yourself or get rid of a portion of what you feel inside of you.
Dan: ‘Cause you feel like it’s a dirty part of you or an unworthy part of you. And a lot of times you feel this way about our sexuality. So I’m really interested in stories of people who have overcome this. Sexual shame, this universal feeling that we all face in our lifetime. And I’m so excited to invite on my podcast today, my friend Natalie Hamlin.
We met over Instagram Instant Friends ’cause we’re on the same mission to help couples improve their sexual relationships. In this episode, you’re gonna hear Natalie talk a little bit about her story, talk about things that helped her with God’s help, move from sexual shame to sexual wholeness.
We’ll also talk about how, some concepts and understanding of how religion and faith actually helps us lead to more sexual wholeness. So I’m excited for this conversation. Now, if sexual shame is something that you deal with or that you’ve experienced and you want [00:02:00] help overcoming, this is what our next level program, this is our Get Your Marriage On This, our coaching program is all about.
You’ll find those details on our website and I invite you to, uh, really seriously take a look and for a limited time, you can even try it out for 30 days for free. And get up to eight coaching sessions, you get access to our course and that material too. I also wanna let you know that we have a cruise coming up in October and I’m so excited about it.
Uh, we have just a few spots left. We’re sailing, on the Western Caribbean, and this cruises for the Good to Great couples. These are those that you’d say sex is pretty good and you’d wanna go a little bit deeper and enjoy something a little more. Whole and fun, even if you have a little bit of sexual shame Now, this kind of accrue is gonna be a place where you’ll get to learn more about accepting and enjoying and embracing your sexuality and how you can use it to build at stronger, closer, sweeter marriage.
Uh, so all those [00:03:00] details on our website at Get Your Marriage on.com for the coaching and for the cruise. You’ll find it under events. Scroll to the bottom, you’ll see it there. Great. Now let’s hear from my friend Natalie. Natalie, welcome to the Get Your Marriage On Podcast. How you doing this morning?
Natalie: I am doing so great. Thank you for having me. This is very
Dan: Great.
Natalie: for me.
Dan: Good. Good. Yeah. Um, I, I love what you post on Instagram and, uh, this specific topic today I think is gonna be great for our listeners. But first, before we get started, let’s get people to know you a little better. So tell us the best way to, to get to know someone is to share an embarrassing experience.
Do you have an embarrassing moment you can share?
Natalie: I totally do. Yes. So when we were first married. Was probably, one of the more, I mean, okay, sex in general is like hard when you’re first married ’cause you’re just learning each other and trying to figure things out. But, we were in the moment and [00:04:00] we had a
Dan: uh,
Natalie: that was
Dan: uh.
Natalie: in the room.
Like, I did not want that dog in the room because that felt weird. And so we had closed the door. I thought we’d close the door all the way. And we’re in the moment and all of a sudden I get this sense of being watched and then, and I’m immediately like of the moment, just like focusing like what is happening?
And then all of a sudden the dog licked my butt and it was. So devastating for the moment because I freaked out and like jumped up and he was like, what? And I’m like, you know, just losing my mind. And it’s funny to look back now, but that moment like honestly brought so much to me. Like I felt like I did something wrong, even though it was just an innocent, funny, like the dog just licked my butt.
Like that’s, uh,
Dan: That’s awesome.
Natalie: dog is not allowed. He, the dog’s not allowed in the house at this point. We’ve got outdoor dogs, but
Dan: Yeah, no more. [00:05:00] No more. That’s great. That’s great. So today I wanna talk about sexual shame and how to overcome it. this has been coming up a lot in my private coaching sessions and in our group coaching sessions, in our Get Your Marriage on, next Level program where, uh, give you one scenario without any specifics.
a man. Was raised in a home. the family was good, but parents had a very, uh, especially the mom, a very. Negative view of sex. sex is bad. Sex is evil. It’s only allowed or permitted in marriage for procreation only. you shouldn’t have any pleasure from sex. you shouldn’t even laugh at sexual jokes, of course, let alone think about sex.
you can’t touch yourself, can’t explore your own body. And anything to do with sex is like bad evil, and you’re, you’re wrong for even wanting. Sexual things like even these natural sexual desires are, a sign that you’re corrupt and evil. So fast forward into marriage, 14 [00:06:00] years or however long, uh, they’ve been married, 20 years.
There’s gonna be a lot of difficulty with this couple and this example I gave you as a husband, it could be the wife or it could be both of them having some sort of shame about their sexuality. so Natalie, uh, I wanna know your thoughts on, how sexual shame divides a marriage.
Natalie: Oh, okay. I love this topic ’cause I’ve definitely felt this in my whole life, so I can totally relate to this couple because. My husband and I had very different sexual scripts coming into our marriage.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Natalie: but I definitely relate to the spouse that felt like it was wrong and all those other things there. but something that I have recognized is that sexual shame doesn’t come from God. And it is absolutely something that I believe Satan uses to, cause a disconnect in relationships because if he can keep you from truly being yourself with the one person that [00:07:00] you share every other part of your life with, if he can keep that divided, I think that is something that slowly grows and shifts people apart from each other. Versus when you can be like mm-hmm. Sexually whole and, um, not just whole, but like accepting of yourself and understanding that that is something that is God given, that he wants us to use to unite our marriages. I mean, that was the game changer for me, like recognizing that there was ways that Satan was getting into my marriage and causing us to have a disconnect through our sexuality.
Dan: Uh.
Natalie: like it completely changed things for us.
Dan: That’s so good. I, when I think of shame, I think of like the Garden of Eden, uh, experience in Genesis. I, it’s, my goal this year is to read the Old Testament all the way through.
Natalie: Yeah.
Dan: you know, Adam and Eve in Genesis is at three, they take the fruit and Satan says, hide, like, right. That shame and [00:08:00] hiding.
If, if someone’s feels shame about their sexuality. They’ll tend to hide it. How does that affect the unity in the marriage?
Natalie: Oh my gosh. I also, I’m like thinking of specific things in my brain that have happened in our marriage, um,
Dan: Yeah. Tell me,
Natalie: getting too much
Dan: have you.
Natalie: there was. A point that, um, husband came to me and he was like, I feel like I’m giving you a hundred percent. Like I am sharing all of me with you as much as I can. I feel like there’s a block there.
So even though I’ve never said anything out loud, like, oh, I’m feeling this constant shame about like any wants or desires or any of those things in the bedroom, it was something that I had kept to myself for, I don’t know, 13 plus years, and he could feel that. And so when he brought that to me, it was mind blowing that it was like, uh, ’cause I felt like our relationship has been pretty good.
Like we’ve definitely struggled in the bedroom. but as far as like emotionally [00:09:00] wanting to connect and all those things, like that was never an issue. It was just a matter of like work and different things. But that’s another story. and so to feel like, oh, I feel so good with you, but I’m also like, I’m holding back. I’m afraid that if I am truly myself, you’re not gonna like it. And
Dan: Yeah.
Natalie: it, that’s gonna cause the division.
Dan: Yeah.
Natalie: happening. Um.
Dan: You were creating a division in your mind before it actually manifesting in the marriage.
Natalie: Yeah. Which is interesting too, because if you think about like your brain, your brain is gonna do everything it can to protect you, right? And so for some reason I felt this need to protect myself from the one person that I love the most on this planet. Like that doesn’t actually makes sense. Um, and I do think that goes back to like these sexual scripts of like, sex is dangerous or it goes against like what God actually wants for people. and some of the messaging that we get maybe in our [00:10:00] youth that unfortunately like translates into marriage because we don’t understand and recognize the shift that we get to make, because we’re making marriage covenant or because now we are within the guidelines that God has set for, for relationships.
Dan: That’s good. Another pattern I see in my coaching, Natalie is a, um, let’s say the wife as a young adult at college, lots of sexual activity with lots of different partners and then. is convicted, you know, becomes a Christian, puts that past away and fast forward is now in a, in a great marriage, you know, really committed, committed to God and her husband.
Yet there’s this lingering, shame from her past that’s, that’s haunting the marriage. What, what do you have? What, what would you say to a couple like that?
Natalie: Oh, that’s a big one. Um. Okay. I also really relate to that feeling like, past misdeeds or misconduct or not fully grasping, [00:11:00] right? Like God’s intention for intimacy. Um,
Dan: Yeah.
Natalie: and honestly like that played a huge part in me holding myself back for my husband because I felt like I have to make sure that I am the guard of purity because in the past I wasn’t always that way.
Dan: Uh huh.
It’s like you need to overcompensate for something. Right.
Natalie: when it
Dan: Uhhuh.
Natalie: like at this
Dan: Uhhuh.
Natalie: not necessary to be constantly like guarding us from more, my heart’s like going a hundred miles an hour
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Natalie: it’s. I get this, I know it’s perspective and I’ve had plenty of people, you know, message me and have the same situation, um, where they feel like they can’t get to where they want to be because they have to hold themselves back.
And I think unfortunately, like that almost a denial of like true repentance and the purpose of the atonement. Because if we can bring our sins to Christ and be saved through him. [00:12:00] Um, you know, those like sins, those feelings, the person that we were, that’s washed away and we are made new in Christ. Um, and recognizing that is also something that completely changed my marriage. cause I didn’t have to hold shame for the person that I used, that I used to be or the things that I’ve done. And I get to create like these new experiences and moments like with my spouse. Now, the atonement purpose is to restore and heal us, and I a hundred percent believe that’s possible. And so I know another thing that is really hard for people is to bring that to God. It feels so backwards to be like, let me add God into this. Part of my relationship that’s so intimate is just supposed to be between me and my spouse, but it’s like
Dan: Yeah.
Natalie: understanding. Truly understanding, number one, that you can be, you can be changed through Christ and be this different person. And two, that within the bonds of marriage, like this is [00:13:00] sanctified. Like this is something that God wants and needs you to have to continue to be unified and to together. There was a lot of prayer.
Dan: Uhhuh.
Natalie: tell you that there, there’s a lot of prayer involved in, coming to understand myself as well as coming to understand like what God wants in a healthy Christian marriage urge.
Dan: One of my favorite parables in the New Testament is Jesus teaching the of the prodigal son. Right. That’s the son that went out, wasted his inheritance. Then he like. Comes to himself as like, Hey, my servants of my father live better than I do. Maybe I can go back and be a servant at least. And when he is a a, even when he is like coming back and he’s on the road, he’s still a far way off.
The father sees him, runs and welcomes him, hugs him, gives him a robe, puts a ring on him. Let’s, we’re gonna kill the fatted calf. This is a special day. I just, the joy that the father had in his son. [00:14:00] Who’s turning to come back. Like that’s the image I have of God, like as a father that loves us and wants, like, what’s best for us at all times.
So, I think like what you said, we can be completely forgiven and brought back, um, and restored and that, I think that’s the whole purpose of. Christ redemption for us, it’s is to redeem us and that helps us, I think a little bit better deal with our shame.
Natalie: Another thing too that I’m recognizing like not only in my past self but with a lot of people I talk with, is that there is this like framing that sexuality is not God given that that is
Dan: Oh, right, right. Let’s talk on that.
Natalie: make us, the natural man or any of those things. And really, like, it’s
Dan: Yes.
Natalie: of reframing and understanding, like, God gave us this, like his intention was for us to find happiness within marriage.
And obviously there are other ways like emotionally and all the other [00:15:00] things that you can feel connected and close, but it’s like a culmination of all of that and like expressing yourself with your partner in ways that you cannot do with words.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Natalie: And, um. Man, too many of us have that mindset that this is like, oh, this is something of the world. because the way that we learn about a lot of these things, whether it’s like positions or you know, different things like that, that comes more so from the world in my experience than it has from my parents or church leaders. And so it’s so easy to get caught up in thinking like, because I learned about this secularly, it must be bad.
It must go against what God
Dan: Ah,
Natalie: for us. And that also is like a huge light bulb moment for me to recognize that like, this is what God want. Like this is how we become unified. This is how he and I become closer to each other. But I also
Dan: Yeah.
Natalie: a mirror in the unity that you feel a spouses, that you can also feel like God, like when you’re truly being yourself.
When you’re honest, you know, all the good characteristics that you would want, in [00:16:00] your relationship with your spouse are also things I believe that you can, mirror like to your relationship with God. And obviously not the same relationship in any, in any means, right? But, um, that you can truly be yourself with your spouse.
You can also be yourself God, and that’s
Dan: I got it. I love that. Love that. So, yes, getting that deep in your heart that sex is good, it’s God-given, and, uh, it’s supposed to be celebrated, enjoyed, and expressed. How did you come to that belief? What were the steps that you went through, yourself, where you came to, believe that had that testimony, so to speak?
Natalie: Okay. I think a lot of it was coming to understand that like my worth is unconditional, like who I am, a child of God. Like that doesn’t change because I’ve made mistakes or that I’ve done stupid things in the past that is inherent and will not [00:17:00] change because I’m God’s daughter. Um, and I think it took a lot of years of recognizing that. that shame was not coming from God. Right. Um, so I just wanna distinguish really fast ’cause we talked about this recently on my page. Shame and guilt are two different things. Guilt can be productive and help you to want to change to become more Christ-like, to be in alignment with God. And shame is more of, being worried about. How others perceive you. Another way of looking at it is like guilt, draws me upwards towards Christ, towards God, and shame is more outward, where I’m looking to see how, how am I looking in the eyes of other people or how are people thinking of me because of their own, you know, thoughts, perceptions about what is right and wrong. Mm-hmm. Yeah,
Dan: Right.
Natalie: and so recognizing that and how shame is, like why, [00:18:00] why am I worried about what someone thinks that I’m doing in my bedroom when they don’t actually know anything that’s going on in my bedroom? They’re not invited to that moment. And so why do I worry about how that could be pursued by someone else if I know that I am, you know, living covenants or doing everything that I can to be in alignment with God and with my spouse?
Why? Why would I worry about that? But it took, that took a lot of years like being conscious and, bringing those worries to God, honestly, and like being very prayerful. which every time I saw tell someone that like, Hey, if you’re worried about, you know, such and such act or, thinking that you are out of bounds here, like pray about it.
And they’re like, what? Like to about my sex life.
Dan: Yes. Uh.
Natalie: So that, I think that’s my second key point is like adding him to the conversation. because again, truthfully, if I’m gonna be a hundred percent myself in this relationship, I also want to feel like I’m a hundred percent myself with God and my relationship with [00:19:00] him and bringing things to him and not hiding.
’cause I believe that he knows, like he knows the intention of my heart. He knows what’s going on in my head, but
Dan: Hmm.
Natalie: be like, oh, I can’t pray about that right now because I don’t want you to see me. But it’s like he, he sees us like he knows who we are.
Dan: It’s not a surprise.
Natalie: right. And so like getting out of that whole mindset cause he’s so much bigger than me. Like he won’t understand or he thinks that I’m the wrong thing. But it’s like no reframe like I am his daughter. He cares so much about me. He cares so much about each and every one of us that he wants us to bring the closest desires of our hearts. Like even the scary things, bring it to him because he loves us unconditionally and wants to help us through all those situations. and I think the last thing was the huge and sparked honestly why. I’m doing what I do now and
Dan: Uh.
Natalie: conversations is because a huge aspect to me about being human is having agency and it’s really hard to make choices when you don’t have information, when you [00:20:00] don’t have education or knowledge.
And that is something that I notice is really missing, culturally and also maybe, generationally.
Dan: Yes. Uh.
Natalie: This knowledge and understanding about how sexuality works or how sex works in general, whether it’s the mechanics to like the psychology, like any of those things, a lot of that information is missing.
And when that is missing, shame is able to step in and it’s harder to make good choices because you’re worried that your choices don’t align with God because you don’t understand. What your choices are. Does that make sense?
Dan: Yes, yes.
Natalie: And having a lot of intentional, honest, sometimes awkward and confusing conversations with my husband.
Like really getting to the bottom of how do we feel about this? How do we feel about this? Do we add this, do we like this? Those types of things. and going slow and doing it together has honestly like made a huge difference and completely opened up and changed like our intimacy overall. It’s been,
Dan: [00:21:00] That’s.
Natalie: it’s been way better.
Dan: I love that. Oh, I like that. Education’s so important. earlier this week, there was an email in my inbox that I’ve been anticipating. I, I was expecting a certain email. I see it in my inbox, and I, I just know if I open this. this is gonna be multiple hours of work, emotional work for me.
Right. And I just not ready for it. So I just let it sit there. I, I just avoided it and the longer I avoided it, the worse my feelings got. Right. Finally, yesterday’s, the day I opened the email and I went through it, and you know what? It wasn’t that bad. but I think that’s the way we treat sex like.
Uh oh. Like it’s gonna be this huge can of worms. Once this is open, once we have this conversation, there’s no going back. We’re gonna need hours of work to kind of figure this out. Oh, like, but you actually do it. And it’s how enlightening it is. So we kind of [00:22:00] tend to sometimes choose not to educate ourselves, choose not to look, because we’re afraid of what’s on the other side, where if we can just.
You know, grow up a little bit and look at what’s on the other side. Oftentimes, we’re now in a better position, as you say, we’re more agents, for ourselves. We can make better choices about that.
Natalie: Yeah, no, that’s huge. Um, I really believe too that our sexuality like, belongs to us for one.
Dan: Yeah.
Natalie: like my husband doesn’t own my preferences or, you know, any of those things. That is an individual thing. I think there are less limits than we think there are.
Dan: Yeah, Uhhuh,
Natalie: say that there’s not
Dan: uh.
Natalie: But a key part of being an agent too is that you are a steward. Like it is something that you have to cultivate, you have to own, you have to, make sure that what you’re doing like is authentic to yourself and not like, again, doing this because so and so said like, oh, we really love this.
That may not work for your emerge. And that’s a hundred percent okay. Like you don’t need to bring in things that don’t feel honest and true to your [00:23:00] relationship. But another reframe I feel like I had to do instead of being like, oh, I have this limited amount of things that I’m allowed to do, but recognizing like, can I steward this thing into my relationship and it be true for both of us? Um, and again, like that opened up a world us that. felt really important to progress in because that is something that I also truly believe is that God wants us to progress in all aspects of our life. And if we are limiting ourselves because it’s safer, it’s safer to be like, oh, we can only do, say like missionary.
I’ve heard that so many times. Missionaries the only, only way of doing this,
Dan: right, right. Uhhuh,
Natalie: And we’re limiting ourselves and we’re living in fear.
Dan: uh.
Natalie: And living in fear does not help us progress. And
Dan: No.
Natalie: that doesn’t mean like you go outside of your morals by any
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Natalie: is progression within morals.
A hundred percent. And that’s something that I really wish that I could get people to [00:24:00] understand is that the fear also you may be feeling, I don’t think comes from God. Like you’ll have clarity for your marriage. And I think the fear ties back into the shame. It goes back into what Satan wants to make sexuality.
You know, if he can convince you that these things are wrong or that there is no progression, that you cannot be a better person by understanding yourself sexually. where’s the progress?
Dan: Yep.
Natalie: know, anything like that limits you and pulls you further away from your spouse and from God. Okay. I listened to like a little blurb of a podcast recently and I wish that I’d saved it ’cause it was so good.
But this lady was talking about how fear is a place she was talking about in the Garden of Eden and how like it was somewhere that God couldn’t go. And he asked Adam, he’s like, where are you? Like, what’s going on?
And they’re like, oh, we were afraid we hit ourselves. ’cause we were afraid. like when we feel fear, we pull away from him because we think it’s protecting [00:25:00] us sometimes, like protecting us and bringing us closer. But it’s doing the opposite because when there’s not clarity, when there’s not knowledge or education and you’re just thinking, oh, your brain’s like protect. We gotta protect ourselves here. and we’re gonna sit in this little bubble of fear and limit ourselves because we’re afraid of offending God, offending the creator.
Dan: The all knowing, all compassionate, infinite creator, uh.
Natalie: So yeah, that was just wild to me to think like, oh yeah, fear is a place that I go. Fear is somewhere that I have lived a lot of my life. Truthfully, I have lived a lot of my life in fear of messing up or not being the daughter that my parents wanted not. being the best school student, like there’s so many should. Right. There’s things that we feel like, oh, we should be, our society or our culture tells us that we should be these things.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Natalie: Um, and I also feel like that is living in [00:26:00] fear and shame in a lot of ways because if we’re doing things again, because it’s the outward, like making sure that I’m fitting in here and not aligning and looking upward and trying to be the best person in God’s eyes, yeah.
Dan: That’s great. Great. Well, Natalie, about education, what sources did you find that were helpful for you to gain a better, more comprehensive sex education?
Natalie: Okay, so first of all, your podcast was one of the first things, and I still we’re like racking our brains. How did we find you? I have no idea, but that
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Natalie: so influential for us in the beginning. Um, and you and I had talked about this previously where I had gone with my husband. We had just gone on this getaway to, Las Vegas and just
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Natalie: a reckoning of, we’re stepping outside of fear, we’re stepping into the unknown and trying to figure out how to fix us because we were in a place of complete disconnect. again, because I’m holding us back ’cause I’m afraid and ashamed, and. some point on that drive home, I do remember listening to your [00:27:00] podcast and being like, oh my gosh, all these things are just like this light bulb moment. So that is also why I’m like, this is such an exciting thing for him because I remember hearing and seeing so many of these people that are like, big time in my mind on your podcast, and now I’m on here.
And that’s like, honestly so well, I, IM so grateful. Um, oh, I dunno about that. But, so your podcast for one. I love, Tammy Hill and I love Jennifer Finlay and Fife. And then when I had, this has been like years in the making for me too, where I felt this push to like talk about these things and like educate more and helping other people educate themselves and talking about this.
Like every book club I go to all the things and my friends are like, probably like. Will you stop, please? And I’m like, no, I want everyone to have the best marriage possible. And I truthfully believe like the sexual intimacy is a huge part of that, that
Dan: Yeah.
Natalie: don’t put enough stalk in. [00:28:00] so last summer asked my husband like, Hey, I want to go school. financially he was like, this is. It does not make sense. Like he was just, we were at a hard point in his business and transitioning and all these different things with his work. And so I’m like, okay, I’ll just hold off. And so then I asked chat, GBT like, Hey, can you give me good like textbooks or different, educators that can help me understand more, you know, and learn about sexuality? And so I had gotten like a list of books and I also had asked it like, Hey, can you also give me articles like from my church that can align to, so that I’m not, I, I was still, like in the beginning of my learning of like going too far or like learning
Dan: Yes,
Natalie: be sense to the spirit.
Dan: right Uhhuh.
Natalie: I wanted to balance there of like, okay, if I’m gonna read such and such about sexuality, like I all, like, if I feel like it’s like pushing me too far, I’m getting too, um.
Dan: you wanna be balanced? Yeah.
Natalie: that, yeah,
Dan: That’s really wise. Yeah. Uh.
Natalie: then I also want to be hearing [00:29:00] like uplifting and I think that also truthfully helped me to understand more of, like God’s role in creating sex. So I studied a book from Justin Lay Miller. I hope that’s how you say it
Dan: Yep. Uhhuh.
Natalie: all last summer
Dan: Uhhuh. Is it the psychology of sex or is it the, tell me what you want.
Natalie: I listened to both of them
Dan: Uhhuh. Uhhuh.
Natalie: and like highlighted. I felt like
Dan: Uhhuh.
Natalie: was like, just highlighting. I’m like,
Dan: Uhhuh,
Natalie: cool.
Dan: Uhhuh.
Natalie: It was just mostly like self-educating. And then at the end of last year. my church has a pathway program for getting an education or
Dan: Higher education.
Natalie: Yeah.
Dan: Uh.
Natalie: And it was significantly cheaper. And so I, they came to our ward and they were like, Hey, we wanna present this. And they came and I looked at my husband and I was like, I’m doing this. He was like, talk about this.
Like, I know you want the education so bad. I know it’s the right thing. Like, I don’t know about [00:30:00] timing. And I was like, I’m so sorry. I have to do this, like I have to sign up. um, I got signed up. I started, I’m now in the process of doing my bachelor’s and I just found out that I can do classes with SHA for more of like the direct sexual education at the same time as my bachelor’s, which I thought I had to have the bachelor’s before I could do that. So that’s super exciting. I’m hoping to start that pretty soon because, that’s like a fast track almost, or like a, an easier way of getting certified through asec. So that is my plan. Uh, I’m super excited about that. So.
Dan: have to Natalie, but do you in a plug Intimately US app.
Natalie: Oh my gosh, yes. Okay. I have loved the Intimately S app because, so I can remember this specific moment after Vegas where we’ve already like, just to recap, just for everyone listening ’cause you already know this, but um, we go to Vegas and we decide probably so much more and we’re doing this together and we believe. our [00:31:00] relationship at is with God as well, that we will know, like if we push things too far. So we go to a, um, and I don’t wanna call it a sex shop, but what
Dan: Yeah. Yeah.
Natalie: comfortable with. And we were so awkward and just like we are very uncomfortable, like this little Mormon couple like. Just so awkward the lady comes up and she’s like, Hey, just excited and like we have this, we have that.
And we’re like, we know nothing. We know nothing. Like to us like we’re babies. Like we don’t know anything about this stuff. And she described everything, told us how it worked, how you could use it together, like all these different things. we ended up walking away with like hundreds of dollars of products, just like we’re gonna have fun and it’s just us and we’re not meeting up with anybody else here.
And we’re just gonna like get in tune with who we are together. Um, spend hours. In our hotel room, and it was great. And we did not [00:32:00] ever get to the point of feeling like something that we just did was wrong. It was very much like, I feel so in tune with my husband that I have never been happier. And we went home and I honestly was like, everyone needs to feel like this.
Like I want everyone experience this because it
Dan: Uh,
Natalie: good. It was another level. It was like, honestly. It’s like the spiritual layer of the relationship that it was like we finally tapped into this. Like this isn’t
Dan: yes.
Natalie: isn’t just like a means to an end. This is like the culmination of who we are
Dan: Yes.
Natalie: shared it with each other for the first time.
And it was like, I want to experience that as often as possible. And it is possible. It’s not just like a one time thing. It’s like you can tap into that and it makes everything so much better.
Dan: Yes. Yes. That’s my experience too. Uhhuh.
Natalie: yeah. And so. On the way home, listening to your podcast and then hearing about the app too. I was like, oh, we’ve gotta try this.
Okay, so that was a lot of background back to where we, so we’re home from [00:33:00] Vegas and we’re trying to explore like, okay, we kept it still pretty safe. Like we added new things. We tried toys, we loved that. We feel great. What about other areas can we expand into? And we were. Not comfortable. And so I remember like we were back to back, I’m pretty sure I was in the fetal position, like this is terrifying, lights off.
So not like each other, can’t see anything. And whispering like, what about this thing? And then the other person was like, okay, I could maybe get it. Like just self uncomfortable. Um, we had started that conversation and then decided like, oh, let’s look into this app. Like, let’s look at it. And there were so many talking points and so many things on there that we were like, oh, this makes it so much easier.
And the quiz is to be able to and not have to be like, I’m telling this to your face, but I am saying, and then
Dan: [00:34:00] Mm-hmm.
Natalie: let’s talk about this.
’cause we still like can’t talk in person. Um, but it was like building, like you have to build upon those moments. And that app was so influential for us, honestly, and being able to move through the awkwardness and into a territory of like, oh, it’s a random Tuesday and we’re in the kitchen doing dishes and we’re talking about we did last night and what we liked and what we didn’t like.
You know, different things like that where it’s like feeling sexually whole,
Dan: That is so cool.
Natalie: communication. So. I’m extremely grateful for your app and how it helped us to move through that.
Dan: Natalie, this has been such a great conversation. As we close, can you think of, let’s say someone’s listening to this, they, they like what you’re saying, they know education’s helpful for them, overcoming shame. Any last bullet points that you wanna shout from the rooftops about maybe how to overcome [00:35:00] sexual shame?
Natalie: Yes. Okay. I would say three things. Number one, coming to know who you are and understanding that you are a child of God and that worth does not change regardless of sexual preferences or any of those things. I think that’s number one, honing in on who you are. and when you know who you are, then start to invite God into the conversation and understand that, he created this for us. To have pleasure that is important to heaven, the father, that we have joy here on earth and sex is one of those ways that you feel joy in marriage. then lastly, educating and communicating with your spouse to help finish, release the shame about the unknown and, the unknown territory. All the things that are. Coming in the future, like all the good things that you can have in your relationship, educating and communicating about those things in safe ways. I think those three things together will help you that shame that you feel around your sexuality.[00:36:00]
Dan: That’s good. Thank you very much. Where can people go to, learn more about what you do and where, where they can find you?
Natalie: Yes, you can find me at shaking the sheets on Instagram. It’s shaking sheets. That’s, that’s where I’m at nowadays.
Dan: I agree. Thank you. Wait, before you go, I wanna hear if you have a black belt sex tip. For our listeners, this is a tradition I asked some of my guests, and the idea is, let’s say you’ve overcome shame, to a large degree, you’re gonna commit to feeling more whole and in your relationship. You reconciled sexuality and spirituality and now you’re ready to take things up.
A not spicier, hotter, something more exciting. What’s one thing that you would recommend a listener do to make things a lot more or just a little more exciting or fun tonight?
Natalie: Okay. I’ll tell you exactly what I do [00:37:00] because okay that like, even though I feel like we’ve eradicated shame from our relationship, like there’s still moments of not being confident, right? Like
Dan: Of course.
Natalie: aren’t hand in hand. So here’s what I do when I want the most confidence. I take a good long everything but the hair shower.
So, ’cause I mean, I don’t wanna blow dry my hair. That takes too long. Get ready naked. So that means like putting on makeup, lingerie, lotion, all the things, doing that, seeing myself in my skin and really getting into like acceptance of who I
Dan: Like in front of the mirror is what you mean, like or whatever.
Natalie: huge. That’s huge. then I also put on some type of music that gets me like excited, like energetically, not necessarily like sexual music, but just something that like gets my. Honestly, it could whatever works for you and gets you excited and get like totally in the zone. Sometimes headphones are better ’cause you can hear, you [00:38:00] know, all the different things in the music when it’s directly in your ears. I do all that while I’m getting ready and that like, I feel like I’m a different person and I have all the confidence in the world and I go in there and I’m like, I just rocked your socks off, didn’t I? Um, so
Dan: Yes.
Natalie: yeah, you gotta own it. You gotta like find that confidence and it doesn’t necessarily come from what you look like. It comes from within, like knowing like who you are and accepting that in what you’re seeing.
Dan: Love it. That is so.
Natalie: yeah.
Dan: thank you for listening. Please share this podcast with all of your married friends. I promise they will thank you for life. Download the Intimately US app if you haven’t yet, and share that with your friends too, and go get your marriage on.
Talk to you next week. We.
[00:39:00]
Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.
