When most people think about improving their sex life, they think about communication, desire, romance, or learning new skills in the bedroom.
But what if one of the biggest factors affecting pleasure, orgasm, and comfort during sex is something physical?
In this episode, I sit down with pelvic floor physical therapist Kristen Damery to talk about a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough attention: pelvic floor health.
If you’ve ever experienced painful sex, difficulty reaching orgasm, leakage after having children, or changes in sensation that you can’t quite explain, this conversation is for you.
Kristen has spent more than 15 years helping women improve their pelvic health, and she explains how the muscles, nerves, and blood flow in the pelvic floor play a critical role in sexual pleasure and function.
In our conversation, you’ll learn:
- Why painful sex is common—but not normal
- The difference between a weak pelvic floor and an overly tight pelvic floor
- How pelvic floor health impacts arousal, pleasure, and orgasm
- Why Kegels can sometimes make things worse
- Practical stretches and breathing techniques that can help
- What childbirth can do to the pelvic floor and how recovery is possible
- When it’s time to seek help from a pelvic floor physical therapist
- How vibrators can be used as a therapeutic tool for women struggling with orgasm
One of the main takeaways from this conversation is that so many women silently assume they just have to live with discomfort, pain, or diminished pleasure. Kristen’s message is simple and hopeful: in many cases, there are things you can do to improve your experience and restore confidence and enjoyment in your intimate relationship.
We also talk about communication between spouses, the importance of feeling safe and relaxed, and how couples can work together to create a healthier and more enjoyable sexual relationship.
Whether you’re dealing with pelvic pain, struggling to reach orgasm, recovering from childbirth, or simply want to better understand how your body works, I think you’ll find this episode both practical and encouraging.
Enjoy the episode!
Episode Resources
LavaLube (Use code GYMO20 for 20% off your first order): https://mylavalube.com/
Get Your Marriage On Events & Coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/
Pelvic Health self-assessment guide
Guest: Kristen Damery
Kristen is a pelvic health physical therapist turned founder of Lava, passionate about restoring intimacy in marriage. Through education, she helps people understand the essential role pelvic health plays in pleasure, connection, and confidence.
Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Better Orgasms through Pelvic Floor Health with Kristen Damery
Kristen: [00:00:00] painful intercourse and difficulty with orgasm can be fixed most of the time. It’s not a cover your face and bear it. It’s not that sort of thing. And with the right care and the right people, your sex life can be so much better.
Intro
Dan: Hey, friends. If you want better, more reliable, and satisfying org@sms, then this episode is for you. My guest today is Kristin Damri. She is a pelvic floor physical therapist. She’s been doing this for fifteen years, and her specialty is helping women find more pleasure and joy in s*x through better physical [00:01:00] health, specifically with the pelvic floor, which by the way, if you don’t know that term, that’s the area between your pubic bone and your tailbone.
It’s the bottom. It’s the physical foundation for our s*xual health. She is an expert on this topic. In fact, you’ll learn about things like, what to do if you’ve had babies and how you can restore proper tone and strength to your muscles, what to do if you have pain in intercourse, what to do if you find org@sm is a little less reliable or a little bit out of reach sometimes.
We’re gonna talk about things like increasing blood flow to your pelvic region, vibrators, her own brand of lubricant that she just launched called LavaLube. My wife and I love this stuff. It’s excellent. You’ll hear about that too, and you’ll wanna stay to the end ’cause she’ll talk about Kegels, if they’re actually helpful or harmful for you.
you’ll also wanna hear her black belt s*x tip, which she’ll share towards the end of this episode.
We have just sold out of our Get Your [00:02:00] Marriage On Cruise that’s sailing this October. But you can still come to our in-person retreat next April. The waiting list is open for that. You can begin registering. You’ll see those details at getyourmarriageon.com/events. Also, this fall, starting September 7th, we’re starting our men’s and women’s small group coaching programs.
These groups are awesome because they give you a container, a safe place to implement all the principles we talk about on this podcast, plus much, much more in great depth for you and your relationship.
You’ll find those details at getyourmarriageon.com/events
All right, without further ado, let’s go meet Kristen and talk about better org@sms through pelvic floor health
Episode Start
Dan (2): kristen, I’m so happy that you’re here today. We’ve been chatting and you’ve got this like bubbly, fiery personality, and I can just tell you’re so passionate about this topic, what we get to talk about today. but
Kristen: Thank you so much for having me here.
Dan (2): tell our listeners, what got [00:03:00] you interested in what you do now.
You help women with their pelvic floor, specifically with sexual intimacy. Tell us how you got into that.
Kristen: First I wanna tell you, Dan, thank you so much for having me here. And I told you earlier, I feel like I know you because we get to see you on socials and you do such a good job. So thank you for the work that you’re doing. ’cause it helps you know, pelvic health as well with people feeling comfortable talking about those topics. I have to tell you that in my clinic I have the majority of the women that come in. Tell me something along these lines of, would’ve been here sooner, but I was afraid to tell my doctor I would’ve been here sooner, but I didn’t wanna talk about it to so and so. And the things that you are talking about are really opening doors for women to feel very comfortable or more comfortable, either talking to their friends, their spouses, or their medical providers about things that really need to be talked about.
So there’s that number one. Um. Number two, I have been a pelvic health physical therapist for 15
years. You know, I started right after I had kids. Initially, I didn’t wanna go anywhere near the nether regions. I was like, [00:04:00] heck no. I did not become a PT to go anywhere down there. And then you have children and you kind of understand why women. Maybe need to seek
care for things, whether it’s for leakage or pain or whatever. So I started treating, I love it, but my most favorite thing to treat is pelvic pain. And I was kind of thinking to myself like, it’s kind of weird. You like people to have
pain. It’s not that I like them to have pain, it’s that I like them to not have pain and come back in the clinic and say, man, I had sex for the first time in six months without paint.
That’s like a high five moment for
Dan (2): Yeah.
Kristen: If one person comes in and tells me that, that the intimacy was restored in their marriage, I am all about it. And so I really just wanted to continue to do that as a clinician and then also take it to, uh, you know, a more global level through launching lava, which we’ll talk about that later. And I’m so grateful that I get to do both ’cause I still get to be involved in the patient’s lives, and I still get to do it kind of on a more grand scale, like this podcast that we’re having
Dan (2): That’s cool. Did you personally struggle after children or [00:05:00] anything with your pelvic floor or with sexual intimacy in your own marriage?
Kristen: I peed my pants. I’m just, you know, I’m gonna say it how it
is. I was given our oldest boy a bath, and my husband was in the kitchen probably five feet away, and I didn’t wanna leave the bathtub because you
Dan (2): Uh.
Kristen: baby in there. And I hollered at him and said, I need to go to the bathroom. And literally by the time he had gotten in there, I was 26 years old.
And I was like, what? Is happening. It didn’t really impact my intimacy necessarily, but you know, that’s just not confident. You don’t feel confident when you’re, when all of a sudden urgency hits and you just can’t hold it. And so that’s kind of what started my journey and you know, most women after they’ve had a baby, have a little bit of discomfort, but I never really struggled with Drew pelvic pain, as you know, a lot of my
patients have.
Dan (2): Gotcha.
Kristen: Mm-hmm.
Dan (2): What are the common patterns with women that have pain during intercourse?
Kristen: So we have different reasons for there to be pain, and I’ll kind of review them just a little bit. So we’re talking about the pelvic floor, and I’m gonna do an overview of what that even
Dan (2): [00:06:00] All.
Kristen: because sometimes people are like, what is the pelvic
floor? It’s a little bit of a buzzword now. I feel like a lot of people are really educating on what it is, but it’s kinda like the sling or basket. You know is it surrounds your vagina and your rectum and it really is a stabilizer. It is a force generator for basically every movement
that we do, that area has so much more down there. You know, we have where we go to the bathroom, we have our reproductive organs, we have our pleasure organs, plus this musculoskeletal system. And so women who have pain. It can be for one reason, the muscles are spasmed. So if we have somebody who has pain and we have these muscles that are just holding on for dear life, now I wanna differentiate between a spasm and strength. Oftentimes we think if a muscle’s real tight, that must mean that it’s strong, and it’s actually the opposite.
If we have a muscle that’s real tight, it is hanging on for dear life, that means that it’s weak. It’s just trying to do everything that it can to. To hold
on. So we’ve got to, as far as treatment of that is [00:07:00] concerned, we’ve gotta lengthen the muscle first and then strengthen it after that. So it’s very important that we differentiate between the two. But if we’re kind of just being generic on how we’re talking about pelvic pain, we can have a woman who has pelvic floor spasm. would be tightness, and that’s painful. Or we can have a woman who maybe has just had a baby and they had birth trauma, and so there’s some stuff that’s still kind of healing in there.
Maybe there’s some scar tissue, or they may even have a little bit of a pelvic organ prolapse, which means that some of their pelvic organs are kind of hanging a little bit lower. Now, that can be because of hormones, but it can also be because of pushing, because they do a, a job that’s on their feet all day.
You know, maybe they, they lift heavy things so their, their pelvic organs kind of. Hang down a
Dan (2): I sag little too.
Kristen: organs. Yes, they really don’t like to be touched by things that are penetrating. And so, um, I normally tell people pelvic pain is common. It’s not normal. And the way we can differentiate between like pain and discomfort is if you are having pain, can [00:08:00] you change something to make the pain go away? So if you’re in a certain position and you’re having pain, can you, you know, get on all fours, can you lay on your back or sideline and it change? If we can change it, that doesn’t mean it’s normal, but I’m not as concerned about it. If it doesn’t go away, if you can’t change it, that’s the time that you really need to seek care.
Dan (2): Gotcha. Gotcha.
Kristen: Mm-hmm.
Dan (2): I read online once, and I wanna know if your clinical experience backs this up, of those that say, you know, we’re, they’re talking about like, virgins on their honeymoon night having sex and it’s. Surprisingly painful. And they have painful, and of course, especially in the early part of the relationship, a far majority of them, I don’t remember the numbers, like a third, two thirds come from religious backgrounds.
And I’m actually all in favor of religion. I, I love my faith, So this isn’t to knock religion or religious people at all, but I wanna understand [00:09:00] what is a link then? Why would a study find that strong correlation?
Kristen: So let’s, let’s take this in two twofold, two different directions. One of them is gonna be anatomical
fact, and one of them is gonna be my assessment of what you’re
Dan (2): Okay. Great.
Kristen: anatomical fact is obviously when you’re a virgin, there’s been no penetration, and so that tissue is just not a custom, so it’s not accustomed.
So it’s going. To be uncomfortable. if the hymen is still present and obviously it’s being, being broken and perforated in some form, that’s gonna be uncomfortable and then that potentially can kind of get in a woman’s mind and those next times she starts perceiving a little bit of. Intercourse as pain. Once our body kind of gets in that cycle of perceiving something as pain, we naturally go into that pain response whenever that same thing is coming at
Dan (2): Okay.
Kristen: So that’s kind of my anatomical take on that. [00:10:00] My assessment of religious backgrounds is that. And this is me
too. We are, no, no, no, no, no. And then we’re go, go, go, go,
Dan (2): Yes,
Kristen: And it is like a
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: And from my own personal experience that is very difficult to then all of a sudden just switch your brain to. We can’t do anything. We cannot be sexual, and all of a sudden we’re supposed to, you know, be sexual all the time. because men have such a higher sex drive, and it depends on the time of life.
I’m not saying all the time, you know, we hit different peaks and we kind of all do that at different times, but it is like, okay, everything’s. On the table now, nothing is off the table and all, you know, all of a sudden it’s, it’s just such a different flip. You know, I’ve talked to, to patients who, who really struggle, their spouse wants them to walk around naked and they’re like, I mean, for the majority of my life like walking around naked was not
allowed. Um, and then all of a sudden now, so that I, I would take that part as more of a nervous system [00:11:00] response, not necessarily like a tissue response
Dan (2): hmm.
Kristen: that’s. body saying, I’m not quite comfortable. I haven’t been able to do this. It kind of hurt when I first did it the first time, and we tense up and then it kind of creates that sequela of, so it’s a, I always talk about pelvic floor being layers of an
onion.
Dan (2): uh.
Kristen: There’s so many parts, but those would be the main parts that I would say that contribute to the situation that
Dan (2): Yeah. Yeah, so it’s, there’s that psychological component, like what you’re saying too. I guess as you’re talking, I was thinking like, Kristen, if you’re to like make a fist and I know you’re about to punch me in the shoulder right now, I would like,
Kristen: Yes.
Dan (2): I’d tense up and like,
Kristen: You
would. 10
Dan (2): I’d tighten up. Just to absorb that impact and if that’s what your pelvic floor is doing, anticipating this or, or during sexual intercourse.
Well, of course It’s gonna be tight, so
Kristen: And they
Dan (2): it’s conditioned. Okay.
Kristen: Um, that’s kind of something, you know, I have women who come in, [00:12:00] like, if you have a strategy to know, like I am perceiving this as painful, there’s actually not any. And I don’t wanna, I, I don’t wanna make light of this
Dan (2): Yeah.
Kristen: not saying it’s all in your brain.
That’s not what I
Dan (2): Yes.
Kristen: But I’m saying if you don’t have a strategy to say, what is happening to me is supposed to happen, it’s normal. I want it, and it’s not actually painful, and be able to kind of work through that on your own, then it’s very difficult to overcome that. And that’s when we start seeing, you know. People say, I, I’ve never enjoyed sex. It’s never been fun. I’ve never, you know, and it kind of sets them up for failure. I have a lot of gals that come in, um, you know, right after they’re married and I’m so grateful. ’cause it’s not just pelvic floor. PT is not just for, you know, women who’ve just had babies or women who are leaking.
They’re so much more they can go into that. And just when someone has the, mind knowledge of how to kind of work through that with strategies, it really is beneficial.
Dan (2): That’s great. All [00:13:00] right. Tell me about the link between a healthy pelvic floor and pleasurable orgasms.
Kristen: Yes, I love
Dan (2): Okay.
Kristen: one of my favorite things to talk about. I think my friends think I’m crazy, um, because I am so pro
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: Um, number one, personally, I mean, I
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: two, clinically, it’s very important. So let’s talk, let’s talk
clinically first. It is a sign of a healthy. Pelvic floor, if you can orgasm, if you have strong orgasms, that means those muscles are working.
That means the nerves are working the way they’re supposed to. And we kind of talked about, you know, how so much pleasure comes from that area. So we’ll just talk about the steps of an orgasm. Whenever you start to become aroused, you know, probably the blood flow. Now what gets that blood flow there is those healthy muscles that are pumping.
And so if we have really strong muscles and they’re pumping really nicely, we’re gonna have nice arousal, nice engorgement, the blood flow is gonna be there.
Dan (2): So this is, you’re not just talking about your heart muscle, you’re talking about your actual pelvic floor muscles help pump the blood too. Is that what [00:14:00] you’re saying?
Kristen: Yes,
Dan (2): Okay.
Kristen: Yeah. Um, so obviously your heart is pumping
it to that
Dan (2): yeah,
Kristen: if you can imagine that that bowl
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: and all of those muscles contracting, it’s helping pump, the blood
to the area. So then we have increased arousal also through those muscles though, are all the arousal or their nerves, not just arousal nerves, but all the nerves.
And so if we have a muscle that’s working really well. Muscle tone. That’s really good. That nerve transmission and the sensation is gonna be improved. Now we start thinking about those pleasure organs. So we’ve got the clitoris in there, all the muscles wrap around those pleasure organs, and we start feeling that contraction.
Our body perceives that as. Pleasure. then also voluntarily if we have a strong pelvic floor, whenever we’re engaging in, in intimacy and intercourse, we can, you know, do a voluntary pelvic floor contraction. And that is a way that oftentimes I’ll encourage people to try to hit a climax, is you can do that voluntarily as well.
Dan (2): Gotcha. So during sex, [00:15:00] have a do a Kegel exercise, whatever, right?
Kristen: yes, absolutely. And you know, I use that sometimes if a woman’s having a little bit of a hard time trying to figure out if she’s doing it correctly. There’s a lot of strategies, and I do pelvic exams so I can help and all that, but I’m like, Hey, next time you’re having sex contract around your husband, and he’ll be able to tell
you. You know, it’s just kind of a fun way to get, know, the spouses involved in, in what we’re doing. And you know what? Husband doesn’t want to participate in that therapy. Right. So you’re like, sign me up. Sign me up. So, um, yeah, and that’s an important thing is getting the spouses involved, I think just kind of takes pressure off of the woman when you don’t feel like you’re doing it by yourself.
Number one, having a therapist, hopefully that listens and is compassionate and I obviously hope that, that I
am. but feeling like your spouse is involved, you can do things together and that there’s an understanding. and it’s not until much pressure. Mm-hmm.
Dan (2): great. Okay, so, uh, blood flow is important. So what [00:16:00] happens when the muscles are too tight?
Kristen: Mm-hmm.
Dan (2): too weak then?
Kristen: yeah. Yeah. So we kind of did a little bit on a spasm. It
Dan (2): Yes. Uhhuh.
Kristen: more, and then we’ve got, you know, we’ve gotta strengthen. So if your muscles are in spasm, imagine like rubber band.
Dan (2): Mm-hmm.
Kristen: I should have a rubber
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: what I should do. and it’s like real tight like this. If we start thinking about it doing any type of contraction, it’s teeny tiny.
So we’re getting like, eh, eh, eh, eh. You know, we’re just really not getting a whole lot of movement there. that blood flow, if you’re always tight, you know. I, I can only take a test to a female ’cause I’m a female. But like, when an orgasm is coming, it is like these big pulsating until you reach that
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: So if those muscles are held real tight, we’re not getting all of that contraction. And
so you may not even be able to reach a climax. I mean it, or it’s going to be very
diminished or like a struggle hard. It’s gonna feel like work, like you have to really think through it. may hit a certain point and you [00:17:00] just may not even be able to go over the cliff.
So if we start talking about weakness, we’ve got weak muscles and they’re just kind of there. Same thing, you can achieve an
orgasm, but it’s going to take a little bit more work. They’re not gonna be contracting. They’re not gonna be contracting around the pleasure organs as much. They’re not gonna be pulsing as much blood.
The sensation’s not gonna be there. And so we really need to have, Lengthened and strengthened pelvic floor, and we’re talking about treatment. That’s how I tell my patients. I say if you, if they’re in spasm, we’re not doing any
strengthening yet. We’re only doing lengthening. And I think kind of a problem that we’re seeing nowadays with social media and, and some other things is everybody’s all about pelvic floor strengthening.
There’s chairs that you sit on that will, you know, do
contractions. There’s, there’s. Different people who are saying now squeeze and relax and squeeze and relax. And it’s awesome because it’s making people very aware of the
pelvic floor. But in theory, that could be a detriment to someone who had a tight pelvic floor.
Dan (2): press.
Kristen: make sure that we’re able [00:18:00] to, to lengthen and lengthening includes like being able to, to void. not having to push to, to
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: not being constipated, you know, if we have a, if you have a tight pelvic floor, those may be some, some symptoms as well as pain with intercourse.
Dan (2): So how do you lengthen them? Is it just putting your thumb in there and just massaging and stretching?
Kristen: can. Yes, yes. So there’s, there’s a couple ways. So in my clinic I’ll do manual work, which is exactly what you’re talking about. So we’ll do a pelvic exam and the difference between like a gynecological exam and like what we do as a pelvic health PT is we’re focusing on the muscles and the coordination.
Where, you know, you got the gynecologist, you go to your OB, GYN, they’re checking on, you know, organs and those sorts of things. So when I say pelvic exam with my patients, I kind of like to differentiate, like I’m not putting you up in the stirrups and getting the stuff out. You know, I don’t need to do that. I just need to be able to do a one finger palpation and. If it creates the symptoms you’re having, we’re onto
[00:19:00] something. Or you know, if somebody’s able to contract around my finger, I can grade how strong they are, that sort of thing. Then we can treat it through either like a tender point, release, that sort of thing.
But really a lot of the times we work on breathing so. All of us are terrible breathers.
All of us,
Dan (2): yeah.
Kristen: don’t know that I’ve met one really great breather. And so the pelvic floor is supposed to drop and relax when we take a deep breath in. So if you imagine like your diaphragm opening, it should be a big oval where your pelvic floor drops.
So working on that coordination and even just being able to take that big breath helps people do more voluntary relaxation. And then we call it down training. It’s kind of a fancy word for stretching. There’s very specific stretches that also, you know, kind of target the muscles of the pelvic floor.
And then a lot of it is that the neural reg regulation is allowing your body to feel safe, reminding it that it’s safe, making sure you’re participating in what you’re participating in, in an environment that that is safe. [00:20:00] Um, and that kind of. Goes a little bit out of my clinical
expertise, um, outta my scope of practice when we start talking about
Dan (2): The mind matter.
Kristen: I have Great,
Dan (2): Mm-hmm.
Kristen: I have, you know, I can get a little bit there. And then we, we have great, I have a great referral source to, to send people to if, if we need to. But that’s a really big component. And you know, things that occur to the pelvic floor, if we’re talking about in a traumatic way, just really impact people for a long time.
And so that’s very common for me to. To refer on to someone who has more expertise than I do in that area.
Dan (2): Gotcha. When you say that doing certain, uh, physical stretches, I just imagine it’s like a, like doing a deep lunge or like what, what?
Kristen: Yeah, so you can do
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: um, happy baby,
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: you know, yoga
Dan (2): Yep.
Kristen: or child’s pose or, um, I, you know, the, the lower abdominals are really involved in the pelvic floor. And so especially as a woman, [00:21:00] oftentimes I think we try to hold those in, Just, you know, to have a nice physique. And if we are constantly holding in our lower abdominals, those have an impact there too.
So, upward dog, which is kind of the
yoga, you know, the seal, um, you can stand and do where you like, pop your hip out and kind of get the inside of your leg that’s called your adductor. Where it goes from where your pubic ram eye, which would be kind of like up by your, by your vagina, all the way down to your knee on the inside. a lot of people have probably heard of your piriformis. It’s like when people have sciatica.
Dan (2): Okay.
Kristen: It’s that muscle. now
Dan (2): And the lower back, uh.
Kristen: Yeah. There’s other reasons for sciatica. The piriformis isn’t the only one, but if we’re talking about like a muscular component of that, it’d be the piriformis.
And so pigeon stretch where you put your foot in front of you and kind of like, that’s another one we do. and then, you know, sometimes we use a tennis ball to kind of do some external release for patients to do at home. And we also recommend oftentimes getting a, the wand. So that’s just a wand that they can use in [00:22:00] place on those painful areas. If they come see me a week, twice a week, like I’m, I’m not getting to do any manual release every day. And so some patients who are really motivated, um, you know, are kind of tired of what they’ve been feeling and they really wanna get after it, they’ll get a theand and do that treatment at home on their, they can do it on their
Dan (2): Gotcha. All right, good. So, if you have hypertension or if you’re too tight saying do more, kegels is the wrong advice.
Kristen: Yes, absolutely. The wrong advice.
Dan (2): So, instead we want to learn how to relax the pelvic floor. Is that right?
Kristen: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Dan (2): So how do you, you talked about breathing and coordinating, breathing better and connecting that. Is that connected to relaxing the pelvic floor?
Kristen: absolutely. And this would be something maybe your
listeners could do, like we could do it right now. If you lay down in your
bed and you think about trying to do, I’m gonna say a bra breath. ’cause I know what it’s like to wear a bra. You do a breath into [00:23:00] your bra, so that means you’re taking your ribs out into your bra strap. And see if you can do a relaxation of the pelt floor, which would be like a flower blooming, so the labia of the vagina would kind of open into your underpants. If you can do that big breath and allow the labia to relax at the same time filling your whole trunk with air, then that’s a voluntary pelt floor relaxation.
Now, sometimes when I have people who really struggle with tightness or pain with sex, I’ll say, Hey, you and your spouse lay down together. Why not? You know, it can be kind of a ritual that you do before. It’s very relaxing. It’s very calming. It kind of gets you in the right head space. Um, you know, saying, Hey, I need to stretch, is not quite as fun.
I do tell them to do that. I’m like, for now, you know, let’s, you don’t have to do that for forever. But you, you know, setting yourself up to have success during sex and not have pain is also part of breaking that cycle of it. your nervous system, feeling like you’re gonna be in pain [00:24:00] every
Dan (2): Oh yeah, like
Kristen: if you have to take a minute and do that stretching,
Dan (2): that makes sense. Like
Kristen: I tell ’em
Dan (2): I love to run and if I’m gonna enjoy my run, I’m gonna stretch first or. Before tennis. I’m gonna warm up like so Sex, it’s okay to warm up, but,
Kristen: Yeah. If somebody needs to, it’s a, that’s a really good strategy. And then also just the breathing is just kind of nice that it can be very sensual, you know, uh, depending on how you approach it.
Dan (2): all right. So let’s say you’re more on the weak side, not the too tight side you just have to strengthened that. How do you strengthen?
Kristen: Yeah. We don’t need a lengthen. We need strengthen in that case. So let’s talk about maybe some symptoms for
Dan (2): Okay.
Kristen: has a weak pelvic floor. So we’re maybe gonna have some leakage. A leakage looks like it can be urgency, like all of a sudden it just hits you and you have to run to
the bathroom. stress incontinence where you cough or sneeze, and I’m sure you’ve talked to lots of mamas out there and they’re like, I can’t drop on a [00:25:00] trampoline anymore. And that’s why. Because the pelvic floor, just with that quick contraction isn’t able to hold. It can look like pain. And that’s more, you know, we’re gonna see some prolapse stuff there because women have pushed and pushed and pushed.
And if we push enough it over time, those organs go to the area of least restriction. And for a woman that’s a vaginal opening, so they’re gonna kind of just go to to that
area. And so those are mainly the symptoms. A lot of times, and this is obviously not about intimacy, but I just have to throw it out there.
Women who have had lots of babies may have an abdominal separation. And so that’s called a diastasis rectus abdominis,
Dan (2): Uh.
Kristen: um, or a DRA. And that is very impactful on the way that we generate force, with the things that we can do with our body. And so that might be a sign of a pelvic floor weakness as well. so then we need to strengthen now a Kegel, a Kegel, however you wanna say it, is. The generic strengthening thing. However, if you talk to a [00:26:00] forum of pelvic floor PTs and you told them that you were only doing. Just that generic contraction, they would probably all lose their
minds because we want to make it functional.
And so we may teach that initially, and then we want it to be, you know, more of a multi muscle type contraction. So squats and lunges and clamshells, and then we want it to get to where. Your body is just naturally contracting your pelvic floor whenever you’re doing your activities of daily living, and that just comes with a lot of practice and a lot of awareness.
Dan (2): makes sense too, because like if I wanna strengthen my bicep, if I just sit here without any resistance and just, you know, so I’m just flexing my arm and relaxing over and over again, it’s not gonna do that much. But now I add a dumbbell and do the same movement with more resistance now it’s gonna get stronger faster.
So I think that’s what you’re talking about. Like, if you just do the Kegel alone,
Kristen: Mm-hmm.
Dan (2): eh, add something else to it. ’cause muscles get stronger with some resistance. Is that what you’re saying?
Kristen: [00:27:00] Yes, a little bit. And there’s just a very rare time in our life that we need to do just a pelvic floor contraction. You know what I mean? Like whenever we’re having those symptoms of whatever kind, it’s not typically because we’re just standing still doing
Dan (2): Oh, like what’s an example?
Kristen: have,
Dan (2): picking up off the ground.
Kristen: Yes. So yeah, leakage. If a woman’s having leakage, it’s not normally when they’re just like laying flat on their bed or like standing up. It’s when they’re doing something, when they’re lifting a kid, when they’re doing that stuff. So we really want to make it to where your pelvic floor is able to withstand more functional movement and not just like, okay, you’re strong in this one position.
We know those muscles can contract, but can they contract when they’re put under a little more pressure? Not necessarily just resistance, but just like life.
Dan (2): Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Kristen: mm-hmm.
Dan (2): What about those? Um, they’re marketed, like K goal is one brand that you insert into the vagina. It has some sort of a sensor and [00:28:00] you squeeze around it and oftentimes they pair with a app over Bluetooth and there’s a games you play while you strengthen.
Kristen: Yes, yes. So like the Perry Fit, there’s quite a few of
those and they’re good. I think they’re very good, especially for people who need that type of feedback. So that would technically be like a biofeedback. You know, sometimes people need to see that they’re reaching a certain goal. So it kind of depends on your personality.
I think strengthening alone is not. Bad. That’s what we have to do. We have to break the muscle down and rebuild it back up to be stronger. It’s just the mindset that it, you need the extra step to make it functional as well. So those are, those are good practices. It’s not bad to be using those, but then we also want to make sure that you’re able to use it in a more functional setting.
Dan (2): Gotcha. Great, great.
Kristen: Yep. So.
Dan (2): Anything else on strengthening?
Kristen: I think one of the things just from my own personal standpoint is I’m a very active worker outer,
and so I feel [00:29:00] like as females and I have children and I have a job and I have a business, and we take on a whole lot, and oftentimes we find ourselves holding a whole lot of. Tension. It may not even feel like we feel stressed, but like I wanna have a nice physique, I wanna stand up tall, I want to look fit, I want to have it all together. And we find this like consistent clenching or like when we’re driving, sometimes I’m driving and I’m not really stressed, but I’m clenching my butt cheeks and I’m like, what am I doing? And so there is potential for us to become. You know, probably not intentionally, but our body to become so used to holding everything in and hold and, and kind of clenching that we swing ourselves from one pendulum to the other pendulum.
And so. I always like to really reiterate that we need a lengthened and a strengthened pelvic floor in order for it to do all the functions that we need. And there is potential for someone to become so hyper aware of their abdominals and what their pelvic floor is [00:30:00] doing that we kind of swing to the other side.
Dan (2): Mm-hmm. Got it. Great.
Kristen: And then start having, you know, those symptoms of pain with intercourse or urgency. That’s not really a UTI, it just feels like a UTI because the muscles are contracting around those. So we kind of start a, a person would know that there was something going on down there, but it comes, becomes confusing because you’re not sure if it’s actually, is it really bacterial?
Is it really more muscle, muscle tightness or spasm?
Dan (2): Hmm. That’s good to know. That’s good to know.
Kristen: Mm-hmm.
Dan (2): All right. Tell me why you, like in certain circumstances, you prescribe vibrators.
Kristen: Yes.
This is one of my favorite things to talk about.
Dan (2): Uh, too.
Kristen: Okay. So yes. Yes. So let’s just get going. I have, okay. We’re gonna talk a about a certain generation. it’s not just the generation, but we, I see patients who are in older generation and they, a lot of them have never had an orgasm. Now it’s not that, just that generation, I’m not trying to group it in there.
Oftentimes there’s other people too, but just in my. Experience. I’m talking to them quite often and I want [00:31:00] to know if you can have an orgasm. I want to know if they’re hard to have, if they’re pleasurable. Are you reaching a full climax? Like what? What your take on that is? And if I have somebody who either is struggling with having
one has never had one. And then we start talking outta the clinic just for fun. But, you know, we’re talking medical part right now. I really want them to be able to have one, so I will prescribe them to get one. Obviously that’s not done in the clinic. That’s outta my, the, the ability, the knowledge of the ability to have one.
And the muscular part is in my scope of practice, but the, the way they use it and where they use it, um, you know, they need to do that on their
Dan (2): Oh, you don’t have like a little, you know.
Kristen: No. Nope. No rooms. No. No. Give you a little time. No, no, no. So, you know, I normally say do get that on your own time. But I had this lady call me one day and she was like, Kristen, I got my gadget.
What do I do now? Um, which I just love because it makes me feel like they feel comfortable with
Dan (2): Yes. They trust you, [00:32:00] so you
Kristen: yes, they trust me. Yes, yes. And so I had this lady one time and she was in person and you know, we really talked about anatomy because you have to know where to place it. Like you wanna, it, it can go anywhere you want it to go, but it really needs to be over the clitoris if we’re gonna really be trying to facilitate an orgasm.
Dan (2): Yeah.
Kristen: you know, I have my computer pulled up and we have the, the clitoris up there. So I’m showing her where, and she was like, well, when, when do I do it? And I
was like. you want. And she was like, well, where do I do it? And I was like, wherever you want. And she stopped for a minute and she thought, and she goes, but what if I like it? I was like, oh honey, you will. one thing I can guarantee you will. And so most of the time they have success and you know, obviously that’s, that’s something that for their own personal pleasure, I’m so grateful that they’re able to to do that. But also from a pelvic floor [00:33:00] standpoint standpoint, it just gives me a whole lot of information about what their pelvic floor is doing. So I’m a huge advocate of vibrators. I talk about them all the time because I wanna know if a patient can have a orgasm. That’s one of my main questions. It’s just because it gives me so much information about what the pelvic floor muscles are doing.
Dan (2): Got it. Do you recommend certain models or certain kinds? What’s your advice generally to, to women About, about toys or vibrators I should say.
Kristen: I, I mean, I, from a personal standpoint, I love toys, but if we’re just talking vibrators personally, from a pelvic health standpoint, I normally recommend the simpler, the better. You know, someone has never used a toy before from a medical standpoint, I’m really wanting to. To help promote it, to be comfortable in a, you know, something that’s beneficial for them in lots of ways.
And I feel like the simpler the better makes it feel like it’s less, because sometimes I do need to tell them, like, I want you to do this for a medical standpoint. I have a lot of people who really struggle with. For whatever reason, the use of a vibrator when they’re not [00:34:00] thinking about it in a medical way. so I’m very happy to say this is a medical way. Like we need to see if you are able to have one. And that kind of changes their mindset. But I feel like we start getting as much as, you know, from my own standpoint, I, I think all the toys are kind of fun when we start getting too wild with the, the buttons in the. Appendages and
whatnot. That also causes, causes a little bit of stress from a medical standpoint. Um, so I typically just recommend a very generic, get the job done one.
Dan (2): If someone struggles to orgasm even with a vibrator, what’s your next step? That’s good information for you.
Kristen: yes. It’s very good information for me. So if someone’s coming to me with pelvic pain or difficulty orgasming. I don’t do a pelvic exam on every single person. Sometimes they’re not comfortable with it. I, you know, we obviously wanna have consent and I want them to feel comfortable, but I need to do a pelvic exam.
It gives me a whole lot more information. We start thinking about symptoms. If they’re struggling to have an orgasm and they have pain with
[00:35:00] intercourse, I’m starting to think, hmm, we’re probably, we’re probably spasmed. If they’re struggling with the orgasm and they’ve. You know, had multiple children and they have never sought care from a physical therapist before, and maybe they do have a little bit of leakage, then we start thinking that maybe the struggle is because they’re having weakness and those muscles just aren’t able to do what they need to do to reach like the climax that potentially they could reach otherwise. And so we really gotta start thinking clinically there on what the other symptoms are as well. But when I do a pelvic exam, I can tell. I can either tell if they’re, if they’re tender to palpation, when they say, Ooh, that doesn’t feel well, or if, when they contract around my finger, if I can feel if the muscles are actually doing what they need to be doing.
It gives me a whole lot of information. And so we just put all those pieces together and then create a, a plan after that.
Dan (2): Hmm. That’s so good.
Kristen: Yeah.
Dan (2): So. you launched a new lube company called Lava Loop. My wife and I have been using it. Thank you.
Kristen: Yay.
[00:36:00] Great. You’re welcome.
Dan (2): me about how that came about.
Kristen: Yes, absolutely.
Dan (2): I.
Kristen: So I mentioned at the beginning how much I love treating pelvic pain, and I just. liked that I was able to have a small part in restoring intimacy with couples, and it just felt so to me, and so I really wanted to take that outside of the clinic.
I’m still in the clinic two days a week. I love seeing patients. I think I’ll do that probably for as long as I can, just because it’s something that I really love to do. But I wanted to take it on a broader, grander scale and things like this as just. There’s lots of physical therapists that are on social media, but me, my personality, I would not have probably pursued podcasts or pursued social media as far as communicating the importance of sexual
wellness and all of that stuff.
Had I not had some sort of springboard such as lava to do that. So we launched last July with a silicone based personal lubricant. We chose silicone because it’s, in my opinion, the most diverse overall. [00:37:00] I do have to say you can’t use it with silicone toys, so there’s the negative. But you know, from a pelvic health standpoint, when we’re talking about pH and we’re talking about hypoallergenic and no dyes and no fragrance and no preservatives, there’s so much about silicone lube that is really great for people who are having pelvic pain or maybe are a little bit sensitive, dermatologically, like maybe have some skin stuff going down there on down there. Um, and so it really was kind of the most. Generic way to launch. We are now re doing formulations for other, we have a clitoral stimulant coming out this spring. I’m so excited about that one. and then some other really cool more ritual, sexual wellness ritual that will, I feel like it kind of gets you in the mood, you know, it, it, they’re not necessarily just related to. Sexual performance, but it’s just about the time it takes to get aroused and this, you know, feeling of being sensual and just togetherness and not just solely [00:38:00] about the penetrative
Dan (2): Gotcha. You beta test your own products, and I’m sure you
Kristen: yeah, I
Dan (2): gotta test that again tonight.
Kristen: yes. So my, my husband, the clitoral stimulant, I want it to be perfect though. He loves it.
So the clitoral stimulant, we’ve gone through maybe six or seven sample
trials so far because I want it to be perfect. Like I, I just, it’s kind of a lab even more than the
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: I think it’s just like something that’s very much on my heart because I know a lot of women struggle with orgasm now. It’s not just for women that struggle with orgasm.
It just feels good. But I think that’s probably why that’s so much on my heart. And so, I really want to be perfect anyway. They send the samples here. And so anytime I come in, I’m like, babe, it’s sample
day. Uh.
he hasn’t complained one time, so I think he is fine that we’re not on the final formulation just yet because, you know, once, once the testing is done, he is just gonna be like, well, where are samples?
You know? but he’s been my biggest [00:39:00] cheerleader by far. he tells everyone about lava He. You know, wants to give everybody samples. I’m just very, very, I have a great
team, that’s rooting us on, and it’s been really, really fun to be a part of the sexual wellness world in, you know, kind of a medical capacity, but also, being able to share experiences that, like my husband and I have had, you know, we have a really great marriage and I feel like I kind of have a chip on my shoulder about it a little bit, because I’m just so grateful and so I want everybody to feel that.
Dan (2): Yeah,
Kristen: Whether it’s, whether it’s because they’re having pelvic floor struggles and we can kind of work through that, whether it’s, you know, they’re a little bit nervous to, to try something different in the bedroom and they just are kind of craving some novelty, you know, just drizzling lube all over you. It doesn’t, you know, it’s
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: It’s something different. and I, I always tell people. Our bodies crave novelty. That’s why we like to go to new restaurants. It’s not that we need to change what we’re doing. We don’t need to change who we’re married [00:40:00] to. We don’t need to change all that stuff. We need to just introduce something different, and if we can use a lubricant. For penetration. If we can use it for a back rub, if we can, you know, do little things here and there that just kind of keep creating that spice in the bedroom. that’s, you know, what lava’s here for. So hopefully we’re helping people do that.
Dan (2): Great. Kristen, this has been such a great episode. So let’s say you’re listening to this, you lengthen, you strengthen, uh
Kristen: Yes.
Dan (2): is more pleasurable, less painful. We’ve got the lava lube now. Things are slippery and wonderful. What would you say is your black belt sex tip? I’m putting you on the spot here.
What would you advice would you give
Kristen: me about this
Dan (2): that will take sext wherever you are to
Kristen: Mm-hmm.
Dan (2): A little extra, something a little nice. What advice would you have to spice things up?
Kristen: I’m gonna go back to that. Growing up. In, you know, religious
households. Okay. So I did. [00:41:00] And I don’t think, obviously at that time, you can’t comprehend what you don’t know.
Dan (2): Yep.
Kristen: grateful that I didn’t know it. I think one of the most important things that Dustin and I have done is allow ourselves to explore.
Now it’s just he and I, I am not saying that, I’m not telling you to bring things in from the outside. I’m not saying any of that, but if there’s something that one of us wants to try, whether it is, you know, something as silly as using chocolate
syrup or something, then we’re all about it. But we communicate it very well and I think we all go back to communication. I urge everyone to, to try it. You know, try saying, Hey, I really feel like maybe this might be fun. And think I’m kind of taken aback sometimes when I’m talking to my patients about just their life in general. The lack of communication on. things, it just kind of is what it is. And then you, they’re just, that’s just where it is.
You know? That’s where they are. And so I think my number one thing [00:42:00] is allow it to be fun. Really communicate. And if there’s something that you want to try that’s a little bit different, maybe it’s a different room, maybe it is a toy. Maybe it’s a toy with all the weird things sticking off, I don’t know. try it because you leave that moment. And I said, the chip on your shoulder, I feel like I leave with a chip on my shoulder. It’s almost like we have this little secret and it carries me throughout the day with a smirk on my
Dan (2): Uhhuh,
Kristen: you know? Or you wake up the next day and you’re like, man, that was
Dan (2): you share a secret?
Kristen: to talk about. Again, you can send little text messages like, Hey, I really enjoyed that. I’d love to try this next time. It just creates such a special feeling surrounding
intimacy, and it makes me want to do it again where. I think that’s the goal,
Dan (2): Yep.
So, uh, make room for exploring. That’s
Kristen: Make room for exploring. Throw a little lava
Dan (2): Uhhuh.
Kristen: till the clitoral stimulant comes out. Everybody get it? It’s gonna be great. Um, and I did a, I don’t know if you’ll put this in the [00:43:00] show notes, but we did a get your marriage on code for GYMO 20. So that’ll give you 20% off your first
Dan (2): And what’s the website address?
Kristen: My lava lube.com. And then that’s the same on the socials.
Dan (2): I
Kristen: you know, I’m not an influencer, so if you see me on social media, I’m, you know, it might be good, it might be bad, but cheer for me if you would
Dan (2): Great. Thank you. All right,
Kristen: five. We know each other
Dan (2): Uhhuh. Awesome. Oh, Kristen, thank you. Thank you.
Kristen: Yeah, you’re very welcome.
And if you get any questions further than the ones that we’ve done already, I’m always here. Please just shoot me an email and, and we can kind of approach those. I, I like to tell people on podcasts, like, send, send you an email and then, you know, we can kind of follow up. But my, my big takeaway on pelvic floor is. Please don’t be afraid to talk to your physician about it. And also please don’t be afraid to share it with your spouse, like painful intercourse and it, a difficulty with orgasm can be fixed most of the time. It’s not [00:44:00] a cover your face and bear it. It’s not that sort of thing. And with the right care and the right people, your sex life can be so much better.
So there’s really not a reason to wait. Talk to your doctor. See a pelvic health pt. If there’s something they can’t do, most of them will tell you. But I’ve never really had that experience. There’s always something that we can do to really make sex feel so much more pleasurable.
Dan (2): That is good. Thank you. Thank you.
Kristen: Yes. Uh, you’re welcome.
Outro
Dan: So what did you think of this episode? Pretty good stuff, huh? If you wanna go get her Lava Lube, I recommend it. My wife and I use it. You can find those details in the show notes. Also, if you want a little extra help implementing the principles we talk about on this podcast, including helping you have better org@sms or intimate conversations in your relationship, you wanna check out our Get Your Marriage On program.
You’ll see those details on our website. Also, please share this podcast with your friends and go get your own marriage on. Talk [00:45:00] to you next week
