Everyone struggles with feelings of self-worth and self-acceptance from time to time. Our bodies are sacred; as the Bible says, we’re created in God’s image. Yet the enemy of our souls does what he can to discredit and devalue our worth, often by casting shade about our own body image.
Today you get to meet Hope Orr, a skilled boudoir photographer and owner of Elevated Boudoir, as we talk about her journey, experiences, and the profound impact boudoir photography has had on herself and her clients. I had the privilege of meeting Hope over six years ago through a business connection, and I’m so excited that you get to meet her today.
Hope has a grace about her and you can tell she’s a very caring individual. In this episode, you’ll hear Hope share her personal battle with body image and toxic perfectionism, and how a spontaneous boudoir session changed her perspective on herself. She discusses the transformative power of boudoir photography, the importance of trust, and shares three principles that can help anyone embrace a positive self-image. The heart of this episode is about the deep personal and emotional journey and broader impact of embracing one’s true self.
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Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Episode 231
Dan: Everyone, and I mean, everyone struggles with feelings of self-worth and self-acceptance. From time to time. Our bodies are sacred, as the Bible says, we’re created in God’s image. Yet the enemy of our souls does what he can to discredit and devalue our worth. Often by casting shade about our own body image.
Today you get to meet Hope Orr. She’s a skilled Boor photographer about her journey experiences and the profound impact Boor photography has had on herself and her clients. I had the privilege of meeting Hope over six years ago through a business connection. [00:01:00] And I’m so excited that you get to meet her today.
Dan: Hope has a grace about her and she, you can tell she’s a very caring individual. In this episode, you’ll hear hope. Share her personal battle with body image and toxic perfectionism, and how a spontaneous bor session changed her perspective on herself. She discusses the transformative power of bor photography, the importance of trust and shares three principles that can help anyone embrace a positive self-image.
Shifting mindsets, finding authentic expressions of sexy and building confidence through action. The heart of this episode you’re about to hear is about the deep, personal and emotional journey and broader impact of embracing one’s true self. If you’d like help in taking intimacy in your marriage to the next level and overcoming the demons that distract or discourage you from a healthy self image or your own toxic perfectionism, check out my Get Your Marriage On Program.
You’ll get to work with me and my [00:02:00] team of coaches to help you grow to be your best self. Details are on our website at Get Your Marriage on.com.
Hope it is such a pleasure to have you on the get your marriage on podcast today. How are you?
Hope: Thank you. I’m so good. I’m excited to be here.
Dan: So you’re Bedore photographer, which is such an amazing job title and description. I bet you see lots of wonderful and amazing experiences in your line of work and maybe some wild ones too. Can you tell me of a crazy or wild experience you’ve had?
Hope: Yes, I can. so early on in my boudoir years, I was, uh, what’s called a shoot and burn photographer.
So what that means is you are trying to give your clients as much, as many photos as you can.
Um, and you’re charging a low price to try and get as many clients as you can as well. So the quality of the experience, the quality of the photos weren’t super great.
So
Dan: Cause you’re going for [00:03:00] quantity, not quality.
Hope: yeah, in my mind that was what I thought the people wanted,
um, which really limited me in a lot of ways as far as the experience goes. So, I found a studio to rent, and originally it was going to be, this room that was in this beautiful old Pioneer home.
And, I got it for a really cheap price.
And that was the big, big exciting thing is, okay, I can still charge a low price because I got this cheap studio.
And what happened was I was told this was going to be a women’s center. This was going to be a healing place. There were going to be other businesses that were similar to mine.
Um, it did not end up being that way.
Dan: Ha,
Hope: happened was the other rooms ended up being rented out to women who were living there.
Dan: Oh, all
Hope: it was a mess. It was a little bit of a mess. So one of them had a dog.
This cute little chihuahua. Another one had a cat and [00:04:00] they would run all over the place. They weren’t in my studio, in my room. But one day, I had my client come in and I opened the door For her to walk in.
And right when she walked in, the cat ran into the studio.
And so we were looking around everywhere. We couldn’t find the cat. We went into the back, the, there was two rooms. We went into the back room. Um, we found the cat, but the cat was running all over the place. And
so I was so embarrassed. My client was standing there.
She was ready for her session and we’re trying to catch this cat. Finally, we got the cat out. but. What I learned from that experience is sometimes the cheapest option is not always the best option.
Dan: Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yep.
Hope: we were able to go ahead and get get going with the session. She had a great session. Um, since then, we have worked, I guess, moved into a new studio where we don’t have to worry about.
Animals, cats, dogs. Yeah, it was, it was a little bit of a mess in the [00:05:00] beginning. Um, but yeah,
so that was, that was a crazy experience.
Dan: So those are the early days. How did you get into boudoir photography? Mm
Hope: Yeah. So as far as that goes, I’ve been a photographer since I was a teenager. Um, I learned from my dad, he taught me everything I know, and I, a lot types of photography.
The boudoir,
Dan: hmm.
Hope: Peace didn’t come until I was an adult.
And so since I was a young girl, I had a lot of issues with body image.
Um, in society, as women, we are, you know, taught what size our body should be, what shape our body should be.
And so from a young age, I learned that it wasn’t okay to be fat. It wasn’t okay to be chubby.
And I was the girl who was always the biggest girl in my group of friends. It’s funny. So I dieted a lot growing up, um, which really just led to a lot of insecurities, a lot [00:06:00] of, self loathing. And when I got into my, early 20s,
I started going to therapy for perfectionism.
I realized that there was a lot that I was just struggling with and it was affecting every area of my life.
Dan: Mm hmm.
How did you have the wherewithal to recognize, I need help with my toxic perfectionism? That’s really self aware of you. Most people don’t have that self awareness.
Hope: Yeah, well, I I have always been into self development
Dan: Uh huh.
Hope: I love reading self help books. But what what made me Realize that was I I was on a date with, this guy
and he was the perfect goody two shoes guy that everybody loved and,
um, I went on this date and I wasn’t actually super interested in him,
but I left the date worrying so much about what he thought [00:07:00] of me.
Dan: Gotcha. You didn’t care so much about him, but you cared about what he thought of you. Uh
Hope: And I had this moment where I was like, wait a minute, I, I’m not even interested in going on a second date with him. Why do I care so much that he approves of me and
that he is interested in me? So that was the moment when I was like, I, I think I need some help
because I feel so insecure
about myself, about my body.
I feel not good enough. I feel self loathing. So that’s what started my therapy journey.
Dan: Yeah.
Hope: So I went to therapy and there were a lot of different, you know, conversations and things that we’re working through with perfectionism.
And one of those pieces was my body,
just really feeling so insecure every single day, thinking about what my body looks like, how people see my body, how I don’t fit in certain groups or [00:08:00] in rooms with, you know, different people.
and I started learning about a number of things, you know, about intuitive eating rather than dieting.
Um, and then, and then focusing a lot on trying to just accept myself as I am. And so, I had a business trip. I was in Las Vegas for a conference.
Dan: Mm hmm.
Hope: And one day I decided, I was like, you know what? I am going to try taking a break.
Some boudoir photos of myself.
I never done anything like this.
Yeah. This was very, very foreign, very uncomfortable. I kind of had some shame. I was single. I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t married
and I was just doing it for me.
Dan: It’s not like you’re going to post these online or
Hope: Exactly. I thought I was like, nobody’s going to see these. I will
never show these to anybody, but I wanted to just see myself differently.
Dan: I can just imagine how scary that was because you’re like, I’ve, [00:09:00] is it even okay to take a naked photo of me? Right. Right.
Hope: a lot of where that thought came of no one is going to see this because there was shame around that. Like, who am I to take photos of myself for me when I’m single? This should be for someone else. You know, there, yeah, a lot of worries about that. And, Yeah, it was scary.
So I’m in my hotel room and there’s this table over by the window. So I grab my camera and I turn the timer on and I go and I stack up. I think I grabbed like tissue box, like whatever I could to make my camera up a little bit higher.
Dan: Uh huh.
Hope: And so I set my camera up and I turned the timer on. Um, and I, I grabbed like, um, The hotel robe. That’s all I was wearing. I was just like
wearing the hotel robe and I ran over to the bed and I hopped on the bed and posed
for the camera. It took my photo and then I [00:10:00] walked back over and I turned the camera around.
And when I saw this photo, it was the first time I had seen myself in that way.
Um, and it’s, it shocked me, um, in a good way. my whole self. It was like I had this eagle eye perspective where, you know, I saw the things that I didn’t like about myself. I saw my stomach. That was one of my biggest insecurities most of my life. I saw my stretch marks and The crazy thing was, was that the way I felt about those things that usually I just hated and felt so much loathing for, I felt neutral. Yeah, I saw them and it was like, oh, there’s my stomach.
Dan: Kind of more objective. Like
that’s the stomach and that’s what stomachs do. That’s what skin, that’s what skin Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. [00:11:00] My whole picture, my whole self, and those little details didn’t matter because look at this beautiful woman. Like, look at everything that makes up who I am on the outside and on the inside.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hope: So
I,
had all of this shame. Melt away.
Dan: that is so cool. Did you snap more photos that night? Like you gain did. Yeah.
Hope: I did. Yeah, I took more photos and yeah, the best, the best description is that it, I felt like the shame was just melting away and it changed the way that I showed up in my life. I felt less self conscious going into my day to day life, into work, into, you know, just friendships and it was like I, I settled back home into my body. and that was really, It was life changing. Um, and I will say I actually didn’t start [00:12:00] offering boudoir right away. So this is something I haven’t shared publicly before. So I’ll share it with you on here. so a year later, and I got permission to share this. So a year later, um, I was dating my now partner and he and I were on a trip and I said, Hey, I want to Set up my camera, I have a remote this time and I want to pose us and take some couples boudoir. And seeing his experience when I showed him the photos, I turned the camera around and I expected him to just be like, oh these are sexy, like this is great. But him seeing these photos, he said, Hope, you made me feel sexy, you made me feel manly. And I didn’t realize up to that point, men have body image issues
just as much as women do.
Dan: It, we mask it differently or it shows up differently, but of
Hope: yeah, it looks differently and there’s not as many, you know, people talking about it, I think. But seeing his [00:13:00] experience made me realize, this is not, An experience that only I can have. Like, this is something that anybody can experience. And so, it was his experience that gave me permission and kind of validated mine where I was like, Oh, I want to start offering this to other people. Because seeing him and seeing how it changed and impacted him was amazing. So that’s when, yeah, that’s when I started offering Boudoir.
Dan: That’s good.
Wow. So, are all Boudoir photo studios created equally.
Hope: No,
Dan: Have you had a bad experience yourself being photographed?
Hope: I, yes, I actually have.
Um, and so I, yeah, so it was actually the, the one experience that I have had paying another boudoir photographer, before then, and since then I just do my own photos now.
Um, but yeah, so, um, Um, there really [00:14:00] is such an importance in needing to do your research when you reach out to Boudoir photographers, and you know, you really do get what you pay for. And so Boudoir, you know, it’s expensive, and a lot of people are worried, like, is it going to be worth it? Am I going to like my photos? And sometimes, you’ll tend to look for a cheaper photographer in hopes that you can still, you Get the photos that you want. Um, what a lot of people don’t realize is that it can actually be more damaging if you aren’t working with a photographer who’s going to take you, seriously, you know,
take care of you and, um, make sure that your comfort and your safety is a priority.
Dan: Cause it’s not just about the photo. It’s about the whole experience end to end. It’s about privacy. It’s about confidentiality and posing. It’s just, there’s so much to it.
Hope: Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, my experience, I. [00:15:00] done my own photos, I wanted to experience what it was like to be, um, a client of somebody else and, you know, to see what’s, you know, another photographer would, um, how they would see me and capture me. Um, and there were a lot of things that went wrong with it.
Um, from the start to the finish, I felt like a number. I, I won’t share who they are, but, um, they didn’t really contact me leading up to the session. I was like, Oh, it’s fine. Like, I, I know, I know what to expect. So that’s okay. You know, I don’t need them to, to be in touch with me. they showed up to my studio.
I wanted to have photos in my studio.
Um, the hair and makeup artist. Was doing things with my makeup look without asking me what I wanted first, and I didn’t realize until she had applied I thought she was you know doing some prep stuff So my hair and makeup was not [00:16:00] all you know what I was expecting it turned out beautiful But there was just really you know a lack of communication Um, and then during the session, the photographer, she never showed me any photos of myself. And so I’m standing there like, did I do it right? You know, there’s, there’s all these nerves and worries and You know, am I posing in the right way? Is it turning out? And I never saw any of the photos to, to find that confidence of like, Oh, it’s working. No, we’re doing good. These photos are good. afterward, the experience was, honestly, there’s so many things that just went wrong where I felt worse in my body than I had in years.
Things that I thought I had worked through and, you know, that I thought I was secure about. Everything was brought up and it changed the way that I felt about my body and it changed the way that I was showing up in my relationship. And my partner noticed.
And he, [00:17:00] he was like, Are you okay? Like, what, what happened?
What’s wrong? And I was like, Well, like, this was gonna be a surprise, but I saw, like, I did boudoir, I just wanted to surprise you, and I saw these photos, and it was so, like, upsetting for me and it was not what I expected. And, you know, there’s just so much that went wrong and it made me shrink. I didn’t want to, you know, be intimate with my partner.
I didn’t want to be loved by him because I didn’t feel good in my body.
Um, and then I got my products and my album was messed up. She didn’t order the cover that I asked for. It was, again, just a huge, huge hassle and mess. And, um, um, Since then I’ve been able to, you know, work through a lot of that and, but it really opened my eyes to seeing how vital it is that you are working with a photographer who you trust and who you really have confidence in
because it’s not just [00:18:00] oh like maybe I won’t like my photos or me like it’s Like no this this is damaging and this can affect
your relationships and how you show up in the world
Dan: That is so good. People might have concerns about posing, I suppose. How do you help
Hope: Absolutely.
Dan: never done this before, they feel really
Hope: Yes. Yeah. So I feel the same way even as a photographer if I’m in front of the camera. I can’t see myself
and that’s how everyone feels, you know, it’s like, I don’t know if I look good or not. And so, with that in mind, I have created a system where at our studio, we guide our clients through every detail of every pose.
Um, and so, you know, my photographer now, she walks them through exactly like this is where to put your hands, this is where to put your feet, even down to their facial expression and how they breathe.
And so really, yeah, really quickly into their session, they realized like, Oh, okay, this is actually not scary.
Like I just have to do what the photographer tells me to do and it’s going to be [00:19:00] okay. Um, and, and that’s like one of the biggest feedbacks that we get was you made it so easy. Like I didn’t have to worry about posing. I didn’t have to worry about looking sexy because you helped me through each step so that it was easy.
Dan: That’s so good. And the less you have to think about how you’re sitting, breathing, whatever, like think about it, the more natural you’re going to be to express
Hope: exactly.
Dan: photo. That’s so good. Tell me about privacy. That’s a concern. Like
who’s going to be looking at these photos? Tell me about
Hope: absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, so we do a number of things to ensure privacy because some, some of my clients, they want their photos shared. They’re okay with that. They’re fine with us, you know, putting their photos on the website. A lot of my clients want to be private and that is absolutely okay. Um, you know, I, depending on their profession, their beliefs, whatever it is, just their comfort level. Like, I, I want any client to know that they are safe and that their photos [00:20:00] are safe. And so, um, as far as during the session, Our studio, we have two doors and both of them stay locked. We have an outside door and an inside door and nobody can get into the building and nobody can get into the studio room. So we make sure everything is locked down. The next thing is, um, we don’t have any men on our team. We don’t have any men who handle their photos. and that includes when we send their photos to our lab. Um, we have a lab who specializes in boudoir photography, who, um, understands the importance of keeping these private so that our clients don’t have to worry about having men handling their photos or seeing their photos.
Um, and then the
Dan: shutterfly or something like that. Uh huh.
Hope: absolutely. and then the next thing that we do is we have a secure password protected gallery that, where we deliver their photos, they’re able to download and save them, do what they want with them. Um, but yeah, everything we do, each step, we want to [00:21:00] ensure that they are safe and kept private and that our clients are comfortable.
Dan: That’s so good. So, you’re the number one top Bédard photographer in Utah.
Hope: Mm
Dan: What are, which takes a lot of, um, uh, intuition, a lot of talent, and there’s other things. Congratulations, by the way, you’ve invested a lot into your craft. But I think one thing that makes you one of the best isn’t, it’s just, I have a good camera and I know how lighting works.
There’s so much more to that.
What are some, maybe two or three principles about Baudoir or about the whole process? Because this is more than just, you know, something printed on, you know, nice photo paper. This is, this is deeply meaningful work.
Hope: Yeah,
Dan: two or three principles you’d like our listeners to understand?
Hope: Yeah. So, with Elevated Boudoir, our studio, we really, um, we approach every client with a, trauma informed approach, which means that we kind [00:22:00] of assume that everyone is going to have some sort of body image issues or struggles around their body.
Um, and so I have a team, I have a photographer, um, I have a studio manager, a hair and makeup artist who work with our clients.
And so every single one of my employees are trained to make sure that we are taking good care of our clients because it really is such a vulnerable experience for them to step into. It’s so foreign and it’s so scary. but some, some things that I’ve learned, three principles that I’ve learned through this process of being a Boudoir photographer and now having a studio where we work with hundreds of women. The first one is that the problem isn’t your body, the problem is your mind.
Dan: Mm hmm. It’s that perception of the body. Yes.
Hope: yeah.
And so I had a client, years ago. She, in, in my eyes at the time, I thought, [00:23:00] she has the perfect body. You know, according to society,
Dan: Yes. Uh huh.
Hope: you know, You know, was very fit and toned and I assumed that she must not have any issues. She must be feeling so confident. And so we did this photo shoot. We took all these photos and they were amazing and she loved them.
And after her photo shoot, she came up to me and she said, Hope, I have to tell you something. I have struggled with eating disorders for 13 years
and I have hated my body. Every single day of my life, she said, I have never loved a photo of myself
and I see these photos and these are the first photos that I feel proud of, that I feel confident about where I’m proud of my body. And with that, you know, we see people of all shapes and sizes. I work with, you know. Every, every body you can think of and
every single one comes in with their issues and their struggles. [00:24:00] And something that that made me realize is that it, it doesn’t matter what your body looks like. It doesn’t matter what your size is, what your shape is. It matters how you perceive yourself and how you feel about yourself on the inside.
And, That is honestly a really freeing thing, because you can shift the way that you feel about yourself without needing to fit into the mold of society. And maybe someone wants to, and maybe that’s exciting and that feels good, but that’s not what fixes it.
It’s, it’s the inside, it’s your mind that, that shifts that narrative. And for me and my clients, you know, seeing them come in and feel a certain way about their body, and then, see their photos and see how beautiful, see that whole picture, you
know, that is, that is when they’re able to shift that perspective and realize like, oh, actually, my body isn’t so bad.
Like, why am I so hard on myself? Why, why am I hating my body? So often when, you know, like it’s [00:25:00] so beautiful and look what I’ve done and look what I’ve gone through in my life to, to become this person that I am today.
Dan: Yeah, I, I can echo that sentiment even in my own marriage. Um, I think my wife opens up the photo album of her Bordeaux photos more often than I do,
Hope: Yes, I
Dan: even though it was kind of like for us or for me, I
Hope: Yeah,
Dan: was a sentiment in the beginning, but it’s, it’s not about, yeah, it’s sexy. Hey, there’s, there’s no denying that, but it’s more than that too.
It’s about my wife looking at her own photos and like, man, I love how I look. I love how I am. And I love that I am his turn on. And that, that kind of, it’s, it’s, it’s very grounding and it’s very healing too.
Hope: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I had one client who she came to me to work with us so that she could gift these photos to her husband.
Um, and she was so excited about that. We got some amazing photos [00:26:00] and So what happens, I’ll tell you a little bit. So there’s a few different, parts of our client’s experience.
So they get to come on a day other than their shoot to our studio.
Dan: It’s like a pre meeting, right? Like, uh huh. Uh huh.
Hope: yeah. And we have, um, my studio manager, she is a trained stylist. So she pulls out. We have a huge wardrobe of lingerie.
So she pulls out all these outfits for them to try on. She helps them decide what they’re going to wear. They get excited.
They feel more comfortable about their shoot because they know what to plan for. Um, and then on another day, they come to the studio, they get their hair and makeup done. They get to have their photo shoot. And then one week later, they get to come back again and they get to sit on the couch in our studio.
We have the TV up and they get to see their photos on the big screen.
Dan: It’s a big reveal.
Hope: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It’s this big, exciting moment.
And so this client, you know, she’s like, Oh, whatever, you know, whatever my husband wants, like, tell, tell me what you think, like, what do men like? [00:27:00] And, you know, so we went through that whole process.
And so on the day of her image reveal, she comes and she sits down on the couch and we pull up these photos and she just starts Bawling. She just starts crying and she sees these photos and she’s like, I didn’t, I didn’t realize, I didn’t realize that I could look this way. And she turned to me and she said, hope. I thought that this was a gift for my husband. And what I didn’t realize is that this is one of the biggest gifts I could have given myself.
Dan: Wow, that’s profound. That is so good.
Hope: And since then, I’ve had more clients say that.
This was a gift for my husband. I didn’t realize it was a gift for myself,
Dan: Yeah.
Hope: So, so that’s you know, the first principle is is yeah, it’s it’s not your body. That’s the problem. It’s it’s it’s changing your mind and changing your perspective.
Dan: Hmm.
So hope what’s the second principle?
Hope: So, my second principle is sexy is not a one [00:28:00] size fits all.
Dan: Oh, So years ago, I had a mentor, and, um, they shared with me that the definition of sexy is the authentic expression of you.
I love that definition. I like that because it speaks to your core. It’s about just bringing and being yourself and not pretending to be anyone else. That is sexy. Yeah. Which yeah, exactly. And, and so many people of my clients, they kind of start out thinking that they have to look a certain way or they have to be a certain way in their photos to look sexy.
Hope: And really, you know, we customize each session differently for each personality, because that’s what sexy is, bringing out their personality, bringing out who they are. And so, you know, they feel nervous at first, but they don’t have to, because we’re going to help them find what their authentic expression is.
Dan: Yes.
Hope: I, I had one client who, [00:29:00] um, was so, so nervous. She signed up for her session. and she had a background where, she grew up in a religious home where, you know, they were very distinct in the way that they dressed the way that, that women, you know, showed up in their, in their community. Um, so, you know, she was used to. Being covered to her wrists and to her ankles and,
Dan: Kind of like I think kind of like an Amish community or like men and I or maybe even Muslim. You have a very distinct way you dress very conservative. This is her background. And now she’s stepping into your studio to be photographed almost naked.
Hope: yeah, and, and she shared with me, you know, she was like, I’m not even comfortable. wearing a swimsuit, even in front of her husband, and, and so this was just so scary for her. And she came in, and she was shaking. She sat down with her hair and makeup artist, and, and her hair and makeup artist took care of her. By the time she was done and ready to go, she, she seemed, you know, more [00:30:00] calm and collected. But then we move into the studio, and we have music playing, and the first thing that happens I’m I’m going to show her the pose, so I sit down and I show her what she’s going to do.
Then I had her hop into that pose.
Once again, she was shaking. She was like, I’m so scared. I’m so nervous. but we started taking photos and, after we do a few, a few poses
is when I turn the camera around
and I show them. a beautiful, stunning photo of them. So this is kind of the first big reveal.
So she’s sitting on the floor.
She had just done a number of different poses that I walked her through and I take the camera and I turn around and I show her and she’s sitting there, her arms around her knees and she just starts tearing up and she sees this photo. She doesn’t even say anything, but like you can tell, you know, like there’s just this silence.
where we understand, you know, where she sees herself in this really [00:31:00] beautiful and vulnerable way and how brave and how courageous and amazing this person is and this body is. and So, yeah, you know, it really doesn’t matter your background. It doesn’t matter your personality. Like, sexy is your authentic expression.
And so let’s find who you are and let’s pull that out. And so, you know, some clients will laugh and smile in their session. Others will be like more sensual. And sometimes, you know, some clients want to try something on that isn’t on center stage for them.
You know, so like this client, it’s not center stage for her to be wearing, you know, lingerie
and, and even to, to show, you know, a lot of these expressions,
um, but it’s, it was this part of her that she wanted to experience
that she wanted to try on and kind of pull out and, and it was amazing to see her [00:32:00] see what she’s capable of.
Dan: I’m grateful we brought that up because I think individuals are not just an individual, like a monolithic whole. We’re all made up of different parts. We’re all made up of different aspects of us, right? Like I have a personality side of me that’s really goofy and really silly. And I’ve also all sided me.
That’s really serious. I have a side of me that’s really good at analysis and being analytical. And I have another side of me that’s really creative. And, um, I love how what you’re talking about is, this is still you, this is still who you are, but we’re now going to photograph for a moment the expression of this aspect of you.
This is the part of you that might, to express this. Okay, let’s now express this. This part of you and in the end though all of them make up the whole of who you are So it’s okay to step into something that might feel a little not your main stream But it’s still a [00:33:00] beautiful aspect of yourself that you might keep hidden That’s now giving it some voice giving it some air to express
Hope: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. You remind me of, um, another client who, um, she was a mom. She’s in her late thirties and, she has all these kids, she’s got little kids, so used to living in her role as being a mom and as a wife, you know,
and she wanted to have a session, um, she was from out of state, we have a number of clients who fly in from out of state to work with us, and she and her husband flew into, to Utah to work with us, and, so when that happens, we kind of, um, We shift the schedule around a little, so she had her session one day, and then the next day she was able to come back and see her photos and pick out her favorites. So she had her session, and during her session, she kept telling me, I don’t like my butt. I don’t like my butt. My husband’s always trying to take [00:34:00] photos. just don’t
like it. And I’m like, okay, trust me. I promise you like, trust me. It’s I’ll, I’ll get some photos and then you can see if you don’t like them, that’s okay. So we did her session. She went home and then the next day she came back for her image reveal and she brought her husband with her so that he could help pick out her photos.
And the first thing she said when she sat down was hope. Um, something must have happened in my session yesterday because this morning I got out of the shower and I saw myself in the mirror
and I didn’t have any makeup on.
I was just standing there naked and she said, I looked at myself and I said, wow, I am beautiful.
Dan: Uh huh.
Hope: And she said, I’ve never done that when getting out of the shower before.
Dan: Wow. Uh huh.
Hope: was just, you know, the day after her session.
Dan: That’s so cool.
Hope: then we pull up her photos. And she’s looking through them, she’s got tears in her eyes, she said, I didn’t know I could look [00:35:00] like that. And they pick out the photos that they want, they’re so excited, and at the end she turns to her husband and she says, Well, I guess I’ll let you take pictures of my butt now, because I didn’t know it looked that good.
Dan: And it was her favorite photo of all of them, probably.
Hope: that’s right, yeah. So,
she, yeah, totally, totally shifted, something that she absolutely hated about herself and didn’t like and didn’t want photos of, totally shifted the next day where she’s like, okay, let’s take photos of my butt. So,
Dan: And from a husband’s perspective too, like we, as men, we could be like a blue and a face telling our wives how sexy they are, how much we like their butt or their breasts or whatever it is. Right. And they won’t believe us. And then once they do this, but or for those session, it’s like something clicks in their head where they’re like, I am finally seeing myself the way my husband sees me or some, rather than the way I see me.
And, and, uh, yeah. That’s, that’s a great thing when that [00:36:00]
Hope: Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And
I think that’s why, you know, so many clients end up saying like, I had no idea that this was such a gift for myself. And it’s, it’s a gift, it’s a gift for your husband or your partner in a way that he gets photos, but it’s also a gift for him in the way that it changes how you feel and how you show up in your relationship with him and how you show up in the world.
Dan: it’s a gift for your children. It’s a gift for those you work with at your workplace or at home
because you’re more authentic, like it’s the authentic expression of self. It’s not just sexy. It’s confident. You’re able to do life’s hard because you kind of have more of this, uh, inner confidence you can lean on.
Love that.
Hope: Yeah.
Dan: Hope this is so good. What’s the third principle you’d like our listeners to understand?
Hope: Yeah. So the third principle that I’ve learned is that confidence doesn’t come before facing your fears. Confidence comes [00:37:00] from taking action.
Dan: That is so good. Tell me
Hope: And yeah, so, so many people that I talk with, they say, I want to do a session. Um, I’ve wanted to do one forever, but I’m just waiting. I’m waiting for the Right. time.
I’m waiting to feel
Dan: hmm.
Hope: a lot of, a lot of people, they kind of think that, You know, at some point they will feel ready and they will feel confident enough to do the shoot. And that never happens. And so you spend your time waiting and waiting and waiting. And you know, I work with a lot of women who are In their 40s and older. And, when they come to me, they say, I realize, you know, I’m not getting any younger. Time is not slowing down. And so I’m finally gonna make this happen. I’m gonna do it. And, um, and so, I had this one client, um, who was a mom. She was in her 40s. And she signed up for [00:38:00] the session. She has teenagers who are busy with school, you know, with sports, all sorts of things.
She’s got little kids that she’s running around. Um, I think she was, she was also in school as well herself. So she just had a lot going on. Um, and she signed up. And she came into our studio for her style consult, where we sit down and, you know, we pick out outfits and help her decide what she wants to wear. And she sat on my couch and she started crying before we had even started. And, and I was like, tell me, you know, what’s, what’s going on? What’s coming up for you? And there were a lot of different things. You know, the first thing was she felt so guilty for taking what, you know, she said, her family’s money for something that was just for her. And, you know, she’s like, I have spent my whole life sacrificing for my kids, for my family, my partner, and I don’t feel [00:39:00] like I can do something that I want to do that’s just for me. So she felt that and then she also had All of this, insecurity, I guess, she, she, she’s told me, she said, I don’t think I’m going to love one photo of myself. She said, that’s not because of you, it’s because I don’t love my body. I don’t feel confident and, you know, I, I, I don’t know what I’m doing here, basically. And so, so we have, on one hand, she has this desire, she wants to see herself differently, she wants to feel sexy, she wants to, you know, feel beautiful and see herself the way her husband sees her. But then she has, you know, these, these programs from, you know, a lifetime, of being a woman and in society and, you know, my body’s not good enough. I need to, you know, sacrifice myself and do things for everyone else and not take care of myself. And, you know, so just a lot going on for [00:40:00] her. and so I said, trust, trust the process.
I promise you it’s going to be okay, but you know, you can only say so much and it helps a
little bit. But. But there’s that, that, you know, nobody ever really goes into a session feeling, Oh, I’m confident, I’m sexy.
Dan: Nope. Uh
Hope: And so she decided, she’s like, okay, I’m going to trust the process. It’s going to be okay. I’m like, yeah, it’s going to be okay.
Like, we’ll take good care of you. We helped her pick out outfits that she loved, that she felt excited about. Um, that, that made her feel better. It didn’t, you know, make things go away, but she, she had a little bit more confidence leading this, leaving the studio, you know, just a little, a little bit more.
Okay. Okay, we got that part done. It’s going to be okay. So she gets to the session. We do her hair and makeup, take good care of her, and we get her in the studio. And same thing, you know, we have the music playing, I show her the first pose, and then I have her hop into that pose and I guide her through.
You know, this is where you put your feet, your hands.[00:41:00]
And we take a number of photos, and then I turn it around, and I show her these photos, and she sat there, and she was shocked, like her mouth dropped open, like she couldn’t believe, and it was like almost quite literal, she could not believe that that was her,
Dan: huh. Almost comical,
Hope: Yeah, yeah.
And, and the whole session, you know, she’s like, it’s me. Like, it’s not like, I don’t look like myself,
but it’s like, my brain can’t even process
that. like like you go from the day before not loving your body. And then all of a sudden, Your brain switches, like it’s
so foreign. Um, but we kept showing her photos and throughout the whole session, she was just so shocked and floored and couldn’t believe, you know, that these were photos of her. And so then she came back a week later to pick out her photos. She brought her husband. He loved them. And he was like, look, like, this is you. This
is
Dan: huh. Uh
Hope: is, this is what I see. And she ended up picking out a whole [00:42:00] album. of images. She, she got it to take away, yeah, as many photos as she possibly could. And it was just amazing to see, you know, her going from, I don’t have the confidence to even think that I would love one photo to leaving her session with this beautiful album full of images that she was proud of and that
she loved. And so that confidence, you know, it, it doesn’t, you know, It doesn’t come and then it’s like, okay, I’m ready to do my photo shoot.
You have to kind of like face those fears and take action. And when you take those steps, that’s when the confidence begins to slowly build up. And then you see that impact and that reward of doing that. You know, doing something hard and scary and seeing it through and then seeing like what you’re capable of.
Dan: Oh, I love that. And as we’re talking, I think of this quote from Dan Sullivan. He says, the difference between courage and confidence is confidence feels good,
Hope: [00:43:00] Yes. Yes. Absolutely.
Dan: Courage doesn’t feel good. And so that’s, That’s part of adult development is learning how to lean in when things don’t feel good because you know it’s the right thing to do and pushing forward through that.
And that’s this great example what you’re teaching here. This microcosm of what you do in your studio is really about adult development and helping us step into the fuller sense of who we are. That fuller expression of who we are.
Hope: Yeah.
Absolutely.
Dan: This is so good. Hope. I love the, you’re a therapist in a way, right? Your
Hope: Sometimes it feels like it. It feels like it.
Dan: It seems like hollowed ground because of the, experiences people get to have in your studio and coming home to who they really are. And they leave different, they leave changed a better people as a result.
Hope: yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it feels like an honor to, to just like witness these women and their stories and background. They’re all different and unique and [00:44:00] beautiful and it does really feel like an honor for me and my whole team to work with them.
Dan: That’s good. All right. So Hope, as we end our conversation today, I’d like for you to share, how have you changed through what you do as a boudoir photographer? If you can get a little personal for a moment. How has it changed you, who you see yourself, uh, your relationships with others, and so on?
Hope: I think the biggest change, that I’ve seen comes from being able to see. So many different women and backgrounds and experiences and realizing that it is all like so sacred, like every life and every lived experience is like so beautiful. and, you know, I’ve seen women who have, had terrible life experiences who have gone through like so much, um, and getting to see them come into the studio, not [00:45:00] feeling amazing or not feeling super confident about themselves and then leaving like they’re on top of the world. And they’re so like, they just see themselves in a new way.
They’re settled. They’re back home in their body. It has changed me in realizing, I guess like embracing my lived experience and my body
and realizing that I am worthy and my body is worthy. I am enough inside and out and you know nothing is perfect and starting out in in this this uh conversation talking about how I really struggled with perfectionism
and now you know seeing how perfectly imperfect we all are
Dan: Uh huh. And embracing that.
Hope: I can embrace that. Yeah.
I can embrace that. And
and it has truly shifted the way I show up in the world as, you know, a parent, as a partner, as a daughter, sister, boss, employee, you know, all the different roles that [00:46:00] I’ve played in my life, um, It has completely shifted the way that I show up, in a way where I show up in my power, in my confidence, in knowing who I am and being settled in who I am, both inside and out.
Dan: probably you’re less judgmental of others than you were before. Yeah, yeah, humanity that we’re all in.
Hope: I know, yeah, I
have a number of clients who will worry, you know, that, that they’ll be judged or, you know, they’re,
they’re afraid before photographer sees tons of bodies and you’re like, Oh, I’m the ugliest you’ve ever photographed. Right? So no,
no, it’s like every single person who comes into my studio, I truly just think they’re so beautiful and, and it’s exciting that I get to show them that, you know, I get to show them how amazing they are.
Dan: that is so good. Great. Where can people go to learn more about you and elevated Bedore?
Hope: Yeah. So, um, our [00:47:00] website is elevatedboudoir. com. We’re located in Draper, Utah. We’re also on Instagram as elevatedboudoir. Um, and You can find us on TikTok and you know other other social media Websites as well.
Dan: That’s great. Thank you.
Hope: Yeah, of course. Thank you. This has been amazing.
Dan: Thank you for listening to this episode, please share it along with our apps and timidly us. And just between us with their married friends. I promise they will thank you for life. If you want a more meaningful sexual and intimate connection in your marriage, I invite you to check out my, get your marriage on program.
Over a hundred couples have said this program packs tremendous value and has helped their intimacy grow to the next level. Now go get your marriage on.
