In today’s episode, Dr. Corey Allen joins us for a deep dive into fictional, but incredibly common, marriage scenarios that reveal surprising truths about desire, conflict, and emotional maturity.
We explore how sexual and relational struggles aren’t mistakes—they are intentional invitations to grow up, become more courageous, and see our spouse more clearly.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why sexual struggles are built into the work of marriage
- How meanings—not the issue itself—drive most conflicts
- How to own your part in the marriage
- Why many husbands unconsciously hedge their investment
- The danger of “minimum requirement” sex
- What real married love is
- What is actually better than “being happy” in marriage
If you’re ready to see your marriage challenges from a whole new angle, this episode will change the way you think about intimacy and growth and the purpose of marriage.
Links Mentioned:
- Apply for the next Get Your Marriage On! Program: getyourmarriageon.com/program
- Learn more about Dr. Corey Allen: SMR.fm (Sexy Marriage Radio)
Events:
- In-Person Retreat April 2025 (We’re sold out, but you can apply to get on the waitlist!)
- NEW Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026
Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Dr. Corey Allan – The Challenge To Grow Up
[00:00:00]
Dan: Every couple, I don’t care how long you’ve been married, will face struggles with sexual intimacy at one point or another. In fact, it it’d be very unusual if it didn’t happen. It’s supposed to happen. In a strange way, I believe sexual problems in a marriage are built into the work of marriage because marriages are designed to help us grow up.
And if you didn’t have challenges, you wouldn’t face opportunities to really grow. Now, not saying these challenges are pleasant or that we go rushing to problems ’cause we want them, you don’t have to. They’ll, they’ll come to you. You don’t have to go seeking them out. In this special podcast episode with Dr.
Corey Allen, a good friend of mine, we’re gonna go through three vignettes of fictional couples and problems that they have, and we will dissect them and we’ll talk about how they [00:01:00] are all designed to help us really grow up. My hope is by listening to this podcast episode, you’ll get a different perspective over marital problems, regular, everyday marriage problems, and see them in a new light.
The new perspective is how does this challenge invite me to grow up who I am? How does this challenge invite me to see things in a different way? How does this challenge invite me to live with more courage in my life?
Now we’ve sold out of our Get Your Marriage On In-Person Retreat for April. If you’d still like to apply and be on the waiting list, you’re welcome to do that and get on the waiting list for a next couples retreat that we have planned for 2027. But I am excited to announce that we’re putting on a Get Your Marriage on cruise sailing in October, 2026.
And now’s the time to sign up. ’cause we’re only taking a small number of couples. So you’re gonna come with us, we’re gonna vacation together. We’re gonna have a great week together as we explore the beautiful Caribbean Ocean and do a deep dive on intimacy in marriages too. So it’s gonna be a [00:02:00] fantastic opportunity for you and your spouse to come.
All those details are on our website. Get your marriage on.com. Click events, and you’ll find all the cruise details there. Dr. Corey Allen. So good to have you back on the podcast. How are you today?
Dr. Corey: good man. It’s been far too long, so it’s, it’s good to be back.
Dan: I was just curious, have you ever felt like a complete celebrity sometime? Maybe someone came up to you unexpected and recognized you in an unusual place, Uhhuh.
Dr. Corey: Yeah, I’ve had, well one, I don’t know if it was really unusual, but I was at a training, with a whole bunch of other therapists and I’m on the elevator the very first day and we’re in the, we’re, you know, there’s four of us and one guy looks over and goes, Corey. From Dallas, and I’m like, yeah, so Dr.
Corey. I’m like, yeah, sexy marriage radio. Yeah, I’m a listener. I’m like, what? You know? So it was just one of those weird things. And then when he gets off the elevator at the uh, floor or two before I had to, the two other ladies that were on there look at me and go, does that happen often? I’m like, no, that’s the first time.
That was actually pretty cool.[00:03:00]
Dan: That’s so cool. It’s cool, like, I don’t know, to be recognized for your work. That’s really good. And today I want to do a deep dive with you, with your brilliant therapist mind into, I have two or three vignettes from inspired by just conversations I hear in marriage just here and there. These are all fictional, but, I think the themes are very, very common
Dr. Corey: sure.
Dan: So I want to go through these with you and let’s just discuss them Now, when the common thread among them all is they involve a husband. And a wife. And in the case of each of these three, the husband is the higher desire spouse.
Dr. Corey: Okay,
Dan: that’s the way we kind of look at it here, right?
One has usually higher desire than the other. so this is usually from the higher desire spouse’s perspective, writing these things. But, let’s go through these, shall
Dr. Corey: let’s go.
Dan: Okay. The first one is this. husband wants his wife, this wife, by the way, prefers to dress modestly. Most of the time they’re, they have a trip [00:04:00] coming up to Mexico and he wants his wife to wear a bikini for, uh, for their beach days in Mexico. She’s never bought a bikini before. She’s never been interested in it, but a husband really, really wants her to do it. And, she doesn’t want to. She resists it and then he fires back and says, you’re just a product of this conservative church upbringing, and I wish you were more free with yourself and so on. Anyway, she responds that we’re a bikini. To her, it doesn’t feel free because it wouldn’t mean she’s like doing it for herself. She’s just doing it for her husband and she’d be uncomfortable for her sake. Anyway, they’re gridlocked on this issue.
Dr. Corey: Mm-hmm.
Dan: you say to this couple if they were in your office?
Dr. Corey: Um, so the first place I would start is what’s the meanings each of them have, which we’re kind of getting glimpses of because he’s got, he’s got some sort of a meaning attached to this wife that has a, a willingness to share and more skin, [00:05:00] uh, be more provocative, um, whatever it is that he sees it as.
Um, he’s, he’s got some sort of attachment. ’cause this is one of the universal things, Dan, I mean, you know this, in the conversations we’ve had in the past is that we don’t fight about things. We fight about the meanings of things.
Dan: Yes.
Dr. Corey: therein lies our ability to start to learn, to evolve and be more flexible.
Um, and so obviously he’s got something attached to, I want this, goddess walking around, flaunting herself in some ways.
Dan: Uh,
Dr. Corey: Because it means something to him
Dan: Uhhuh,
Dr. Corey: she’s got some sort of, I can’t do this. It’s wrong. There’s a cultural something, there’s an insecurity, something, you know, ’cause I don’t know, we can’t, it’s, it’s gonna be very easy to jump to a conclusion, which could be wrong.
You know, my hypothesis could be completely wrong. And so in the therapist chair, I try to hold hypotheses very, very lightly. Whereas in a [00:06:00] podcast chair, I kind of make an assumption and so
Dan: all we have is that paragraph of
Dr. Corey: right. And so we, we kind of go what would be the most logical in some ways when I don’t have them right in front of me to give me.
The data that, that really starts to explain it because if you boil it down, they’re fighting about a mixed meaning here and how do they come to some understanding or awareness of where each of them are, and then the challenge to apply that to who the person that they’re married to actually is.
Right, I think universally, in some ways we can start talking about, this is where I’ve been going lately in my thought processes is I think we’re called to love our spouse as they are, not who we wish they were
Dan: Uhhuh.
Dr. Corey: and, what he’s being challenged with is how does he come to grips with who she is, whether he likes that, all of it or [00:07:00] not.
That’s what he’s challenged to have to face. So then we start getting in these power dynamics and power struggles of, you know, she’s even worded it that as such of, yeah, but if I did that, it’s not for me. It’s only for you. And so she’s gotta come to grips with, is that a bad thing or an okay thing?
Because sometimes where we grow the most is because of the impetus and pressure coming from our spouse.
Dan: Right, right. How often do you see where it really is? Spouse A to spouse B. And where they’re like, Hey, I really want you to change in this area so I can love you better. That’s kind of what they’re thinking in their mind at the time. Like, I would love you better if you’d wear a bikini to our trip,
Dr. Corey: Right. Like there’s an attachment. There’s an attachment to it. Like that, that draws me more to you. If you act in a certain way, carry yourself in a certain way, um, con.
Dan: love you so much more if you would just
Dr. Corey: Sure you would.
Dan: And don’t you want me to love you
Dr. Corey: Sure you would.
Dan: you just do this for me? [00:08:00] Yes. Uhhuh,
Dr. Corey: Right, right. Um, that’s, that’s one side of this coin that I think draws us that, that man, if we’re, if we’re honest with ourselves.
Uh, it’s flat out manipulative, uh, because what if they actually started doing it? Would, would that elicit more love, quote unquote? No. It would actually just maybe bring about a little more comfort and ease rather than the challenge of this is who I’m actually with.
Dan: Ah,
Dr. Corey: Uh, right. And, and we all want comfort and ease at various stages, if not big stages of our life, where I want this just to be easy.
The other side of the coin is, I want you to want this like I do.
Dan: Uh,
Dr. Corey: I want you to want it. And, you know, it’s like,
Dan: Uhhuh,
Dr. Corey: I want, I want you to want to do these things with me. It’s like, I don’t wanna do these things with you, but I’ll do ’em. I mean, ’cause there’s that, that side of the equation too, where she’s being challenged.
In some ways to, I could wear this and it’s not for my benefit, it’s for yours. But sometimes we can grow to [00:09:00] a point. It’s like, I’m okay with that. Right? I’m, it, it’s, I’m not gonna hold it responsible. I’m not gonna feel like my, that pressure is something where I don’t have a voice. I’m not placating you. I can actually own it.
You know, that’s go a different route on, you know, I’ve had to, I’ve been challenged to up my standards of, um, adventure eating, if you will, ’cause of who I’m married to, of.
Dan: because she’s an adventure
Dr. Corey: Totally. I mean, my wife, when you talk about some of the variety of things like, like adventure and food, I mean, she enjoys those things to her toes,
Dan: Uhhuh,
Dr. Corey: I mean, it’s like a, it’s a full body experience and to me it’s a means to an end when it comes to food, it’s like, just gimme something with sustenance. That’s all I need. I don’t, I don’t have a wide palette. It, I realize the challenge that she provides me is actually good for me. Whereas possibly this wife, maybe the challenge is good for her, not that she has to come to grips with it [00:10:00] and, and own it and, and start living that way.
’cause sometimes the challenge she’s gonna present back to him of, I don’t wanna be this. That’s not how I carry myself. Then he’s gotta come to grips with, that’s who I’m, that’s who I’m with. That’s, that’s the challenge of, okay, how do I see that is, that can still be equally vibrant. It’s just not the way I quantify it.
Dan: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Good. And I know we’re talking on the husband’s side of the equation here, and it’s gonna sound like we’re really attacking him today, but we’re gonna attack him a little bit more.
Dr. Corey: Okay.
Dan: Let’s say, uh, he is with his buddies and he is complaining about the situation and. The conversation turns around to they hypothesize.
Oh, the reason why it is, is because it’s the conservative church upbringing, and then they, they kind of go down that rabbit hole for a while. It seems like an easy place to go,
Dr. Corey: Mm-hmm.
Dan: to attack if only she, you know. Her background was [00:11:00] different or her upbringing wasn’t so strict or whatever it is. Then you’d have what you have, man, kind of a kind of a conversation.
Dr. Corey: Sure.
Dan: place people go instead of the buddies saying, you just love her for the way she is? Do you know what I mean?
Dr. Corey: Yeah.
Dan: there’s.
Dr. Corey: but it’s also so unrealistic because that’s, you’re discounting everybody’s upbringing that has created who they actually are and thinking if I could go and tweak that, it would make it my, my whole dilemma so much easier. No, it would just make your dilemma different. It’s all it is
Dan: Uhhuh.
Dr. Corey: because we’re not solving, we’re not solving these things.
I mean, loving other people is a, is a task. It’s, it’s, it’s not easy all the time and, and that’s okay.
Dan: to, it’s a fantasy to think if only my spouse was different, it’d be easier to love
Dr. Corey: right.
Dan: But that wouldn’t be real love if it didn’t take effort
Dr. Corey: Well, because I think of it as, since we’re [00:12:00] talking about the higher desire husbands, most of the time in this, in this episode, I’ve said this a couple times and get some pushback, but more and more I’m actually getting some, some confirming of it that, I’ve got times where early on in the sexy marriage radio.
Uh, episodes banks way back then, I would make comments about, okay, if a higher desire husband actually had a wife that woke up sexually and just totally owned her sexual prowess and like really was this, being that just enjoyed and sought it and everything, it would freak him out
Dan: Okay. Uhhuh.
Dr. Corey: because.
Trying to actually satisfy a woman’s prowess when it comes to her sexual wiring
Dan: Uhhuh
Dr. Corey: is a D
Dan: to a
Dr. Corey: it’s a daunting thing to say the least.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Corey: She can go and go and go and go and go. ’cause she doesn’t have a refractory period.
Dan: Uhhuh,
Dr. Corey: He does. And so a lot of times [00:13:00] what, what we as men face as a fear most is can I come through, can I deliver, can I satisfy?
That’s kind of in our DNA, not just sexually, just everything. Like if I’m gonna.
Dan: provide
Dr. Corey: gonna accomplish this task, can I get it all the way through? Right. Well, it’s like, how am I gonna do that with a woman that’s totally insatiable, right? And so, not that he can’t adjust to that, but initially it’s gonna be like, whoa, hold on.
Like, ’cause that’s what, when we, when we get what we actually are after in life, a lot of times it can really freak us out initially. And it’s like, I gotta re, I gotta recalibrate a little bit. And that’s kind of what’s going on where. You’re, you’re, you’re framing it in the sense that’s, that’s really good of if they would, then it would be easier for me.
And she’s saying the same thing. If he would, it’d be easier for me. The pressure would go away. I said, no, it wouldn’t, it would just be different.
Dan: Right, right. uh, before we move on to the next vignette, maybe a very mature approach could [00:14:00] be what is being asked of me and where am I being called to love a little more?
Dr. Corey: And from what’s being asked of me. What actually might be good for me to at least come to a better understanding rather than, ’cause anytime we have some real quick nos in life, it’s usually worth our our time to have a little courage and ask some questions about, okay, where did the knee jerk no come from?
What’s that about?
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Corey: own it and she could look him in the eye and say, I know you would love for me to show this off. I’m not going to, that’s a different kind of a statement rather than I, that just really makes me uncomfortable.
Dan: Yeah.
Dr. Corey: Right, because it’s, it’s a different thing to be able to say, Hey, you are the only one that gets to see all of this.
I’m not flaunting it for everybody else ’cause they just couldn’t handle it. I mean that’s a different kind of a woman response,
Dan: would,
Dr. Corey: right?
Dan: that’d be
Dr. Corey: That this kind of owning her and say as well as saying, I’m not [00:15:00] gonna play the whole route. You’d really want me to, but that’s gonna be okay for me.
Dan: You are coming back to your food with your wife analogy. I, I can just imagine a scenario where she’s like, here have this, I don’t know, haggis some food that you probably don’t matches your palate very well and immediate is a
Dr. Corey: Mm-hmm.
Dan: then you’re like, well, I can have a
Dr. Corey: Mm-hmm. I, well, yeah, if, if I’m operating at a better state, I, I have a chance where I’ll really examine myself if I’m not really operating real well. Uh, it’ll just be a dig my heels in. No. ’cause it’s not like I got this thing figured out either. So.
Dan: Got it. Good. So examine ourselves. That’s what I’m taking away from this conversation. That’s so powerful. Can I just examine myself a little bit here instead of just knee jerk reaction
Dr. Corey: Yeah, what’s being exposed and what could I do about it differently rather than how, how dare they do this to me?
Dan: Oh, it. That’s such a better response than, uh, fighting
Dr. Corey: Mm-hmm.
Dan: staying good luck, and [00:16:00] then having bad feelings all over again about it. Good. All right. Ready for the next
Dr. Corey: Let’s go.
Dan: Okay. This scenario is a couple where the husband, from my opinion, has one foot in and one foot out in his marriage. He’s there, but he is not fully committed, it seems like. Okay. This is what he says. A husband says his sex life is ho-hum and wishes for more excitement. He wants more adventure, more novelty and things like that. Whenever he confronts his wife about wanting more sexual excitement in their marriage, she withdraws and shuts down. that they’re in midlife, the wife wants to invest in hobbies and do more self-improvement projects on herself. Now that her kids are grown, they have a little bit more money, but these are, you know, these cost money. The husband, by the way, is the sole breadwinner and he thinks. I don’t wanna support my wife with all of her expensive hobbies and things, especially if she’s not gonna be invested sexually with me. they kind of like go, why would I do this for [00:17:00] you? To help you with your hobbies and invest in you when you don’t really. Invest sexually with me So that’s kind of the, their conflict point there. Anyway, the conversation goes on and on and the wife eventually says, well, what’s the minimum amount of sex you need from me in order for you to be happier with me, uh, so that, uh, you know, you’ll finance my hobbies or whatever, and, and it just goes downhill from there.
Dr. Corey: Yes, that would go downhill from there.
Anytime you start using a lot of this commodity based conversation exchange rate concepts with, with actual tangible things, man in marriage, it gets really dicey to say the least.
Dan: Yeah, and maybe that’s an extreme example, but,
Dr. Corey: No, it’s, what that is, is it’s actually an, uh, uh, a more overt example of what a lot of marriages do. [00:18:00] Covertly.
Dan: Yes. They may not say it out
Dr. Corey: Yes.
Dan: there’s a little bit of this. Why would I invest in
Dr. Corey: Because if you can act, I mean, actually, if you could honestly articulate that. After you have to pick up the pieces of how that actually would land, you’re better off because at least I’m not playing a game like I’m above board here, that I, I’m showing my hand real cleanly of, Hey, this is what I want and if you would be willing to do this, I might be willing to do this.
I mean, that’s at least. An underhanded cleaner Underhandedness
Dan: Yeah.
Dr. Corey: is, is, is the way to say that, I guess, is it’s not, I’m not proposing it as a prescription that we should do, but I think we do this in our own, rationalization hamster brains, and we try to figure out how can I get this done without me actually saying it and articulating it?
Um.
Dan: Yep. So the actual act of like saying it as it is,[00:19:00]
Dr. Corey: That’s at least a, that’s just, that’s at least a, I’m gonna get to rejection quicker. I’m gonna let, let my spouse see who I really am, what really my motivation is. I’m gonna let me see who I really am and what my real motivation is,
Dan: This is it.
Dr. Corey: right? Because if he’s truly just in this thing for the sex, really, I mean, come on.
There’s so much more about a
Dan: she just in it for the money?
Dr. Corey: right,
Dan: on.
Dr. Corey: right. There’s so much more. I mean, there’s, there’s a life that’s been built together. There’s an inter intertwining of things, so it’s, it’s a lot more sophisticated than that. But at face value, what you’re describing is pretty common in a lot of ways. It just doesn’t, it’s maybe a little, it’s it’s lower below the threshold.
Of, of really wreaking much havoc in couplehood, but it’s there and it, and again, it’s this whole, okay, how could I satisfy this for you so I could get what I want for me?
Dan: Uhhuh,
Dr. Corey: And that [00:20:00] motivation is, yeah. The problem with that is it becomes the tyranny of the lowest common denominator. Right. What’s the littlest?
I have to,
Dan: mean? Uhhuh?
Dr. Corey: well, so e. E, even her phraseology of, okay, what’s the minimum level of sex that you would want? Okay. Well then you have to get into the deeper elements of that. Okay. What is the sex that you’re actually having? Does that just mean I lay there for you and become a receptacle for your penis?
Dan: Uh.
Dr. Corey: And that’s it.
That’s all I gotta do.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Corey: Well, that brings about a different kind of an experience, an equation for both of them.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Corey: So what’s their, what’s each of their motivations in that regard? Because he’s accepting bad sex when what he’s saying is, I want more en engaged in exciting sex,
Dan: Right.
Dr. Corey: but he’s also not involved in the marriage fully, which isn’t gonna create.
An environment that will create a likelihood of good, enticing, engaging, free sex, if you will. So that’s that same kind of [00:21:00] scenario where I’m positioning my spouse as the main problem, rather than recognizing my culpability in my problem. ’em.
Dan: Yeah. Yeah. we’ll di dive deeper into this, I hope, but on the surface he might be thinking, I’m kind of in a catch 22 situation. I give more, I might not get out
Dr. Corey: Mm-hmm.
Dan: I might not have that return, so why give more? And so they hedge.
Dr. Corey: Yeah. And, but that’s the poorly developed approach
Dan: Yes.
Dr. Corey: as a person.
Dan: be a more better developed approach to a situation like that?
Dr. Corey: Well, it’s, it’s the scenario of, okay, wait. Who am I called to be here?
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Corey: Right? Am I, am I in this marriage or not? do I wanna relationship with my spouse or not? Do I actually want to experience more of them or not? Which means that only way I can get that kind of scenario is a leap of faith, a willingness to invest, a willingness to be hurt.
A, a [00:22:00] willingness to be disappointed, A willingness to maybe not get what I want,
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Corey: but do I do it anyway? Do I still show up with the best, the better parts of myself? Do I still engage and I can still add, Hey, I really don’t want to spend x. On this hobby, but I’m all for you. Finding the things that, that help fulfill you because there’s an element of a more vibrant spouse has a greater likelihood of spilling over a vibrancy onto me.
Some
Dan: Yes,
Dr. Corey: as well as I’m as, as long as I’m doing some of the same kind of things to invite that my way as well.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Corey: because if nothing else, they’re gonna get a real clear depiction of this is what our problem really is.
Dan: Right.
Dr. Corey: Right, and there’s no ’cause. There’s no quick solutions to this. And so there is a risk always of how do I show up in a manner I want to be in a marriage.
I mean, this is where Pam and I [00:23:00] used this phrase a bunch with ourselves, you know, individually is what I want to be married to me.
Dan: Yeah, that’s a great,
Dr. Corey: Right? Would, would I want to be in partnership with me? Would I wanna run a household with me? Would I want to co-parent with me? Would I wanna have sex with me? Those are all great questions because there should be in a yes and a no
Dan: Uhhuh.
Dr. Corey: on those and the nos I need to examine better of why, if I don’t like this about me, why would I want someone else to accept it?
And just swallow it whole, like at the, and well, that’s just part of it. You said for better, for worse, this is the worse rather than, no, I need to be working on that and, and evolving. I may not ever solve it, but man, there is such a different thing when somebody has the courage to take on themselves better to realize, yeah, I know who I am and I realize there’s parts that aren’t as developed,
Dan: So probably just taking stock, taking a look at the man in the mirror for a
Dr. Corey: Mm-hmm.
Dan: saying, who am I? And what kind of a man am I in [00:24:00] relation to this
Dr. Corey: Mm-hmm.
Dan: I? And why do I hedge my investment in her? What does that say about me?
Dr. Corey: Well, and he is also, if he, if he has one foot in and one foot out, what’s he doing about, he’s hedging his investment of him too.
Dan: he’s cutting his development short.
Dr. Corey: Yeah, I mean, I use, I use that what, what’s the concept of you? You never want to try to straddle a fence because when you fall, it really hurts.
Dan: It does. Uhhuh
Dr. Corey: So you are in or you’re out, and that’s it. And it doesn’t mean I’m in blindly nor out blindly. I, I can do this with the, with some wisdom and discernment. Knowing that I won’t get everything I want life.
That’s not life, that’s not the way life works, but, but I can still choose and I’ll handle what comes back at me.
Dan: And you can’t be ever happy in a
Dr. Corey: Yeah.
Dan: long term if you’re straddling.
Dr. Corey: a, well, happiness is a bad goal anyway,
Dan: [00:25:00] Okay.
Dr. Corey: so,
Dan: goal?
Dr. Corey: um, meaning depth, connection, honesty, realness, you know, courage tho, those are the, because happiness is too fleeting. I get glimpses of it. I just, I don’t want that to be the, the, the ultimate goal that people, ’cause our society has kind of sold that bill of goods.
Well, I just want my kids to be happy. I just want my marriage to be happy. Well, there are moments of it and then they’re gone.
Dan: Uhhuh,
Dr. Corey: So, but if I want something that’s meaningful that has a little bit longer lasting or joy that can be there, even in the midst of struggle, I can find joy. Because I realize, I mean, Pam and I get reminders of this every month lately with the stage of life we’re in with kids graduating and leaving the house now.
and parenting parents. Yeah. Well, we’re also parenting parents with, with a lot of, illness and disease going on and, and both sets of parents. And so there’s a lot of weight and struggle and heavy, but we can look at [00:26:00] each other in the middle of it and go, I want, I would rather be doing this with you than anybody else.
Dan: Uhhuh.
Dr. Corey: Alongside me because there’s joy in that ’cause that’s meaningful.
Dan: I like that. That is so good. Make that the standard of what you’re really pursuing and we could get so much joy. And, what our relationships do
Dr. Corey: Mm-hmm.
Dan: If, if we’re really invested in our own
Dr. Corey: Well, and, and joy is not as contingent on the environment.
Dan: yeah. Uhhuh.
Dr. Corey: Right. It’s, it’s, it’s, how do I find meaning? How do I find value? How do I find purpose? How do I find identity? All of that is what makes up joy. Happiness comes along with some, when I’m doing something bigger,
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Corey: have happy moments along the way.
Dan: That’s good. someone once said like I’m slaughtering the quote, but it’s joy is not found in the circumstances, but on the focus
Dr. Corey: Right, right. That’s good.
Dan: All right. As we conclude today, any other final, thoughts or nuggets of wisdom? [00:27:00] You’re so wise.
Dr. Corey: No, I, I think all of this keeps coming back to one of the things I just so fully believe in is that marriage is designed to help expose me. To me,
Dan: Uhhuh and to grow me
Dr. Corey: And
Dan: I
Dr. Corey: challenge me to, to more to, I mean, the psychobabble term is, is differentiate, you know, it is to grow, it’s to evolve. It’s, I mean, NAR calls it a crucible
Dan: Yeah.
Dr. Corey: you intensify the heat and everything that comes out of it becomes more pure and refined.
And I think that’s what marriage does. That’s what parenting does, is it makes better people. And if I can see that that’s the meaning of this man, I got a chance to go places I haven’t gone yet
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Corey: life or my marriage.
Dan: That’s so good. Great. can people go to learn more about you and your work?
Dr. Corey: Uh, so Sexy Marriage Radio is the, is the name of the show. we are almost 14 years in now with this thing. It’s pretty amazing. Uh, SMR [00:28:00] FM is our online home, and that’s where everything is, where you can find. me to work with me if you want. There’s groups, there’s a, there’s a nation, which is a community.
It’s a private community you could be a part of at various levels. also you can kind of watch, uh, in real time as my next book is being evolved and, and growing. So I’m, I’m kind of using the nation as a way to help as a sounding board in the coming months for that. So,
Dan: That’s good. Congratulations
Dr. Corey: it’ll be fun.
Dan: Look forward to reading that when that comes
Dr. Corey: Thank you.
Dan: Whether you feel like you have problems and challenges in your marriage now, or things are good and you really want things to get to the next level, I invite you to apply to our Get Your Marriage on Program. This is the program where I get to work with you and my, my team gets to work with you and we do a deep dive into all things into missing your marriage.
We meet over Zoom. We have group as well as private sessions. We also have a course and a program and a structure to follow. And all of this is calculated to help you get [00:29:00] the most bang for your buck to really move the needle in a positive direction in your marriage. Now you need to apply ’cause we only take a small number of couples each month to keep our program small and focused so everyone gets the attention they need.
You’ll find all those details at Get Your Marriage on.com/program and I look forward to working with you. Meanwhile, thank you for listening. Please share this podcast with your married friends. I promise they’ll thank you for life, and now it’s your turn to go get your marriage on. Okay.
