(If you haven’t listened to Part 1 yet, go back. It lays the foundation for everything we’re about to discuss.)
Because in Part 2, we get real . . .
In this continuation of my conversation with Charlene Byers, we explore:
- Why honesty is the foundation of erotic intimacy
- What integrity looks like in marriage
- What gets you stuck in roommate syndrome and resentment
- The “losing strategies” couples use without realizing it
We also talk about small daily habits that simmer connection and how to rebuild intimacy when things feel distant.
This one might stretch you—in a good way.
And it’ll give you language and motivation to start the conversations that lead to better connection (in and out of the bedroom).
Resources and Events
- Don’t miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat
- Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/
- Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/
- Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/
- We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/
Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Charlene Part 2
Dan: [00:00:00] Just speak honestly. Okay. Just be, just be honest. Just name it for what it is. Like this is my experience with you. This is what I, this is what I’m feeling when we do it./
Welcome back to the Get Your Marriage On Podcast. We are starting part two of this conversation with Charlene Byers. If you missed part one, you’ll wanna go back and listen to that. It gives a lot of background so that you know what we’re talking about as we start part two of this podcast where we get to talk about all the juicy things that lead to turn on for men and women in the bedroom.
Ready? All right, let’s get [00:01:00] started./
Charlene: Let’s say a woman’s thinking this to herself right now. Mm-hmm. And she’s like, you know what? I love my husband. You know, for the most part we have, you know, I, I do want things differently. Mm-hmm. But something sparked me, Dan, when I heard you say, you know, Uhhuh, that maybe my husband has this desire always, to want me to always have an orgasm.
And I’m feeling the pressure. Yeah. Is there something that, that listener tonight, after listening to this podcast can start that conversation? Or what would you recommend?
Dan: Just speak honestly. Okay. Just be, just be honest. Just name it for what it is. Like this is my experience with you. This is what I, this is what I’m feeling when we do it.
I don’t know if you realize you’re doing this, but this is what I track in you. This is what I sense.
Charlene: Wow.
Dan: Okay. So more honesty. Honesty is the key to intimacy.
Charlene: Okay. Truth is, talk about that Dan. Okay. What is intimacy then? Yes. Yeah.
Dan: If you want, if you want a great sex life, you learn how to be more honest.[00:02:00]
Okay. It’s, it underpins, underpins everything. But that’s hard. Now there’s honesty as in like not lying. Okay. And we’re not like blatantly lying. Right, right. But it is so scary to speak honestly about your experience to your spouse in front of them. Especially when you know they’re not gonna like, what you’re gonna say because it doesn’t feel good.
Charlene: It doesn’t feel good.
Dan: And then we use words like hurt. Like I don’t wanna hurt him, I don’t wanna hurt her. and I get it. ‘ cause you want them to like you back if you say something a little truthful. If it’s hurtful, there’s a chance that they’re not gonna receive it well.
And it’s gonna, and they know how to punish you, whether by withdrawing or like placating or, you know, becoming a bully. I don’t know. However, your spouse does it. Right. they know how to do that. You know, they know your weaknesses and they know how to, they know the
Charlene: weaknesses. Exactly.
Dan: They know your limitations.
They know how to take advantage of it. And [00:03:00] so, it’s easier to kinda, not to name it and kind of go along to keep the peace. There’s a story in the Bible of Jesus casting out the money changers that I love. And this is, one aspect of it that I love. Okay. People in general didn’t like the money changers in the temple either, but the religious leaders and the establishment weren’t willing to do something about it.
Both: Correct?
Dan: Right. There’s d in the sanctuary, the temple. You probably don’t want that there, there. You know, they’re probably profiting off of the money changing going on too, and whatever, but there’s, I’m gonna use the word collusion. that means like I won’t tell you what’s wrong with you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong with me.
There’s, there’s a sense of collusion going on. Okay.
Charlene: Okay.
Dan: But Jesus is like, all right, this can’t happen anymore. This isn’t right. Let’s stand for truth, even if it’s unpopular. And it takes a huge amount of courage to [00:04:00] do something that someone else wasn’t, who should have been doing it. They weren’t willing to do it.
The religious leaders at the time weren’t willing to do it, but Jesus was willing to step in and, and do it. Now, he wasn’t mean about it. Like, he wasn’t like killing the animals in the process, right? He wasn’t like chasing the money changers down the street, threatening their lives. You did make a scene of it to establish truth.
That’s an element of the courage that people need to step into it. I have another story that’s probably a little closer to home.
Both: Yeah, that’s good. A few
Dan: years ago I come home from work, in our marriage. My wife does most of the meal prep. Okay. and it’s vegetables.
That’s what’s for dinner, just vegetables, like Okay, great. The next day, more vegetables and that’s it. The next day. Vegetables and there’s no more cow milk. It’s like almond milk or coconut milk. And
Charlene: Dan, this is real, sorry, Dennis. Real sorry. Okay.
Dan: Uh, where’s the beef?
Charlene: Yeah. Dan, did you just get you vegetables?
Three days? I’m telling you right now. Right when you [00:05:00] said that Mark would’ve looked at my husband, be like, alright.
Dan: All the meals that we usually like, you know,
Charlene: and, and then, and then I have, I’m a mother and I have like four boys. They would’ve been like, okay, I look. I love it, Dan, this is so cute. It just
Dan: rice and beans, like.
Charlene: What, what about, yeah. No, my boys would’ve been like, mama, what’s wrong? Exactly.
Dan: Exactly. Well, okay, so
Charlene: fourth day or third day, Dan. Right? Like, Hey, I,
Dan: I don’t like this.
Charlene: Yeah.
Dan: But if you look at my wife, from her perspective, she’s been studying on her own more about nutrition. She thinks about food all the time.
Okay. She talks to others. She’s learning about like plant-based diets and like, ’cause it’s kind of a trend right now. And like, eating more vegetarian or vegan or whatever. Right.
Charlene: Yeah. So she’s looking at it in a completely different way. Yeah.
Dan: Right. She’s very interested and she’s, for lack of another word, she’s like convicted or she’s converted to the idea of this is a better way for a family to eat.
Charlene: I’m gonna, we’re gonna eat healthy [00:06:00] now, Dan. This is it. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay.
Dan: And it was an act of integrity on her part to prepare those meals. Yep. Because knowing what she knew and felt deep inside of what was right and still prepare what we would call the standard American diet, you know, junky food, unhealthy food.
Mm-hmm. Like we how we were eating.
Charlene: Yes.
Dan: That would go against her integrity.
Charlene: Got it.
Dan: So it was more important for her to hold onto her integrity of what was right for her in that moment, at the risk of upsetting others, because integrity matters a lot. So back to the sexual conversation, you and your spouse, like you had that elephant in the room, something just hasn’t been going on.
It’s hard when you can get enough clarity on your own, like my wife did with the vegetables. Right. Like. Yeah, this is actually really important to me. I can’t keep living the way we’re living now and [00:07:00] still be happy with myself. Something has to change. I need, I, I can’t do it and still be integrated as a person.
Integrity. Right? That’s the honesty we’re talking about. / It’s like we need to change the way we have sex. When you initiate, 11:00 PM on a Friday night when I’m really tired, I, of course I say no, but you ask at a time that I’m really tired and I feel guilty. ’cause I keep telling you no.
So I wanna tell you yes, then the sex is crappy. But it also makes me wonder why you’re asking me at such a time, and I can only think that it’s probably because you’re more interested in proving that. you’re justified in your position of being the martyr here, being the one always turned down and feeling rejected rather than really wanting to be with me.
Ooh,
Charlene: ooh.
Dan: That’s hard to hear.
Charlene: Yes,
Dan: but it’s true.
Charlene: But [00:08:00] it’s true.
Dan: Right? At least there’s maybe a little bit of denial. At first on day two, day three, Brian was like, you know what? I think I do care more, a lot more about being right or feeling justified in my rejection than really being intimate. ’cause real intimacy would be like not at an inconvenient time on purpose over.
Like if that was the pattern in the marriage, I gave that as an example. That’s good. But that’s, that’s what I mean by integrity. You bring your integrity to the table. This is important.
Charlene: That’s really important. Now, when you say it that way, because. Your truth and what you’re experiencing is your truth.
Dan: Yeah.
Charlene: Yeah. And goodness gracious, and one thing I talk about wholeheartedly in a relationship, and I know we’re talking about, you know, sex and intimacy, but I feel this [00:09:00] wholeheartedly, I mean, oh, this is a big one for me, is microscopic honesty with your partner microscopic.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Charlene: The layer down.
Dan: Yes,
Charlene: I feel this way because it makes me feel that you actually don’t desire me.
Dan: Right.
Charlene: When you’re rushing and you’re asking me, that way, I don’t feel desired. I feel like I’m just another,
Dan: I feel like you want sex, but I don’t know if you really want sex with me.
Charlene: Ooh, damn. There’s a difference. Ooh. Okay, ladies. Wow. And the reason why we’re having these conversation, I love how Dan’s talking about, he’s not saying of course.
It’s just easy. You know, you not gonna be like, okay, Hey babe, you know what? This is the deal, buddy. Um, you know, no, it, this is [00:10:00] intimacy. This
Dan: is it. This is intimacy. This is getting really close to someone. Yeah. This is Uhhuh.
Charlene: Oh Dan, this is
Dan: taking off the mask. It’s like, I’m wanting you to know me and I wanna know you.
It’s scary stuff. Oh,
Charlene: and then we talk about that. We talk about intimacy.
Dan: We, when we say intimacy, we want like the feel good intimacy. But this is like the feel bad intimacy, but it’s still intimacy.
Charlene: But it, but the feel bad intimacy. is what’s going to lead to the really, really, really, really, really good into this. Yes. Amen. Yeah.
We got, we gotta go, we gotta go through it. Dan. Yes. Ooh, you guys. Come on. Come on, come on. Because it does, it takes courage. But you know what? When you are married to your best friend, lover, Uhhuh, seriously, I want you, I want everyone to hear this. This is where we actually need to go.
Dan: Yeah. We actually, I get this from a one night stand.
Charlene: We can’t And, [00:11:00] and this is why we’re married. This is why Yes, we are, with this person. This is why God created this. Yes. Yes. Is for true intimacy. Vulnerability. ’cause it takes vulnerability. It takes courage. You know, it’s almost like having those conversations with your spouse.
It’s, it’s, for me as a woman, it’s like just feeling so exposed, you know, just standing there naked, you know, it’s like, okay, this is really me. I really want, but Dan, talk about the difference seriously, from when you were married. Mm-hmm. And, and you guys, you know, like, like Dan had a nice marriage. He loves his wife, he loved them.
There was nothing. He was just, they were just chugging along. You know, they had sex, they were just chugging along, you know. But can we speak into why this is crucial? Like this is, like, this is that turning point right there, [00:12:00] getting down to the layers here, Uhhuh getting vulnerable. What shifts and, and what ended up happening.
You and your wife.
Dan: So great. That’s a great very personal question. Thank you very much, Charlene.
Charlene: Yes, yes.
Dan: I, I think we’re just starting to scratch the surface of, of now we can see really what’s possible for us. Oh, otherwise we’re not there yet. ’cause we’ve got years ahead of us to keep going in this direction, right?
Yes.
Both: And
Dan: that’s what I love about sex. I think we will be 60, 70, 80 years old and still like be discovering new depths, new things in our sexual relationship. It’s so profound. Yes. But here’s the difference. Okay. Now I can really make love, not just have sex, because when I hold my wife in my arms and our bodies are tucked into each other’s and we’re eye to eye, I know who I am with and I love and appreciate and cherish the [00:13:00] person I’m with.
And I would like to think she feels the same towards me. She knows who I am. If I am who I am, warts and all, like mistakes, you know, disappointments, but also all of my redeeming virtues too. But it’s this shared humanity. I accept her full humanity as she is as a human and, and me. And there’s just this, uh, I can’t put into words, but the other night we’re falling asleep and we’re in each other’s arms and it’s like there’s heaven.
This is heaven on earth. And I didn’t want this moment to end. It’s just so, there’s something just really special about, my wife, and, that we want to be with each other. Like we desire each other. And, I think there’s a lot of beauty to that. I,
Charlene: no, Dan, that’s beautiful. I’m,
Dan: I’m mumbling.
I, I don’t know. No, no, no rambling now. No, I actually, you sound adequate, but Yeah,
Charlene: no, I actually really understand what you’re saying. [00:14:00]
Dan: Good. Because
Charlene: I asked you something that is the real difference between when we’re just talking about intimacy, microscopic honesty. When we’re able to that scary thing, you guys isn’t, see, this is what we’re talking about, that scary thing that we feel scary is having that conversation with our spouse.
But as Dan said, you gotta do it. You got, it’s, it’s just inevitable if you really wanna have this, this level of intimacy, the other person sometimes, you know, they, they might get their little feelings hurt, but guess what?
It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re not trying to be mean, you’re being honest. Okay? You’re being honest. And I do believe you guys, of course, like anything else, if you’re gonna say something, you can say it, you know, in a way that’s kind. Yeah. You know, you know, always
Dan: kindness. Always
Charlene: kindness. You always seriously, we have to lead with kindness as just as we want our spouses to lead with kindness. So you can say anything with kindness, okay? But it still can, oops, feel a little uncomfortable for the other person. But that’s for [00:15:00] them to work through seriously. That’s for them to work through.
As long as you’re coming in kind and honest, okay? Whatever the reaction of the other person is, that’s not on you, that’s them. Okay? But when I ask Dan this question. Look at how Dan got giddy. He like losing his words. I’m like, buddy, this is awesome. This is exactly what I’m talking about. That’s what I’m talking about.
That’s Dan, you did it. Perfect. I’m telling you, you like, he, that’s truth. That’s what we’re talking about. It became something and, and is still becoming mm-hmm. Different with his wife. And I really believe ultimately that is, icing on the cake? Yeah. Uhhuh. Ooh, ooh. That is so, so something’s coming up.
Let me ask you this, Dan. Okay. Hold on. I got, I got, I got questions for you here. Okay. For [00:16:00] couples who feel disconnected or roommate ish,
Dan: Uhhuh,
Charlene: what’s the very first step? You believe can start rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy. So if they are listening right now and they’re feeling more roommate, you know?
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Charlene: What is the first step?
Dan: Yeah. We’ve talked about this. This is the whole episode, right? It is all of this, different from what I’ve already said. Then I would say, which is like naming it like, Hey, I don’t like this. We need to change this. a lot of times we want our spouse to make the first move.
Like, ah, we’re roommates if only he would, you know, buy me flowers more often or take me out on dates and like we used to. And uh, what about taking me dancing? Oh, I don’t know, whatever. Like, only if he would, right? It’s so easy. And you know what everything you’re saying is a hundred percent true. ’cause you see your spouse’s limitations and those limitations, they’re real.
We want them to make the [00:17:00] first step. that’s the hard thing, right? Uh, we want thinking about, I want Right.
Charlene: But, but you better do it. Yeah,
Dan: exactly.
Charlene: You go first, you go first Telepo or whatever the thing. Okay. Right. That’s how I’m thinking. Even though we’re not expressing it, but we’re like, you should know how I’m feeling.
We want you to go first. I think that Exactly
Dan: right. Or we say how we feel expecting reciprocity. Like I told you how I feel now. It’s your turn to tell me how you feel. And the reason why I told you is to put pressure on you to tell me what I want to hear you say back. That just gets you right back in that old knot again.
That knot is getting tighter and tighter, then they’re gonna avoid conversations with you. Right. It’s not productive. So what is more productive is, um, this is counterintuitive, okay? But it’s to go first.
Charlene: Okay?
Dan: And it’s, the reason why it’s counterintuitive is it requires a, a little bit more self-awareness to, to do it.
It requires you to look in the mirror and [00:18:00] see, okay, all these limitations, I see him, they’re valid, but what are my limitations? that I justify because I see these limitations in them. It’s that, well, I’m not going to, I don’t know, fill in the blank. I’m gonna make this up. Excuse me if I’m a little sexist in this, I, okay, I’m not gonna wear pretty underwear ’cause he is not taking me out on a date.
Charlene: Okay.
Dan: Let’s pretend that’s it. Right.
I would otherwise, but because he’s not taking me on a date, I’m not gonna give him that, that pleasure. Right. Not,
Charlene: yep. Okay.
Dan: Right. That’s, that’s what I, that’s what I’m talking about. The knot. Like you’ve just connected behavior A to behavior B. Now you’ve created this knot and it might be very true, very, very valid.
He’s not taking you on a date.
Charlene: Okay.
Dan: But you gotta check your motives here. Like, I kind of have a little bit of a resentment here. Okay. I’m kind of doing this trying to, if I. Dress as ugly as possible. Maybe he will wake up to the fact of what he’s missing out on, and then he’ll finally take me on a date.[00:19:00]
So we, we try to do these moves. We call, these, it’s not my term, it’s a term that a man named Terry Real came up with. He calls ’em losing strategies.
Charlene: Okay,
Dan: we all do them. I have my favorite three or four. My wife has her favorite one or two, right? Yeah. We have our losing strategy. So the losing strategy in this one is, if I withhold enough, it should change his behavior.
That’s the losing strategy. We think we do it. So here’s, here’s how you do it, right? You gotta look yourself in the mirror and examine what are my losing strategies when I don’t get what I want? How do I behave and is there a better way? What would a more mature person, what would a more solid person, what would a 10 year ahead of me version, who’s a little more like solid in themselves?
How would they behave when I’m not getting what I want In this instance,
Charlene: I, you can push
Dan: yourself on that, get a little more self-awareness.
Charlene: Okay. You might have a
Dan: little more clarity so that next time you [00:20:00] know that disappointment happens, which inevitably will happen. You’re more equipped to know this is the move I keep tend, this is what I intuitive for me, but I’m realizing this just keeps us in that not that roommate position that I don’t like being Oh, I
Charlene: love that.
I love this
Dan: said,
Charlene: oh, that’s so good. I mean, that is so good because if the listeners are in marriages that are starting to. Be more that roommates, you know, we love each other and we’re basically get along and everything like that, but we’re not having intimacy, we’re not having sex, we’re not, you know, we’re not connecting uhhuh.
Right. Um, I love that you said one of the things that we need to truly do first is start getting curious of ourselves and see how we’re playing a part here.
Dan: Yes.
Charlene: Oh, I love that. Are we just withdrawing because we’re starting to have some resentment? Are we not talking, just waiting for [00:21:00] that person. So the clarity is start with your F self first and see how you can initiate something differently to start that ch Oh, that’s really good, Dan.
Dan: Great. Yeah,
Charlene: I really like that. I think because honestly, that’s the only power we have.
Dan: Yeah, I think so too
Charlene: with, with, you know, changing things ourself. Oh my goodness. And Dan, why did the time, what happened? Look at the time. Oh my goodness. You
Dan: going? We’re on a roll.
Charlene: Oh, a roll Dan. Hold on. On I, I think something just came up, another question.
I gotta see if this is okay. It says, what’s one single daily habit that you’ve seen completely transform the closeness and the connection in a marriage, something a woman can start doing today that truly makes a difference?
Dan: Great question. There’s the idea of small daily acts [00:22:00] of, goodness matter far more than occasional, sporadic, big.
Acts of goodness.
Charlene: Okay. Okay. So it’s
Dan: on the little, little things. I think consistency matters far more than grandiosity.
Charlene: Yes, I agree.
Dan: Right? I mean, it matters more to my wife that I, show her affection and genuine concern and love and, um, uh, that I care for her on a daily, consistent basis than taking her on a cruise once in a while.
Right. Cares so much more weight. So it’s all on the little things. It’s all on the little habits and being consistent about, it’s helpful. If you want something real specific, you can Google like, ideas or like intimacy challenges or, that’s what my Intimately US app that you mentioned at the beginning.
Both: Oh, yes.
Dan: It’s one of the, uh, core premises of the app is these small daily acts, and if you install the app, it will give you a daily prompt [00:23:00] every day and you can kind of customize it to fit your relationship needs. But something small, it takes five minutes or less. Something simple you can do.
Some of ’em are goofy, some are romantic, some of ’em are spicy. there’s a range there.
Charlene: I love it. But
Dan: having some something prompt you could probably help you develop that habit is something small. I love that you can do something as small as like when you hug, you’re gonna hug with a little more intention.
You’re gonna let it linger. When you kiss, you’re gonna put a little more heart into your kiss. It’s not just so perfunctory.
Both: Oh, I love that. When
Dan: you, uh, see each other, you’re going to like. Hold the eye gaze just a little longer. And that’s what, uh, Dr. Steven Snyder calls simmering. And I love that term.
You’re gonna simmer. I love that Your relationship
Charlene: simmering.
Dan: Simmering. He’s simmer. Okay. It’s like a pot on the stove, right? Yeah. If it’s simmering and you wanna go to a boil, it’s really fast. It’s really easy, rather than something cold, right? It takes a lot more time. So, simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer.
Simmer [00:24:00] your relationship. Simmer in the morning when you get up, simmer. If you go to bed, wake up together. Simmer. As you say. Goodbye. As you go your separate ways. Simmer as you come back together, simmer as you lay in bed together before you fall asleep, always be simmering. And then you’ll find a lot easier to get something a little more intimate when you’re ready.
Charlene: Oh, that’s so good. Dan, that app. Then talk a little bit about that app, because, you know, I really love providing tools that people can just immediately start, you know, because I also do believe wholeheartedly if. Someone’s listening to this episode today and they’re like, I got a lot of layers here. You know, I love my man, but there’s a lot of layers.
I really love that you said that. Get a third party, get someone that you can work with. Get someone that you can trust. You know, and honestly, I’m not just plugging Dan, but I’m plugging Dan. Yeah. Um, like seriously, because that’s what we
Dan: do, Uhhuh. That’s what your on does. Yes.
Charlene: That’s what we do. You know, and we having these, um, conversations in these shows.
So [00:25:00] if this is something that’s really resonating with you, that you can actually move the needle and get help and get that third person. And I really make sure, you know, our guests are the experts and I really make sure that I’m bringing people that I am recommending. Okay. I’m actually recommending, so Dan’s, a recommendation, that’s why he’s on here today.
But for people are not needing, you know, to have a third party, they just need to have. Deeper discussions and they need a little more tools. Can you talk about that app, Dan, and what that does and. Let’s just talk about that for a second.
Dan: Yeah. So the app is intimately us, it’s free, it has both iPhone and Android versions.
Charlene: Okay.
Dan: And there’s a few sections to the app. The first one’s the one I talked to you about with the daily intimacy challenge. Okay. I have another section of the app that’s like your intimacy calendar. This is where it can track your date nights. it, it’ll, even if you want to, you can put in your menstrual cycle.
Okay? You can track, times you’ve [00:26:00] been sexually intimate. So it’s, it’s an intimacy calendar for the two of you. Okay? There is a section of games, and these are bedroom games. So, uh, for example, one of them is called Battle Strip. It’s like battleship, like you arrange on your phone, uh, items of clothing they arrange on their phone, their items of clothing, and you try to guess where each other’s are and you try to sink their pants or whatever.
Oh, that’s so fun Game, right? You gotta strip that one.
Charlene: Oh, that’s so fun. It’s, it’s
Dan: funny. We have another one called Connect four Play. It’s like the classic connect four where you drop the tiles, but if you get four in a row, each tile has a, uh, has a, uh, sexual act or a favor on them. If you win, you get to collect those four favors.
Charlene: Oh, I love this. I love that play. We gotta play. I love this play. Okay. They have
Dan: lots to play. Um, another game is, it’s a, uh, it’s, it starts really mild and then it gets steamier as it progresses. But there’s a timer element. Okay. And there’s a prompt and you take turns. Okay. So [00:27:00] it might start like, give her a, in a back massage.
And then the timer beeps. Two minutes later you switch roll. Now it’s like, give him, I don’t know, a foot massage. Yeah. And then now it kiss passionately and whatever. It’ll, but there’s a lot of variety to what’s in there. Right. But you get the idea. Yeah. You get senior and senior. But the timer component, I gotta say, it’s such a torturous thing because like you in thees of it and it feeling so good and that timer goes off, that means you gotta stop stopping switching.
So. I know. I know, I know, I know. It’s, it’s great. It’s good torture. Then we have another section in the app that helps you discover more sexual intimacy. So we Okay. Very in-depth articles. Like some of our favorite ones are that, people say are the how tos, like Okay. It’s written very, matter of factly, Always in the context of marriage. And that’s what makes our app different from any other one that you’d see. It’s, it’s not crass. It’s not raunchy, but it’s not lame.
Charlene: It’s not, boy, we’re gonna tell you
Dan: how to do it. Not pornographic at all.
Charlene: Sex needs to be [00:28:00] fun, Dan, right? Yeah, exactly.
Dan: But you also need to know, like for some people they need to know like what to do.
Yes. Make it more fun. So very detailed guides on how to do all sorts of sexual things together. and then there’s other places like, uh. you can record sexual fantasies that you can share privately with each other and so on. So there’s a lot to this app.
Charlene: Oh, that sounds fantastic. Everyone get that app?
Dan: Yeah. I mean, if you’re
Charlene: married and you’re like, Hey, we need some different conversations and some things to go deeper and play and fun, because that is truly the truth when it comes to this. This takes intentionality, this takes connection. This is not like one time you get married and we’re done.
No, you really, if you want something to build and get better, we gotta keep getting curious about one another. You know, keep coming closer. And you guys again, so if you were in a stage, like, that’s why look at Dan’s story. See, for real, it was so good his story that [00:29:00] he’s doing this for a living.
So, I mean, Get into Dan’s world because he’s the real deal. He’s making changes. He truly believes in healthy, loving, you know, passionate, fun intimacy with our spouse.
And he truly believes, and he’s speaking from his truth, that even if things weren’t like that before they were married for 14 years, you guys, if things weren’t like that before, things can actually change. You can cha right? Dan? Can things change?
Dan: Oh, oh, absolutely. People change all the time. Yeah,
Charlene: yeah.
We’re not stuck, right, Dan.
Dan: Right.
Charlene: I mean, I mean that’s
Dan: the gospel. We believe in repentance. That’s means change, change.
Charlene: Absolutely. That’s, that’s the best part. You guys, that is why we have these conversations. No, seriously, Dan, you are amazing. Oh, I just loved having you on the show. Is there anything that you know, that I didn’t ask you that you wanna say before we get off of the show?
Dan: This has been a wonderful conversation. I, it is been great. Charlene, [00:30:00] your enthusiasm is contagious. I love, I love what you do here. You’re a great host. Thank you.
Charlene: Oh, thank you, Dan. Well, you’re just an awesome guest. You made it easy for me. Seriously. I love the conversation and it was so, so helpful. But thank you Don. No, seriously, thank you. Great. Thank you so much.
Outro
Dan: So, what insights did you gain? Does this change the way you approach sex and intimacy in your marriage? I hope so. What are you gonna try new tonight? as I say often on this podcast, action is sexy. Anything you can do to put into action the things you’re learning, the faster you’re gonna accelerate and grow intimacy in your marriage.
Now if you would like some mentoring, coaching, or marriage counseling that’s affordable and effective, check out the next level program that I offer and for a limited time, you can even try it for free. You go to get your marriage on.com and click program for those details. Now, my friends, thank you for listening.
Please share this episode and the intimately us app with all of your married friends. I [00:31:00] promise they will. Thank you for life. Now it’s your turn to go get your marriage on.
