An Intimate Christmas: Twelve Days of Closeness, Connection, and Pleasure

Day 7 – Language Of Touch

Today is all about touch, both non-sexual and sexual touch.

Non-sexual touching is just as important as sex. Non-sexual touching includes things like holding hands, cuddling during a movie or just sitting close to one another, etc. The more non-sexual touching you have with no other expectations, the more your intimacy will grow.

Try giving a 3- minute hug and I mean REALLY hug them for three minutes straight. It may feel like forever at first but as time goes on it will become less awkward and you’ll become comfortable and relaxed.

Try 30 seconds of kissing daily! Don’t just settle for a quick peck as you head out the door or before bed. What would it be like if you kissed your spouse for 30 seconds everyday? Be intentional with those 30 seconds.

Physical contact like hugging and kissing causes your body to release endorphins and oxytocin – aka the “happy/bonding hormones”. When these hormones are released you become more happy and have less anxiety. This often can lead to more physical intimacy.

Now, we can’t promise that this will lead to a better sex life but science has shown that couples who feel connected outside of the bedroom do much better in the bedroom.

Try it out!

My wife and I attended a couple’s retreat earlier this year. The instructor had us do an exercise to teach us how powerful touch can be. We arranged our chairs so that my wife and I were close, facing each other. We were to take turns: one being the giver, the other the receiver. I went first as the giver.

The receiver, my wife, was instructed to just observe the feelings and emotions of being touched. I was instructed to touch my wife’s neck, shoulder, or arm in a slow and gentle manner, and as I did so, to think thoughts about how much I love her, cherish her, and adore her. About a minute into the exercise, the instructor told the givers to continue touching in the same manner but think about work, sports, the stock market, kids at home, or something else. After another minute of this, he asked the receivers in the class what they experienced. My wife said although the motions of the touch were the same, she felt a big difference in the emotions behind the touch. As the giver I felt a difference in what was conveyed in my touch as well.

Touch is a powerful language. It conveys so much more than just tactile feeling. There’s an energy that accompanies touch. There’s definitely a difference between rubbing and feeling.

Ever feel like there’s a disconnect during sex? You’re both going through the motions, but the energy isn’t there? They’re rubbing you, but not feeling you?

Now imagine making love with someone that conveys love, adoration, acceptance, validation, and cherishing with every thrust, every stroke, and every motion. What would that experience be like?

How has touch helped you in your marriage? Let us know in the comments.

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<h3>Jaina Thurston</h3>

Jaina Thurston

Hi there, my name is Jaina (pronounced like Jay-Nuh) and I am so happy to be here! I am an outdoor enthusiast and love doing everything with my hubby and 3 dogs. I focus a lot on fertility in my own life and am learning to help other couple's on their intimacy journeys while struggling with infertility. I have a degree in psychology and absolutely LOVE helping others discover their greatness!

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