Day 10 – Prioritizing Pleasure in the Bedroom

Welcome to Day 10! Today I want to share ideas on how to make sex more pleasurable for both of you. Making pleasure a priority for lovemaking makes sex fun and worthwhile. Pleasure can come in many ways, and prioritizing pleasure for both people makes for great sex!

I’ve got three tips I want to share with you. Let’s jump right in!

  1. Slow It Down. Instead of rushing to intercourse, start with gentle touch all around the body, and don’t rush to touch the genitals. Wake up the arms, legs, stomach, back, breasts, and other areas first before the genitals. Once you slowly work your way to the genitals, take your time to start from the outside in. If your plan is penetrative sex, don’t rush in until she’s wet and ready for it. Take your time to touch, tease, caress, and delight in the beauty of each other’s presence.

    To make intercourse more pleasurable, slow it down too. Like… to 25% of normal speed at first. Like what we discussed in Day 7, feel each other, not just rub each other. Great sex is just as much about the energy you’re building up within each other as it is about friction. Let this energy build up to a peak by taking your time with each other.
  1. Touch More Erogenous Zones. We do tend to focus on the penis or the clitoris for great sex, and yes, touching those areas feel great when we’re aroused! To increase pleasure in sex, consider other delicious pleasure zones such as your spouse’s hair, earlobes, cheeks and neck. What about deeply kissing each other? And gazing into each other’s eyes during sex? Many women and men like their breasts and nipples touched or pinched. Some people like their fingers or toes tugged or sucked. There’s the back and the sacrum that feels great to be rubbed when aroused. There’s the soft inside of the arm and the back of the knee. The perineum (the space between your anus and vulva or penis) is also a pleasurable place to touch. For men, massaging this area stimulates his prostate, which feels pleasurable when aroused. If you’re comfortable with it, the anal area is jam packed with pleasure-loving nerve endings. Combine multiple areas during your lovemaking to enhance pleasure.
  1. Edging. If you were to put your pleasure on a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being orgasm, edging is the process of bringing your spouse close to a 9 without going over the edge, and then bringing them back down to a 6 or a 7. You then repeat this process of bringing them close, but not quite to orgasm, and then switch the stimulation to another part of their body to cool them down. Then do it again. Each time you get closer to a 9, it heightens the sexual energy and arousal, and when they do finally come, it’s usually more intense!

Before we leave the topic of prioritizing pleasure, I want to say a word about sex toys. If you’re open to the idea of incorporating a vibrator or a toy once in a while, know that toys have come a long way in the last 10 years. There’s a lot of ways you can use toys to add just the right kind of stimulation at just the right moment to enhance your sexual experience. For some couples toys are an answer to prayer — making the sexual experience far more comfortable and fun than it would have otherwise been without the aid of these marvelous inventions. Besides, toys can add novelty and fun, as we discussed on Day 8. Check out our blog post here all about sex toys and safe places to shop for them.

What other tips do you have to enhance pleasure during sex? Let’s hear it in the comments below!