278: Intimate Exposure: Boudoir & the Journey to Self-Acceptance with Lindsey Burns

What if one photo session could shift the way you see your body and the way you show up in your marriage? Today’s guest, Lindsey of Beloved by Lindsey, is a boudoir photographer who helps women confront insecurities, dismantle shame, and increase their confidence, spirituality, and body image.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• How a conservative Southern Baptist girl unexpectedly became a boudoir photographer
• Why boudoir isn’t vain or pornographic
• The transformation women experience when they finally see what their spouse sees
• How increasing self-confidence affects your marriage
• What happens in a boudoir session
• How to break the generational negative self-talk cycle
• A powerful technique for body-neutrality and self-acceptance
• Tips for husbands who want to suggest boudoir to their wives
• Lindsey’s “black belt sex tip” for deeper intimacy and better communication*

We’re so excited to have Lindsey join us on our upcoming cruise as our in-house (in-boat?) boudoir photographer! It’s optional, but included in the total price of your cruise. You get to take away a fabulous momento from your sexy and intimate getaway! Apply to join us: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/

*If you’d like some questions to ask your spouse (like Lindsey’s tip), check out this post with 29 spicy questions!

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Transcript

This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.

Lindsey Burns: [00:00:00] Oh goodness. If there was a microphone in the studio, these are the words that it would capture. Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? Like, is that me? Like people are like, this is not real life. Like No way. What? Who is she? Oh my gosh. Again, I want them all. I love them. Oh my gosh. Like that’s what it would sound like.

Dan Purcell: That’s great.

Acceptance is vitamin A for any intimate relationship, and here’s why. You can’t really let someone else in to you and matter to you if you don’t learn how to accept [00:01:00] yourself first. You can’t love someone more or accept their love to a higher level than you’re willing to receive it yourself. For example, I hear stories of husbands saying to their wife, you are so beautiful until they’re blue in the face, and the wife won’t receive that or can accept that until she herself has some sort of a belief that she herself is beautiful also.

So learning how to accept ourselves, our body, our spirit, our mind, our gifts, is so essential to building a healthy, long-term intimate relationship. And this is why I’m so excited about this topic. Today we’re gonna talk about BDO Photography with my friend Lindsay Burns, who’s such an amazing woman, and I’m so excited you’ll get to meet her.

in our conversation we’re gonna talk about how boor photography is one method that a lot of women can use to learn how to gain more self-confidence, self-acceptance, and really change and shift things in a very real way [00:02:00] in their sexual relationship. Now stay to the end because you’re going to really like her black belt sex tips.

And we have a very special announcement at the end of this podcast episode, too.

And speaking of announcements, I have two for you today. The first is we are opening up our next cohort for men’s and women’s small group coaching program. This is gonna start in the tail end of January and you meet for 14 weeks and it’s limited to just six to 10 men and six to 10 women. And in these cohorts we do a deep dive into intimacy.

Your relationship you follow along with the gay marriage. On course you’re led by an expert coach, and these are fantastic. Fantastic opportunities for you to really learn about your role in your marriage and how you can build greater intimacy even if your spouse isn’t onboard at first. These are the men’s only in women’s groups.

You’ll find all those details at the Get Your Marriage on.com website and click events the second. Is Valentine’s Day weekend, we are putting on another virtual getaway. It’s like a virtual [00:03:00] retreat where you and your spouse get a hotel room or send the kids to grandma’s and you get to join me Friday night, Saturday morning, and Saturday night, and we do a deep dive.

On sexual intimacy in your relationship, and I have a curriculum that, uh, that you can follow. I give you step-by-step instructions and some sexy homework to try. It’s a fantastic way for you to build a deeper, intimate connection. Whether you’re a newlywed or been married over 50 years, I promise you’ll learn something new from this experience.

Those details are also on our website. Get your marriage on.com and then click events.

Dan Purcell: Lindsay, what an honor it is to have you on the podcast today. How are you?

Lindsey Burns: I’m so good. I’m so grateful to be

Dan Purcell: Good. You have just a wonderful energy about you, and the more I get to know you, we sent a click really well, and I, our guests are in for a real treat to hear what we’re about to talk about today, but they don’t know you, so I want you to share your story. How did a conservative person like [00:04:00] yourself fall in love with photography?

Lindsey Burns: Oh my gosh. I love this question because honestly, Dan, like if you had told me 20 years ago, Hey Lindsay, you’re gonna become a re photographer, I would’ve been like, what? What? Honestly, never would’ve expected this. And it came to me, um, in such a special way. So I. Like you said, I grew up in a conservative home like Southern Baptist.

Been a believer since I was really young, and I’ve been a photographer for 15 years and I actually used to specialize in weddings. My husband and I shot weddings together and about, uh, seven, eight years ago, one of the brides asked me like, Hey, would you shoot a boudoir session for me? I wanna gift it to my husband, um, for the wedding day.

And I was like. Sure, let’s do it. You know, I went along with it. I had never done anything like that before and it first sparked my interest. When I saw how much it helped her confidence, she came in so nervous and by the end she was like, get it girl. Like [00:05:00] feeling so amazing and just so good in her skin.

And I was like. Wow, that, that’s fun. Um, and I started, you know, I was like, I could, I could do that again. That was fun. And I would, you know, offer it to my other brides. And I’ve always felt like I’m someone who could make people feel comfortable in front of the camera. But this was like, on

Dan Purcell: Yeah,

Lindsey Burns: a, there’s so much vulnerability there, you know, so I was just shooting it for my brides and loving it, and I’m like, wow.

Like seeing over and over again how it’s boosting their confidence, how they’re feeling so amazing. And internally, what’s going on for me is I’m starting to feel like. A little bit of jealousy, like, man, like I wish I was like confident enough to do something

Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: I was still battling a lot of insecurities and a lot of body image issues. And I was like, okay, I’m gonna, I’m gonna do a session so I can, you know, see what it’s like to be on the other

Dan Purcell: uh.

Lindsey Burns: I was so nervous. I was like literally terrified. [00:06:00] Um, and I did my own session and. was like, speechless, Dan. Like I had never seen myself in that way before and I thought so many things about me and my body were wrong and bad.

And for the first time I was like, I’m so like, mean to myself, you know? And it was just like I finally saw something that I hadn’t seen before and I didn’t lose 10 pounds to do it. I didn’t change all these things about myself. I just showed up and was like. This is me, you know? And, it was so powerful.

And once I experienced that for myself, I was like, this is something that women need, like women need this experience. And having that transformation for myself is what? Started that for me and honestly, boudoir just kind of set me off on that first experience, like this journey of just kind of unraveling some sexual shame and some purity culture struggles.

A lot of stuff from my upbringing that I [00:07:00] didn’t realize was like holding me back from just like really showing up in my marriage. And so I give a lot of credit to that, that session because it launched me like in, like I said, this journey that has been really powerful for me.

Dan Purcell: And how long ago was that time you did your own session? Like,

Lindsey Burns: was in, uh, I’m pretty sure it was 2014.

Dan Purcell: okay, wow. Alright, so you’re like, 10 plus years into this new journey for yourself. That’s cool. And it’s what you do full-time now. That’s, that’s all you do, right?

Lindsey Burns: This is all I do. long story short, phased out of weddings and boudoir is what I specialize in. It’s all that I do. It’s

Dan Purcell: That’s good. So it’s a lot easier to be on the one side of the camera than the other.

Lindsey Burns: Oh, a hundred percent. Hundred percent.

Dan Purcell: What, what kind of mental hurdles did you had to overcome to kinda really embrace that, okay, I’m signing up for this, I’m gonna do this shoot for myself. Like what, what gymnastics did you have to go through for that?

Lindsey Burns: I, I pushed myself a little bit [00:08:00] because I was like, okay, I need to understand like really what it’s like to be on the other side. If I wanna shoot more boudoir, I need to know what it feels like to be vulnerable on the other side of the camera, and that’s. True about any kind of photography, but especially boudoir.

And I’ve done several sessions, you know, throughout the years and that helps me maintain

Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: you know, just remember what that feels like. So that was part of it was like challenging myself a little bit, but also just like, hey, doing something out of your comfort zone is so good for you. Like there’s always something good that comes outta just pushing yourself a little bit, you

Dan Purcell: Yeah, that’s true for all aspects in life, but yeah. Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: Absolutely. Yeah.

Dan Purcell: Gotcha. That was the main thing. I’m gonna push myself here because,

Lindsey Burns: push

Dan Purcell: right, because I think there’s goodness on the other side.

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm.

Dan Purcell: way to find out is to go through it. So.

Lindsey Burns: Exactly. Exactly.

Dan Purcell: So you went through it yourself. Any like stories, maybe some clients that have been especially special to you, you know, keep it anonymous, protect their anonymity, but,

what have you witnessed in people [00:09:00] with what that experience has done for them?

Lindsey Burns: Yeah, am honestly like always so touched how people allow me to play a small, small part of their story, and the role that boudoir has meant to different people is always so cool to me because I always ask them, you know, what inspired you? Why do you wanna do a session? And the answers that I get are always so different, but I feel like there’s so many things that they share in common when.

Afterwards, I’m asking them like, what was this like, what was this experience like for you? And I think the number one thing, that I’ve noticed, Is that women get to see their spouse sees in them.

Dan Purcell: Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: And that was, that was honestly for me too. Like I thought for years, like my husband’s just complimenting me because it’s the right thing to do.

You know? Or he’s saying like, you look so good. ’cause that’s what he’s supposed. To say, and like, I’m happy that he’s saying that I’m, I’m glad that he believes that, but I can only piggyback on that compliment for so

Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: I can only receive the kind of love that I [00:10:00] think I’m, that I deserve. You know?

So if I don’t look at myself with gentle eyes, how can I truly receive that love from

Dan Purcell: Right, right.

Lindsey Burns: And so one of my favorite client stories is, um, a girl was in, in the studio, um, she had just seen her photos. ’cause you get to see ’em the same day. And her husband knew that she was there. He calls her, she’s like, oh my gosh, I gotta answer this.

And she’s so excited. She answers it and he’s like, how was it babe? And she just goes, so hot. And I hear him laughing on the other side of the phone he goes, babe, I tell you that all the time. And she goes, no. Now I like really? Feel that like I feel good. I feel sexy. Like

Dan Purcell: Uh,

Lindsey Burns: it’s not just you telling me that.

And I was like, that’s it. Like that’s it. I love

Dan Purcell: yeah. That’s really good. Really good.

Lindsey Burns: Yeah.

Dan Purcell: Any others?

Lindsey Burns: Um, I’ve had people, let’s see, all ages and stages. I’ve got people in their twenties all the way up to their seventies that have

Dan Purcell: [00:11:00] Wow.

Lindsey Burns: yeah, isn’t

Dan Purcell: Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: I’ve had people do a session before cancer, before cancer surgery, not, not before cancer, but before having a mastectomy. Saying like, Hey, I wanna honor this body. You know, I know it’s about to change. I wanna remember it. Not in a way that’s like over memorializing it, but like, you know, hey, my body’s obviously about to change, women doing sessions, um, you know, after having kids and finally seeing like, Hey, those stretch marks don’t make me broken.

They’re actually beautiful. And I think that’s one of my favorite things is like the things that our, our society and our culture tells us are wrong. Whether it’s cellulite, stretch marks, like anything, you

Dan Purcell: uh.

Lindsey Burns: it’s like we’re so trained to think that those are bad things about us. And when you show up to something like this and you’re, you’re truly ready to just embrace

Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: It’s so powerful to get to see those things through a different lens. And. That’s something that women tell me [00:12:00] also. Like, oh my gosh, I thought all I was gonna see is all these flaws or whatnot, and they’re just like, wow, my body actually is really beautiful. You know?

Dan Purcell: I like that

Lindsey Burns: Yeah.

Dan Purcell: you’re saying, that little idea comes to my mind. I live in a desert. We have red rocks, um, cactuses, not a lot of green trees, just a lot of brush and people from out of the area, especially from like, like the East coast or somewhere where it’s like green,

Lindsey Burns: yeah,

Dan Purcell: their jaw drops. Like it is so beautiful here.

I’m like, really? It’s just like.

Lindsey Burns: yeah.

Dan Purcell: But, but then I traveled to somewhere where it’s like really green and lush. I’m like, holy cow, it’s so pretty here. And they look at me like, yeah, but you’re from Utah. You have like national parks. You have canyons.

Lindsey Burns: and

Dan Purcell: Exactly. Yeah. Mountains. It’s kind of funny, but I think a little bit about that too is no, these are my stretch marks.

These are my, you know, my cellulite or whatever, but in a different light, when you [00:13:00] can view things from a different. Uh, pun intended a different lens, right?

Lindsey Burns: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dan Purcell: You’re like, oh, I do see the goodness in this. I do see the value in that. So I I love that there’s a lot of beauty in that too.

Lindsey Burns: Oh, absolutely. And I always tell my clients like feeling confident or feeling sexy. It’s a mindset. It’s not your size. And

Dan Purcell: Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: so often ties those two together and tells us these sizes are sexy, these sizes are attractive. And I’m always telling my clients like, throw that out the window.

Dan Purcell: huh.

Lindsey Burns: it is all mental, like, you

Dan Purcell: Right.

Lindsey Burns: you can decide to choose to feel good in the body that you’re in now, you know?

Dan Purcell: Well that reminds me of a movie my wife and I watched a little while ago called, uh, I Feel Pretty, it’s a comedy, it’s a woman who doesn’t feel pretty. She thinks she’s overweight. in a dead end job. And everything. She, she decides New Year’s Day, like new’s resolution, signs up for a gym and has an accident at the gym.

She hits her head [00:14:00] and when she comes to,

Lindsey Burns: Uhhuh.

Dan Purcell: sees herself in the mirror and she sees herself as like the most beautiful woman alive.

Lindsey Burns: Oh

Dan Purcell: she, her, she hasn’t changed, like her body isn’t changed, but she approaches life as if she’s the most beautiful woman life.

Lindsey Burns: Mm.

Dan Purcell: And just the confidence.

She, exudes like she wins like an impromptu beauty pageant. She like does all these things. She gets promotions, she like goes for like a fashion job. It was always her dream job. She lands it like, like all these things happen. And of course it’s a movie. It’s like the plot is like at the most critical moment.

She has another accident and then she reverts back. I guess I’m giving the movie away, but.

Lindsey Burns: Spoiler

Dan Purcell: Right now, she had to really discover Now, without that gift, what am I really gonna believe? And, there’s something magical too like at my retreats, I ask men often

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dan Purcell: what’s the biggest turn on for you for a man?

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm.

Dan Purcell: often raise, it’s easy, it’s to be with a [00:15:00] turned on woman, right?

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

Dan Purcell: That is the, by far, the most, sexy meaning.

Lindsey Burns: Yeah.

Dan Purcell: I asked the ladies, all right, what’s it for you? Is it to be with a turned on man? And they all laugh so hard, like, no way. Like for a woman to be with a man who’s like really, like, you know, visibly aroused isn’t always a exciting meaning for her.

Lindsey Burns: True.

Dan Purcell: is it for you? And as we dig into it, it’s to realize she is the reason why he is turned on. Like knowing that I am the turnon is the turnon for a lot of women and.

Lindsey Burns: Absolutely.

Dan Purcell: So I like even your own story of like that woman with the, you know, her husband called and like, I am so hot. Right.

Lindsey Burns: Yes.

Dan Purcell: Knowing I am the turnon is, is great.

So bedor photography can do that.

So Lindsay, what’s her process like? Someone calls you up, they’ve booked a session [00:16:00] with you. Tell me like what are the things that you think about as you try to help your client go through a certain journey?

Lindsey Burns: Yeah, absolutely. It bir is such an intimate, like very personal thing, and I take a very personalized approach to how I have created the experience and it starts with a phone call. imagine just emailing someone and then be like, all right, I’ll see you in your underwear. It’s gonna be great. Like I was like. This is not an OB appointment. This is supposed to be fun. Yes, it’s vulnerable, but it’s also

Dan Purcell: Yes.

Lindsey Burns: so it starts with a phone call. And I wanna know why they wanna do a boudoir session. I think it’s really important to connect with your why. and like I said, people have all different reasons and I always love supporting them in whatever it is that they’re wanting from their session. then we start, you know, start talking about that and then we talk through what the whole experience is like. And I definitely call it an experience, not just a photo

Dan Purcell: Uh,

Lindsey Burns: that’s very accurate.

Dan Purcell: yeah.

Lindsey Burns: Four hours and we talk through [00:17:00] it and there’s hair and makeup and the photos, and then you get to see the photos the same

Dan Purcell: Uh,

Lindsey Burns: And so I just talk them through what to expect for the whole process. And then once they’ve booked, they get a questionnaire and this is like their little piece of homework. But it

Dan Purcell: uh.

Lindsey Burns: me a lot because this is where I know I get to know them a little bit more because I really wanna personalize it to them.

Not every client wants the same things. And so this is where I get to see like what is their comfort level. Have they ever even done this before? Are they like, I never wear lingerie. This is terrifying to me, versus someone who’s a little more comfortable, I’m gonna treat those people, you know, meet them where they’re at.

So that helps me to get to know them. You know, they can share photos of their outfits and has some personal questions and ask, you know, um. You know, favorite parts of your body. You know, if they’re surprising their spouse, they can tell me their spouse’s favorite parts of their body, ask about tattoos, anything that they’re like concerned about, which is definitely not at all meant to shame anything.

But that just helps me know, [00:18:00] you know, so I can do my job even better. So. That little questionnaire just like really helps me get to know them really well. And then, um, they show up on the day of the session, I greet them, we come inside, and then the whole day is just crafted to make them feel taken care

Dan Purcell: Uh,

Lindsey Burns: want them to just show up and feel relaxed, because that sets us up to have a lot of fun. Once the camera comes out, it’s not like you just show up and it’s like, all right, go put your cute outfit on. You

Dan Purcell: Uh uh.

Lindsey Burns: very relaxed. And by the time we actually get the camera out, I, I notice that people are already more

Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: And then within the first like five, 10 minutes, I can always tell like, when the guard like starts to come down and I even tell them, I’m like, you’re gonna feel nervous and it’s okay. Like, it’s a normal reaction to a new experience. Like nothing’s wrong with you

Dan Purcell: Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: and you know. Everyone, I don’t care what kind of photos you’re taking, family photos, boudoir wedding photos, like you’re probably gonna [00:19:00] feel nervous at first.

It takes a little time to get comfortable.

Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: course it makes sense that you’re a little nervous in your underwear. It’s

Dan Purcell: Uh,

Lindsey Burns: And you know, I showed them a couple pictures on the back of the camera and then they’re like, oh dang, that’s like on the back of her camera. That’s good. You

Dan Purcell: uh uh,

Lindsey Burns: And so we just get into it and it’s so fun to just watch that guard come down and watch their excitement build.

Dan Purcell: that’s great. Okay. Good. So you said it’s about four hours long because of course there’s hair and makeup, there’s just a lot of prep involved, comfort,

Lindsey Burns: Yeah.

Dan Purcell: and then the shoot itself, and then you do the big photo reveal is.

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm.

Dan Purcell: like that moment, or is it, do they come back later for that? How do you usually work that with clients?

Lindsey Burns: So we take a little break. It’s about 40 minutes. During that break, they get a massage. I have a license. Yeah.

Dan Purcell: you bring them. This is, this is, yeah.

Lindsey Burns: I told

Dan Purcell: Uhhuh.

Lindsey Burns: I want them to feel taken

Dan Purcell: Uhhuh.

Lindsey Burns: So I have a licensed massage therapist that comes on site. She gives ’em a chair massage. It’s super relaxing, [00:20:00] but it also doesn’t mess up their hair and makeup.

’cause I tell people like, go on a date after

Dan Purcell: Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: go on a girl’s night, do something. You know? So while she’s giving them a massage, I am on my computer editing, getting everything

Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: then I have a projector in the studio. We like dim the lights. It’s like a little private movie theater. And then that’s where I show them everything.

Dan Purcell: That is so cool. That’s great. What are some common reactions?

Lindsey Burns: Oh goodness. If there was a microphone in the studio, these are the words that it would capture. Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? Like, is that me? Like people are like, this is not real life. Like No way. What? Who is she? Oh my gosh. Again, I want them all. I love them. Oh my gosh. Like that’s what it would sound like.

Dan Purcell: That’s great.

Lindsey Burns: Yeah. it’s just. It’s so fun to get to be there to see them reacting also. Yeah.

Dan Purcell: That’s so good. Now, it’s also very intimate. You’re almost, I bet some people might even wanna be [00:21:00] filmed without anything on too.

Lindsey Burns: yeah,

Dan Purcell: do you ensure privacy of the photos that you take?

Lindsey Burns: yeah. That

Dan Purcell: Uh.

Lindsey Burns: honestly something that I am like so serious about and I, again, I take really seriously ’cause it is a really vulnerable thing. So first of all. Anything that you’ve seen me share Post Anywhere is always shared with permission. That is so important to me. I never pressure anyone to sign a model release. Some people are like, I don’t care. Some people are like, don’t put anything with my face in it. Some people, whatever, it’s whatever. And I never pressure anyone. So first of all, anything that anyone has seen me. Always shared with permission. Second of all, all of my client images are on password protected hard drives.

I’m the only one that knows the password that’s so important to me. And then lastly, when I deliver the photos in an online gallery, that is also password protected as well,

Dan Purcell: Gotcha. How about

Lindsey Burns: up.

Dan Purcell: if someone wants to get, I’m assuming just you’re not printing these at your local Walmart one hour photo.

Lindsey Burns: Exactly, [00:22:00] exactly. Which is why I offer all those printing services through a professional lab.

Dan Purcell: Who knows how to handle and treat these kinds of photos with the privacy it needs. That’s really reassuring to know. Now, you speak a lot about, you know, self-confidence and being a strong woman. Can you talk more on that and how you being AOR photographer yourself has taught you a lot about self-confidence yourself?

Lindsey Burns: my gosh, yes. Being in this position and working with women in such a vulnerable space has reminded me like over and over and over again that like sexiness and confidence has like literally nothing to do with your size. There’s women who have walked into my studio and by the world’s standards, you would assume their confidence was like through the roof and they’re like. Definitely not there. And then there’s women who have walked into my studio that by the world standards [00:23:00] you would think like she’s not gonna be confident and she is rocking

Dan Purcell: Uh,

Lindsey Burns: Like it has like reiterated to me over and over and over again that it’s a daily choice. And honestly, like the things that we tell ourselves like. We start to believe. And so

Dan Purcell: the.

Lindsey Burns: so powerful. Yes, yes, yes. And so it’s so important that we like, take every thought captive and realize like, is that true? Is that good? You know, especially the things that we’re saying about our bodies. And I had a, therapist as a client and she worked with, um, a lot of women on body image, body dysmorphia, like eating disorders and

Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: she was doing a session for herself and I was like, what was this like for you? Like what kind of things do you do to, you know, promote a positive body image?

And she was like, Lindsay, I have a picture of Little Sarah and she’s like up on my

Dan Purcell: Uh,

Lindsey Burns: And [00:24:00] when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t wanna say anything to myself, whether it’s in my head or out loud, that I wouldn’t say to little Sarah. You know, that’s a powerful You know, how we speak to ourselves really, really matters. And the other thing that I’ve really learned as a BDO photographer and as a mom and I work with a lot of moms, is. The, the body image that we’re developing is being passed on to our daughters and the things that we say about ourselves, which you might. You might not notice the way that you’re acting, but those little things add up and she’s building her body image around the way that you talk about yourself. And I had a mom that struggled a lot with body image and so I know it’s true. cause I picked up some of those bad habits.

And so it’s just a powerful reminder that when you invest in something like this, like you’re not just improving. body image. You’re also like helping your [00:25:00] daughters, which is so impactful.

Dan Purcell: That’s really good.

Lindsey Burns: Yeah. Yeah.

Dan Purcell: Now, why does Bedor photography with all of the good and the virtue

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm.

Dan Purcell: the goodness that you’re talking about, why does it still have such a stigma?

Lindsey Burns: Yeah, it definitely still does. And I think I struggled a lot when I first started, like really stepping into like owning that. Like I’m a bir photographer

Dan Purcell: Uh.

Lindsey Burns: that I do as a BIR photographer can still be held equally with like I’m a believer and I, I struggled with that a lot at first. I’m wrestled with it a lot.

I was like, Lord, I’m really passionate about helping women like help me to do this in a way that really honors you and. I understand why it’s so misunderstood. And with like anything, it can be used for good or it can be used for bad, you know? And I think a lot of times on the surface we think photos of women in their underwear,

Dan Purcell: Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: that’s just like what we think,

Dan Purcell: Right. Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: the surface, if you just leave it [00:26:00] there, you’re missing all that’s going on underneath the surface. You know, with porn it’s like objectifying women for the male gaze. On the other hand, we’ve got boudoir that is about empowering women. We are, it is all about making her feel good. She’s not being used.

She is willingly there. Like this is all about building her up, not putting her

Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: And so. On the surface, it can, it can seem vain, but I’m telling you, like people cry in my studio all the time. Like it’s always for me, Ben, about way more than like boobs and butts. You know

Dan Purcell: Yeah. Yeah. Uh.

Lindsey Burns: it’s, it’s, it’s a really beautiful thing, just like an intimacy in your marriage when, when you see each other for who they, for who each other really are.

You know, it’s like when you come to face with, you know who you are and you’re able to accept that. Like it allows you to show up differently in your marriage as well.

Dan Purcell: That’s good. Any other contrast between porn EIR that are misunderstood?

Lindsey Burns: I think, [00:27:00] um, a lot of times people think boudoir is solely just for him. Just like, you know how obviously porn has that reputation as well. They think like, oh, people just do it for their spouse. And sometimes people come into it, with that mindset a little bit ’cause they’re like, oh, he’ll enjoy it, but I doubt I’ll like it, you know, I won’t, I don’t like the photos, but I’ll just, you know, do it for him or whatever. But it’s funny

Dan Purcell: Get the,

Lindsey Burns: it.

Dan Purcell: now it’s like,

Lindsey Burns: they’re like, damn, like, you know? Then it’s like, wow. They realize what a gift it is to

Dan Purcell: right. They probably look at the photos themselves more than their husband does.

Lindsey Burns: A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Because they need that daily reminder, you know?

Dan Purcell: Like that. Oh, that’s

Lindsey Burns: Yes,

Dan Purcell: I

Lindsey Burns: yes.

Dan Purcell: on, yeah.

Lindsey Burns: Yes, that’s right. And like just knowing that like, it’s not some Photoshop version of you.

It’s not some fake version of you with a bunch of filter, like it’s you, and that is, that is what’s truly powerful about that, you know?

Dan Purcell: That’s great.

Lindsey Burns: Yeah.

Dan Purcell: And in contrast, porn is about using, it’s about [00:28:00] indulging, it’s about shallowness. And I think what you’re talking about here is it’s about depth. It’s about soul, it’s about the whole person. It’s seen them as a three dimensional like.

Lindsey Burns: Absolutely.

Dan Purcell: full Yeah. Person.

Lindsey Burns: With value that is like not wrapped up in their weight. Like their worth is not in their body in porn. Oh, it definitely is all about all of that.

Dan Purcell: Right. Uhhuh.

Lindsey Burns: it’s like, no, it’s

Dan Purcell: Uhhuh.

Lindsey Burns: about that, you know?

Dan Purcell: Great. Good.

Lindsey Burns: Yeah.

Dan Purcell: So there might be some husbands listening to this episode, like,

Lindsey Burns: Yeah.

Dan Purcell: really want my wife to do this. I think it’d be great, but, uh, she may not be on board with the idea. What advice do you have for husbands in that situation?

Lindsey Burns: Mm. That is an awesome question. I love that you asked that, Dan, because. has to want it

Dan Purcell: Yes,

Lindsey Burns: a hundred

Dan Purcell: yes, uh.

Lindsey Burns: that is so important. And I know their heart is right ’cause they’re thinking, oh my gosh, this is exactly what my wife needs and I know it’s what she needs too. So you’re right.

But you know, [00:29:00] it’s like she has to want that. And like pushing her into something like that doesn’t start it off right at all. I think. Hey, like suggesting it saying, Hey, listen to this episode. Like let’s talk about it. Like, I’m totally curious what you thought of it. You know, like are all open-ended invitations, but it’s always, she’s gotta be excited about it.

And so just gentle. Just gentle.

Dan Purcell: good.

Lindsey Burns: Yeah. Yeah.

Dan Purcell: Any other tips for like the, I just the thought of. Maybe you’re just fine being naked and with your spouse, but the thought of having another person in the room pho photographing you, you’re naked or completely naked, like if that feels kind of like not quite right, how do you coach people through that?

Or how do you work through that?

Lindsey Burns: that’s a good question. I would say. The biggest part there is like if you’re, you know, if you’re wanting to do a session, is that you just connect with the [00:30:00] photographer because that is a big part of it. If you can’t get on a phone call with them and feel comfortable, then you’re definitely not gonna feel comfortable with less clothing on.

You know

Dan Purcell: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Lindsey Burns: so that is a huge part of it. I think one thing that I would challenge people to do, if you’re just kind of like wanting to get more comfortable. With seeing your body or just being naked more. And it’s a form of like exposure therapy.

Dan Purcell: Hmm.

Lindsey Burns: so every day when you get dressed, just like walk by a mirror and just expose yourself to seeing what your body is like, and you’re not judging it, you’re not, it’s just there, you’re just noticing it.

And

Dan Purcell: ma’am.

Lindsey Burns: important that you practice noticing it and not judging it because that’s what builds that self-acceptance.

Dan Purcell: I like that.

Lindsey Burns: yeah. Yeah.

Dan Purcell: Another metaphor I heard before is, let’s pretend you don’t like tomatoes, but you want to learn to like tolerate them better. Like if you’re at a restaurant, they’re in your salad instead. Like,

Lindsey Burns: yeah, yeah,

Dan Purcell: well, you can like take it by degrees. Like, can I touch the tomato?

Lindsey Burns: yes,

Dan Purcell: I lick a tomato?

Can I.[00:31:00] 

Lindsey Burns: yes.

Dan Purcell: and the little part of it, and eventually you might be actually they’re not that bad. And then you have like a real tomato, like homegrown from a garden that doesn’t taste like a store-bought one, like

Lindsey Burns: Yes.

Dan Purcell: adds real flavor. You’re like, oh, I’ve been missing out the whole time. Like, the kind of tomato I’ve been having was wrong the whole time.

Right.

Lindsey Burns: that’s right. That’s

Dan Purcell: Well,

Lindsey Burns: I was just eating the wrong kind of tomatoes.

Dan Purcell: we could do that with our body, right? It’s like, okay, I, I, maybe I can’t completely undress today. But I’m gonna undress this much.

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm.

Dan Purcell: just gonna sit and I’m gonna feel uncomfortable. But just because I’m uncomfortable or nervous doesn’t mean it’s wrong,

Lindsey Burns: Yes. And it doesn’t have to be for like long

Dan Purcell: right?

Lindsey Burns: like sometimes it’s not necessarily saying, oh, I’m looking in the mirror and loving everything. It’s that I’m sitting around long enough past a little bit of that discomfort to still like show up and be like, it’s okay. Like it’s okay. This is me and I’m not trying to be perfect.

You know what I’m

Dan Purcell: Right. Yeah. [00:32:00] Yeah. That’s really good. Okay, so you do the mirror thing. You look in the mirror enough times like, okay, I can handle this. You make the phone call with your photographer, you like make an appointment. You’re like, okay, I can connect with them, but you’re still nervous.

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm.

Dan Purcell: What can you do day of or whatever to help calm your nerves?

Lindsey Burns: That’s a great question. And like I am totally honest with my clients and I tell them like, you’re probably gonna feel nervous, and I want you to anticipate a little bit of that so that you’re not like, no, something’s wrong with me. I shouldn’t feel nervous. I’m not ready. It’s okay. You’re probably never gonna feel. Ready because it’s, it’s new, you know?

Dan Purcell: Right.

Lindsey Burns: one thing that I tell my clients is to focus on what you can control. You’re gonna be tempted to be like, oh, there’s a zit on my face the day before my session. Oh, or something went wrong, whatever it is. I want you to not focus on those things. You cannot control those things.

What you can control is your mindset. And I tell my clients, [00:33:00] like, if it’s helpful to you, try anchoring yourself in a mantra, a motto. Whatever you wanna call it. It’s something that you can play on repeat in your head. When those negative thoughts start to creep in where it’s like, I am worthy, I’m beautiful.

Whether it’s I’m made in God’s image, I, whatever it may be, that is gonna anchor you and just remind you of why you’re doing this and why you can do it now. And you don’t need to you know, freak out and feel like you’re not ready or not worthy.

Dan Purcell: I love that. That’s great.

Lindsey Burns: no.

Dan Purcell: Good. Good. Find that anchor. Yeah. That’s really good. Speaking of anchors, anchors away

Lindsey Burns: ooh, that was good.

Dan Purcell: we’re, we’re doing a cruise, get your Marriage on Cruise. And this is a special six day, six night, seven day cruise in Western Caribbean. And Lindsey, I’ve invited you and to come along, you and your husband,

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm.

Dan Purcell: uh, as our boor photographer on the trip.

So those that register, it’s, [00:34:00] it’s optional. You don’t have to. We want you to want to, you can either do a session just for her or make it a couple session where it’s him and her and, this is included in the whole retreat experience and this particular retreat experience. We’re doing a deep dive on intimacy in your marriage and, how deeper intimacy yields to deeper sexual meaning and the goodness that can come from it.

Anyway. Well, can you talk just a little bit about what this cruise would mean, how you’re preparing for it, how you’re gonna prepare clients that sign up, how? How that plays out?

Lindsey Burns: Yeah, absolutely. First of all, I’m so excited that I told you that this is my first time going on a

Dan Purcell: Woo-hoo.

Lindsey Burns: what better than to go on a sexy

Dan Purcell: Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: This is gonna be great.

Dan Purcell: You won’t be able to top it, but yeah.

Lindsey Burns: Yeah, that’s true. You’re absolutely right. You’re absolutely right. Um, but I only go on sexy cruises now. That’s my standard now. Um, but anyways, I’m, I’m [00:35:00] super excited about it. And like you said, you have the option if you’re one of the couple. Going on the trip to do either an individual or a couple sessions. So I’m calling this like a mini boudoir experience. So you’re gonna gonna get a little taste of what this is like, what it’s like to step a little out of your comfort zone and just embrace you and your own skin. And so that’s what it is. It’s a 45 minute session completely guided by me. I always guide my clients and show them exactly what to do. Super comfortable, really relaxed. And whether it’s a session of just her or a couple session, it’s really just about helping you connect and feel good, you know? And so I’m really excited, um, to bring that to the cruise.

you will get, uh, 10 images with the option if you want, but it’s included. So if you’re at all curious, like it is a tiny step outta your comfort zone into something really fun.

Dan Purcell: Great. And it just ties in with the theme of everything about [00:36:00] how our bodies are the source of a lot of goodness. And it’s not just, you know, the, the flesh. It’s, it’s our, it’s our soul and what we bring and we hope to cap. Sure that as a memento, as an aspect of what the whole cruise experience would be for couples that come.

Lindsey Burns: Absolutely. And I was thinking about how, you’re talking about how you’ve said like, oh, there’s gonna be homework and we can be learning all this stuff. It’s like when you think about how connected you feel to your spouse, like when you’re on vacation and how good like vacation

Dan Purcell: Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: Imagine like having like that atmosphere, that connection already, and then like you get some photos, like, guys, it’s gonna be good.

Dan Purcell: Yeah, absolutely.

Lindsey Burns: good. Yeah.

Dan Purcell: Good. Great. That’s good. And you’ll meet with our clients before you sail, right?

Lindsey Burns: yes, yes. Thank you for reminding me. So beforehand, we’ll do a, a consultation beforehand, talk through anything that you’re worried about, you know, what to expect, outfits, all that good stuff, just like I would with any of my other clients. So that’s a big part of building that [00:37:00] trust, so,

Dan Purcell: That’s fantastic.

Lindsey Burns: yeah.

Dan Purcell: Great, great.

So as we conclude, I wanna hear, and I’m putting you on the spot here, but what’s your black belt sex tip? Like let’s say you’ve mastered the fundamentals.

Lindsey Burns: Mm-hmm.

Dan Purcell: Photo sessions, you’re feeling more confident and you’re now ready to take sex and intimacy in your marriage to the next level.

What advice would you give to our listeners?

Lindsey Burns: I would say, and this may sound like I’m going back to the basics, but hang with me. I think like creating space within your marriage where you consistently are communicating about sex is the thing that took. It’s the next level for me and my husband. And it started with, we had a book of questions that, ’cause sometimes you don’t know what to ask, you know, but you like wanna like have some prompts or something that like gets you to a fun conversation.

And we would ask each other questions every morning. We would, we husband and I drink coffee every morning together. It’s one of our little marriage rituals and highly recommend that as

Dan Purcell: yeah.

Lindsey Burns: have something like that in your [00:38:00] marriage, I think that’s so helpful. But just creating that space where. You’re talking about sex frequently, not just when something’s wrong, you

Dan Purcell: Uh huh.

Lindsey Burns: just you to bring things up and I feel like explore and just have more fun together.

Dan Purcell: That’s good. Is there a particular question that you remember from those days

Lindsey Burns: Um, one of

Dan Purcell: out to you?

Lindsey Burns: was like asking like, what is like something that you do. Or I do that always turns you on and like, it’s like stuff like that and you start to just like, um, but then it would also have deeper stuff about like fantasies or, um, I don’t know. It was, it was basically be having you recall sexual experiences together.

And that’s very intimate and that could be very spicy,

Dan Purcell: Yeah. Yeah.

Lindsey Burns: and if you’ve never written, oh, this is a good, this is a good one too, Dan. If you’ve never like written out as. Story of one of your favorite sexual experiences with your spouse and you know, read it to them or left it somewhere for them to find [00:39:00] that is spicy.

Dan Purcell: That’s good.

Lindsey Burns: Yeah.

Dan Purcell: I love it. Great. Where can people go to learn more about you?

Lindsey Burns: Yeah, so my website is Beloved by Lindsay with an e.com. Um, you can follow me on all socials, beloved by Lindsay as well. I frequently post on Instagram, and if your feed could use some positivity and some just good energy and like positive body image content, you’ll absolutely love following me

Dan Purcell: That’s really good. Great. Thank you very much.

Lindsey Burns: yeah. Thank you.

Dan – May 2025: I love Lindsay’s positivity and just the idea of self-acceptance and how much that matters to build a great, intimate relationship. I hope you’ve got plenty of vitamin A, uh, vitamin A meaning acceptance by listening to this, uh, podcast, episode two. Now, The holidays are coming up. One idea is you can download the Just Between US app.

This is an app, I built years ago for couples. It’s completely safe and encrypted, [00:40:00] and it’s a way you can share photos and videos and other very intimate things, and only your spouse is able to see them. And we have a drafts feature where you can take photos in advance, but they don’t send right away.

They’re kind of in a holding area until you intentionally send them. So one idea is you can use the app and take some photos of yourself and over time, like release one a week or on special occasions. And that’s, that’s like a fun idea you could do even in your own marriage.

I hope you consider joining us for our cruise. We also have our upcoming virtual getaway in February. This is over Valentine’s Day weekend where you get to meet me and my team and we get to do a deep dive on everything with intimacy in your relationship. And I teach you a very specific process to, make your lovemaking a little more connecting, a little more meaningful, a little bit deeper.

So that’s what we’re gonna discuss at that, virtual Getaway. You’ll find all these details on our website at get Your Marriage on.com. Slash events and now go get your marriage on. 

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