Marriage has a sneaky way of revealing who we really are. It’s like a mirror that shows us our patterns, our triggers, and honestly, our areas for growth. Two people coming together will inevitably create friction – it’s not a bug, it’s a feature!
Here’s what I’ve learned: it’s not whether you have conflict in your marriage (you will), but how you handle yourself when things get tense. Especially when it comes to sex.
Most of us default to one of three responses we learned growing up – I call them the three “A”s:
Accommodate – You fold into their reality to keep the peace, but end up building resentment inside.
Act Out – You push and pressure until they comply with your way, but you kill the source of passion in the process.
Avoid – You create distance or emotionally withdraw until things blow over but creates disconnection.
Here’s the problem: you can’t be truly intimate with someone you’re accommodating, pressuring, or avoiding. These patterns might feel like solutions, but they actually maintain the very problems we’re trying to solve!
But there’s a fourth “A” that changes everything: be an Adult.
This means seeing conflict as an invitation to bring out your best self in the relationship. It’s about taking full responsibility for how you show up, regardless of what your spouse is doing.
Easier said than done, right? But it is a skill that anyone can learn, and the topic of a free training: “How To Overcome Sexual Desire Differences Without Therapy.“
