In this episode, I sit down with my friend Jacqlin — published author and romance reader — to talk about something I’ve wanted to explore for a long time: how writing intimate stories can deepen connection in marriage.
We talk about:
- Why erotic writing can feel more vulnerable than sex
- The difference between sharing your body and sharing your private thoughts
- How to overcome fear of rejection
- Practical scaffolding and ideas for writing your first spicy story
- Boundaries, motivation, and what NOT to do
- Why your “why” matters more than the spice level
Jacqlin even shares a sample story at the end of the episode (with a content warning), so you can hear how tenderness and connection can coexist with passion.
If you’ve ever wondered:
- Where do I even start?
- Is this appropriate in marriage?
- What if my spouse rejects it?
- Could this actually bring us closer?
This episode will give you clarity and courage.
Sex isn’t just about bodies. It’s about inviting your spouse into the private parts of your mind and heart.
And that can be transformative.
👉 Download the Intimately Us app for access to more stories like this.
👉 Join us on the Get Your Marriage On Cruise this October.
👉 Try our coaching program free for 30 days.
👉 Snag the last-minute opening for our Spring Couples Retreat.
Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
How To Write Erotic Stories For Your Spouse
Dan (3): I’ve been wanting to record an episode like this for a long time. I know the value of erotic literature but I’ve always struggled like, is it okay? Is it not okay? Is this something I want in my marriage? So I reached out to a really good friend of mine.
Her name is Jacqueline. She is a published author. She’s, has a master’s degree in writing. And, uh, also a [00:01:00] consumer of a lot of books, a lot of romance, and I figured if anyone could have a conversation with me about this and some pointers, and some ideas, she would. So, I’m really excited about this episode.
We’re gonna talk about how to write erotic stories, erotica, spicy, sexy stories for your spouse to read. I hope you, enjoy this episode. I hope you get a few pointers out by the end of the episode. You’ll definitely get a good sense of where to start and how this can be yet another dimension of something you can do in your marriage to bring you and your spouse closer together.
Now we will end this episode with, Jacqueline reading one of the spicier stories that she’s written. Just know that this is more on the explicit end of things as far as this podcast goes. If you’re uncomfortable with that, I will warn you so you can stop the episode there. Otherwise, please enjoy it.
And, thank you for again, listening to this podcast. I hope there’s value you get from this conversation I [00:02:00] have with Jacqueline. Before we begin, just reminding you that, we still have a few openings for our Get Your Marriage on Cruise this, sailing this October. It’s a Western Caribbean cruise. You get a vacation with me and my wife and a small group.
As we do a deep dive on intimacy in your relationship, it’s gonna be great. This is ideal for couples. I would call them the good to great couples, those that already have a fairly good sex life, and you just want something a little spicier, a little bit more memorable, a little bit deeper. come sign up for this retreat.
You’ll find all those details at Get Your Marriage on.com and click on events. Now, if you’re at a part in your marriage where you would like some extra help, some little bit of coaching and counseling, we have these options available too. for a limited time, you can try our program for free for 30 days.
You go to get your marriage on.com, click on program, and you can enroll there and see all those great details. It’s a easy and very affordable and effective way. To work with me and my team. [00:03:00] Also, you get access to our amazing course too. Alright, now let’s talk about how to write erotic stories for your spouse.
Dan: So Jacqueline, if I can be kind of vulnerable, I’ve never written something erotic for my wife,
Jacqlin (2): Okay.
Dan: of nervous to try. I kind of want to, hear about like how sometimes a romantic story or a spicy story can get women in the mood. And
Jacqlin (2): Yeah.
Dan: like that idea, but um, I just don’t know where to start.
And. Is it even okay for me to write things like that? That’s, that’s really where I am. And I know you have a lot of writing experience. You’ve studied this and you’re a friend, so I thought I’d reach out to you and ask for some help.
Jacqlin (2): There are a lot of elements to that question where I’m like, okay, ping, ping, ping, ping. We could talk about like eight different things in that one question.
but I, okay, let’s go with, you really wanna get started [00:04:00] riding spicy romance for your spouse, but you don’t know where to start. I think like, I’ve never written spicy Romance specifically for my spouse.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): and like when you were asking that, I was like, oh, interesting. I, I’ve actually never done that. I have written erotic stories. I have written Spicy Romance, I have written, um, closed Door Romance, which is just, you know, like no obvious, no open scenes, no open sex scenes, in the story.
But I’ve never written anything specifically for my spouse. But when I think of why I think it, of it as a very, like, such a vulnerable thing that almost more vulnerable than sex itself.
Dan: Oh yeah. How so?
Jacqlin (2): because I think that there’s an element to it that. Maybe you don’t experience when you’re having sex, like you, when you’re reading a story that, so let’s say I write a story for him and he’s reading it. There’s so much more to it than [00:05:00] just the physical part of having sex. That I think is something that I struggle with maybe, like sex is such a physical thing.
I sometimes wonder if I let myself feel that vulnerability that comes along with it. But writing about it, you can’t write an erotic story, especially one, let’s say your characters, um, I guess I’m assuming you don’t have to write it this way, but
Dan: Uhhuh.
Jacqlin (2): would assume the characters would be based off of you, like you and your, your partner.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): Um, and a lot of the writing is internal dialogue,
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): experience, and internal feeling. I think that that portion specifically like intimacy wise is really hard. Like it’s really hard for me personally to express. Uh, and I think a lot of people probably feel very similar. I think that’s why, a lot of people probably struggle with sex to begin with is because it is such an intimate experience and then writing about it, you really have to get into [00:06:00] the inside.
Glimpse and picture of what you’re experiencing and what you’re feeling. And sometimes that can be very, very scary for like somebody else to experience that intimate moment even with your partner. And that is a really, like, such a good question. So I’m like, why would you be so afraid of being vulnerable with the person like your, your spouse, like the person you love most?
Why would.
Dan: Yeah, well, I, I can think of a many reasons why it’d be scary, but as we’re talking, I’m thinking about like, insects. On the physical level, we’re inviting our spouse into our private parts,
Jacqlin (2): Yeah.
Dan: and then what we’re talking about here is inviting our spouse into the private parts of our mind.
Jacqlin (2): Yeah.
Dan: These are our private thoughts and whatever, and very exposing,
Jacqlin (2): Very.
Dan: First of all, you need to get
Jacqlin (2): Yeah.
Dan: what they are, and then to let them see that. I remember, a few years ago, I did an exercise that we do at our marriage retreats where we set the timer for 10 minutes and you just [00:07:00] write, let your, just without lifting your pen. And the prompt is what would your sexuality say if it had a voice and it could speak without a filter.
Jacqlin (2): Beautiful.
Dan: was just for 10 minutes just writing. I was surprised what was coming out, right? Like, well, I, I’m interested in this and I think about this and I value that. And then, uh, sharing that with my wife was very to do, a part of it can be like, she can reject parts of it and it feels so close to me.
It feels like a rejection of me. So it does feel intimate in that way.
Jacqlin (2): Yeah, like sharing that innermost part of your mind. I’ve never thought of it that way, of like you are sharing your private parts physically, but to also do that emotionally.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): it also comes in the way, like thinking of how you react, like how do you express yourself while you’re being intimate? Is also something that I’ve, I’ve struggled with is like being more, like, more vocal I guess, of how to do that.
And I wonder if that’s, a lot of why is, is that I, it shares a part of your inner experience
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): that sometimes I’m not sure if I want to share that or maybe other people struggle and that, and that’s why like it’s such. Uh, that mental and emotional part of yourself can be very vulnerable and something that can be very private.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): do you feel safe enough to share that part of yourself with that person? And I, I think that’s another aspect of it is like this, the feeling of safety. If I were to share this part of myself, which writing is very vulnerable, as someone who has written lots of things, I [00:08:00] really struggle having people read my stuff.
I get very. On edge and very anxious when I know, when people I know read what I’ve written, I get very anxious because it’s, that inner world.
Dan: you
Jacqlin (2): Yeah, yeah. And it is, yeah, it can be very difficult. So especially writing something like this, something that is so vulnerable, I can see a lot of people struggling with.
But, I’m also wondering What do you feel like the benefits were for you of writing that out? Like for you, not just for your partner? Was there a benefit for you writing that?
Dan: for that was more to, just explore my own sexuality and to understand, because I think for me, I, I think a lot of people feel this way too, and outta our retreats that. we have filtered so much for, for what we think and feel in the context of Who’s gonna see this? Who’s going to read this? Who’s going to so much so that we don’t, learn to know ourselves very [00:09:00] well? And it’s a bit of a scary exercise. ’cause what if there’s something that comes up that I don’t like? this isn’t an exercise in judgment per se. It’s just giving it a voice and letting it have some breathing room and just to speak. it doesn’t mean you have to act on anything. It doesn’t have to believe everything, but just like, just see what’s there. It’s kind of like that closet in the house. Where it’s all the stuff stuffed in there and it’s the one you don’t wanna open,
Jacqlin (2): Mm-hmm.
Dan: right? But once you open it and then you kind of take things out and then you can, like now you can sort through it.
I’m gonna keep this, I’m gonna declutter that or, or whatever, reorganize this, and then you’re much happier with the end result. So I guess that was what I was hoping to get out of the exercise and understanding my own sexuality there.
Jacqlin (2): Was there anything?
Dan: to put anything in like a narrative form.
Jacqlin (2): Yeah, was there anything that surprised you? Like when you wrote
Dan: Oh yeah. Lots of things.
Jacqlin (2): Yeah.
Dan: Yep.
Jacqlin (2): Yeah.[00:10:00]
Dan: I guess some of my surprises were like, without getting into specific, is how much I care about certain things,
Jacqlin (2): Hmm.
I think that’s interesting. Yeah. But I think, let’s see, if we were to move it back to writing this, particularly for our partner. I’m kind of questioning how, if it is a struggle to open up that part of ourselves on paper, how do we overcome that in order to write?
Dan: yes. But Jacqueline, I know this about you, you have read, know, spicy Stories with your husband before, so
Jacqlin (2): Yes. That. I think that was kind of, if I’m being honest, I think that was also a little uncomfortable
Dan: Oh, it’s all
Jacqlin (2): to like share that. Yeah. I think that in and of itself was vulnerable because I know that he knows that I like romance and I like romantic stories.
Dan: mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): I have read, I, I love to read. You know this, we’ve talked about books lots of [00:11:00] times.
Um, I am drawn to romance I think there’s something about that bond between people that I think is unmatched.
Dan: mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): I think it’s one relationship that you have in your life that you a hundred percent choose to be in and seeing the, the story. Of these characters unfold of how they choose each other, I think is really beautiful.
And so I, I will not read a book if there’s not, it doesn’t have to be all romance, but just like
Dan: uh.
Jacqlin (2): a, a hint, there has to be a hint of something in there. And so I know my husband knows that I like these stories and some more than others. I will read all kinds. I am not particular if it’s open door.
Which just is sex on the page. Like you can read, it’s, you know, if you an open door to their bedroom experience or a closed door where it’s mostly just kissing, it doesn’t [00:12:00] go, you know, no explicitness
Dan: black
Jacqlin (2): Yeah. Or fade to black where there’s a implication. And I know that he knows that I read across the board, I’m, I’m no respecter of the kind of romance.
I’ll read whatever. And, um. There are some series that I just happen to like more than others, not because they’re open or closed door, but I just love the story. It’s just right up my alley. There are certain genres I just really love and I got him to kind of come into that with me to read these books.
And we started one. I had already read it, but of if I love it, I will reread it a bajillion times
Dan: Uh, uh,
Jacqlin (2): and um. Just having him and we, like at night, we would listen to the story together as like before bed? Yeah, the audio version. And it was hard. Not even necessarily the. The scenes are where they’re like, you know, undressing each other or whatever.
Uh, going at it as you will, but even just knowing that he was like [00:13:00] coming into this part of me that I don’t necessarily share with, like tons of people,
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): a very vulnerable experience to just like, oh, she likes this. This is like these kinds of stories. This is something like, it’s really hard sometimes to be seen.
And the person that you’re married to is the person who’s gonna see the most in all aspects of everything.
Dan: Uhhuh
Jacqlin (2): And I think you’re right. I think that there’s a little bit of, are they judging me? Are they going to reject me? Is this something that, you know, they think is silly? Is this something that they’re gonna hold sacred?
Like I hold? Is this something that. Like just all kinds of things that I think come into play. But I have a wonderful husband and he loves the story and I think even when it especially, so just the story itself obviously feels a little bit vulnerable, just kind of bringing them into a certain part of your world that maybe they don’t normally come into.[00:14:00]
I think I have little parts of me that I think sometimes I keep just for me, and I don’t know that there’s anything necessarily like terrible about that as long as it’s, you know, a safe thing for everybody involved and, and nothing bad is happening, but. It was just a new way for us to explore together, which was really cool.
But specifically getting to like it was an open door romance book and gets fairly in certain parts can be fairly explicit, and that in and of itself, it’s kind of like. When you’re like a teenager or a young adult and you’re watching a movie like with your parents, and it gets to the sex part, you know, or like something happens on screen and you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m so embarrassed.
But you watch it by yourself and it’s fine. Like you don’t, it’s like, yeah. Okay. and I think part of it specifically, even just when him and I were listening, I’m just like, is this okay? I think that there’s also a part of me when he [00:15:00] starts, ’cause he would start to kind of feeled on also by this, which was very surprising to me.
I’ve never considered him to be a reader, which I think was a disservice to him now that I know how much he’s enjoyed reading with me. And like he will read a lot of the same books that I will suggest. I’m like, oh, this is my favorite. You’ve gotta read this. And he’ll read it and he’s like, it’s great.
I love it. Um. I think that was kind of a bit of a disservice to him to not bring him in on that maybe a little bit sooner, but also seeing your partner be turned on by certain things, I think can also, like how are you going to handle this? Like how do you take in this information? Are you going to use this and hold it dear?
The way that they would hold that dear? Is it something that. I sometimes feel uncomfortable, like when I see my husband being vulnerable, you know, like we’re reading specific parts and seeing him be turned on by it and seeing him be vulnerable. Sometimes I am almost uncomfortable as well, like holding that for him of like, oh, now he’s given me this gift.
Can I hold this safely for him to, oh, this is something he enjoys. This is something that is arousing for him that. [00:16:00] Maybe it is also for me too, in certain, in different ways or other ways or, I don’t know. But, and I think that that’s also something to consider as maybe we write these stories for our partner is are we also willing to hold safe their vulnerability?
And, I don’t know, maybe that’s dumb, but.
I just noticed that like, oh, he is turned on by this story or this moment. What part of it does he like?
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): What part of it is arousing for him? Who is he picturing? Like is he picturing us together? You know, things like that.
Dan: Right. And
Jacqlin (2): Questions that you have. Yeah. Yeah. What are the implications?
What does this mean?
Dan: right? Yeah.
Jacqlin (2): And are we mature enough to have that conversation? Which we didn’t. Honestly, we didn’t at the time. And now that we’re having this conversation, I’m like, well, I wonder why I didn’t. I wonder why like, is that I am. I just notice a lot how [00:17:00] the struggle for vulnerability comes up in so many ways.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): I think we have a really good relationship. And so I’m just, in my mind, I’m like, surely this is something that other people struggle with is like, are we willing to be vulnerable? Are we willing to let our partner be vulnerable? Are we willing to hold that safe for them? And do we feel safe enough to share that with them?
And I think the more we work towards that, the easier it is to.
I was gonna say gift them, you know, a writing of, of something like this. But
Dan: Yeah,
Jacqlin (2): I don’t know, maybe that is too cliche a thing to say. I don’t know.
Dan: that’s good. You’ve also read to him some of the spicier things that you’ve
Jacqlin (2): Yeah,
Dan: Before, so it’s, earlier you said you’ve never done this before for your husband,
Jacqlin (2): right.
Dan: how is it different than like sharing your own, like spicier riding with him?
Jacqlin (2): Well, I think there is a bit [00:18:00] of a shield in the sense that the characters aren’t us.
Dan: Hmm. Gotcha.
Jacqlin (2): So, and which is something that I think,
Dan: the story, he’s not rejecting you,
Jacqlin (2): yeah, yeah. Right, right. There’s
Dan: Right.
Jacqlin (2): bit of a shield there, which can be a really interesting tactic to try. Like if, if people write. Something for their partner or have the desire to try something like that.
I think that sometimes, especially if you struggle with being vulnerable, like if that’s something that feels uncomfortable, Getting too close, it’s a really good shield to maybe you write characters who aren’t necessarily you.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): In your mind,
Dan: Yep.
Jacqlin (2): just writing total fiction can be a good starting point for some people. As you consider writing a spicy romance story or an erotic story for your partner. And it’s just so funny because I have the, I really truly believe I have the greatest husband in the entire world.
I really believe that. But even when he would read it and he would text me and he’s like, oh, you did such a good job.
Like this was so good. You outdid yourself. I loved every minute of it. I’m like, oh, oh, why does this life feel so uncomfortable knowing like, he’s like, read this part of me and.
It is just such an eyeopening thing to have to talk about this. ’cause I’m like, oh, it is, it’s such a private mental part
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): that can feel so vulnerable. I know we’ve, I’ve said vulnerable like 800 times as we’re talking about this. Um, but yeah, so that is an experience in and of itself. Just having, I almost wonder, like you were saying in your retreats that you would write, [00:19:00] like said a 10 minute timer.
I almost wonder how much easier it would be to write an erotic story if you went in with the impression that no one would ever read it,
Dan: Got it. Yeah.
Jacqlin (2): that would be another kind of. Safety net at first as you like, kind of try it out. cause I think it makes it easier for me to write, like as I was writing those stories, ‘ cause I wrote a few for the Intimately US app.
Which I’d never done. I’d never written an erotic story ever. You were the first person to ever commission that for me. But I’d always been so curious about it and like, what would it be like, could I do it? Could I challenge myself to do something like this?
And so. if you finally get to a point where you’re like, I would like to share this, take that leap. Have that courage to, because I think that I’m gonna make an assumption that if people are listening to your podcast that they care about their marriage
Dan: yeah.
Jacqlin (2): and they love their partner and they want to expand their relationship and they wanna[00:20:00]
Dan: share this
Jacqlin (2): connect.
Dan: part of them?
Jacqlin (2): Yeah. They wanna connect and grow together. I think that this can potentially be something to expand and connect and bring people closer together when you have the courage, even if it feels really uncomfortable to share something like this.
Dan: I think where I struggle is, okay, wanna start. But where do I start? Like how do I even begin? the first words on the page or, I think of a memory that I’ve had that I, that I’ve liked? Or do I start with a fantasy? How do I make it so that it’s compelling and, like what things should I be considering and thinking about?
That’s I, that’s where I struggle.
Jacqlin (2): Yes. Um,
Dan: Uhhuh.
Jacqlin (2): to give advice on how to start something like this, I would say one of two things.
Either set a timer for 20 minutes. And just open your Word document or your, [00:21:00] your Google Doc or whatever, and just write like, whatever comes to your mind. I think that can be really powerful. Just like, okay, I’m, I’m just going to write something. Some, I’m gonna, you know, you have your parameters like, all right, I’m gonna write an erotic story.
I have no idea where I’m gonna start. I have no idea what I’m gonna say, and I’m just gonna sit down with my 20 minute timer and I’m gonna start writing. that’s, that’s usually how I go because.
Dan: Uh,
Jacqlin (2): I tend to be more of what they call a pants, which is where, which now I’m like, pun unintended in the writing world.
Pants. Um, a pants in writing is like, you don’t really have an outline. You don’t, you maybe have like an idea or two or a vibe of some kind, and you kind of just have to sit down and as you write and you explore through writing,
Dan: Uhhuh,
Jacqlin (2): and then there’s a plotter.
Dan: it’s flying by the seat of your
Jacqlin (2): Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Uhhuh. Yeah. Slide by the seat of your pants.
And then you have a plotter where [00:22:00] people really like to have an outline and they really wanna have an idea and they don’t wanna just sit down, like it’s almost, the blank page is almost too much to sit down and write.
Dan: All right.
Jacqlin: So for people like that, and this can go for either way, but I think starting from what you know, can be really powerful, whether.
It’s an experience that you’ve had, an experience, maybe you wish you had, um, a night that it could have been an experience that maybe wasn’t sexual, but was a really great night for you and your partner, and you turn it into something sexual, as you write.
Dan: Uhhuh Uhhuh.
Jacqlin: so you can start by, okay, what’s a really great memory that I have?
What’s something I really love about my partner that I can just, like, maybe I just sit down and start writing like, an ode to him or her. You can think of maybe some, like tropes are really big.
Like some people, like certain tropes. Tropes would be like, getting caught, like the fear or excitement of getting caught can [00:23:00] be a trope, a
Dan: Uhhuh,
Jacqlin: pretend like you’re somebody else.
Dan: Maybe
Jacqlin (2): read.
Dan: with power dynamics like
Jacqlin (2): Oh, yeah, yeah. Uhhuh,
Dan: Uhhuh,
Jacqlin (2): the boss, the secretary, the pilot, the flight attendants.
Dan: Uhhuh.
Jacqlin (2): something, I don’t know. This might be for the more, uh, courageous of us. You have, a fantasy that you’ve always wanted to maybe explore or maybe there’s a fantasy that your partner. Has wanted to explore, but maybe you weren’t quite there yet, but you could gift them something of that nature in a story.
Dan: right. I can’t give it to you in real life, but I
Jacqlin (2): Yeah,
Dan: a in story form,
Jacqlin (2): yeah.
Dan: Yeah, yeah. That
Jacqlin (2): I know, I, I know that we had talked before about, that I have a much stronger disgust factor than my husband does. Um, I’m pretty sure his disgust factor is like zero,
Dan: Uh,
Jacqlin (2): which actually has been really healing in a lot of ways for me.
Dan: but I think that’s like [00:24:00] generally men like thinking about the, the boys eating bugs and
Jacqlin (2): It’s so true. Yeah, it’s so true. Oh my gosh. I’m raising four of those little boys and nothing ever ceases to amaze me at how willing they are to be disgusting. Anyway, But I was just thinking like if there was something that maybe he really likes or she really likes that maybe is something that you struggle with, could be
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): a powerful, thing to add into a story if you’re willing
Dan: because the story form of you can, you don’t struggle with that
Jacqlin (2): yeah.
Dan: in your story,
Jacqlin (2): Right. You can be whoever you want in a story. That’s part of the joy of writing. If we’re getting out of like the more vulnerable part, let’s think of the more exciting part
Dan: Yeah.
Jacqlin (2): able to write a story. It’s like you can be anywhere you wanna be.
Dan: Uhhuh.
Jacqlin (2): So I would suggest like, okay, another way to get started if you like, more of a structure is like, okay, who are my characters?
Is it gonna be me and my husband or me and my wife? Is it gonna be us? But portrayed in a different way. [00:25:00] Like maybe we are You have the essence.
Dan: older or maybe we’re of in a different generation
Jacqlin (2): Yeah. Yeah. We.
Dan: different time in history, uhhuh.
Jacqlin: My husband and I, we started dating and I think we were both around 18 and, I think we connected really quickly and we fell in love really quickly, and I sometimes, like we have different experiences of that moment in our lives. Um, just like upbringing and I think just the way that men and women experience the world differently, just different experiences of that time.
And for me, sometimes I hold a little bit of like, shame, maybe a little, and he is like, I, that was like one of the, I. My favorite times of life was like when we were first dating. like it just, it just felt like so passionate for us. And I’m like, that might be [00:26:00] like a really interesting story. Like what if
Dan: the,
Jacqlin: we could go back in time?
Yeah. Go with the,
Dan: relive.
Jacqlin: yeah. I think that that would be fascinating. Anyway, that was a little off topic, but. So who are your characters? You know, I think that’s a good question to ask to help build a little structure for yourself. Where’s the setting? Where’s it gonna take place? Is it gonna be at home? Is it gonna be in Paris?
Is it gonna be on the beach? Is it gonna be in a tent? Like you can be so creative and come up with such great. Like, oh my gosh. If we had a dream vacation, or maybe there is a dream vacation that you’ve been talking about that like, I wanna go to Fiji so bad.
Dan: Uh,
Jacqlin (2): Bora Bora would be fantastic. We talk about it all the time.
I will create trips like, just like fantasy trips. I’ll go look at hotels and lights just for fun in hopes that maybe one day this will happen. So maybe it takes place in Bora Bora in an overwater [00:27:00] bungalow. You know, you can be really creative with where you do it and then like, what kind of tone do you want?
Do you want it to start off really hot and steamy? Do you want it to be like a mentally or emotionally intimate moment that starts you off or an everyday situation? I tell my husband this often that some of the like greatest. Arousal. This is gonna okay, but like, bear with me as I talk about it.
’cause I know this maybe isn’t gonna, it’s gonna sound weird at first, but
Dan: Okay.
Jacqlin (2): when I see him playing with my kids,
Dan: Yeah.
Jacqlin (2): like it’s such an everyday experience. But when I see them like laughing together or like playing a game together, or like last night he was making dinner with our oldest son. I had to take our youngest to hockey practice and I was like, you guys are in charge of dinner.
So figure out something. You know, I, I was done for the day and I came home and they were like laughing in the kitchen and they had made this dinner together and it was [00:28:00] just like, it was phenomenal. It was such a good feeling. So for me, I think everyday experiences can be a great place to start. Also,
Dan: Yeah, the ordinary.
Jacqlin (2): the ordinary.
Dan: finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. That’s
Jacqlin (2): I love it. Yeah,
It can also be something really exciting. Like what is your favorite movie? You know, like what’s your favorite movie? Maybe it’s like, I know my husband loves, Skyfall is Big James Bond fan, big mission impossible fan. I’m like, oh, maybe you’re, I dunno, maybe you have some mission together and you’re stuck in wherever, you know what I mean? Like, you, you can get really creative with it. So anyway, that’s where I would start. I think those are good. If you need a little bit of structure, character setting and what kind of vibe are you looking for as you get, as you wanna write.
So those can be some good structure points.
Dan: Great. [00:29:00] Any other patterns that you’ve noticed of stories that you’ve liked, like,
Jacqlin (2): Oh,
Dan: authors kind of include to really kind of up the spice in it? Is it words they use? Is it themes they use? Is it
Jacqlin (2): I think that.
Dan: What, what? What kind of things like I think about if I’m going to attempt to write to my wife and I, I really want it to, you know, come from my heart.
This is vulnerable, but I also want it to be spicy,
Jacqlin (2): Yes.
Dan: it to deliver a punch.
Jacqlin (2): Okay. So I think there’s a few elements I’m gonna go because I’m a woman, I’m gonna go female gaze here. I think there’s a reason why.
Dan: In case people dunno.
Jacqlin (2): So I would say,
I think a lot of pornography in general is very male gaze oriented, which is very hot and heavy really quickly with very little romance, very little [00:30:00] emotional connection, very little caring or safety shown like between the characters. Not that I don’t think men value that. I do think that there are a lot of men that value that.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): but I think a more masculine thing is to just like get you get straight to the point. You get hot and heavy really quickly and you don’t show the mental emotional vulnerability. ’cause I think you can really get into a sexual experience with very little vulnerability.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): if you are sharing private parts physically, private parts of yourself physically, I think you can really put a wall up and I think that’s what a a lot of pornography is.
Just if you’re looking at it from. It’s very visual, it’s very quick and it’s very, uh, viewing women as
I feel like I’m being so mean to the men.
Dan: I dunno,
Jacqlin (2): I say
Dan: like
Jacqlin (2): skinny, big boobs, perfect skin, beautiful. Like [00:31:00] these like model type. Yes,
Dan: aggressive,
Jacqlin (2): yes. Very turned on to the man. Very like, oh my gosh, give me more. very vocal about. Him that it’s all kind of centered around the pleasure of a man. And I think for the Female Gaze is there’s a lot of pleasure centered around the women.
And I think a lot of women are very, excited in this way to have stories focused around women, number one, because throughout time I think women have been neglected and forgotten and pushed aside and thought of as less than for a really long time. Thousands of years. And then you also have the aspect that women biologically are different in the way that they respond sexually.
men can be turned on so quickly. Not that, you know, you can’t have these roles reversed. Um, I would say more of a feminine, maybe masculine, not necessarily man, woman, but I would say the more feminine is that they need more time. They need more time to be [00:32:00] aroused. They need more emotional connection.
They need more mental connection. They need to feel more safety. They need to have more of their, sexual breaks. Unre, you know, you need to have some time for themselves to unwind and de-stress so that they can be more present in the moment. And I think a lot of female gaze, romance stories are really focused around the woman in this way,
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): I think there’s a lot to learn from that as you write a story for you, particularly since you are the man writing for his wife to have a more feminine approach.
To it as you’re writing. I think even though like if I were to write one for my husband, I don’t know that I would have like a full masculine style gaze. I think I would still include a lot of femininity in it and a lot of female gaze in it because I think. That a lot of men are neglected in that way too, that they need to be able to [00:33:00] understand more of their emotional side and more, and explore more of that, that connection, as well.
And I think that because we view them or tend to view more of the masculine, therefore men as such. Quick to get aroused and just like over and done with, and they don’t need necessarily the emotional side, but I think we do amend a lot of disservice in not giving them the opportunity. So I would still write with a little, with quite a bit of femininity in that way of like, let’s, let’s explore not just the physical, which I think is important.
I think that can be, that’s a, a large portion. Of writing and erotic stories, like obviously there’s physical elements involved, but if there was like, let’s just say there’s three pages of a story.
I would say maybe only one page of it is physical description. The other two pages. So we’ll say maybe a third is physical description, and two thirds are, what am I feeling? What are the sensations I’m feeling? What am I thinking?
Dan: mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): are going through my mind? What do I like, what do I not like?
And voicing that as you’re writing
Dan: What memories are coming up, what
Jacqlin (2): Yeah.
Dan: to me?
Jacqlin (2): How do you feel about the person as, as you’re experiencing this together, you know? And also [00:34:00] though I think because we can never like fully experience what the other person is experiencing, I also, I just think it’s intriguing to see if like he were to write one for me, like what does it feel like for him?
Like what sensations does he have that is different than I experience and vice versa. So again, like, if we’re talking about why would I write this? Like how is this con uh, connecting experiences, like, I think that’s fascinating. I don’t know, maybe other people don’t think that’s fascinating or interesting.
I think that would be interesting. But again, like as you’re kind of structuring your story, as I’m thinking of also stories that I have read, there’s so much mental. Emotional description in the story, which tends to lead to more of a feminine, that there is more than just a physical connection. There is a mental and emotional connection as well.
Dan: So the feminine gaze is a lot more about the emotion. It’s, so does it help to maybe write with [00:35:00] maybe an end in mind of how you want the characters to feel at the end?
Jacqlin (2): Interesting.
I think it can be another tool to use. If you think of an experience that you had, I don’t even know that it necessarily needs to be a sexual experience, but just something with your partner, an experience that you’ve had with them that was just like, you wish you could relive it over and over and over, and how you felt like at the end of that experience,
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin (2): that bringing.
As you write and you have that ending in mind to, it can be a really helpful tool to like funnel everything. If like if my end goal was to feel this like safety net of like peace and comfort and love and whatever, like those experiences are for you, which by the way I think would be my experience of coming home, I think, That peaceful feeling I think is very meaningful to a lot of people that like unconditional loving [00:36:00] experience or that loving feeling we’re getting into love songs, um, is like the end game for so many. And if you keep that in mind as you’re writing, it can be a really useful tool to kind of funnel the experience into where you want it to go.
Dan: That’s good.
Jacqlin (2): But if you’re thinking of feminine gaze, that women need a little bit more,
Of feeling safe before they begin. And so a lot of riding really revolves around the relationship and it builds from that feeling of love and safety into a sexual experience. Even within the sexual experience is very loving. It. I mean, not that it can’t be, passionate and rough or, you know, however you want it to be.
Not that it can’t be that, but it always has that safety net of
Dan: Gotcha.
Jacqlin (2): the connection together. and I think a lot of focus, [00:37:00] especially for the male character, is on the pleasure of the woman.
Dan (2): All right. Let’s get really practical, Jacqueline. Can you give us some like guidelines, like how many paragraphs, different kind of sections? Just sometimes that really helps us
squadcaster-67id_1_02-05-2026_125720: Yeah.
Dan (2): scaffolding.
squadcaster-67id_1_02-05-2026_125720: So, um, the great thing about writing is you can really, you have
Dan (2): Uh.
squadcaster-67id_1_02-05-2026_125720: You can do whatever you want. You can make it as long, short, if you want something, if you’re new. no idea where to, where to go. I would say a good starting off point to keep it a nice short story.
Start with one to two paragraphs where you set the stage, you have your setting and the mood of the story. Where are you, what are you doing? Um, and yeah, getting that vibe that we
Dan (2): Uh
squadcaster-67id_1_02-05-2026_125720: earlier. What’s gonna be the vibe of the story here? Then you’re gonna have a paragraph where you have your hook, you have your spark, you have your turning point for the story.
What sets it off?
Dan (2): mm-hmm.
squadcaster-67id_1_02-05-2026_125720: do that in just single paragraph. Let’s go. Then you’re gonna have around two to five-ish paragraphs where this is the payoff for your [00:38:00] story. This is where you get into all of the good juicy details. Pun unintended, right? This is,
Dan (2): Uh.
squadcaster-67id_1_02-05-2026_125720: this is the crux of your story. And then you’re gonna end your last paragraph. You’re gonna have sort of that afterglow. Uh, the, the ending part. End it with a tender thought or a moment. Something that feels like home
Dan (2): Mm-hmm.
squadcaster-67id_1_02-05-2026_125720: for
Dan (2): Oh, that’s good.
squadcaster-67id_1_02-05-2026_125720: Yeah, and it’s, it really is. I think sometimes we make it way more complicated than it needs to be and then use that as a reason not to start.
And just, there is a really simple scaffolding.
Jacqlin (2): Which I think has been lacking unanimously in literature and in experience in mirroring and history. I don’t think, I think a lot of men forget or
Dan: real life though. Like you look at journal accounts of men that wrote out their peak sexual experiences nine times outta 10. They’re describing she did,
Jacqlin (2): yes.
Dan: not so much like his pleasure. It’s like he was a witness to her pleasure and that made it peak for him. So I think maybe writing kind of makes like. How much hi, her pleasure means to him in that think would be realistic for a lot of men, how
Jacqlin (2): Yeah.
Dan: how they really feel.
Jacqlin (2): Which I was gonna say is another differentiation between male and female gaze, which may be more masculine to feminine, is the masculine is very self-focused, and I feel like the feminine is very outwardly focused. How much pleasure can I give versus how much pleasure can I receive
Dan: Gotcha.
Jacqlin (2): and I’m not, again, I think both are important.
I think that your pleasure is just as important, but I think when you go into it with the idea of like, I, how can I help my spouse? Feel the most pleasure. So as you’re writing, like putting that, that focus and that gaze on your partner while also sharing your experience of it, like maybe it’s how much you enjoy, like you’re, you’re showing them how much you enjoy their pleasure, I think can be very powerful, which was not what we were talking about, but.
Um, and now I don’t remember where we left off when I switched back. Hold on. More to say,
but I think this is, I think this is good. I feel like we could like have a kind of a closeout and
Dan: Yeah.
Jacqlin (2): there’s more like that you wanted to explore.
Dan: Uh, did you like your chat, GBT questions? Did we get to them all?
Jacqlin (2): Um, I actually didn’t, uh. Talk about any of them. I feel like we, we did, we did great. All of them kind of go into, um,
Dan: Like, why would you do this for your spouse? What benefit is there?
Jacqlin (2): there are also,
Dan: that.
Jacqlin (2): we, we didn’t really talk much about boundary or motivation behind why, like if you’re writing it like, because you just want to have sex.
Dan: Uhhuh.
Jacqlin (2): Instead of it being a connecting experience, you’re like, maybe if I write this, my wife will have sex with me tonight. Terrible idea. Please don’t do that.
Dan: All right. Got it. So here’s my, how about I say this? other last tips or advice on writing something erotic for your spouse to read?
Jacqlin (2): I think my number one, is just like, go for it. Just sit down and, and write something. maybe with those boundaries that I, we kind of talked about in the beginning also, I think with the boundary of. I wouldn’t put too much pressure on either party.
I think if it’s a boundary in real life, it’s [00:39:00] probably a boundary in writing as well. If, even if in a fictional story, if there’s something, you know, your partner is really like not into or is a, is a hard no,
Dan: Uh.
Jacqlin (2): I would respect that even in your, in a fictional story. and I think maybe before you write, but maybe before you share your story, if you do end up writing one or, or whatever.
But what’s the motivation behind wanting to write this for your partner, for your spouse? If it is like, this loving. Connection that you can experience together. I think go for it. I think that’s lovely. I think it’s beautiful. If you wanna learn more about yourself, if you want to have this new experience, if you wanna spice things up, more power to you.
I think that’s lovely. Go for it. I think if the motivation is I wanna try to convince my partner to have sex tonight and I want this way to, you know, maybe this will be it. Maybe this is how it’ll be around. [00:40:00] Maybe let’s not go with the manipulation aspect. Yeah. So I think
Dan: That’s
Jacqlin (2): if you,
Dan: just imagine my inbox now. Like, uh, what books does Jacqueline recommend that I read to my wife to
Jacqlin (2): right.
Dan: tonight? Give me a list please. Ll buy them. Like, no, no, no. You got the wrong
Jacqlin (2): No, no, please don’t do that.
Dan: Don’t ask me.
Jacqlin (2): Just I, I think if you like, really go back to. Like, why do I love my spouse? Like, what do I want from this? Like, is this something that’s gonna bring us closer together, or is this something that feels more selfishly motivated? Um, and not that you can’t, you know, I, I think selfishness gets a really bad rap, but I think in the instance of intimacy and sex, it’s really important to make sure that you have.
their best interests in mind. Like, you know your partner probably better than most people do, and you know yourself and really getting clear on the why [00:41:00] behind writing the story
Dan: Uhhuh
Jacqlin (2): you, if that feels good to you. if it feels genuine, then go ahead and move forward. Not to say that if you aren’t in the box of, I just wanna have sex tonight, and I’m trying to find the quickest way to get there, explore that more.
Not that you can’t write a story in the future or you know, that you’re, you’re definitely not a terrible person by any means, but, I think coming from that place of genuine love and desire is the best way always for doing things within your marriage.
Dan (2): Jacqueline, I love for you if you’d be willing to read to our listeners something that you’ve written to kind of button this up today.
Jacqlin: Yeah. So this one is called Starry Night, and it’s, currently available in the Intimately US app. I’ll just read a little snippet for you guys.
Dan: Okay, I’m interrupting here just for a little bit. This is the part where it’s gonna get spicy. if you wanna stop here, you’re welcome to, she’s gonna read this story and [00:42:00] she’s gonna skip the beginning part. It’s a story about a husband and wife. They’ve been married 30 years. It’s a date night. They go out into the countryside in the back of his pickup truck.
They’ve laid sleeping bags and blankets and they’re stargazing. This evening and just enjoying some quiet time out in the open sky together. And this is the part where, Jacqueline’s gonna pick up and start reading. Okay. All right. We’re gonna continue. Here we go. All.
Jacqlin: Megan laughs, of course, sending another pulse south of the border. What is that pole sticking into my back? Joe. Joe kisses her neck once, twice, three times, slow and caressing, just like he knows she likes it. Can you blame me with a wife as sexy as you? It’s a feat that I keep my hands to myself at all when I’m around you. tilts her head to the side, giving him better access and he takes full advantage. Who said anything about keeping your hands to yourself? She says her voice is [00:43:00] quieter and a little more breathy than usual, making Joe smile.
He’s got her hook, line and sinker. She bites her lower lip. Once Joe reaches her ear and nibbles on her ear lobe, his hand slips beneath her long sleeve shirt roaming around her stomach and gently squeezing her breasts over top her bra. do you know exactly what to do?
She breathes. Joe flips to his back, then rolls her over. Right on top of him. She sits up with her legs on either side. This woman straddling him is enough to make him come in his dreams. But the real thing, and with just the smallest amount of friction in the right spot is enough to make him, my gosh. She tilts her hips side to side, circling him just enough to make him groan. How can she drive him crazy with something so simple? gonna make a mess in my pants if you keep doing that. That would be a shame. She leans down to whisper in his ear as I preferred that mess in my mouth. full smile [00:44:00] crosses Joe’s lips. She did not just say that. say the dirtiest things. He says Grabbing her neck with enough playful force to keep her face next to his. There is zero hesitation as his mouth crashes into hers. Her tongue is like honey and he tangles his own against it to try to sap up as much of her sweetness as he can. breaks away abruptly, her warm body, leaving the cool night air. In her absence. The sleeping bag from around her shoulders falls away, giving herself room to pull her shirt completely off. Her husband scans her bare navel and shoulders her bra. The only hindrance from it being the picture of perfection. How did he ever get this lucky?
Joe can’t help himself now. He sits up to meet her, pushing each breast up to suck and bite at the tops of them, she wraps her arms around his neck, forcing even more cleavage for him to enjoy. He’s so hard now at aches against the restraint of his jeans. But he’s not done. Oh, no. Far from [00:45:00] done with his woman’s perfect tits.
He reaches around unclasping her bra, and pulling the unzipped sleeping bag back over her shoulders. So the night air isn’t too much against her now, completely bare torso. Both nipples are freed, practically, begging for his mouth and tongue. Every lick, every flick, every swipe sends a sharper, deeper moan from her delicious mouth, a sound that’s almost his undoing. He slows down taking care with each side, using his free hand to slide beneath the waistband of her leggings and grasp her backside. She tries to cup his penis, but the jeans are too thick. We need to get these off immediately. She demands lifting her leg off of him while they both fumble for the zipper pulling and kicking until only his boxers remain. back here, Joe says, pulling at her waistband to both bring her back to him and take off her leggings at the same time. When he’s finished, only a thin layer of panties are left on her. [00:46:00] He goes back to her nipples as she grabs his penis through his underwear. I want this huge dick in my mouth. She breathes to him. What will you do to my pulsing dick when you get a hold of it? Another lick of her nipple. I will wrap my mouth around it. Use my warm tongue. She moans even louder as he traces the edge of her lips with his fingers freed. Just enough from the crotch of her panties, use my warm tongue to wrap around it and pull it to the back of my throat. He trails another pass with his fingers. Timing a gentle circle at her clit just as he sucks in more of her breast. Oh gosh. I need you. I need you inside of me. She gasps her gaze burning with a wildness. He can’t wait to satiate. pulls his boxers down, his penis springing free before she tugs her panties to the side and sinks down on him. Yes, yes. This, this is it. That alone is enough to end him here and now seeing how much she wants him [00:47:00] needs him, but not yet. Not this time. Joe’s attention is focused solely on her right now. do you need from me? Love. Tell me. He says, you friction. It’s all she can say, but it’s all she has to say. He places the pad of his thumb right on her center rotating gentle circles as she continues to ride his dick like this. Yes. Yes. Keep doing that. He keeps a steady pace for another minute before leaning forward and flicking the tip of his tongue along her nipple. Oh my goodness, again, please. She begs, if he has to lick her exquisite nipples, let her ride him all night long.
Who is he to deny her? He would do this until morning. Could do this until morning. Now that their kids are grown. Anything you want love. He says just a couple minutes longer. And she squeezes around him before letting out the sweetest scream of what he can only describe as pure ecstasy. Megan’s nails dig into his shoulders and she rocks back and [00:48:00] forth moving around his penis exactly as her body needs.
While her orgasm ripples through her, it never gets old. Watching her, Joe could come just by the look of pure hazy euphoria written all over her face. He could come a lot of ways when it comes to his wife, but she did say. what did I say earlier? I wanted your mess all over my mouth. She says still a little drunk off her pleasure.
Yep. He wouldn’t forget a statement like that. I can finish right here. No problem. How he hadn’t finished while getting her off is a miracle in and of itself. He deserves a trophy for that one. doesn’t say anything else as she pushes off of him. His penis exposed and still dripping from her when she wraps her mouth around him.
He’s ready to explode the way Megan doesn’t hesitate. Ready to get him off after just being inside of her. No words. She palms his balls as she moves up and down. Licking, caressing, devouring him. Usually it’s his primal instinct to eat [00:49:00] her out taking over. But watching that same instinct take over her is the hottest thing Joe’s ever seen. He’s on fire in the best way, and he feels the unmistakable build of his imminent orgasm. He asks, can I finish inside of you? It’s his favorite way to come holding her, looking into her beautiful eyes, feeling her heat all around him. I thought you wanted my mouth. I know I changed my mind. She nods you on top or me? Me. He pants. He flips her on her back carefully pulling her panties all the way off and wasting no time before thrusting inside of her. His wife’s legs wrap around him and he stares into her eyes. Never in his wildest dreams did he think marriage would ever be this good, but 30 years with this woman have been the best years of his entire life. Raising kids with her, celebrating with her, grieving with her. He wouldn’t take a second of it away. 1, 2, 3 more thrusts and he’s spilling inside of her. you. [00:50:00] He breathes still riding the waves of pleasure. I love you too. She replies, clinging to him like she’ll never let go and he’s fine if she never does. That was the end.
Dan (2): That’s a good ending.
Jacqlin: Yeah,
See one of the things I love is like the ending of making it feel like home.
Dan (2): Yes.
Jacqlin: I really, really love the tenderness of just like finding something that like just so loving of like. I love you. I love you too. And she clings to him, like she’ll never let go. And
Dan (2): Mm-hmm.
Jacqlin: like, yes, it’s written, but it’s really his internal thought of like, and he’s fine if she never does, like she never has to let go.
He wants to hold onto her forever. I just think is so like tender and special and what a good writer I am.
Dan (2): That’s really good. Well done.
Jacqlin: Oh
Dan (2): Oh, All right, Jacqueline, I think, uh, we need to end the episode now. I need to go cool down after that.
But if people [00:51:00] wanna follow you on Instagram, what’s your handle?
Jacqlin: right now you can. Yeah, Instagram is my main mode. I’m at author Jacqueline Gey. You can follow me along there. I do have They are not spicy, but they are romance. you can find them on Amazon.
Dan (2): And I’ve read your books and they’re excellent.
Jacqlin: Yeah.
Dan (2): Am I, my young adult daughter loves those books too, so they’re great, great books. Good story writing.
Jacqlin: Thank you.
Dan (3): Thank you for listening to this episode. I hope that the things that we talked about today inspire you to be a little more intimate, a little bit closer, a little more vulnerable with your spouse, and remember that sex is far more than what you do with your bodies. It’s sharing your heart, your spirit, your mind, all of you together and becoming one in the truest sense.
I hope this episode’s motivated you a little bit to try something a little bit outside your comfort zone. With the purpose of strengthening your marriage. Thank you for listening again. Share this podcast with all of your married friends. Download the Intimately US app if you [00:52:00] don’t have it yet to get access to more of these stories like what Jacqueline read, and now it’s your turn to go get your marriage on.
