The thoughts we repeatedly entertain form into stories. The stories we tell ourselves form the basis of our beliefs.
However, sometimes our beliefs don’t particularly serve us or are based on true principles. The ability to rewrite your thoughts, stories, and beliefs is an incredible human capacity, and is a key step in our development and maturity.
Amy Langford, one of my team members in the Get Your Marriage On Program, shared with our members some of the stories from her past that she’s rewritten to enjoy intimacy more fully with her husband.
- I used to believe that sex was just for men- a need they had to take care of to not be moody. I updated that thought to “I am a sexual being and being sexual is an integral part of my life and joy.”
- I used to believe that sex was work. I updated that thought to “sex is where I go to feel replenished and joyful.” I focus on feeling the joy and pleasure in my body and the joy and pleasure of being with and connecting with my husband and his body.
- I used to think that I had no desire for sex. I realized I didn’t have a desire for sex that was only about servicing my husband. I had a lot of desire for connection, touch, trust, closeness, etc. I followed these desires and used them to create more intimacy in all ways with my husband- including sex. I focused on intentionally connecting, touching, trusting, and being close with him.
- I used to believe that men’s sexuality was greedy and needy. I realized that it is actually very generous and willing to bring pleasure to women.
- I used to think that role-play / sex play had to look like what I do in everyday life. I now understand that role-play / sex play is PLAY. And there are many contexts that we can play in that I wouldn’t do in everyday life. Just like when I play games and behave differently in the context of those games. ( For example when we play spoons I grab other’s spoons as fast as I can. I try to be greedy and quick. I would never grab someone’s spoon in daily life while at the dinner table.). It’s ok to play in sex as long as both spouses are enthusiastically consenting to the context and boundaries.
- I used to believe that I couldn’t say “no” to sex. I now know that I have to have a “no” to have a “yes”. When my answer is “no” I do try to be clear and kind to my husband. I also try to think of when I would be ready or able to have sex. I honor his courage to initiate and return it with an honest respectful answer.
- I used to believe that my body needed to be a certain weight/ size/ firmness etc to be attractive. I now understand that the female form is attractive. Period. The female form is the symbol of eros and it is erotic. I allow myself to be the turn on and to enjoy my body exactly as it is.
I invite you to examine your thoughts, stories, and beliefs like Amy did and determine if there are any worth rewriting! If you’d like help, check out our program or one of our many free resources including our free masterclass!
