Two Novembers ago, I vividly recall sitting across the living room, checking out my amazing wife, Emily, even we have the familiarity of being married for nearly two decades. And that moment she was all new to me and fascinating to me. I caught the butterflies all over again for her. And in that moment she was more than just the same woman I wake up to every morning and raise children with, I found that she’s a person with lots of mystery and depth, and I just couldn’t get enough of getting to know her more. I’ve found her so compelling.
You see, the weekend prior was date night. We like to put a lot of effort into our date nights and this particular time we tried something new we haven’t done before.
And that was a role-play date, which took both of us a little bit out of our comfort zone. We took on different personas and played our various roles flirted and had a whole lot of fun. And we had the help of some creative ideas, which you’ll get to hear about more in this episode. To help us ease into the experience.
It was not only a fun experience, but it brought out different side of my wife that I don’t see very often. And that was really hot. And I think she saw a different side of me too. Today’s episode is about flirting and having fun by trying on a different persona on a date night. It’s about using the power of role play to infuse fresh life into your marriage!
It’s like putting on a different outfit than the one you usually wear and being playful. And because this is get your marriage on, we’ll add a sexy twist to it, of course!
My guest is my friend, Katie Runyan. She’s the founder of Faithful Fling, an online resource my wife and I use to get creative ideas for date night. You’ll find Katie to be a very creative and fun person.
I realize that the idea of sexy role-play isn’t for everyone, just like not everyone is into all the fun that goes into picking out a Halloween costume, or being super romantic for Valentine’s day, and that’s okay. But I encourage you to listen and pick out the principles you find can apply to your marriage, to take your marriage to the next level!
Prioritize Each Other
We’re just one week away from a very fun virtual love making retreat. It starts on Friday night, Valentine’s day and concludes Saturday night. The next night. We’re putting this on because we want to help you discover something new and deeply connecting in your marriage. You’ll get to join me from the comfort of your home or hotel, as we walk you through a very connecting sexual experience designed to draw the two of you closer together. You can find the details here.
Now, if you’re looking for something more in depth and more transformative, you don’t want to miss our upcoming in-person couples retreat.
March 26-30 you and your spouse will get to do a deep dive into your marriage dynamic, get real tools and coaching to help you with intimacy, and start to remove the road blocks that are keeping you and your spouse from connecting at a deeper level. You get all of this in a fun, romantic, and beautiful setting with a small group of other couples. And of this publishing, we have one spot left! We hope you’ll join us!
Other episodes you might like:
190: Cultivating Healthy Eroticism in Long-term Marriages
171: Would You Rather …? Sexy Edition & Embracing Your Eroticism
217: Eroticism: What Does Your Sexuality Want?
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
#226: How To Infuse Creativity into Your Sex Life with Role-Play
Dan (2): Katie, welcome back to the Get Your Marriage On podcast. How are you today?
Katie: Thank you so much for having me.
Dan (2): So I get your emails that you send occasionally, and recently you sent an email about a snowed in date. Can you tell everyone a little bit about this idea that you have?
Katie: Yeah. So this winter I was thinking how fun it would be to create a role play date where you and your spouse are able to kind of. Play off the weather that you might have around you. You can even do it where you live, where it’s in the desert. It doesn’t really matter. But I thought to myself, usually you’re snowed in.
There’s not much to do. You’re like super prepared. You’re warm. What happens if we just kind of created a fresh, vibrant scene where Sam is [00:05:00] a rancher from Montana and
we’ve got Lucky Lucy and she is from sunny Arizona. She has no idea how to drive in any weather and she’s gonna go up and look at this cabin that her great aunt Linda gave to her.
So this is what they do. She obviously gets stuck because there’s a blizzard and she sees a chimney ahead. So she just tramples through the snow and she knocks on a stranger’s door and it just happens to be this rugged rancher dressed up in some flannel and boots and his house is all warm and there’s a fire.
And then she’s got this cute little happy lucky vibe where she’s like, Oh my goodness, Thank you so much. I thought I was just gonna die out there and you’ve got this cute little meet cue and you just
continue to
Dan (2): in. Uh huh.
Katie: Oh, yeah, because there’s no other option. There’s no shoot
and then she has like these funny things She’ll be like, well, do you have uber eats here?
And this is the middle of montana There’s not uber eats and it becomes very apparent that they are going to [00:06:00] be in this close proximity strangers stuck together and we have fun little prompts that what she might have in her backpack because again her name is Lucky Lucy and she wins everything.
So she might win like bunk cakes for a year. She’s like the luckiest girl in the world. She, she wins like gift cards. So she has this that is just full of all of these everyday items that we can kind of turn into some little sexual adventures. And then she will also say, How can I ever make this up to you?
And Sam, the rugged rancher, which could be really fun for, for, a girl that maybe her husband isn’t dressed like a rugged rancher all the time, because
oftentimes we’ll think of role plays where you play. have to dress up in costume and typically we’re thinking that the lady will be always the one dressed up and this is just kind of a little fun spin on that.
So you get to do your best Yellowstone vibes here and you just have a really great time. We, we have surprises that we’ve written in for both [00:07:00] spouses to be able to do. She has this really fun, play off of the word snowball effect. So she’ll be like, you know, when you do something real small, but then when you add, like if I touched her back with one finger, but then if I used all 10 and she just kind of talks a little bit more about the snowball effect and then he has his own prompts and sexy elements that, that he is going to reveal throughout the day too.
So it’s a fun one. If you don’t have it, When you haven’t tried it out, you might want to just hop on there. You don’t even have to have snow, but it would be a really unique experience. And we’re just kind of playing off a lot of different little elements of the weather. how you’re creating the scene in your house.
Maybe you have soup, or maybe you just decided to bring out some, um, like those Rhodes frozen rolls, but now the whole house smells like fresh bread. Like you’re doing things that you don’t typically do, but you are in a role play date. So it can be really fun.
Dan (2): hmm. That’s good. Tell me about another scene, another story that you’ve written.
Katie: [00:08:00] All right. So I have another one and this is going to be a little bit of a lap dance. But I know what you’re thinking. Maybe you’re like, I’m not giving my husband a lap dance. But would you give your husband a lap dance if you set up a chair, say next to a Christmas tree and that’s the only light. So it’s just the ambiance is just perfect. And then you think to yourself, no, I’m not. Well, what happens if you give him the instructions? He’s sitting in this chair and he. He cannot touch you. He can only put his hands down. So you’re just talking and, you’re, just enjoying each other’s company. And then you decide to put your high heeled foot right between his knees on that chair and you ask him to roll down your thigh high stocking.
Okay,
so he’s got to take that off. And then you take this thigh high stocking. And of course, with consent, Uh, you lightly bind his hands. So now he can’t touch you. And then you ask him, you put your other foot up there and you say, now remove this. And of course his hands are bound. So he’s going to have to probably [00:09:00] use his teeth to get it down. So now you have this and it’s a sheer stocking and you’re going to blindfold him with it. So now you’re, it’s pretty dark in that room. You’ve got a sheer element, so he’s gonna see you, but you don’t feel like you have to be putting on, like, this amazing performance. Like, I’m not a great dancer. I kind of bend like a piece of steel.
But it gave me enough confidence, like, I, the room was dark, I felt sexy, he, he looked, you know, like, I knew that the, that he couldn’t see every single thing, and that was, That can be like really hot and fun. So those are kind of the, fantasy elements that you can expect from a role play date with faithful fleeing. But usually, we’ve got things like that implemented into our role play dates. So you never quite know what to experience when you’re having one. Like you’re probably not going to find yourself in a chair next to a Christmas tree and suddenly you’re getting the most amazing little lap dance from your wife.
[00:10:00] I,
Dan (2): up with the lap dance one?
Katie: um, well, I kind of think that it would be really fun to do myself and then I try to think, what could I do to make it that I would feel comfortable when it would need to be dark, you know, and kind of things like that. And then I think you can make everyday items sexy. So that Christmas tree. The next time you look at it, you’re probably going to smirk and be like, I know what we did next to that tree, you know?
And how do I come up with the, yeah, I have a creative mindset of trying to make everyday items. Like we have one with a step stool. I’m not
kidding you. Okay. Like no one’s going to think no one, and I’m totally ruining the surprise for this one, but. He’s a renter of an apartment and she’s the apartment manager, but sometimes the punch work is just a little too much and she needs to go in there and do it. And she needed to fix like a crack in the ceiling and some, some drywall repair. So he walks in from his work and it’s like eight 30 at night [00:11:00] and all of a sudden he walks in and this beautiful woman is repairing his and his house with a, ladder and she’s got drop cloths out. And. I don’t know, have you ever made out on top of a stepstool or a ladder? Because angles are really fun to play with.
Visuals are a way different in this. You can have fun like who’s taller, who’s shorter. maybe the angles if you’re laying down could be a little bit fun. So suddenly he has a bag of to go food, she’s on the ladder, and then they have dinner together, and then all of their, Sexual tension is building, and then she’s prompted that everything, all of our sexual experiences are going to be incorporating this ladder.
Whether we’re on it, leaning against it, under it. I mean, I don’t know about you, if you’ve heard about like seven years of bad luck
going underneath a ladder. Well, if you make love under a ladder, you definitely have seven years of the best luck ever. So, these are um,
Dan (2): reverses.
Katie: Oh, it reversed. [00:12:00] So there’s no, you know, there’s a lot of fun.
So I will just find like everyday items. Like the inspiration for this one was me just changing a lightbulb, and I thought, I could implement this in a fling.
Like, why not have a fun scenario with a ladder, or a step
stool. Ours happened to be a step stool. And then we also have a really fun fling, it’s called The Artist.
We always have a little story. So we don’t just give you like a scenario and say dress up and go have sex. We want to give you way more involvement than that.
And sometimes that can be really fun. Other times, just the organic, quick, spontaneous role play dates are really a fabulous way to go as well. But this one, it’s called The Artist Dan. It’s really fun. The male character, the husband’s role, he was the loser in a fantasy football league.
And his I know and his so I don’t know if you’ve heard of this But oftentimes you have like silly punishments
So his punishment was [00:13:00] he had to go downtown and his city at the swanky art It’s kind of like a sip and paint
and all of
his
Dan (2): what he wanted to
Katie: not really what he was wanting to do, but he knew he had to pay his dues.
He
didn’t make the best team. And of course, Monique, she’s the art studio
owner and she comes in and somehow all Of the other applicants were canceled. So now suddenly it’s just these two people So she set up her room with there’s again drop cloths out and you she’s got some canvases and paint and you do the the characters meet and of course, they have Some sort of drink together sparkling cider or champagne, whatever that might be looking like for them. And then She kind of leads him on into making a piece of art And then You know, you’ve got a little bit of sexual tension, you’re making some suggestive comments, and then suddenly, she needs a different medium, and it happens to be [00:14:00] his, you know, chest, so now she’s gonna be painting him, and then,
um, we’ve got body safe paints ideas, we’re giving you all these things to make it, but the kicker of this one is, again, it’s called the artist, is that when it’s all done, that drop cloth was down, I’ve And we’re hoping you’re kind of blending these paints together. Uh, we want you to find something on there that looked, you know, kind of fun. And then as a follow up gift, you’re going to like cut that little piece of drop cloth out and frame it. So now you kind of have this like funny little, like, look what we made together. No one else knows what this is, but You
know what, honey, you and I do, I mean, it can be really abstractive.
So just, we’ll, we’ll do fun things like that. So the ideas just come and go from whether they’re a home improvement to looking at the weather, to wanting to go on a vacation at a hotel and some of those classic fantasies as well that we want to explore. And, I have a really great time writing them.
So it’s so
much
Dan (2): bet, I bet. [00:15:00] And I think part of it too, if you’re listening to this, like, oh my, that sounds like a lot of effort, but
I think there’s an organic component to with really good. The heart of all this is its play and just thoroughly enjoying each other and just using everyday surroundings to kind of, you know, Break the monotony.
So things aren’t so ordinary. I’ve shared this on the, my podcast before once where I was, out of town, like 45 minutes out of town for an all day seminar into the evening, but it wasn’t far enough away that I had to stay in a different hotel. I, I could come home. I could commute every day. And, partway through the day, I did something I’ve never done before.
And that is I texted my wife and I said, Hey, I heard your husband is out of town. And she picked right up on the queue and said, I know, and we shouldn’t be talking right now. And that just set up a scenario for something fun for us because yes, her [00:16:00] husband, me, I am out of town, but there’s this banter.
There’s this playfulness. Anyway, she’s like, well, um, maybe I’ll leave the back door unlocked tonight after the kids are in bed. And when I got home, I was really quiet. I didn’t go through the main door in the garage. I tiptoed around to the back of the house and it was unlocked.
The back door was unlocked and there she was. And it was just kind of a fun, organic way of like, just playing together. And I, I love that aspect of, of what you’re talking about. It’s all about this play.
Katie: It is. And sometimes you just have to try it out. Like send the text and see what happens. Like trust your spouse that they’re willing to go along with it. Like for our first role play scenario was very much similar to yours where I just kind of dressed up as a cute little skirt and I looked a little bit different and then I, he opened the door and there I was standing and it was like, Oh, hi professor.
How are you? And he was like, you know, I’ve been waiting for you. And he said, I’m sorry. [00:17:00] I’m sorry. I kept you waiting. And like, we just kind of rolled with it. But of course, yeah, that feels really vulnerable to be like, Oh my goodness. I’m. Just kind of throw this text out there or try this little outfit, and I hope they’re receptive So if and I encourage you if someone does that for you your spouse does it oh my goodness roll with it Send the text back smile compliment encouraged because it does take a lot of courage and guts to throw yourself out there and Doing that is only going to build your connection build your pleasure, and you’ll see such an increase in emotional intimacy as well.
So receive it. I’ll and you know and say yes
Dan (2): I learned something, uh, just two weeks ago, learned how to do a backflip on the trampoline. I’m 43 years old. I’ve been trying since I was 10, but I’ve always been afraid. Like, you know, my brother can do a backflip. My friends could do backflips and they always try to coach me. Just do this. Just do this.
Just do this. [00:18:00] And all the coaching in the world is never because I was so afraid I’m going to land on my neck or my head. So two weeks ago, I’m jumping on a tramp with my 14 year old. And he’s like, dad, I want to learn how to do a backflip. I’m like, sorry, kid. I don’t, I can’t teach you. I don’t know how to do it, but I think you just jump and you just go for it.
Like this,
Katie: You didn’t
think about it you just
Dan (2): I landed it. It was awesome, but I got to say, there is this point of like, no return. there’s a point in attempting the backflip. It’s like, I’m committed to go through this and it, I can’t like correct myself if it doesn’t go well, it’s, it’s this stepping into the unknown and you just go for it.
And then to my surprise. Things kind of worked out and I was so elated. So happy. Quick, quick, get the camera. Do this again.
Katie: Did you do it again
Dan (2): I did.
Katie: All
right
Dan (2): came naturally after that, but that’s the idea of I think [00:19:00] anything like what we’re talking about. Sometimes there’s a head hesitancy to start a fling or do something.
And there’s this like commitment. No, I’m going to go, put the chair by the Christmas tree or no, we’re going to set up the ladder in our family room or the bedroom. No, we’re going to get the drop clouds or we’re going to get the supplies for a Snowden date. Like it’s, it’s like a commitment and there will be a point of like, no return in your head.
It’s all in your head, but if you can overcome that hump, that fear, there’s so much goodness on the other side.
Katie: I like that. we’ve been doing cold plunges lately and
it’s kind of that we we’re talking about
like the point of no return and
um, You just have to like be willing just to like allow yourself to drop and like plunge into this cold water And i’m like absolutely not like I do not have to try that like there is nothing And everybody’s talking about all of these fun benefits.
So finally I was like, all right I’ll just i’ll just go to my belly [00:20:00] button and no you that’s the
point of no
return is You just gotta go It’s just a you know a jump so
But as far as like these organic playful things like what happens if you just let it be fun You
Like, what happens if you let go of perfectionism, or people pleasing, or allowing, like, this arbitrary, person, like, is that allowed type of things, like, what happens if you just allowed yourself to be playful? And what happens if you stopped, perceiving your, your prioritize, your effort over your perceived skill set? Like, who cares that maybe you weren’t that great? at having a roleplay date or a backflip. I mean, we hope you at least landed on your knees, not your
neck. But like, but it was the effort that you kept trying.
Like, who cares? What happens if you just allowed it to be fun? So those are my suggestions for that too. Like, it doesn’t have to be this great big thing. Just let it be
fun. Yeah.
Dan (2): sexual so seriously and hesitancy [00:21:00] in doing the date is already on like, Because of the outcome and the pressure involved to have sex.
But if you could just for, for a moment, let that go focus on just playing together. My wife cuts my hair and just a few weeks ago, I’m sitting in the chair in our, in our bathroom. after the kids are in bed late at night, I have the cape around me and, uh, she excuse herself and steps into the walk in closet and comes back out, undressed.
And this is kind of fun for us. Like, Oh, she’s going to cut my hair. Like naked this time and all sorts of jokes. We go back and forth. Like we get ads for like sports clips and varsity clips, like really targeting men to like really draw them and watch sports while your hair is getting cut. Well, this is way better.
Katie: something.
Dan (2): Exclusive clientele only like we could have a lot of fun with with the way it’s kind of Organically unfolded and it didn’t mean [00:22:00] we have to have sex it didn’t mean like there’s no pressure here But it’s like we can really just let our hair down Pun intended and just have a fun time being together in that way
Katie: I love that. Even like one time my husband picked me up and I hopped in the car and I was like, thanks for picking me up. And he kind of looked at me like. That seemed like she’s always gonna thank me, but it seemed a little bit more flirtatious and he’s like, oh, yeah, no problem I was on my way anyways, and that wasn’t anything we talked about.
We just kind of like Pretended that I needed a ride and all of a sudden there was just like this sexual Like innuendo and and then we went to a family dinner like we weren’t we were just having playful flirting before something totally normal was happening. It doesn’t always have to lead to the sex like you mentioned,
Dan (2): Right, I think some roleplay sex because isn’t that practicing or pretending to have sex with a complete stranger [00:23:00] outside of your marriage? And I think if you put a lot of emphasis on the role play and the character part, and yeah, I can see how people think that way. But I don’t know, how do you address that?
How
Katie: I, for, for my husband and I, I can just answer for us. we do not feel like we’re having an emotional affair because I take on a different persona, or he does and, and we blend our erotic minds together. Like we know exactly who we are and we’re super comfortable. We’ve had a lot of conversations with that. We recognize that having these fantasies together is. is really connecting for us. And when we have a role play date, it’s not creating these moments where we start, we begin to have replacement fantasies. And I think that, like, if you’re having a role play date and suddenly a replacement fantasy, and what I mean by that is when you’re having a fantasy or even acting something out, all of a sudden the other person’s not your spouse, that can be problematic.
Um, [00:24:00] but
Dan (2): neighbor.
Katie: Yeah, like I mean, I really want my best friend like that can be problematic. But for us, like that’s that’s not us. We realized that we’re just exercising our erotic mind and we’re we’re having a playful experience and adding some novelty to it for us. But if it is a concern of yours, there’s several questions you can like ask yourselves.
You can say, like, is this role play date? Going to be? Connecting and pleasurable experience. Are we both excited about it? do we think that this is going to enhance our marriage and our date nights? Are we willing to explore erotic minds and blend them together? and also you never know unless you ask so if you’re wondering like hey I don’t know what they might think about having a role play date.
I’m not sure what their feelings are about You know, is this gonna feel like an emotional affair to them? And you never know unless you ask, so I think that there’s a lot to different. And then one other thing is, people will often be in character or in their new [00:25:00] personas throughout the date, but then when it becomes more sexualized, they just like emotionally click back into who they real like, you know, now I’m Katie and this is John, and that it can still be a really fabulous experience, and just that little mental click is just what you might need.
Dan (2): Yeah, that’s, that’s usually us
Katie: Yes. Yeah.
Dan (2): not in character while,
Katie: Right.
Dan (2): while going at it. So it’s really about the play. It’s the banter. we have different aspects of ourselves.
Like I can be really serious. I can also be really analytical. I can also be very deep and thoughtful. I can also be lighthearted. I can also be really punny. I can also be, really like soft and, gentle and vulnerable. I can also be really. Firm and strong and dominant. Do you see how I have many aspects of me
and that all as a whole make up who I am, but in a way, isn’t role [00:26:00] play dates playing with different aspects of yourself and different aspects of your spouse?
Just, you might just exaggerate or highlight one specific part of who they already are just for a period of time.
Katie: I think so, for sure. I think you’re able to, maybe those parts of yourself that aren’t really out there all of the time, that you can really embrace, and maybe that shows up in a roleplay date where you’re like, Alright, I’m going to be sexy Raquel the realtor, and I’m going to show you exactly where I want it, how I want it, and that doesn’t typically come out.
Another fun part of having a roleplay date is, Sometimes you’re the pursuer and you’re often being pursued. And that can be a really fresh dynamic in a relationship where this, you know, the husband’s always the one that’s trying to initiate and it can feel really fun for the husband or wife to, have that in turn.
So to actually feel like someone’s wanting them, but also those small parts of you that [00:27:00] are always there. And you’re able to exemplify that and just kind of magnify what you are in part of the role play date can feel a little bit more authentic than just taking on this like role that you don’t even think, you know, you don’t even resonate with, but if you can kind of find something that feels like a connection there, it can make it feel a little bit easier to get into character.
Dan (2): I like that. when we play with a role reversal, like usually in the bedroom, I tend to be more of the dominant type. My wife is more of the submissive type. So we fit into this stereotype. 80 percent of men generally are the dominant in the bedroom. But when we switch, it’s, it’s very out of character for us.
And we’re laughing the whole time, but, and it’s goofy cause they were both awkward in it, but it’s really memorable. It’s really fun because there is this element. In fact, when you think about a sexy role play scenarios, do you often think about this power balance,
Katie: yeah,
Dan (2): power play, Can you give me another example [00:28:00] of a fling you’ve done where you are playing with different, power dynamics?
Katie: sure. So, I do want to mention also, On the website, we categorize our flings in certain different ways, like surprises for him, surprises for her, going out, going in. So, often times, if you’re looking to be the dominant one, then you’re going to want to find like the surprises for your spouse. So, like for me, if I’m wanting to be more of the dominant, In charge, the person that’s going to be revealing all the surprises.
So any of those word choices would be good. I would choose one where the surprises are for my husband, because that’s going to allow me to be in charge and set the tone for the date. So we have this one fling, it’s called the maid. It’s our number one bestseller. I won’t reveal all of the Sexy
elements of
it.
You’ve done it. it’s pretty, it’s hot. It’s fun. It’s, it’s unique. She is a sexy maid. Um, and she is working for a really fabulous, fabulous. Hotel where they’re kind of like off [00:29:00] of a Vegas vibe. So everyone’s dressed up whether you’re a Maid or the front desk or anyone so it can either be like a you know A sexy maid outfit or just a really I mean it is it’s a provocative. We’re having playful scenarios This doesn’t mean they’re gonna happen in real life.
And it happens to be that she’s getting ready to do turndown service and she notices on the door that there is a um you know, service, please. Little door hanger. And that is her key to walk in. She’s got her earbuds in. She looks at the bed. She just sees a bunch of pillows and she goes about and she’s kind of sexy and, and she’s able to clean the room and she lifts high and she’s got up on her toes so you can kind of see her body and she bends down low and then unbeknownst to her in the mix of all of these pillows is actually a hotel patron and he has been watching this. You know, sexy little show And, and it just goes from there. But see, literally he’s laying down. She’s [00:30:00] standing up. She’s the one that’s going to Take control of the roleplay date. She has surprises that she’s literally going to bring to his bedside table and they’ll explore together. So some of those are power dynamics, things like that.
A few other fantasy elements would be like trying new physical, Like it’s not just your bedroom or having everyday items become really sexy like a step ladder or a Christmas tree. Or we’ve implemented a mirror before, just like a full length mirror that you hang up behind your, door, you know, in your closet just to get a quick glimpse and make sure the outfit works.
Well, if that is sexy. propped up on the side on the floor and and you’re able to to view that while you’re having your experience on the floor with your spouse that can be really hot and erotic to be able to get totally different views and perspectives so we’re trying to do that as well but the power play is often [00:31:00] really encouraged for me to write because sometimes you might have someone like we’ll talk about for example my husband he makes decisions every single day you He is the boss of the company and he’s just got to be on and on and on and I would say that this Most of the time like you mentioned 80 percent of the time he is that role in the bedroom as well But it can be kind of nice just to mentally step back and just let me take control for for a night And while that may not be our normal, it’s certainly well received and can be memorable and fun and just different.
Again, different doesn’t mean better or worse. It’s just something that is, you know, different from your typical routine, which can be vibrant and fun.
Dan (2): There’s a couple I coached where, similarly, but in a reversed way, she’s the breadwinner. She has a business. She’s got a huge load of clients. She’s busy, busy, busy, always in work mode. And [00:32:00] when she comes home and with her husband, The last thing she wants to do is tell him how she wants him to do her.
She, she just wants to submit, but she married a really gentle guy. He’s not the really domineer kind of a type of guy. He’s really responsible. He helps run the household really well. And that’s okay. But in the bedroom, it’s just doesn’t quite have that. strong spark for her. And so they talked about it and they worked through it.
And she’s basically didn’t have the words for it at the time, but through coaching, she was able to say, like, I just really would like you to take charge of me sexually. And, I think, one night she came home kind of late and there was a trail of Hershey kisses from the door all the way to the bedroom.
And he had everything kind of prepared. And she’s like, This is going to be so good.
Katie: I
love that.
Dan (2): right? He took the [00:33:00] initiative and there’s some other things that he had prepared, but it’s the idea of like, she could just submit into it and just really enjoy the experience
Katie: Now if,
Dan (2): take, take charge for once.
And it was hot. It was so good for their marriage.
Katie: and she’s never gonna think about Hershey Kisses the same again, right? Like
that little glimpse is she’s just gonna be like, I remember that. So if you are like, Wanting to have this trail of of gifts and they’re not Hershey kisses, but you should check out the fling called flame Okay,
it’s the same thing as you’re gonna have.
Um, although the wife is setting up the
Dan (2): Scenario.
Katie: of
where she might be so you’re gonna have to find it But again, that one is called the flame and or it’s just called flame and it’s it’s really hot it starts out with a little treasure hunt if you will and and it ends in a In a blaze of glory, so it’s, it’s pretty [00:34:00] hot.
Dan (2): That’s good.
Great. have you ever had a roleplay date with your husband that flopped and didn’t go well?
Katie: I’ve definitely had an interrupted one where, you know, we had to just pivot and abandon it for like sick kids and things like that. Um, did it not go well? No? I think we’re both pretty playful. Honestly.
Dan (2): But that’s telling, because it means that you don’t have really high stakes going into your dates. Yes.
Katie: No.
Dan (2): you talk more why it’s important not to have your stakes and expectations so high?
Katie: I think that when you have these unsaid, unmet expectations, that’s when resentment can come in,
right? So if you’re thinking this is just gonna be this like, big, glorious thing and then it doesn’t end up doing it or it feels really stifled or kind of like, got to the end and it was all done and you’re like, well, I thought it was going to be something bigger or better.
I think that’s when the communication needs to happen afterwards. Like, Hey, I really had a great time with that. [00:35:00] Um, I want to try it again. And I was thinking we could maybe have it be longer or, I wanted to play in character longer or I didn’t want to be in character longer. I felt like we should have, you know, That felt really stifled to me.
Like whatever your your concern was or unmet expectation, go ahead and say that. I think that communication will be good. One thing that faithful flame does, though, is that you and your spouse will share one but you have different usernames and passwords and you’re only going to see your fleeing description and your spouse is only going to see theirs. And this is written for two reasons. One, you can change and implement anything that you want that maybe it doesn’t feel great to you or that’s just something you’re not quite, you know, you don’t want to try or you don’t really like that line. And then your spouse has no idea that I was even given. So that unmet expectation isn’t even there.
The second reason we keep your roles separate is to reveal those fun, flirty, sexy surprises. [00:36:00] And if, and we even have in our role play description, an entire section that says what your spouse knows about their role. And then an entire part that says surprises for your spouse. Now, is that going to, completely alleviate all problems that you might have or feelings of disappointment or anything after, after a role play date?
No. But we did want to think about that, allowing you to have a lot of details that we’ve provided for a role play date, but, you know, giving you the freedom to change it and implement it. However, you see fit but without those unmet expectations because wouldn’t that be really sad if I told you the One of your role play dates you were gonna get a sexy lap dance And then your wife ended up being like I don’t want to actually get the light lap dance I just want to sit on his lap that would feel disappointing.
That’s why
the things are surprises but the communication and After the fact of a roleplay [00:37:00] date has got to be key, but remember, your willingness to even try it says a lot, so don’t get too disappointed, like your backflip. You tried, you tried, and you tried, and you tried, and finally you went full send, and you did it, and you’re like, Oh my gosh, I have to do this again, and we have to do this again.
So that could even be what happens for a role play date for you, and if it’s not, that’s okay, too. There’s tons of other fun, playful ways to go about adding novelty and playfulness into your marriage.
Dan (2): Very good. Thank you.
I love our conversation. The heart of it is, can you just play with your spouse? Can you just enjoy being together? Can you, I think that’s it. you can relax and trust each other and just let things organically unfold. And you might get inspiration from Faithful Fling or from regular household items too.
Can you just make things fun? I think that’s fantastic.
Katie: Yes, because your willingness to be playful with your spouse [00:38:00] shows them so much because even your willingness to be playful shows them that like, Hey, I’m willing to put like time, energy, effort into being playful and adding novelty. And that’s going to show that you prioritize your marriage. And then when you are willing to be playful or try something new, you’re exhibiting trust and Connection and communication and friendship and when you have those high levels of emotional intimacy and you do add in those Playfulness and the newness that can keep it really hot and it also leaves room for true intimacy and then We all talk about sexuality, but
your willingness to be playful with your spouse invites you to open up your erotic mind. And that’s where curiosity and creativity and desire lay. And you’re saying to them, Hey, will you open up your creative mind and let’s blend them together and see what kind of playful stories, scenarios, situations that we can come up with together and just have a great time being playful.
Dan (2): Yes, and studies show those that, [00:39:00] uh, have healthy sex lives, measured by orgasms and things like that, tend to also have a lot more creativity in their life also. So they go together, it’s, it’s all part of this erotic mind, this part of being human, this beautiful part of being human, and, it’s all interrelated, I’m sure.
Katie: yes.
Dan (2): Katie, where can people go to find all of your creative, sexy roleplay date ideas?
Katie: You can visit us at FaithfulFling. com and I’m also on Instagram at FaithfulFling.
Dan (2): Great. All right, thanks!
Katie: Thank you.
