If you’re a working mom carrying the job, the kids, the meals, the schedules, the mental checklist, and the marriage, you may reach the end of the day with nothing left to give.
Connection—even the kind you genuinely want—can feel like another demand. Then the guilt arrives and tells you that you’re failing at one more thing.
My guest Amy Nesbitt understands that experience because she’s living it. Amy spent nearly 20 years working professionally in Silicon Valley, including time at Apple, while raising two children and learning how to stay connected to herself, her family, her faith, and her husband.
In our conversation, Amy explains why busy moms need to stop silently carrying the invisible load, how to recognize resentment before it stacks up, and what changed when she finally asked her husband to take more off her plate.
We also talk about letting a spouse do a task differently, protecting the interests that make you feel like a whole person, and the little “spicy” experiment that gave Amy and her husband a new way to connect beyond kids and logistics.
You’ll hear:
- Why intimacy can feel out of reach when your emotional well is empty
- How “I’ll just do it myself” quietly turns into resentment
- A better way to ask for help without blame or scorekeeping
- Why your spouse’s support for your interests can feel deeply attractive
- How a shared experience can open new conversations
- Amy’s values-first approach to talking with children about sex
This isn’t an episode telling exhausted moms to try harder. It’s an invitation to make the load visible, let other people step up, and create enough room to feel like yourself—and like a couple—again.
Learn more about Amy: Whole Wellness Mama.
Resources
Next Level Couples Coaching Program
Men’s Only and Women’s Only coaching programs
Our apps: Intimately Us, Just Between Us, and Spark’d
Get on the waitlist for our spring retreat!
Guest: Amy Nesbitt
Amy Nesbitt is a full-time working mama of two, blending corporate life with a passion for wellness, travel, books, and everyday joy. On her blog and socials as WholeWellnessMamas, she empowers moms to thrive through simple, intentional living. She also shares her love for Japanese culture, food, and travel on This Japanese American Life and dives into all things books on AmyNsReads. From summits to YouTube, Amy helps women find joy in the chaos and savor the everyday.
Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Amy Nesbitt: [00:00:00] there is nothing sexier than a man that can support his wife and encourage her to do the things that help her feel healthy and connect with the things that give them joy outside of motherhood and the role of wife and all the things. And. When I feel supported, when I feel encouraged, when I feel like I’m in a good mental space,
Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.
Amy Nesbitt: I am more open to connecting with him in all the different ways.
Dan Purcell: Right,
Amy Nesbitt: included.
Episode Begins
Intro
Dan Purcell: Hey, friends. If you feel like you’re a working mom who feels like you’re carrying all of it, the job, the kids, the never-ending mental checklist, the marriage, and by the end of the day, you’re [00:01:00] so tired and touched out that connecting with your spouse, even if it’s just s*xual connection or any kind of connection, just feels so out of reach that it feels like one more task on the to-do list, and then you feel guilty about that, then this episode is definitely for you.
My guest is Amy Nesbit, and she gets it because she’s living it. Amy spent nearly 20 years as a professional in Silicon Valley, including a stretch at Apple, and all this while raising two kids and figuring out this balancing act in real time. Now, she pours what she’s learning into helping moms through her community, Whole Wellness Mamas, along with summits and channels where she shares everything from Japanese cooking to book recommendations to the mindset shifts that help busy moms feel more whole.
Fun little bonus for me, Amy and I both speak Japanese, so we had a good time with that too. She’s warm, honest, and refreshingly real [00:02:00] about how messy things get. And this conversation is wonderfully practical. You’ll learn how to make the invisible load a little more visible and how to stop silently carrying it all alone, how to catch resentment before it stacks up, and she, um…
I’m gonna say that all over again. Edit that.
In this episode, you’re gonna learn how to make the invisible load a little more visible, so you stop silently carrying it all alone. She’ll share how to catch resentment before it stacks up and quietly poisons your marriage, and how to stop being the martyr who does everything and then, surprise, wonders why nobody seems to notice.
Amy g- okay, edit that too. Amy’s got this line that I love, “You can’t draw water from an empty well,” and she gives real, doable ways to refill yourselves without the guilt. She even shares the unexpected little things she did that pull her and her husband closer together, [00:03:00] um… All right, I gotta say that again.
Edit that. In this episode, Amy even shares the unexpected little things that she did that pulled her and her husband closer than they did in for a while. Now, stick around, ’cause Amy shares the one thing that she says is sexier than anything else in the marriage. And I have a feeling that a lot of husbands are gonna wanna hear that part as well.
And stay to the end, because she opens up about how she talks to her own kids about s*x, the values-first, age-appropriate way that actually keeps them safe. That part alone is gonna be worth the listen. So if you’re a tired, big-hearted, doing it all mom who just wants to feel like yourself again and feel truly connected to the person you’re married to, this episode is for you.
Before we jump in, let me tell you that our men’s and women’s small group coaching program is opening up its doors in September. This is ideal for anyone that has, you’d say, an o- [00:04:00] otherwise good marriage. Like, you communicate well, you’re friends, but you wish you had more of that spark, especially in the bedroom, or you wanna be able to communicate better emotionally or s*xually or spiritually or otherwise.
This is a great program because it is a container. You’re there with about 12 other couples. Um, edit that It’s a safe place because you’re there with six to 10 other, uh, men or women in the group that you’re in, and you become fast friends. And it’s a safe place for you to learn from each other, as well learn from myself and, uh, our team of coaches.
So you’ll find all those details at getyourmarriageon.com. We’re also getting ready to announce our in-person retreat for next spring. If you’re not on my mailing list, you wanna jump on now because that announcement’s gonna come out real soon. But here’s a little hint. You can sneak down to the bottom and you’ll find a link to join the waiting list.
Those on the waiting list get to know about it first, so that way you [00:05:00] can sign up before it fills up from everyone else trying to get in, too. So those details are gonna be there for you. It’s an excellent experience for couples that wanna reignite passion and intimacy in their relationship. Ready? Let’s jump in
Dan – May 2025: amy, welcome to the Get Your Marriage On Podcast. How are you?
Amy Nesbitt: I am doing great. Thanks for having me.
Dan – May 2025: Good. Uh, so you’re a mom, you have two children and you’re a working professional also. So, I’m looking forward to this conversation ’cause so many people can relate. I think like. I’m a busy mom. And I’m a professional and I’m married.
How do I balance it all? And I, I’m looking forward to that conversation. But first, I wanna know what it’s like for you being a mom with kids. And have you ever run into a situation where, just by living, you had a maybe potentially exposing or embarrassing moment along the way.
Amy Nesbitt: think we all have, but if I had to pick one, um, this is a fairly recent thing where I love audio books
and. As a busy working mom, I listen a lot on my commutes, [00:06:00] like that’s why I love audio books, right?
Dan Purcell: yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: chores, while I’m doing whatever, I can listen and I listen to all genres. But one of the things I do, or I started listening to a few years ago, and I’ve been on like a romantic sea kick, but
sometimes they get a little spicy. And remember distinctly, we were in the orthodontics office for my kids and I was listening to my my book because I was really into it and I was like, oh, well I wanna get it, you know,
Dan Purcell: Yeah, it’s, it’s a great part of it. Uhhuh.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah, squeeze it in while you can. Right. We moms, we have limited time, so get it in while you can and we get called in and I thought I took my AirPods out and they would just automatically stop. But what happened was the sound.
Coming
Dan Purcell: audio book there. Uhhuh,
Amy Nesbitt: which was in my backpack, which was not easy to get. And there it was just blaring out for everyone. And, uh, I was a little embarrassed, but at the same time I went, ugh. You know, things happen and the amount [00:07:00] of book people that have also said that happened to
Dan Purcell: Uhhuh.
Amy Nesbitt: everybody,
Dan Purcell: Yep.
Amy Nesbitt: we’ve all had those moments. Sex exists guys,
Dan Purcell: Yeah,
Amy Nesbitt: and we live with it.
Dan – May 2025: for me it’s when my phone switches to Bluetooth in the car and it like resumes like. Whatever my podcast or whatever I’m listening to, and the kids are like, dad,
Amy Nesbitt: What are you listening to? Yeah.
Dan Purcell: that’s funny. That’s great. so you have a heart for helping mothers really stay grounded, you know, connected to themselves, to their children to their faith, especially in their marriages. How did you, fall into this work?
Amy Nesbitt: You know, it was all kind of curiosity led because I’ve been a working professional in Silicon Valley, was where I led most of my career, um, for, you know, almost 20 years and.
Dan Purcell: You worked for Apple? I think I,
Amy Nesbitt: for Apple for
Dan Purcell: yep.
Amy Nesbitt: portion of it. Yep. And so many parents or moms specifically that I talked to, that I worked with were like, how do we balance it all?
Especially after COVID, right? Those [00:08:00] conversations like, how did we do this before? Five days in the office?
Dan Purcell: Uh huh.
Amy Nesbitt: but really my journey started during COVID. I. We remember the crazy times, right? Where we were working from home, the kids were schooling from home, and I just had this crazy idea, okay, what if I just created a YouTube channel just for kicks, even if the grandparents were the only people that watched it, to really focus on our joys instead of the crappy things that were happening.
Dan Purcell: Yeah. Yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: we focused on, oh my gosh, we can’t go see these people. Oh, we can’t go here. But really there was still so many blessings in our
lives, so we just started this thing. And then it morphed, over the course of time to this Japanese American life. Um, and I won’t get super into it, um, now, but that is the, the main YouTube channel.
and then I loved books like I was talking about
earlier. So then I started a book thing. and at the heart of it, as I kept doing these things, people kept asking me, how do you have a full-time job? Do these other things on the side, be a mom, be a wife, be a friend? All the roles that we have. [00:09:00] And still enjoy or have time for all these things, I realized. It actually fills my cup to do these creative things, you
Dan Purcell: Yes.
Amy Nesbitt: to be able to serve others in ways, whether it’s my Japanese cooking tips or travel tips or book recommendations or like mindset things that have helped me as a working mom. And so that’s where whole mamas started. Uh, and just started talking to more people, having summits, working with moms, and it is just. know it’s still not my full-time job, but it is such a big part of what I want to do for other people in the community, and I’ve seen so many people benefit from just knowing they’re not alone, um, that it’s something that I can’t not do anymore.
Dan Purcell: That is so good. I look forward to your advice today. So as a working mom and a wife, how have you cultivated space for sex and intimacy in your marriage?
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah, [00:10:00] I think this is a very interesting topic for me because as I was thinking about, okay, what, what has been my identity or what has been messages that I’ve grown up with and being. In an Asian household, a lot of things you just kind of don’t really talk about sex, that there’s just some things that you’re like, oh, okay, we’ll talk about it, you know, or maybe you’ll, you’ll talk about it somewhere else and learn about it, you know?
And then also, being in like a Christian conservative, like middle school, high school. Messaging of, okay, that’s kind of taboo, like
Dan Purcell: Yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: and like, we don’t talk about these things. I feel like it’s been a, well, maybe if we don’t talk about it, they don’t know about it or they don’t, they won’t do things, you know?
So that’s been kind of the lens that I think I have grown up in and I have come to change that narrative for myself and my kids where. We should be talking about these things, you know, and there is nothing [00:11:00] wrong about talking with it, especially, coming to terms with what is factual and what is actually really beneficial to talk about.
Because sex is a beautiful, wonderful thing in the right context, you
Dan Purcell: Yes.
Amy Nesbitt: For me to be able to start talking about it with my husband too was, I mean it still is a work in progress, right? All of us are. It’s a work in progress of, speaking up both for ourselves and understanding what the other person wants. And it’s a beautiful journey to be able to have a supportive partner that. You can talk about this stuff, you know, and it just gets better when you can actually have that. but I also want to touch on two things.
one thing gonna say, there is nothing sexier than a man that can support his wife and encourage her to do the things that help her feel healthy and connect with the things that give them joy outside of motherhood and the role of wife and all the things.
Dan Purcell: Yes, absolutely. Uhhuh. I agree.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah. And. [00:12:00] When I feel supported, when I feel encouraged, when I feel like I’m in a good mental space,
Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.
Amy Nesbitt: I am more open to connecting with him in all the different ways.
Dan Purcell: Right,
Amy Nesbitt: included.
Dan Purcell: Because you can’t draw water from an empty well.
Amy Nesbitt: No.
Dan Purcell: Yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: And when you’re touched out, when you’re tired, when you’re just exhausted from all the things and feeling like you’re carrying it all, or you’re just not taking care of yourself at the end of the night or wherever, right? You’re just done
and you’re like, I, I’m so tired.
I’m exhausted. I’m just done.
Dan Purcell: Yeah. Yes. Uhhuh. Yep. So related.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah. So one thing that unexpectedly was I think great for our relationship is, , I mentioned the spicy books that I started reading,
right? But was one that kickstarted my whole romantic genre and. I was talking about it and I asked him, Hey, do you, you don’t wanna read this book with me, do you?
Because I love reading books with people and talking books [00:13:00] with people, which is why I started my second YouTube channel. But he’s more of a
Dan Purcell: Yeah,
Amy Nesbitt: guy,
Dan Purcell: yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: loves memoirs, loves all these things, right?
Dan Purcell: Right.
Amy Nesbitt: I didn’t think he was gonna take me up on it, but he did
Dan Purcell: Okay.
Amy Nesbitt: he
did not love it as much as I did.
But the fact that he did and that we got to talk about it, and I mean those spicy one, like, you know, we kind of talked about those things too, and I think that benefited us too.
Dan Purcell: Uh,
Amy Nesbitt: So
Dan Purcell: stoke some flames. Uhhuh.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah, you never know.
Dan Purcell: Uhhuh.
Amy Nesbitt: but just those connections that he was willing to do it too, you know, and it
Dan Purcell: Yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: me joy, like, Ooh, what is he gonna think about it?
More like things to talk about and connect with beyond kid or logistical things, because as we become parents, I think it’s really easy for our date nights or our one-on-one times to be about, okay, what are the kids doing? What do we need to do this week? You know, just all the practical things.
Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.
Amy Nesbitt: that’s not fun for connecting on a deeper level, you
Dan Purcell: Yeah, [00:14:00] I like that. I had a guest on, I think it’s episode 2 92 or 2 93. Where similar thing husband’s really not into fiction or novels and romance. He likes action movies and things like that. Right.
Amy Nesbitt: yeah.
Dan Purcell: And so she asked, will you read this book with me? And she, he said, yes. And she was like, you know, pleasantly surprised.
And like you said, like she probably enjoyed it more than he did, but, just the fact that he would like read with her and like. just step into her space and enjoy what she enjoys. Just did so much for their relationship too. So that’s a, that’s good. So creating space together where it’s, it is, it is an act of intimacy, right?
It’s like
Amy Nesbitt: Absolutely.
Dan Purcell: into what’s important to me or what turns me on, or what I think about, and I want you to see this part of me.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah. And then, that opens up conversation for more things. Right? So then I recently read this other book called Super Nintendo. It’s like the story of Super [00:15:00] Nintendo, which our kids are huge switch fans. Like my husband loves games, right? It’s, it’s a part of our family. And so I read that as an advanced reader copy, but I went, Hey, it’s coming out soon.
I think you might enjoy it. I really liked it. you wanna read it and talk about it. And again, this is back into the nonfiction space, right? And right up his alley, I thought. And he was like, Ooh, okay. And I saw it in our Libby the other day. I went, Ooh, he’s, he’s listening to it. You know? So just these little things, it’s exciting to me and it makes me very connected to him and excited that he has heard me, right?
We all wanna be heard, and seen. So, uh, I think these little things, it, it might seem like they don’t make a difference, but. absolutely do.
Dan Purcell: That’s great. So, husbands listening to this, you can make sure you’re really invested in your spouse, not, not to get something outta them. There’s no manipulation here, but really invest. And then for wives to really make sure you have, something to draw from.
You need, you can’t draw water from an empty [00:16:00] well, so fill, fill your bucket here.
So are there any things to avoid or things to think about that are biggest, are common for a lot of busy working moms?
Uh, that kind of sabotage the relationships?
Amy Nesbitt: I think trying to do everything on your own
and not speaking up right when you need help or just feeling like you’re the default parent, but you just do it anyway. My job has been a little more flexible. Like we both have full-time jobs, but I always felt like my job’s a little more flexible.
He’s in meeting back to back to back all the time. Like during COVID, I didn’t even see him because he was working all the time, you know? And that has changed thankfully. But you know, it, I think I also saw it and just kind of defaulted myself to it. And that might also be the Asian. Growing up that I’ve seen also playing into it,
Dan Purcell: Yep.
Amy Nesbitt: a lot of things I just did it. I recognized things and I knew how to do [00:17:00] things, so I just did it. but recently something that really helped me was asked him, Hey, can you start carrying more of the, taking the kids to Japanese school
Dan Purcell: Uh huh.
Amy Nesbitt: I took it more on myself because it was my thing. It was the thing that I couldn’t let go.
I wanted my kids to learn Japanese and, you know, it wasn’t fair to have him that
Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.
Amy Nesbitt: is kind of a, a good amount of a drive
Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.
Amy Nesbitt: to do that. if it’s my. You know,
Dan Purcell: Yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: to let that go and say, Hey, would you be willing to do this? And he was like, absolutely. Like, just how do we wanna do this?
I can take them more, like, I can go to the library while they’re there, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. And I’m going to myself, I should have asked earlier, like, why was I putting this on myself? and I think I do that not just with Japanese school, but with different things that more of my strong suit. I feel [00:18:00] bad, um, because cooking is not his thing. He, he, he genuinely hates it, but he works from home most of the time and so he has absolutely stepped up in that. And, um, not that he enjoys it, but he knows that that is something is huge to take off my plate because once I get home from work, the office, it, it’s just hard.
Right. We all know that meals are, are one of the hardest things people juggle. We need to talk about it. Don’t say, oh, I, I can do it. It’s okay. But then you become resentful as a mom that you become that default person. You are doing everything. It, it goes on and on, right? There’s so much of an invisible load that often are on women, and if we can make that more visible, don’t be a martyr.
Don’t be the one that carries everything because you don’t have to. And if you have a partner. That is supportive and that wants to be in the relationship that you want, they’re gonna help you. They’re gonna want to carry this. And [00:19:00] even if they see the things, notice the things right away that we do.
Dan Purcell: Uh.
Amy Nesbitt: If we can make that more visible right, then becomes less of a burden that we need to carry and we. This is a partnership. We don’t need to do it ourselves. And I don’t know how many moms, included, need to hear that. Right? Like, it is not all on us. We don’t have to do it all. We can’t do it all. Ask for help.
Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.
Amy Nesbitt: amazing when it comes
Dan Purcell: Is there something you’ve learned in life where you catch yourself starting to become a martyr? Like, what are your telltale signs?
Amy Nesbitt: oh, well, I know that I can do a lot of things faster because I have been martyring myself for longer,
Dan Purcell: Okay. Like you can cook better, you can take care of the kids better. You’re more efficient at many tasks, is what you’re saying.
Amy Nesbitt: you know, I, I will start like cleaning up the table after dinner, right? I want the tables wiped down. Not everybody seems [00:20:00] to care as much that the table is clean,
Dan Purcell: Yeah,
Amy Nesbitt: so I was.
Dan Purcell: than.
Amy Nesbitt: Yes, yes. And you know, I have talked about this before and went, Hey guys, you know, this is our routine. Like, we the dishes and then someone wipes the table, right?
We rotate whatever it is, but people don’t seem to remember. And so oftentimes I’ll just be like, oh, it’s easier. Uh, I’m just gonna do it.
So I’ll start getting the cloth ready, you know, and I’m like, no, Amy, no, just they’re sitting on that couch right there. Just say a word. And no one wants to be a nagger.
Dan Purcell: Yes.
Amy Nesbitt: so I think there’s always the, oh, do I, do I say it or do I just do it? Because it takes two minutes,
Dan Purcell: yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: time-wise, it really doesn’t take much. But it’s the fact that. It’s over and over and I’m feeling resentful that people don’t notice, or it’s just an additional thing that I have to do, and the things that go through our minds, right?
So if I can just say, [00:21:00] Hey, can some, can someone clean the table? And I just kind of like toss the rug or whatever it is.
They’re willing, they’re coming and they’re saying, oh, I forgot. You know? Or my husband will say, oh, I was gonna take care of it after the um, kitchen was empty. So I think I also have to recognize we’d have different timings. So he was planning to come back and, you know, clear the, the sink. I don’t like things in the sink, but when he’s cooking I have to let it go, you know, so I do have to recognize, hey, everybody has different timings, just because I would do it at a certain time, it go, people do it their way. So I will step out of the kitchen and just, just let it go. Don’t be a martyr. Don’t do it all. Let people step up.
Dan Purcell: Good. All right. Good, good, good. Tell me about you. You picked up, I’m picked up on something you said about resentments,
Amy Nesbitt: Mm-hmm.
Dan Purcell: I think it’s common, especially in long-term [00:22:00] relationships, resentments can start to stack up and in your own marriage, how have you learned to recognize when resentments are starting to stack up, and what approaches have you taken to minimize resentments?
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah, I think I’ve talked about some of these sort of, or like touched on them,
but think when I start to take on a task and I can feel it in myself, like, oh, again, it’s me. Like no one notices or like, why doesn’t he Notice that there’s a big giant pile of or, you know, whatever, whatever it might be.
Dan Purcell: uh.
Amy Nesbitt: I, I recognize that kind of anxiety or that it’s me again, you know, kind of a feeling
Dan Purcell: Uhhuh, it’s on me again. It’s all right. I carry this burden again. Right? Uhhuh?
Amy Nesbitt: Like there’s certain things that you see and you go, I don’t wanna say something again
because I know I’ve talked about it,
Dan Purcell: Right.
Amy Nesbitt: but. You know, [00:23:00] I also need to, because I, I need to make things more visible, or I need to understand also what his perspective is like in the sense, um, of the pots and the, and the dishes.
Right. I had to ask him about it, for him to tell me, oh no, like I know you like to clean as you go so that you don’t have this pile of dishes at the
end. But I. I just am not good in the kitchen. I cannot deal with those things at the same time. So I will come back and clean them. Just look away because I know you don’t like sea, I will take care of it, you know?
So he kind of had to walk me through what his process is
Dan Purcell: yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: to understand, okay, he does have a plan. And I think for me as a planner, I just, I just wanna know that you have a plan, you know? And I can let it go. It’s not gonna be something I have to come back and do later because it’s not done,
Dan Purcell: Mm-hmm.
Amy Nesbitt: So. I think talking about things is so huge. Like if something is bothering you or if something is like, I’ve had to [00:24:00] talk to you about this a lot, like, I don’t wanna keep asking you about it. Can you tell me what your plan is? And I think the approach to obviously talking about it is going to be important, right?
Because if you come at it at, you never do this or that, no one wants to hear that, no one is open to talking about it.
Dan Purcell: Yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: goes up. So there’s absolutely an approach, and if you feel like can’t talk about it in that moment without blowing up, just take a step. It’s okay to, you know, just take a breather,
walk away from the mess, walk away from the whatever, then just talk about it later when, when you’re both level-headed.
I, I think that’s for anything really,
Dan Purcell: Oh yeah, yeah. I agree. On this podcast, I say this phrase often, it is, calm the heck down.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah.
Dan Purcell: And that’s really about calming that internal process so you can be clearheaded about things. I like that. Don’t let it brew, I guess is what is what I’m getting from this conversation.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah.
Dan Purcell: Like, address it, you got a [00:25:00] problem, let’s address it.
Don’t let it sit and simmer and,
Amy Nesbitt: And if you talk about it, don’t bring it up again like. I don’t know, 10 years down the road or something, you know, where it’s like, remember when you did that thing and you’re, you know, just talk about things along the way and, and then have to figure out how to let it go. Letting things go is really hard.
Elsa talks about it and makes it seem easy, but not, you know, it’s not. But we do have to develop that muscle of about it, sure we all understand each other, and then let it go. Let
Dan Purcell: Yeah, that’s good. That’s good. Alright, as we conclude this episode, let’s think, so how have you as a mom talked about sex with your kids? Because I think that’s another, dimension of motherhood and intimacy that we need to talk about more often.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah, absolutely. You know, before I was kind of hesitant. I was like, oh, my kids are young. I don’t really need to talk about this, but I’ve [00:26:00] listened to enough talks, I’ve talked to enough moms where I’m now on the side of I wanna be the one that talks to my kids factually, like, this is what happens.
It can be a beautiful thing. But these are the values that I have for it. And for me it is within marriage, you know, and that is not the case for everyone. And that’s totally fine. Everybody has different values and you talk to your kids about what your values are tied to sex, and obviously there are areas, of applicability for your child’s age, right?
So you’re not
gonna talk about the whole dang thing,
Dan Purcell: Uh
Amy Nesbitt: a 3-year-old, you know,
Dan Purcell: Yep.
Amy Nesbitt: but you can talk about body parts, you can talk about all the different things because it actually keeps our kids safe too. You know, when they know like, these are things that are okay, these are things that are not okay for. to touch you in different places or, you know, whatever it might be. Um, or if people ask you to see like body parts, that’s not okay. You know? Um, doctors, doctors are okay in certain [00:27:00] contexts. Like all these things that we can talk about with our kids and get themselves more familiar with their own bodies, um, terminology, and then. We might think kids don’t know about sex, but there is a high likelihood with all the things that are out there for them to, to
see, to hear other kids with older kids, um, or siblings, right? The likelihood is that they know more than you think, and I want them to get information from me or from books that I feel comfortable reading with them or having them, you know, get information from, versus. The kid that who knows what these kids think sex is or like different acts of sex,
Dan Purcell: Yes, Uhhuh.
Amy Nesbitt: I want them to have information and I think I heard someone say, want them to be the kid that knows more going into sex ed than it for the first time. Or like kids telling them what sex is. You know?
Can you imagine [00:28:00] the, that telephone that happens with kids
Dan Purcell: Uh,
Amy Nesbitt: so. I am,
Dan Purcell: I also think about it too. Like a lot of us can look back and. Almost humorously talk about our honeymoons like, or whatever, right? Like the things we didn’t know. And, uh, but a lot of those, um, awkwardness and difficulty could have been avoided. And a lot of pain can be avoided with better sex education.
And I do think I agree with you. It’s, it’s, it’s on parents. It’s, you don’t leave it up for schools or churches or the internet or other places. It, it is our responsibility to, and I like how you said we attach our values to it. I think that’s really important.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah.
Dan Purcell: can transmit our values with it as we teach about the goodness of it too.
Amy Nesbitt: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I have boys too, so I don’t know if it’s right to think, you know, I, I really need them to be responsible. I’ve told ’em like, I don’t, I don’t [00:29:00] wanna see you anywhere for like violating or like pushing people to do things that they don’t want to. Right. I mean, that goes with anyone,
Dan Purcell: Yes.
Amy Nesbitt: I think. I don’t know if you agree, but feel like there is a, a responsibility for a boy, mom, just raise them in a culture of masculinity that is, respectful
Dan Purcell: Yes.
Amy Nesbitt: kind and yeah, I’m still leaving it at that.
Dan Purcell: Good. Great.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah.
Dan Purcell: Anything else, Amy, for a busy working mom on how to balance motherhood? Marriage, faith Selfhood.
Amy Nesbitt: I said this at the beginning, but there is nothing sexier than a man that supports their wife. And I absolutely think moms need to be able to do the things that find, they find joy
in. And my husband has often been the one where when I feel guilty. Going rock climbing. So I used to go rock climbing with my, my girlfriends and that was my girl time [00:30:00] it, but it would be like two hours away from the home or something. All in all
Dan Purcell: Yep.
Amy Nesbitt: kids would be like, oh mom, you’re going and this would be on the weekend. And so I’m going, ah, this is my like family time, but I really value my girls and this exercise time. And my husband would be the one that said, go like, the time. Like it’s fine. We have the rest of the weekend.
Just go. And I think I really appreciate. Him being like the and encourager of like, stop making excuses. Just go, I got this. Don’t feel guilty about it, they’ll be fine. Um, because I think women working moms especially, and I’m speaking for myself and a lot of the moms that I’ve talked to often feel really guilty about taking time for ourselves, especially outside of work and home,
Dan Purcell: Yeah.
Amy Nesbitt: so moms. You come back so much better for yourself, for your family, for your husband, for your employer, for whomever you are around when you are [00:31:00] happier, when you are able to take this time for yourself. And it could be a 15 minute thing, it could be a two hour thing. It could be a girl’s weekend. Just do it. Stop feeling guilty. do it.
Dan Purcell: Love it. That’s great. Where can people go to learn more about you and your work? I.
Amy Nesbitt: I think the easiest place is whole wellness mamas.com that has all the links of the different places. But if you’re looking for, you know, specifically Japanese food travel tips, you, this Japanese American life is where you can find me on the YouTube channels. Uh, but Whole Wellness Mamas Instagram, TikTok, those are the places I am.
But again, if you go to the website, you’ll get me in all the different places.
Dan Purcell: Great. Thank you.
Amy Nesbitt: Yeah. Thank you for having me.
Outro
All right, my friend, thank you for listening to this episode. I hope you’ve enjoyed these stories and, the experience that Amy has shared to help you in your relationship. If you’d like any help applying any of these things, check out our program, the [00:32:00] Next Level program. It’s ideal for couples that want to rebuild their intimacy or wanna have a s*x life that they’re proud of.
And this is, a great legacy, not only just for you to have today in your relationship, but it’s a legacy to leave for your children also. And please share this podcast with all your married friends, download our apps, they’re free and awesome, and go get your marriage on
