In this episode, Dan shares 10 proven habits that consistently lead to deeper intimacy, stronger desire, and more fulfilling sex in marriage. These aren’t gimmicks or quick fixes. They’re practical, repeatable behaviors that create powerful momentum over time.
Drawing from years of coaching couples, personal experience, and a faith-centered perspective on sexuality, Dan explains how small, intentional choices compound into a marriage that feels connected, playful, trusting, and alive.
Whether your marriage is already good or feels stuck, this episode will give you clear next steps you can start today!
Resources and Events
- Don’t miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway(Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat
- Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine’s Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/
- Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/
- Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/
- We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
10 Habits for a Sexy Marriage from a Sex & Intimacy Expert
[00:00:00] I also like the verse in Proverbs five 18 through 19 and it says, let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Let her breasts fill you at all times a delight. Be intoxicated always with her love. Now, if that’s a good enough reason to know that God wants you to have a great sex life, I don’t know what is.
Welcome to the Get Your Marriage On Podcast. I’m your host, Dan Purcell, and if you’re new here, I extend a very warm welcome. This podcast is dedicated to married couples that [00:01:00] want to improve sex and intimacy in their marriage. I am a sex and intimacy expert and a certified coach. I’ve worked with hundreds of couples to help them find more joy, fulfillment, and excitement from their intimate marriages.
I’m also a Christian and approach the topic of sex from that lens. Last weekend, my kids were out playing with their friends and my wife and I had a very rare moment of having the whole house to ourselves on the Saturday afternoon. And no, we didn’t get frisky if that’s where your mind went. Instead, we were in a deep discussion about what we would consider to be habits that lead to a sexually fulfilling marriage.
That if any couple did these things, it would lead to more fulfillment in the bedroom. We soon had a list of 10 habits. Okay. By the end of this episode, you’ll learn what our 10 habits are, and I promise that implementing even just one or two of these ideas in your marriage will give your relationship a huge boost in sexual and intimate satisfaction.
But before I tell you, the 10 habits, let me tell [00:02:00] you about a few announcements and things that we have coming up for us. These are really important. First is we’ve had a, a last minute cancellation for our in-person couples retreat. It is April eight through 12 in beautiful southern Utah. This Fortnight couple’s retreat is perfect for any couple who are, you’d say in an otherwise happy marriage?
Meaning, you know, in general, they’re good friends. They’re not on the brink of divorce. They, they get along well, , and everything’s good, except when it comes to sex and intimacy, that’s the one area in their marriage that they wish was a lot better. This retreat is romantic. It’s fun, it’s upbeat.
You have expert instruction, coaching great food, and we mix it with a lot of fun. We do ATVing and repelling. We have dance instructor coming. We do couples yoga. There’s all sorts of fun things that we do mixed in with some really deep learning that goes on in our, in our setting, and it’s limited to a small group to keep the setting intimate.
If you’re interested in [00:03:00] taking one of these two seats. That, uh, just opened up due to last minute cancellations we’re otherwise sold out. You can go to get your marriage on.com/events, find our couples retreat, and, uh, apply there. We also have a virtual retreat, uh, we call ’em getaways. It’s a two night getaway happening over Valentine’s Day weekend.
So if you’re listening to this on Friday, when I release this episode, it’s the following week. This is a chance for you and your spouse to join. My wife and I. virtually over zoom Friday night, Saturday morning, and Saturday night, and we walk you through a specific sexual practice designed to change, having sex, to making love, adding more depth and heart and soul to your love making experience.
And whether you’re a newlywed or married over 50 years, I promise you’ll learn something new that you haven’t experienced before in your marriage this weekend. So you’ll find those details on our get Your Marriage on.com website also. And if [00:04:00] you’re adventurous, this October, we are setting sale on a Get Your Marriage on Cruise.
We call it the, uh, eros and Intimate. CC is spelled SEA kind of clever, right? We have this cruise coming up and, uh, we have a few spots open for that. This is a great time to vacation with us, and for a week we’ll do a deep dive on intimacy in your relationship. All those details are on our Get Your Marriage on.com website.
Okay. Years ago I watched my sister-in-law cross the finish line for her first marathon, and I don’t know if you’ve ever seen runners cross the finish line before at a mega race, but I gotta admit it was really emotional for me. And it was cool to see the triumph and like satisfaction on her face as she crossed that finish line and accomplished something really difficult and meaningful to her.
In fact, I gotta admit, it really inspired me, made me kind of think about maybe one day I can run a marathon. I haven’t always been a runner after all. At the time, I had a mostly sedentary [00:05:00] life. I had a desk job, but I figured, come on, how hard can this be? I laced up my running shoes one morning, and with my car odometer, I had mapped out a one mile course in my neighborhood.
I was able to run the mile middle school, so I figured, hey, I just start with running a mile, just like then. What happened next was completely unexpected. I couldn’t finish the run. I couldn’t finish the mile. I was huffing and puffing after a short distance and my legs burned and I limped back home. My ego completely crushed, and
I was embarrassed that I couldn’t even run a mile. And to make matters worse, my legs hurt for a few days after, but I kept at it. I didn’t let that stop me. I tried that mile run again. And again, and each time I was able to run a little bit further than last time and
within a month, running a mile actually felt easy. And then. Three miles became easy. I soon had this rhythm of running on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and [00:06:00] Saturdays. And so I
signed up for the St. George Marathon, and later that fall, a year after my sister-in-law’s victorious finish, it was my turn to cross the finish line. I share this story because I really wanna emphasize the idea of habits or behaviors that you do consistently. They’re designed to create powerful and positive momentum in your life.
Like me, learning how to run a long distance a little bit at a time. Habits can create momentum that elevate your life. So with this principle in mind, I want to share with you 10 habits to create powerful, positive sexual momentum in your marriage. Now, even if you just do one of these, it’s gonna improve your sex life, but as you do multiples of these, they compound and they build on each other.
So the net effect of all of them together have much stronger effect than just doing one or two separately. The first habit I wanna share with you that my wife and I came up with is marriage meetings. This is my least [00:07:00] sexiest sex suggestion. A marriage meeting, by the way, is not a date night activity. It is not something you do.
when you wanna play a marriage meeting is when you go over all the. Business side of running a marriage, this is when you go over your schedule, your finances. Uh, this is when you talk about your, your load. You know, the, the invisible work that goes on in the home and how you can share that better in your home.
This is where you get to also collaborate on solving problems that you have in your relationship or within your family. My wife and I do ours on Sunday afternoon, but having a consistent time for you is great. You can find agendas for these online as you create your business meeting and you go through things.
One important part that you schedule is schedule time for play. Plan your play. Are we gonna go on a date night? Who’s gonna plan it? Who’s gonna arrange babysitters if we need to do that? [00:08:00] Plan for play. This is why this helps with your sex life. It helps you establish a rhythm of stability and collaboration in all areas of your married life, and it makes sure you set aside, you have time and room for play.
All right. Habit number two is daily intimacy challenges. This is inspired by the Intimately US app, which my wife and I developed a few years ago. The thought is doing a little bit every day to be more intimate as a couple means far more than doing big extravagant things, haphazardly or inconsistently.
So doing something that’s even small, even if it’s five minutes of your time a day. To build more intimacy in your relationship over time really stacks up. Whatever you do though, it needs to come from the heart. And we’re talking about the little extras. Now, if you want a place to start, you can start with the Intimately US app.
It’s a free app you can download. It has lots of good information in [00:09:00] there. And on a daily intimacy challenge, it gives you prompts and ideas every day. You can also take this to another level and just flat out, ask your spouse for a love list. Like, honey, what can I do to love you better? What do I do that makes you feel loved?
Can you give me a list? Can you get really specific? So a few years ago my wife was asleep in bed. It was middle of January. I was still awake. I had my laptop on my lap, and I had this bold thought that, you know, Valentine’s Day is coming up. I’ve never really done much for my wife for Valentine’s.
I want to, I wanna make it extra special. What if, kinda like a 12 days of Christmas kind of an idea. What if I did 14 days of Valentine’s and planned something a little fun? Something to look forward to for the 14 days leading up to Valentine’s Day. this was the birth of something that we now celebrate in our marriage, or 14 days of Valentine’s.
I came up with a few. But I wanted more from [00:10:00] her. So I mentioned to her, I wanna do this for her. Can you help me fill out, you know, things that you would like for Valentine’s there for these 14 days of Valentine’s? And, uh, her answers surprised me.
There were things like blow dry and brush my hair, fill the bathtub, and get me a bath bomb. Make dinner for a few nights and other things like that. Those are really important to her. Having something specific for my wife really helped me know how I can love and serve her better. So communicate that with your spouse.
Hey honey, what can I do to love you better? If I wanna do this for you? What is meaningful to you that will help you go a lot further? Now, this is why having daily intimacy challenges helps you with your sex life because seeking, serving, and loving your spouse isn’t reserved for the five minutes right before you wanna get it on.
Right? For play, by the way. Should be something you do 24 7 in your marriage. Foreplay is an always everyday ongoing activity. [00:11:00] Couples that do these daily intimacy challenges, couples that do foreplay all day are those couples that are much more readily and easily aroused. When it is time for a little more overt sexual attention, it’s easier to initiate it because you’ve already established the right climate for it.
The pot’s on the stove and it’s already simmering. It doesn’t take that much more effort to take it to a boil. The third habit for a sexy marriage is to budget money and time for creative date nights and creative sex.
If you were to stumble upon someone else’s phone, you can unlock it and you could look at their calendar. And you could look at their inbox and you can look at their bank account and their spending, I bet you’d get a pretty accurate view of what kind of a person that is. In other words, the way we spend our money and that we spend our time and the information we consume tells a lot about us and what we actually value, not what we actually say we value.
And there’s a difference. People [00:12:00] say they wanna lose weight all the time, yet they’re eating habits. They’re still eating the junk food instead of, uh. You know what they said they wanna do. So our behavior and what we actually do matters far more than just the words or intentions. So if you can budget money and time for date nights, creative date nights, or budget time and money, things that go towards enhancing your sexual relationship, it’s behavior that shows I, this is valuable to me.
I prioritize this. This is important. So I recommend you put a reasonable portion of your limited resources of money and time towards building a healthy sex life. This might include setting aside a babysitter fund. Now, finding babysitters is hard. This might be something you want to work on a little more in advance, maybe in your marriage meetings, which was tip number.
One thing that’s helped my wife and I is we found a few sitters that we liked and we sat down with them and [00:13:00] we scheduled things in as far out in advance as we can. So it’s like, okay, for March, what weekends do you have available for April? What weekends do you have available? Pencil us in. Don’t schedule anything else on those weekends.
Those, we wanna hire you for those weekends. Then having this established, we already had a plan in place. We knew who our babysitters were likely gonna be. Another thing is to set aside an intimacy fund. If you budget your money, maybe you set aside a little bit of money towards things for intimacy. It doesn’t mean, you know, buying products per se, but it’s anything regarding intimacy.
Is this gonna go towards our date nights? Is this gonna be towards, uh, activities? We wanna do movies, we wanna watch books, we wanna read, products we wanna buy, experiences we wanna share. These are things that, uh, having an intimacy fund helps you with. the next thing to budget is time. And by the time I’m talking about date nights here. Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a dinner and a movie, [00:14:00] but my most memorable date nights I’ve ever had come when we’re trying to be creative and trying something a little different because it takes more effort.
What you put the effort into usually has better outcomes and. By putting effort into it, it makes it sexy too. Let me give an example. Years ago, my wife and I stumbled on this idea of alphabet dating, which we’ve done a few rounds of, and what it is, is we alternate whose turn it is to plan, and you pick a letter of the alphabet in order.
And you have to use something with that letter of the alphabet as inspiration for what you’re gonna do for date night. So last weekend it was my turn and I had the letter W. So after a little bit of brainstorming, I decided to go for a Western themed date. So using an AI tool, I created a wanted poster for my wife.
Very fitting. I want her. Right. It also served as a digital invite for a date. So I texted her the invite, so she got on her phone, meet me at this time, this is what we’re [00:15:00] gonna do because it’s Western theme. We wore denim, flannel, cowboy hats, and we went ax throwing. ’cause uh, that’s as western of a thing I could think of at the moment.
We came home and we watched a western movie while wet in our hot tub and so on. Do you see how you can have fun with that? So get creative.
I also recommend once in a while you plan a sex date where the purpose and focus of the date is to have sex. Emily and I figured out that, you know, the typical cost of a dinner and a movie date can range from 60 to a hundred dollars. Well, if you have that money, you can actually put that money towards and get, you get a hotel room.
There’s priceline.com and other related sites where that give you last minute deals of hotel rooms. And if you’re not really picky where you stay, it’s actually can be quite cost effective. In other words, for the same amount, you’re gonna pay for a typical dinner movie night. You can get yourself a hotel room, and by the way, you don’t have to stay overnight.
You can, go home, relieve the babysitter, and [00:16:00] let your wife stay overnight and sleep in while you take care of the kids. For example, you can get creative with this when you’re on your date night. Smile, have fun, flirt. Wear lingerie under your clothes. Shave, shower, prepare, dress up. Make this a date.
When you go out on your dates, you wanna create positive romantic momentum. But when you get home and you have to now deal with the babysitter, or you have kids that kind of interrupt you, that momentum can quickly get lost. So you and your spouse should collaborate and, and make a plan. When we get home, this is our game plan on how to carry the momentum from our day into the bedroom.
Without getting bogged down with, things that could otherwise get in the way. So planning ahead helps a lot. Now remember, you don’t have to go out at home. Date nights can be just as creative. And if you want a resource that has lots of creative at home date night ideas, there’s a fantastic [00:17:00] website called date your spouse.com.
Now, let me tell you why Date Nights help you with your sex life. It makes room for play and gets you out of roommate mode and into lover mode in your relationship. All right. Habit number four is talk about your sex life. Now, to be honest, talking about your sex life with your spouse is really hard.
There’s this inherent anxiety about sex now, there’s nothing wrong with feeling nervous or anxious about sex. That’s just the way it is, but I promise you. The better you get at pushing yourself through that anxiety.
It’s not that the anxiety ever goes away. It’s not that it ever becomes easier per se, it’s just that your tolerance to handle that anxiety increases so you can be uncomfortable for longer periods of time. Talking about sex and being okay with it. So I coach couples. Often I’m in my office, I’m having Zoom calls with them, and I have wonderful, inspiring conversations with a lot of the couples I work with.
And it’s become a theme that [00:18:00] I’ve noticed where couples in our coaching sessions, we turn to each other and say, how come we’ve never talked about this before? Or. I didn’t know that you felt that way about that, referring to sexual things in their relationship. So it’s surprising to me how, relieving it is and how helpful it is for couples to have a place where they can talk about their sex life.
Now I can give you advice, tips, and tricks about how to talk about your sex life, but that’s almost as good as me trying to teach you how to ride a bike by giving you a book about it or just having you follow instruction manuals. Sometimes the best way to learn is just to get on the bike and figure it out and experience it.
The same goes for talking about your sex life. Yes, it’s uncomfortable and awkward, especially at first, but I promise you’ll get better at it as you keep at it. If you don’t know where to start, here are some possible conversation starters for you. Ask questions like this, what is it like for you to have sex with me?
Do you find our recent sexual [00:19:00] experiences fulfilling for you? You can ask your spouse? Are there things you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t voiced out loud yet? What do I do that helps you get in the mood? What do I do that turns you off? And by the way, you can get hundreds of these types of conversation starters in the Intimately US app.
I’ve learned that these conversations where you talk about sex usually go a lot better when you’re not doing it right before you’re planning on having sex, so you have a separate time for these things. Also, I’ve learned this goes a lot better when I’m a little more calmed down. I’m not super tired and I, Can regulate myself a little bit better. I’ve also learned to approach these types of conversations with the spirit of curiosity. Generosity and just letting my spouse have her opinion that’s different for myself and letting that be okay. My goal in these conversations isn’t to change her mind, but to really understand her mind and her heart understand it better and to be [00:20:00] influenced by her.
And this is why learning how to talk about sex helps you with your sex life. Because learning how to talk about sex opens the way for improving and enjoying your sex life. Research from Dr. John Gottman shows that couples that talk about their sexual experiences with ease have much more fulfilling sex lives, and that’s not rocket science.
That makes sense. Habit number five is naked time. This is skin to skin. I found this interesting in preparing for this episode. I came across this study by Cotton USA, where they surveyed 1,008 Bris about their sleepwear habits and their relationship satisfaction.
And they found an interesting correlation. They were hoping for like, cotton helps you sleep better, or Cotton brings your marriage closer together or things like that. But what they found is those with the best relationships are those that sleep naked. A whopping 57% of those couples that sleep naked say they have.
Great or high relationship [00:21:00] satisfaction. Now, I’m not saying you need to sleep naked in order to have a happier marriage, but having regular naked skin to skin time is definitely a habit for those that want a great sex life. And you can do this many ways. You can wake up a little early and cuddle naked, or if whatever you’re doing, if you can do it naked, do it naked together.
Maybe it’s watching a show or something like that. By the way, being naked. Doesn’t have to mean it leads to sex all the time. This should lead instead to what I call non demand arousal. Non demand Arousal is where you are aroused. You enjoy the arousal, but there’s no demand or attachment or expectation.
Tied to it, you’re just enjoying arousal For arousal’s sake, last year I did a podcast episode with Dr. Steven Snyder and it was a fantastic episode, and in there he talks about what he calls the two-step method, and he recommends couples spend regular time naked together just to relax. This is [00:22:00] you might be in bed completely undressed, lying on your sides, facing each other and having a conversation, talking about your day.
This might be cuddling, spooning. This is some skin to skin time, but the point is to find a way to relax while being naked together. And then once you’ve kind of found your little center. Uh, and you feel sexual arousal from that, and you wanna take it to something more sexual, carry that feeling of connectedness and closeness into the sexual experience.
This is why being naked, why this habit helps you with your sex life. Being naked and skin to skin encourages you to relax, encourages you to send to yourself, and to be close to your spouse. Habit number six is to fight away negative and evil influences from your marriage. Now there’s a lot of external things and maybe internal things that can damage one’s sexual relationship.
For example, your overall health is really important. Are you getting enough sleep? How’s [00:23:00] your diet? Are you getting enough exercise? ’cause it’s really hard to feel sexy when you haven’t really taken good care of yourself. It’s hard to wanna feel sexy when you have. Poor sleep hygiene, you haven’t slept well.
There’s abundant research also about linking tobacco and excessive alcohol use that have strong negative impacts on sexual functioning, so take good care of your health. Stress by the way, is also a big libido killer for many people, and it needs to be dealt with seriously. Learn how to deal with your stress better.
In fact, this is something I am personally working on and this is where I’m trying to get better at. another negative and evil influence in marriages is dishonesty, hiding untrustworthiness. Another negative and evil influence is pornography use. It’s highly correlated with lower sexual satisfaction in married couples. Now, another evil influence is sexual shame. If you carry shame about sex, you have negative attitudes about your body, about your sexual functioning, about [00:24:00] your sexual self, these attitudes are not gonna help you.
So if you feel like sex is wrong, or dirty or sinful, these aren’t gonna help you. So you need to learn how to address that. So learning how to protect your marriage from negative and evil influences both external and internal. This is how it helps you with your sex life because when you’re actively working to ward off evil and negative influences, it helps you preserve what is good and what is right for your marriage.
Habit number seven is humility, forgiveness, and learning how to apologize. Well, my favorite definition of humility is one’s willingness to see reality for what it is. Now we’re all humans. We make mistakes. We take our spouses for granted all the time. We say things we regret. We’ve said, at least I have, we’ve been hurt or inadvertently hurt others.
Or sometimes we punish our spouses as a reaction to our own hurt that we feel so justified in them. Inflicting on [00:25:00] us. Learning how to apologize from the heart is a skill for any happy marriage, especially those that want a great sex life. Remember, we’re all human. So learning how to address the humanness of marriage and the humanness of your spouse and accepting that is a huge leap forward to be able to make room for a marriage where there’s two people, two, wonderfully imperfect, flawed, yet dedicated humans to enjoy each other sexually. Now one of this aspects of this is learning how to address resentments. This is really important that you learn how to address resentment in your marriage.
Now, resentment comes from two places. The first place resentment comes from is you’ve been complicit about something you’ve probably shouldn’t have been. In other words, you’ve delegated to your spouse or someone else, a decision that is probably yours that you ought to have made, or you let someone else cross a boundary that you should have been a little more stronger at enforcing.
This is all where [00:26:00] resentments, creep in. So you can look at, oh, I’m resentful, and think through what is it that you’ve done or allowed that you probably shouldn’t have done, and then take charge again. That will help you address that resentment. The second area where resentment comes up is it’s like a canary in the coal mine.
It’s a warning sign that you need to grow up. Sometimes we’re resentful because we’re holding onto something. It’s our pride, our ego getting in the way. You just need how to learn to grow up in our home, we have a sliding glass door that goes to our backyard and it gets dirty with fingerprints. I try to teach my kids to use the handle.
And not press their hands on the glass to open the door, but to no avail. That glass gets so many dirty smudge marks everywhere, but guess what? I can get glass cleaner with a few sprays and wipe it, and within a few minutes that glass door is clean again, to a degree. You can do this with resentments with your spouse too.
Just wipe ’em clean, [00:27:00] treat ’em like smudges. You can get clean. This is why humility, forgiveness, and apologizing is really important to your sex life. Couples that are humble, they learn how to apologize for their trespasses and to forgive. They create a relationship of trust where their sex life can actually fully thrive.
Habit number eight, have a sexy bucket list. A sexy bucket list is a list of sexy things you wanna do together. With no particular timeframe over a few months, years, or even in your lifetime. A friend once shared some of the things on her sexy bucket list with me. They were things like to have an orgasm while in a movie theater, make love in a cave, join the Mile High club, and so on.
I met. Many of the things feel really risky to me, not things I would add to my bucket list. But the point is not to come up with risky behaviors per se, but to actually come up with lists of things you want to do sexually. That sound fun to you? The Intimately US app has a [00:28:00] section in it where you and your spouse can create your own sexy bucket list.
It also has an article with a long list of ideas to help you with your creative juices so you can get some ideas flowing on what to add to your bucket list. Making a bucket list does three things for your sex life. Number one. Is, it encourages the part of your brain that helps you think creatively. We AKA fantasizing thinking about sexy things that you find fun.
This fosters using, you know, that creative part of your brain and your soul to create experiences that you’re gonna be proud of, even if you don’t actually have sex in the movie theater or on an airplane which are public and can get you in trouble. But if the thought excites you, maybe it’s the fantasy of the idea alone.
That warrants a place on your sexy bucket list. I mean, you don’t have to do ’em all in real life.
This is no less harmless than daydreaming of your ideal house remodel or your dream car, or checking out exotic vacation accounts on [00:29:00] social media just for fun, and that’s a wonderful. Part of being human is to fantasize about things that are fun. So use that as a place. Make a bucket list. The second thing a bucket list does for your marriage is it gives you something to work towards.
Perhaps you have a bucket list item of joining the oh oh seven Club, which by the way. Is you each have a o, an orgasm, a double O, you know, same day for seven days in a row, a double oh seven. You can then work together as a team, you know, collaborate here. Let’s figure out how to make this work in our relationship and accomplishing sexual goals like this makes things fun.
Which leads to my third point is having a bucket list invites collaboration. A good sexual friendship with your spouse involves collaborating about what would make for a great sexual relationship. For both of you that you’re both proud of. Collaborating doesn’t mean one person rules and the other person folds in.
Collaboration requires both of you to bring your [00:30:00] best ideas and to create something better together than you would’ve been able to do alone. So collaboration is, an important aspect of creating this bucket list. So this helps you with your sex life because couples that can get good at collaborating as an intimate team and set sexual goals are more likely to have memorable and bonding sexual experiences.
Habit number nine, get away regularly. I gotta admit, this was really hard for us in our marriage for many years. We have kids work and busyness for the first 14 or so years of our marriage. We did not get away for an extended period of time as a couple, but we wanted to change that. so around the 14 year mark, after an enormous amount of effort.
We found a brave soul to watch our six kids. We had our first getaway and holy cow did it. It was so much good for our marriage. Felt like a honeymoon [00:31:00] again. It was better than our honeymoon anyway. It did so much good for our marriage. We wanted to make it a habit. So for Emily and I, we try to get away at least once a quarter, getting away regularly having a vacation with your spouse.
Gets you away from everyday distractions. It gives you time to connect deeply and it gets you a chance to go at a different pace in life. Now, you can always also, if you have your bucket list from habit number eight, you can organize or getaways and what you’re gonna do around what’s in your bucket list, and this is why it helps you with your sex life.
Getting away gives you time to be a couple. It lets you be a mister and a misses again, not dad and mom per se. It gets you away from regular distractions and it replenishes your relationship. Habit number 10, invite God’s influence into your marriage. This is the most important one, and I’ve saved it for last.
I want you to exercise your faith that God wants you to have a [00:32:00] great sex life. If you want some ideas on what that means, here’s a few thoughts for you. In the Sermon on the Mount, we’re promised that God is a giver of good gifts. Remember the parable of the talents too. The intimacy you share in your marriage, I believe is a gift from God.
Don’t bury it. Don’t live beneath your privileges. I believe God expects us to use the gifts he’s given us to grow them and multiply them, and this definitely applies to sex in your marriage. I also like the verse in Proverbs five 18 through 19 and it says, let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Let her breasts fill you at all times a delight. Be intoxicated always with her love. Now, if that’s a good enough reason to know that God wants you to have a great sex life, I don’t know what is. Have faith in that trust that. Okay. Part of inviting God’s influence into your life is to do [00:33:00] things regularly that, connect you with God.
This is giving God a fair share of your time and your talents and resources. This is seeking his loving guidance. This is learning how to serve others and love others as Jesus would. This also means repentance and turning to God regularly. For a second, I want you to consider two hypothetical couples.
Let’s say these two couples, on a scale of one to 10, with 10 being very satisfied, they’re both at a seven on their sexual satisfaction. Now, one couple invites God’s influence into their marriage and their sexual relationship. They exercise faith and let God influence them while the other couple does not.
Now, these two couples, they’re both starting at the same level of sexual satisfaction. One is inviting God’s influence, the other is not. Fast forward two years, five years, 10 years. Which of these couples do you think is more likely to have a more satisfying and replenishing sexual [00:34:00] relationship? What exercising faith in this context means to me Is this, in life we have a lot of, yeah.
Buts. This is like Dan. I like what you’re saying. Yeah. But we have kids or, yeah, but we have a health problem. Yeah. But we have a history of sexual disinterest or shame or abuse. We have vastly different levels of sexual desire. Yeah. But we have poor habits that interfere with trust in our relationship.
Yeah. But we have depression and mental health concerns. I get it. Life is hard and building this great sexual relationship. Is really hard. There’s lots of obstacles in the way. Yes, and I don’t deny that these things are hard. These definitely have an impact on you. These are real. But I want your faith to be louder.
Yeah. But you’re, yeah. Buts with trust in God. Remember, with God, nothing is impossible. Trust that with God, he can give you your daily bread. [00:35:00] That gives you the inspiration or the wherewithal you need to just take one step today. And then tomorrow and then the day after that trust that God is serious when he says that.
You know, even faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains sometimes. God answers our prayers too by placing people in our paths at important times, and so seeking wise counselors or really good friends. Can help you along your path, and this is why inviting God into your life helps you with your sex life.
This habit is going to connect you with God and exercise your faith and expect blessings to follow.
All right, my friends. There you have it. Those are our 10 habits that I believe even if you do a few of those, or all of them will help you create a very sexy marriage. I’m gonna leave you with this last thought. The premise of James Clear’s fantastic book Atomic Habits is this, you do not [00:36:00] rise to the level of your goals.
You fall to the levels of your systems. These habits, kind of like my running activity, is designed to help you create momentum in your relationship. You want as much powerful forward sexual momentum in your marriage as you can possibly handle. So do the 10 habits. Make your time for your marriage meetings.
Do a daily intimacy challenge. Budget, money and time for creative date nights and creative sex. Talk about your sex life. Have lots of naked time. Fight away negative influences and preserve and protect your marriage from them. Remember, humility, forgiveness, and apology is all parts of developing a great marriage, especially a great sexual friendship.
Create a sexy bucket list, get away regularly, and most importantly, invite God’s influence into your marriage. If this episode’s been helpful for you, please share it with a friend. Otherwise, it’s time to turn off your phone and go get your [00:37:00] marriage on.
