It’s much more common to be comfortable being the giver in sex than the receiver.
In this episode, we explore why learning to relax and receive your spouse may be one of the most vulnerable and transformative skills in intimate marriage. Many couples know how to “get through” sex. Fewer know how to slow down, stay present, and experience deep emotional and physical connection together and they open up and receive.
Dan shares how a simple “orgasmic meditation” practice can really increase the emotional and physical connection you share, even without traditional intercourse.
Resources and Events
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- Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine’s Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/
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Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Orgasmic Meditation: Getting into your body and receiving loving touch
[00:00:00] this is about really loving each other and being really connected.
Shakespeare said the eyes are the window to the soul, and you’re gonna have a soulful experience as he gives, and you receive
I have recorded this episode a few weeks ago and we’re getting ready to release it. As we’re getting ready to release it. We’ve come up with a PDF guide that will guide you through the practice of orgasmic meditation, which we talk about in this episode. If you’d like this free guide, head over to our Instagram, get your Marriage on, find the Post and comment with whatever the instructions say, and I will send you a PDF guide that you can follow along.
To do your own orgasmic meditations in your marriage.
I think learning how to relax and receive during sex is probably the most black belt skill you can ever acquire. It’s actually difficult for us to learn to receive like, at my, uh, workshops or my retreats, I ask for a show of hands, would you rather [00:01:00] be the giver or the receiver in a sexual encounter?
By far many more people would rather give. It’s because receiving is so vulnerable. Yet learning how to receive is fundamental to having a fantastic and, and a transcendent sexual experience. And it’s a skill you can develop. It’s not just a physical skill, but it’s a matter of heart and soul. To learn how to really fully receive your spouse and to really take them in.
Okay. Years ago I read a fantastic book called Slow Sex by Nicole Deon, and it describes in her book this practice called Orgasmic Meditation, and it’s designed for women primarily. her main audience of her book is for women on how to learn how to receive more, receive more sexual pleasure. Her philosophy, she takes the feminist approach saying Too many women are in give, give, give, give, give, give.
And when it comes to sex, it’s all about give, give, give [00:02:00] and more. Women need to learn how to stop and actually fully receive. So she’s invented this practice called the orgasmic meditation. The purpose of it, like any really good meditation, is to learn those two key skills, right? To relax and to receive.
How to first of all, calm your mind. And quiet your mind to really get into your body and learn how to receive loving and, cherishing touch that, connecting touch from your spouse. Okay, now it’s, the name is a little misleading. She calls it orgasmic meditation. The goal isn’t to have an orgasm per se. I mean, if you have one, great, I mean, we could all use more orgasms, right?
But the purpose of it isn’t to have an org@sm it’s to be orgasmic. In other words, to get into a really highly, a roused state that you know, that altered state of mind, that conscious, and to quiet your mind, get into your body, and to really receive, [00:03:00] touch from your spouse. This is how, she outlines how to do it in her book.
Okay? First, the wife, you’re gonna undress. maybe if you’re not comfortable just from the waist down or fully undress and you’re going to lay on a bed or. The floor on a yoga mat somewhere where you can be comfortable and warm. Alright, husband, you wanna sit next to her, but you’re sitting up, you’re kneeling, you’re facing her sideways, kind of like at a t.
And, you can, if you want to, sit, for the husband with his, if he’s, you know, on her right side, he’s going to cross his left leg and sit under him. And with his right leg, go over her right leg and under her left knee. You wanna be in a position where you can get really close to her vulva and be there in a long time and be comfortable.
And also a place where you have a lot of eye contact also. Wait, first, I should have said this. Make sure his hands are clean, they’re [00:04:00] washed, you know, clip his nails, everything. so that this is a good experience for, her and him. You’re going to get some lubricant and apply it to your hands and you’re gonna warm it up a little bit.
And you’re gonna very gently apply that lubricant very gently and very lightly to her clitoris. Now remember, her clitoris is ultra sensitive and doesn’t feel great to be touched directly with a lot of pressure. If she’s not aroused yet, your job is to touch her and touch her clitoris ever so slightly and delicately while pouring all the love in your soul into her.
At the same time, couples, I highly encourage if you’re starting agree on a time, maybe set a timer for 10 minutes. And husband’s job again is to very gently, very, very gently touch her clitoris or around her labia, around the clitoris ever so slightly with a [00:05:00] lubricated finger. That’s his job.
Your job is to relax and give touch. Imagine that your soul was like a pitcher of water, that was filled with love and you could pour it into your spouse. the portal in which you pour it into is gonna be her clitoris. That’s like the mental image I want you to have. So as you touch her, you’re pouring all your appreciation into her.
How you find her so beautiful, what she means to you. what would it be like if she wasn’t in your life? And, loving memories that come to your favorite memories. You don’t have to say a lot of words during this or communicate, but that’s your job. Husbands, you’re just gonna touch her and.
just keep that touch and you’re not gonna vary. You’re not gonna speed up, you’re not going to like go crazy on her. It’s just a little back and forth, back and forth on her clitoris ever so gently and lightly. Wives, this is your job. Your job is to relax. Your job is to open [00:06:00] up. Your job is to receive and receive as much as you can imagine.
Again, if that was a pitcher pouring love into you, you’re the vessel. You’re the cup receiving that love. You want to receive as much as of it you can and you receive it through your clitoris. I also want you to pay attention to. what feels good and what’s feeling pleasurable, and really get into your body.
Just put all your awareness into that part of your body being touched, and make it as connecting as you can. If you’re open to it, open your eyes. gaze into each other’s eyes from time to time, not in some awkward staring contest, but this is about really loving each other and being really connected.
Shakespeare said the eyes are the window to the soul, and you’re gonna have a soulful experience as he gives, and you receive not a lot of talking, and when the timer is done, you’re done. It does not lead to intercourse or anything [00:07:00] more, there’s no obligation to do that. you can dress and move on with your day.
There was a couple that, you know, they had sex, but they really had a difficulty feeling really connected in sex. Sex for them. Felt like maybe how I feel like on my commute to work, it’s only seven minutes from my house to my office, but I can drive that route thinking about other things because I drive it so, so often I wonder if that’s what sex was like for this couple.
it’s very routine for them. Very normal and so scripted. Even though, you know, she’d have an orgasm or he’d have an orgasm, it just, it just really wasn’t that soulful connecting experience and, receiving his touch, at least from her perspective, felt really uncomfortable and exposing. Right.
You’re like, let’s just get this over and done with quickly and let’s move on. Let’s just have sex so we can say we’ve done it almost. I’ll have my orgasm. You have yours and we’ll move on. Okay, so sex. It was easy for them to rush through it most of the time. Then they learned about this orgasmic [00:08:00] meditation practice that I just told you about, and they decided to give it a try for this couple.
They decided, they had some time together Monday, Wednesday, Friday. So on those mornings they were just gonna wake just a little earlier. And that’s what they were gonna do. Practice orgasmic meditation. And at first it was a little awkward for her, but after maybe three or four times, she actually like.
Like, got it. And it started to feel really good and she really actually looked forward to, the orgasmic meditation time together. And not only that, another surprise is she later found herself really looking forward to him returning from work ’cause she’d get aroused. And that arousal, you know, didn’t conclude in a release of an orgasm for her.
So she kind of had this pent up arousal and she was looking forward to having some more, more fun later on. You can absolutely Adapt this to your marriage and you can do a variation where now it’s the husband learning how to receive. For men, it’s also hard for them to receive sometimes. And for [00:09:00] women it’s hard to give.
So you’re gonna switch roles and she’s just going to stroke his penis. It doesn’t need to lead to ejaculation or orgasm per se, but it is a practice that they can do, and it’s a way to build up arousal that is loving. Connecting soulful and about learning how to relax into your body and how to receive.
Try this out, try this tonight. Try an orgasmic meditation together. Make it a meditative experience. If you like this episode, you like this content. You’re absolutely gonna like what we’re gonna teach at our upcoming, getaway. It’s our virtual getaway we’re doing over Valentine’s Day weekend. Now. If you can’t join us live.
You get the video recordings when you register, so you can watch it yourselves up to 90 days after, but it’s the kind where you wanna set aside like 48 hours together, two, two nights together at a hotel, or send the kids to grandma’s house. You’re gonna join Emily [00:10:00] and I live, and we’ll teach you a sexual practice that really changes, having sex to making love, and we go really deep on these topics applied to your marriage.
It’s all new content ready for 2026. You’ll get a workbook. You’ll get sexy homework to try. You get to explore each other’s bodies, but more importantly, really learn how to relax and receive and those critical two skills in sex for your marriage. Thank you for listening. Please share with your married friends.
They’ll thank you for life and go get your marriage on.
