We don’t talk a lot about sex toys and things like that on our site mostly because we really want to focus on the relationship and the intimacy dimension of a relationship to make intimacy and sex great in marriage. But you can’t ignore sex toys! They are out there, and for many couples, they can add a lot to the marriage. Many people have this view that sex toys are dirty or bad or all about solo masturbation. There’s a stigma around them that they are unsavory, but in truth, sex toys can truly be a great addition to you and your partner’s sexual experience. In fact, in the right context, they can add to the bonding and the intimacy that makes sex really fulfilling. Toys can also add critical novelty, which is really important for long-term relationships to make sex a whole lot of fun, feel new again, and continue to be exciting and, of course, really pleasurable. We hope today to shed some light on sex toys whether you’re new to toys or really experienced.
How Sex Toys Can Enhance Intimacy
Trying something new is a great way to keep the spark alive in your marriage and continue to have spontaneity and novelty in your relationship. So using sex toys can be a great things to change things up! Another reason you may want to try out sex toys in your marriage is if the wife struggles with orgasm. It’s generally harder for women to achieve orgasm then men, and using a vibrator can help stimulate the correct areas to enhance the sexual experience for the woman and get her closer to orgasm. Vibrators can also help men who struggle with erectile dysfunction be able to become and stay aroused longer. You can also use vibrators to explore different types of orgasm, as there are more than just the typical penis in vagina g-spot orgasm. We will talk more on this later!
Don’t be afraid to try new things. You never know what is going to be pleasing, fun, and connecting for you and your spouse. If you plan to stay married for a long time, novelty in the sexual relationship is vital. It’s human nature to crave newness and adventure from time to time! We like variety in our food. We like new cars, new computers and gadgets, new houses, new hair styles, new outfits, new music, and so on. So it’s probably no surprise that it’s also perfectly natural to crave novelty in sex, to desire new experiences with your spouse. When you’re first married, there’s plenty of sexual novelty. After a while, you get used to each other and you gradually fall into your familiar patterns of what works for each of you. If we stop pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones, we risk having sex that feels routine, blah, and a bit boring. We don’t want this to happen to you. So go try something new!
Types of Sex Toys / Marital Aids and What They Do
There are several different types of sex toys and marital aids. Each of them work in a slightly different way, but all are there to try and enhance your pleasure within your marital relationship. Using these as a couple can bring a great new element to the bedroom. Here are just a few to consider adding into your sexual relationship:
- Lubricant. Lube is so so important! If you get nothing else out of this article, realize that you need to add lube to your bedroom experience. Try out different ones. There are some that will feel better for you then others, so don’t be afraid to experiment.
- Lingerie. Men and women can wear lingerie. This lingerie not only is beautiful or pleasing for the partner looking at it, but the person wearing it can gain a lot of confidence in their skin when wearing something designed to make you look amazing.
- Female pleasure toys. These toys typically have a shaft of some sort that goes into the vaginal opening, and may have a second piece (or it’s full purpose may be for this!) to suck on or vibrate on the clitoris. There are so many different types of toys, and can be a great way to help the wife get closer to orgasm.
- Male pleasure toys. These toys will typically go around the penis to bring pleasure to the shaft and head. They may also be anal toys, which can be for men or women, but are used a lot for men because it helps reach their “p-spot” which is the male equivalent of the g-spot.
- Couples pleasure toys. Often called C-rings, these toys wrap around the male partners balls and penis to turn them into a vibrator for penetrative sex. This provides stimulation for both the male and the female at the same time.
- Bedroom accessories. There are many different bedroom accessories that could include bedroom games (check out a ton of free bedroom games on the intimately us app here!), special sheets, blindfolds, or other items you have both consented to. The sky’s the limit!
Fears Behind Sex Toys
If you are brand new to the world of sex toys and marital aids, you may have some fears surrounding introducing these into your bedroom. We want you to know that that is completely normal, but these items are designed to enhance your already established relationship with your spouse, not to replace you in any way. There is always a possibility of addiction to anything that brings pleasure. If you find yourself becoming addicted to an item or behavior and changing your positive interactions with your spouse, notice this and stop that action that is causing this. We want these things to make our relationships better, not worse.
God has never, to our knowledge, said anything sexually that we can’t do in a consenting marriage, outside of being sure to stay true to our partner. We don’t need to worry that adding in these items to our marriages is a sin or something dirty. God designed us to have pleasure in our sexual relationship with our spouse, and wants for us to enjoy this relationship! If you have fears surrounding adding in sex toys or other marital aids to your marriage, feel free to reach out to us here and we would be happy to discuss it with you! Be sure to talk to your spouse as well, and pray to God to know what He feels about these items. Decide on what’s right within your marriage.
Different Types of Orgasm
To start off, there are shallow and deep orgasms. You may experience shallow orgasms more often, but by playing around with different positions, toys, and more, you may be able to experience a much deeper type of orgasm that is quite mind blowing. This can lead to you experiencing such immense pleasure that you have a headache after or are brought to tears. This is an amazing experience. If you struggle to achieve orgasm at all, definitely play around with some marital aids and different positions with your spouse to see what helps you be able to reach the point of orgasm.
There are also different types of orgasms that can be experienced at different parts of the body. There is the well known g-spot orgams that comes from penetration of the penis into the vagina. However, many women are not able to achieve orgasm in this manner, and it isn’t well known that pleasuring other erogenous zones can also lead to orgasm. For women especially, their entire bodies are their erogenous zone. However, the most likely areas to lead to orgasm outside of the g-spot are nipples, the clitoris for men, the anus, the prostate for men, and even just behind the ears, elbows, or knees. Play around and find which erogenous zones are most pleasurable to have played with for you!
Safe Places to Shop for Marital Aids
We know one of the scary things about adding marital aids and sex toys into your marriage for Christian couples is shopping for them. So many stores show way more than we want to see… Which is why we’ve worked hard to find some different online shops that are safe and clean for you and your spouse to shop at when wanting to add something new to the bedroom!
- Mentionables is a great shop for lingerie. They don’t use any models, so you don’t have to worry about seeing too much of another man or woman’s body while scrolling! Shop here and use code IU10 for 10% off of your order.
- Honoring Intimates is another great Christian-friendly lingerie shop without any models or nudity. Shop them here!
- For toys and other bedroom marital aids, a great place to shop is Romantic Blessings. They keep all of their images tasteful and clean and have tons of great products to choose from! Go here to check it out now and grab something new to try in the bedroom!
- If you’re looking to try an amazing new lubricant, consider trying out Coconu! It is our absolute favorite lube we have ever tried in our marriage. Go here to try them out, and use code INTIMACY to enjoy 10% off your order.
We hope this will help you feel more confident in trying out something new in your marital relationship to enhance your sexual intimacy. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you have questions or concerns!
Like what you read? Be sure to listen to the full podcast episode here and download the Intimately Us app, the fun and sexy app for your marriage! It’s full of games, connecting activities, and ideas to increase connection and pleasure in the bedroom.