Hey there, Get Your Marriage Onner!
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. When you have doubts about the trustworthiness of your spouse, the relationship suffers and no one is happy. The good news is that trust is also something that can be rebuilt, renewed, and strengthened over the lifetime of the marriage.
I’ve noticed a recent uptick in questions regarding trusting one’s spouse in the Expert Q&A section of the Get Your Marriage On! App, such as:
From wives:
“How can I tell if my husband is cheating on me? I suspect he is but can’t find any evidence yet”
“I don’t think he’s being fully honest with me: I feel like he’s withholding information or omitting telling me the whole story.”
A husband also wrote:
“How do I get her to trust me again? I know I messed up and cheated on her in the past, but the past is in the past. How do I get her to put things in the past behind us and believe me again.”
This is super important!! I turned to Dr. Matt Eschler, PhD and Family Therapist about how he helps couples rebuild trust. He essentially does this for a living!
Here’s the 16 minute video clip full of practical tips about trust & passion you can apply to your marriage today, even if you & your spouse have a fairly decent trusting relationship:
In summary:
1. It takes time making & keeping agreements to repair trust. You can’t expect to rebuild trust overnight. Depending on how serious the betrayal of trust, it may take 2 to 6 years. But take heart!!
2. The first step is to come clean with each other. If you were hurt by the betrayal, you need to take down the walls and open up to tell the other how much it hurt. If you betrayed, you need to take full responsibility for your own actions and be completely transparent with what you did, even if it will hurt the other person.
3. Make new agreements & boundaries. This may mean one or both people need to make lifestyle changes. The agreements can be adjusted as needed. This brings hope to the relationship.
4. Create a new relationship. Do fun things together, hold hands more, and build a new life together.
5. It’s healthy for a couple to express complaints about things that aren’t working right in the relationship, with the intent to improve things. This may cause tension in the short term but lead the way to a better relationship in the long term.
6. Passion is found when one spouse chooses the other regardless of their flaws.
What’s your experience rebuilding trust in your relationship? Was it similar to the steps outlined above? Let us know in the comments below.
We’re joyfully in this together.
