Do you like Horror? Even if you don’t, we hope these hilarious honeymoon hijinks will brighten your day 😉
We asked our GYMO community to send in their awkward or funny honeymoon stories to help us smile. Here are the highlights!
#1 Allergic to Semen?
“My wife and I approached our honeymoon night as virgins. The hotel room I reserved in town for the overnight before we left for our honeymoon was WAY too hot, so I cranked the air conditioner on full blast. After having our first sexual encounter, we fell asleep on top of the covers in the warm room. When I awakened hours later, the room was too chilly. I nudged my bride and she didn’t respond. I touched her skin and she was cold to the touch. I had read that some people are allergic to semen. I was terrified that I had possibly killed my wife via an unknown semen allergy! Actually, she was just sleeping soundly after a busy day (and night)”
#2 Erection Worries
“I didn’t know that men lose their erection after ejaculating. After the first time we had sex, I went flaccid and seriously thought something was wrong with me”
#3 The Cabin in the Woods
“It was the middle of the night and we were driving in the forest, out in the middle of nowhere, to a remote guest ranch. We had just wrapped up our Wedding Reception, which had ended around 10:30pm, and didn’t realize it would take us another 2 hours to get to our honeymoon destination. We were exhausted, and had no idea that this night was about to get A LOT longer… When we finally made it to our little cabin, it was set back in the pines, with only the moon and stars for light. Electricity to the cabin was turned off for the night, so we had to retrieve a flashlight from the car. Moving our way back towards the cabin, we heard a noise… It was coming from the cabin… something was inside it, moving around quickly. Not wanting to look like a pansy in front of his new bride, my husband took the lead-slowly creeping his way forward with me right behind him, we made our way inside. With each step we took, the floor creaked eerily below us, and that’s when we heard it again… except this time, it was right above us. With a high-pitched scream, that I’m pretty sure came from both of us, we shone our light above only to be dive-bombed by whatever it was trying to kill us. While dodging and ducking our way to safety, we caught the first glimpse of our honeymoon terror… a bat. After what seemed like FOREVER of chasing this thing around the cabin, it eventually made it’s way out the door. FINALLY we could get settled in…opps, I spoke too soon. It was cold… really cold. As my husband was TRYING to start a fire in the little wood stove, I decided to have a look around and make sure there were no other surprises in store for us. Feeling confident that our lives were no longer in danger and although extremely exhausted from the days events, we decided to “go to bed”. But the honeymoon cabin from hell had one more surprise in store for us… With a squeal of delight, and as I jumped on our bed, ready for the rest of the evenings adventure… no sooner had I done so, then what to my horror- A BIG BLACK SPIDER came crawling across my pillow. With a loud scream, only a mountain goat would appreciate, I flew off the bed ready to desist any further evening shenanigans. Luckily for me my husband IS brave, and instantly rid the area of any unwanted critters. And although the cabin did everything in it’s power to make our honeymoon night a night of terror… we finished the day off proud, brave, strong, and true”
#4 Careful What You Wish For!
“We took our car (which had been my parents’ car before mine) on our honeymoon. We joked with my parents about it breaking down because they took it on their honeymoon to North Carolina. As soon as we pulled into the driveway of our Airbnb, it started leaking oil down the driveway. The next day we had to get it towed to a shop nearby. Thankfully, my sweet grandparents-in-law offered to pick us up and let us take their car to our actual honeymoon destination a couple of hours away”
#5 Baby, It’s Cold Inside!
“We married in November and stayed in a B&B on the water. It was our first time, and afterwards we cuddled in bed together and fell asleep.. The heater didn’t work and very soon the room became chilly. Every few hours we would wake up super cold and every time we ended up having sex to get warm. We had sex at least 4 times that night. It was a funny memory since we also had every blanket in the room and every article of clothing we packed piled on top of the covers”
#6 Here falls the bride
“I slipped on my dress at my wedding reception and tore my acl in my knee sooooo by the time we got to Cancun Mexico for our honeymoon the next day, my knee was swollen like a football and I could barely walk! I had to use crutches for the week walking on wet terra cotta when it rained every afternoon to our third floor room with NO elevators but my sweet husband showed what an amazing man he was all week bringing me food and drinks and taking such good care of me!! We couldn’t do the excursions we had paid for but we enjoyed just being together in paradise for 8 days and I wore a big knee brace for the next 8 weeks 🙄😝”
#7 The ship is sinking!
“For our honeymoon we were staying at an adult resort, and our room was in the main building, on the main floor. One night in my husband’s dreams, our resort turned into a ship. He dreamt that the ship was sinking and needed to get off the ship! So he frantically slept walked out into the hallway. As the lights from the hallway started waking him up, he heard the click of the door closing behind him. He had locked himself out of our room. He softly started knocking on the door, which quickly grew louder and more urgent. He didn’t want to knock too loudly because the receptionist desk was just around the corner, but loud enough for me to hear. I am normally a heavy sleeper, but I was woken up by knocking on the door. I rolled over in bed to get him to answer the door; he wasn’t there. I slowly walked to the bathroom to see if he was in there; he wasn’t in the bathroom. I opened the door to peak out and he came barreling into the room. Needless to say, we laughed pretty hard about what just happened! And since you are all wondering, yes, he was thankfully wearing underwear!!”
#8 … IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH
“My husband sprained his ankle five days before our wedding, which meant he had to hobble everywhere on our honeymoon”
#9 What is it With Men and Directions?
“We did a road trip out to Colorado for our honeymoon. This was pre- Smart Phone. I had printed off the directions so that we wouldn’t get lost. I was amazed at how much we fought in the drive out there over directions🤦 I couldn’t believe we were fighting on our honeymoon and got nervous about the rest of our marriage. (We are still going strong at 13 years)”
#10 Practice Makes Perfect?
“Me and my spouse were both virgins and were very excited to try sex and on our honeymoon we tried having sex like twice an hour too no avail. I wouldn’t stay hard because I was nervous and she was so worried about it hurting she would pull back at the slightest sexual touch. We both still wanted to do it though so we just tried over and over with frustration. I’m not sure we started on the right foot with sex 😅 but through your app we were able to truly find what sex was and ease into it. We now have a healthy and happy sex life that only gets better”
#11 LEAVE A SOCK ON THE DOOR
“The next morning we went out on the private patio. While our inexperienced selves tried to navigate sex on the fancy patio furniture I heard something inside. When I turned around to look through the glass door, the hotels cleaning staff was cleaning our room. Immediately jumped up and grabbed my robe. Hubs didn’t bring a robe out. It was awkward. :)”
#12 The Italian Job
“Ours is short & sweet – we arrived in Italy and had a great first stop in Rome. Upon day 2 in our next destination (Florence), I ironically got my period at the same time my husband got a bought of foodborne illness on top of (what we now believe was) a very early COVID case (Nov. 2019 during Fashion Week in Milan). We both made it through the rest of our adventures and he was a trooper. It was still a trip for the books!”
#13 There’s Something Fishy…
“Young and newly wed, my husband and I set out our honeymoon to Ormond Beach, FL. We stopped for dinner at a seafood place on the beach near Daytona where my husband saw the ocean for the first time. We got to our honeymoon suite and awkwardly (first time for each of us) consummated our marriage. Immediately after, I felt like my skin was in fire! I broke out in HORRIBLE hives and my throat felt itchy and tight. I took Benadryl and once we were sure my throat wasn’t going to close up, my husband went to a nearby pharmacy for calamine lotion. I spent the next 48hours whepled up, painted pink, sleeping off Benadryl! Once home, an allergy test confirmed I am allergic to shellfish. I had eaten it before with no reaction but I guess being so fresh made a difference 🤷🏻♀️ To this day (18 yrs later) my husband and I still joke that I’m allergic to him”
#14 Child bride
“This is my mom’s story, but she was 19 when she got married. When they showed up to the hotel on their wedding night they said they couldn’t stay in the honeymoon suite because she was under 21 and there was champagne in there. For some reason they couldn’t just take it out so they had to scramble to find another room/place to stay. My dad was so embarrassed (he was 22) because he felt everyone was judging him for marrying a teenager 🙃 They went to a museum the next day, and then for the rest of the week went to Disneyland with his family (so not a lot of wins)”
#15 Too Hot to Handle
“We were taking our sweet time and my husband thought maybe we could have a bath together first so we could see each other naked as a good first step and to relax. I joined him in the tub and could only handle it for a few seconds because it was so hot. I started to feel yucky, jumped out of the tub, and passed out on the floor. So we tried the shower instead. Again, he likes it hotter than hades and I couldn’t handle it. Jumped out of the shower and passed out on the bathroom floor. I passed out TWICE on our wedding night. Great start! 😂 We cannot shower together because he likes it too hot for me”
#16 Study Date
“My wife and I honeymooned in Jamaica at a very nice all inclusive resort. I had put together a great itinerary that fed both of our needs. I’m a “let’s go do something” kind of guy and my wife is a “let’s sit in the sun with a fruity drink and a book” kind of girl so I planned excursion that would give us both what we enjoy. However, we (might have been me, but who can remember 13 years later) decided to get scuba certified on the second day of the trip and as a result she only ended up with two peaceful moments the entire week. She cried every evening because we had to study for the test and wake up early to dive the next day. With the grace of God, we made it through the week, passed the test, and are still happily married today and use our story to encourage others to make better choices than we did. But we did go back for our fourth anniversary for a do over and had a great time!!!”
#17 He Saw the Sun
“We went to Mexico and a few days in, my husband got horrible sun poisoning and had to get 2 steroid shots in his butt, which we paid for with more than half of our wedding money. Then I had horrible stomach issues on the last 2 days and needless to say, we were ready to come back home”
#18 the Bates Motel
My grandfather gave us a timeshare to use on our honeymoon. He let my husband pick the place. my husband picked out this beautiful place in North Carolina. Unfortunately when my grandfather tried to book it, it was already full so he called and said I have good news and bad news. The bad news is the place you wanted was already booked. The good news is I booked you somewhere else. My husband trying to be respectful said oh thank you… It was a free gift after all. When we pulled up to our new place, the paint was peeling off the outside. I started crying but tried to get myself together and be OK with our free honeymoon hotel for the week. We walked in and were greeted at the front desk with the schedule for the week of free hot dog night and family ice cream night. We looked over in the lobby and saw a very large woman in very tight yoga clothes bent over doing yoga with the TV in the lobby. We walked into our room and saw that there were two bedrooms with different beds instead of just one big room. Lots of things we were not expecting. At the time it was definitely a little weird, but even during that week we ended up laughing at all the different odd eccentricities of the place. We ended up having a fabulous time and lots of fun and funny memories. It was the start of almost 20 years now of amazing highs and lows and making the best of the experiences we are in that we don’t always get to choose.
#19 Close Encounters
My husband and I went to Huntington Beach/Disneyland for our honeymoon. One day, Huntington Surf & Sport was having a sidewalk sale so we decided to check it out. We started off browsing together but ended up separating. When I was done looking around, I headed back towards where I last saw my husband. With it being our honeymoon, I got EXTREMELY close to him (like practically humped his leg), or who I thought was him. When I looked up, I said, “You are not my husband…” The stranger said, “No, I’m not.” Completely mortified, I frantically searched for my husband only to find him laughing hysterically in the corner. He saw the whole thing unfold and didn’t say a word to stop me. It’s brought us 16 years of laughter and is one of our favorite stories as a couple.
#20 Red Moon Rising
I started my period the day before the wedding and had heavy bleeding all through the honeymoon and a week after. Bleeding so much that that I had to go to a hospital for a whole day in the middle of the honeymoon. And most people didn’t speak English at the hospital. And we had to cancel most of our tours and excursions because I needed a bathroom every 2 hours. Also, my husband gets faint at the sight of blood…
#21 Bless the Brakes Down in Africa
We got married in South African in a small town on the 30 September. 27 years ago – it’s our anniversary today. 🎉 It was a day wedding and in the afternoon after all the celebrations we drove off in a car that someone had loaned us. It had “ Just Married” and love hearts written on the back of the car in shaving foam . It also had tin cans attached under the car so it made a loud noise as we drove through the streets. On the way from the church we stopped at the apartment to change our clothes and get our bags. We were gifted 2 nights at a beautiful game reserve that was an hours drive away. We had to book in at a certain time so that they can close the gate for the night. We were almost out of town and stopped at an intersection when the car suddenly cut out and wouldn’t start. As a new bride I was patient waiting to see if my husband could fix it but he was not a mechanic. The problem was bigger than we though. I started crying as we had a time restriction to get to our destination. We did not have mobile phones in those days so we couldn’t call our family for help. My husband eventually went to the nearby houses to ask if anyone could help us. That afternoon was the rugby World Cup. All rugby fans were locked in front of their tv’s cheering for South Africa. It was difficult to get help from anyone until eventually an older man came to check out our car and he though it may be a flat battery. He brought his car and jumper leads and the car started. We set off for our destination knowing that we would be late and couldn’t let the hotel know. When we finally got there the gates were closed. We had to explain to the security that we had a booking . They let us in after checking with reception. We finally checked in but we missed dinner so we went to our room . Fortunately we were given a container of finger food from our reception that we ate. It was warm in the room so we opened the windows to get fresh air. To stressed to have fireworks that night . The next morning we woke up to find monkeys in our room eating the fruit from our fruit basket. We jumped out of bed blurry eyed and chased the monkeys out of our room and closed the windows. After exploring the beautiful reserve for the two days it was time to go home. It was definitely not the start of our honeymoon as we expected but definitely a funny story to share.
#22 Colds and Cold
My husband had the flu on our wedding day. We ended up in the ER (at the hospital we both worked at) on our wedding night because he was so sick. Then the hot tub at house we were staying at broke, then the furnace went out. We were married in the middle of December so no heat made for a very chilly house.
#23 Things Got Spicy!
On our honeymoon wwe got some chicken wings and I ordered spicy garlic wings which the waitress said weren’t that spicy… Well they were too spicy for me so I traded my husband for his and he gobbled down the spicy wings with no complaint. But at dinner that night his body started to complain about the wings a lot. We were at a super fancy restaurant and he had to go to the bathroom at least three times. Each time he came back he looks like he more and more pain and and was sitting funny. He was feeling so bad that he had to keep leaving me. Eventually, and regretfully, we canceled our plans for the rest that evening and went to a pharmacy to get some medicine for his bum. He felt so bad. We couldn’t find the medicine and he was completely embarrassed to ask where the cream was so I went and ask an attendant very discreetly where it was, while he hid in the aisles. When we got to the counter and the cashier saw the medicine and asked if the altitude was getting to us (this question was so far off base I had to correct him forgetting about my husband’s embarrassment) I said “no, he just had some spicy wings” My new husband, mortified, couldn’t give the cashier his money fast enough so he could just get out of the store. He spent the rest of the night on the toilet. And I was locked out on the other side asking if I could call my mom who is a nurse to see what we could do to help him more. His embarrassment grew and he refused to call his new mother-in-law on his honeymoon about his “spicy” butt problem.
#24 A Raging Storm
We were in the Maldives in May for our honeymoon and there was such stormy weather! We had a villa right on the ocean and water was leaking through and we literally thought the roof was going to fly off! Thank God for His protection! We definitely prayed and read the Bible a lot to stay calm 😅 and had lots of sex to stay distracted 😏😅 definitely had lots of sex practice for when we came back home 😆 blessing in disguise?😁
#25 More Allergies!
We both waited until our wedding night. I asked my spouse (husband) to get the lube and condoms. He bought scented self warming gel and I apparently am also super sensitive to most lubes as we’ve discovered. But my vagina was on fire, I was crying. He felt horrible. We kinda finished and then he rolled over immediately fell asleep and I cried myself to sleep. It got way better and he learned the importance of aftercare so we laugh now but it was a disaster haha.
#26 Breaking in the Bed
We checked in at the front desk, immediately went straight to our room, dropped everything and went straight at it. Not even 10 minutes from checking in, things were going so great and hardcore that the bed broke. Half the bed came apart and fell away from the headboard. Mortified I sent my new husband to the front desk to tell them, we don’t know how it happened but the bed was just broke. We had just seen these people. Got congratulated for being newly married. They knew. But they upgraded us from a normal hotel room to a fancy sweet with a huge tub and fireplace. Every time we passed the front desk, we got looks and smirks. They all somehow knew we were the newly weds staying there that week.
#27 “keep yourself between the ditches, the road is always smoother”
We spent a week in Ireland. On the second day, we were driving from Dublin to Kilkenny and the roads are fairly narrow… and on some country road we came head to head with another vehicle. I ease the tiny fiat (mind you, I am 6’5″ and 235 lbs in a tiny clown car) to the shoulder of the road and when the other vehicle passes I realized that we were stuck in a ditch. We waited and tried to flag down anyone that we saw to no avail. Eventually a gentleman named Sean came to the rescue and called a wrecker service to pull the car out of the ditch but they were 2 hours away, so he tied a rope to his Honda civic and tried to pull it out himself but it didn’t work. Sean invited my wife and I to his home where we shared tea and snack with his family and watched TV while waiting on the tow truck. He worked at a restaurant in downtown Kilkenny and gave us a gift card and purchased us our meal for the evening. We will never forget him and his families hospitality and we often laugh at this story from just over 14 years ago. We learned that they have a saying in Kilkenny; “keep yourself between the ditches, the road is always smoother”. There were several other mishaps, but that one was the one that stands out the most Maybe this will help us get in contact with him again, I would love to say “thank you” one more time.
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