What separates good intimacy from exceptional intimacy?
In this special year-end compilation, we round up the most powerful “Black Belt” sex and intimacy tips of 2025, the next-level insights that don’t come from technique alone, but from presence, awareness, confidence, communication, and desire.
Featuring clips from some of the most impactful guests of the year, this episode explores how slowing down, tuning into your body, cultivating emotional safety, embracing confidence, and deepening awareness can transform your sexual connection. Whether you’re looking for practical ideas or profound mindset shifts, this episode invites you to go deeper, with yourself and your spouse.
If you like what you’ve heard from these guests and want to go back for more, here are the links to the full episodes:
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Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Kaitlin: taking a fruit roll up and wrapping it around your spouse’s um penis but it makes it sticky and a very soft texture. salivating way and it gives you something to really work at.
You have to lick and tease and it kind of creates an exciting experience and a very tasty one if you are doing it.
Dan: Hello, friends, here we are at the end of 2025. We did it 2020 five’s in the books and we’re looking forward to 2026. I’m thinking about some of the highlights for me personally and professionally for this [00:01:00] year. I released 56 podcast episodes this year. I went to an amazing coaching and therapy training that I just learned so much that you’ll never learn it in a textbook.
You had to be there to experience it, and it’s really increased the quality of my coaching skills. We sent a daughter off to college in another state, and she’s had a great freshman year so far. Now she’s home for Christmas and it’s so fun to have her back and see all the growth she’s been in. I acquired a business this year, formerly The Dating Divas now has been rebranded to date your spouse, and that’s been quite a journey.
My wife and I, we’ve managed to get away four times this year where we found a babysitter and we just spent a weekend together. It was so fun. One of the most memorable ones we did is we did a multi-day backpacking adventure in a remote part of Utah, and we saw some amazing landscapes and canyons and it was, it was beautiful.
I have been privileged to meet with over a hundred couples privately this year, and to work with [00:02:00] them to hear their story and to work and counsel and coach them through intimacy in their marriage. I am also halfway through graduate school, and if all things go according to plan, I’ll finish in the middle of next year and start on my PhD. I’m looking forward to that. I’ve also had significant challenges and disappointments and limitations and shortcomings and growth experiences through it all this year.
There was an experience I had earlier this year in May now my children do karate, and I did a lot of martial arts as a teen and as a young adult myself. And we got invited to a seminar in Salt Lake City, which is a five hour drive north of where I live.
And we get there and it turns out it’s a black belt seminar and my kids are not black belts yet, so we are the only ones in this big sea, about 60 black belts. And it was very black belt by black belt is the moves are the same, but. You [00:03:00] get really detailed on the nuances. It’s like shifting your weight here or you block a little bit in this way.
It’s also about the persona. It’s the person of the martial artist and who you are and the energy you bring and the attitude you bring influences so much of what happens, in the martial arts scenario, whatever it is that you’re doing. There’s these little nuances and they, make a big difference in the way you do it.
My purpose for this episode as I round up the best tips from the year is to encourage you to go a little bit deeper in your own relationship. And it doesn’t have to just be sexually, but I want to push you to go in a little bit more intimately with your spouse. As you listen to these tips, think about how you can improve your ability to move in closer to your spouse and to be really present with them.
Love is so precious. Love receiving and giving love is rare, so we need more of it. We need to develop that capacity within us to [00:04:00] love well and to love even better. And I hope this podcast and the work through Get Your Marriage on inspires you to do your very best to love your spouse well. We are going to hear from a lot of guests today.
We’re going to give you a little bit summary of what they’re about to say and then you’ll hear that clip and then we’ll move on to the next one.
My first guest is Denita Bremmer, and we talked about how to listen better to our own body and what our body is saying even in sexual experiences. Here’s what we talked about.
Denita Bremmer: so my tip would be to narrate your experience. And I’m particularly thinking about what you are feeling on the inside.
During your experience of s*x And a couple of things come up for me of why this is a black belt sex tip. The first one is that it requires you to slow down.
Dan: Yes.
Denita Bremmer: The second is that it keeps you in the present moment.
The third is that it’s communicating to your partner, right? So then they got, get to know you and your patterns [00:05:00] and, Oh, that’s interesting. I never thought of that. Right. So they’re learning you. and I think it would be fantastic if. If it could be kind of a conversation where one partner goes first and then the next partner says something and you just kind of volley back and forth about, you know, speaking out loud, what you are feeling. The other thing that I like about this is that if you’re focused on your own body, your own experience, then there’s no like shame or blame around it. And so I think that can also create a sense of safety. It’s like, Oh, I don’t have to like. respond to my partner, or, you know, figure out what to do next.
We’re just speaking like, Oh, I’m feeling this in this part of my body. And now I feel the urge to touch you here or whatever. Right. bring in some of those, like, I’m going to do this next. But I was particularly thinking of just like the sensation level or the [00:06:00] emotion level of the experience on the
Dan: So this is more than, more to the left. This is, this is just narrating. This is what I’m doing right now. This is what I’m feeling in my body.
Denita Bremmer: Yeah. It’s more like, you know, Oh, now I’m feeling this. Now I’m feeling that. Cause I don’t know about you, but sometimes something will feel really good and then I lose it.
Right. then I’m like, Oh, now I can’t feel hardly anything at all. Right. So. I just think it would be very connecting, but also like we talked about these elements of safety and presence, groundedness, right?
I think it kind of hits all of those things.
Dan: What Danita just shared is a powerful foundation, slowing down, staying present, and learning to narrate your internal experience. Once coupled build that level of safety and awareness, it opens the door to something even deeper. So In the next clip, Sophia Ashley takes us beyond physical technique and into [00:07:00] energy work and tantra, showing how breath, intention and presence can transform sex from something you do into something you experience on a whole new level.
Sofiasofia-ashley-_1_08-23-2024_131130: for me, the next step after that is really about adding some energy work to your practice and deepening that connection to so you can get. To those juicier, more spiritual, even deeper levels of like connection.
Cause you, you need that baseline to get to that place. And that’s where we add energy work, breath work, and tantra work to kind of the practice.
Dan: What’s energy work.
Sofiasofia-ashley-_1_08-23-2024_131130: that’s the fun place you can go. Uh, well, I mean, Tantra work is, what’s Tantra? So I’ve learned a Tibetan lineage of Tantra, and I think people get all funky about Tantra sometimes.
Tantra literally just means blending light and sound with form. And so, Tantra work is the way I got explained. So sutra would be like physical work that we do. So it’d be like [00:08:00] the physical moves that you do on your partner. If you’re talking about like penis massage or vagina vulva massage, um, the actual like massage techniques or touch techniques are the sutras.
And we do tantra when we add the physical work with the energy work of Tantra. And that just means we’re visualizing a color and chanting a sound and visualizing a shape of a certain elemental energy or healing energy that we work with. And so Tantra’s powerful non sexually and sexually it kind of does two things.
One, it’s a powerful healing tool for trauma. So it’s a somatic healing tool where if I’ve essentially got a bunch of trauma in my vagina, my muscles are tense, I’m lacking sensation, or I’m experiencing pain and irritation, I’ve got to find where that trauma got locked into my muscles and massage it out, but also use energy work to help [00:09:00] it come out of my energy system and my nervous system.
That opens me up to more pleasurable sensation and connection and all that fun stuff. And then on the other side, it just helps us to go into like, way deeper levels of connection. I worked with a couple, a while ago now, and they, they talk about like, They go to this place called the void when they have sex, when they use tantric tools, like outside of space and time.
Uh, and they can be there as long as they want. It’s like pretty wild. so that energy work piece just opens up the kind of sex people are expecting. Right. And in my Tantra practice, we often talk. Yeah. Well, we talk about how people just jam genitals together and hope for this like mind body, like explosive thing. And you’re like, no, no, no. We got to do like mind, body, soul, heart, mind, and genitals here.
so yeah, Tantra would definitely be, where it’s at for, um, people once they’ve really solidified their nervous [00:10:00] system work.
Dan: That energetic depth that Sophia talked about is incredible. But for many couples, desire doesn’t start in a bedroom after all, it starts way earlier.
in the next clip, my guest, Macy Walters, brings us back into everyday life and reminds us how intention, investment, and emotional safety, especially earlier in the day, can completely change how we connect and how we open up and feel when it comes to intimacy.
Macey: this is something that I actually give, newlyweds. So anytime I’m at a bridal shower and they ask for marriage advice, or, you know, sex advice, something like that. This is my go-to. And I think it’s especially true for women, but sex starts in the morning and as soon as we’re intentional about it in the morning, then we’re kind of, you know, getting ourselves excited all day.
I always joke with my husband and say, my favorite position is when you’re doing the dishes when I wake up, right? For some reason, that just is like, so it’s, I don’t wanna say a turn on, but it makes me feel like, okay, he [00:11:00] hears me, he sees me, and he knows that in order for me to be in the mood later. X, Y and Z need to be done before we can kind of get in the mindset.
And so that’s
Dan: invested.
Macey: Yes, exactly. I, I can’t enjoy the moment if there’s dishes in the sink or if the kids are screaming or, you know, I, I kind of have to just make my brain kind of turn off and
Dan: Yeah.
Macey:it starts in the morning. It’s when he’s intentional about it in the morning. And when I see that he’s doing that, I’m like, okay, I can get behind this.
And so I start being more intentional and. We’ve always had success with it, so it starts in the morning.
Dan: here on the Get Your Marriage On Podcast, we use a popular framework that a lot of people have found helpful in their own marriages. And it’s that in a marriage you’ll generally have one person who has a more, spontaneous desire pattern, and that there has a more responsive desire pattern, and we define that.
But really the nuances of how to work within that yin and a yang, so to speak, [00:12:00] those opposing. Uh, yet complimentary energies of spontaneous and responsive can get a little muddy. And this is where my guest, Tammy Camp, she really shines at explaining this. And she uses a party planner metaphor and how you can show up to a party and have a great time and you’re gonna like this tip.
Tammy: Okay. So if you are the party planner right now, if you are that spontaneous desire black belt for you would be keep planning the parties. Okay. Do put out those fun invitations.
Create something that is just like powerful. Don’t stop. Inviting. make it about love, make it about connection. Make it about choice. For the black belt tip, for the person that is invited, that has the invitation is choose.
Choose to show up. Choose to start seeing what your part is. It. Choose to accept the freedom that you’ve been given. and see what that’s gonna change for you. See what desires may open up for you. See that you can own [00:13:00] who you are in your sexual relationship and that it’s totally beautiful and wonderful.
And then for both of ’em, even though we, we collaborate in our relationships, we’re never going to become each other.
Mm-hmm.
Tammy: So part of that is that your party as the. spontaneous is always gonna be you. It’s, it is like. Has you all in it and as the responsive that has you that you’ve brought into it.
And as you can create that for the two of you, there’s space and it’s beautiful and wonderful that you are very different. That’s where the fireworks happen. You’re different, you’re beautiful, you’re wonderful, and intimacy is fun and and really cool when that happens.
Dan: When we allow ourselves to be who we truly are, attraction usually follows In this next short clip, Molina Weeks shares a fun but meaningful insight into what turns her on, about her husband, and why authentic confidence and competence can be incredibly erotic.
Melina: Oh [00:14:00] man, what’s so sexy to me is it is gonna sound and it makes sense, but. so he’s a cowboy. He grew up on a farm. He, they’re ranchers, but when he starts like saying y’all, and he’s like getting, and he is getting dancing and he puts his cowboy hat on. I don’t know what it is, but I love me a cowboy.
So if anyone hasn’t tried that yet. for it. Get yourself a cowboy hat, some boots. I, I love my cowboy.
Dan: love it. That’s great. What is it about it that you find so appealing? So,
Melina: work,
Dan: yeah.
Melina: in making things work out on the farm. And you’re like, when I watch him bale hay
Dan: Uh huh
Melina: like throw it to cows, I’m like, wow, that is a man. That is a
Dan: Uhhuh.
Melina: man.
Dan: Yeah,
Melina: So it’s definitely the hard work that, the work ethic that, that speaks to my sexual soul.
Dan: [00:15:00] agreed. A hundred percent. Great.
Attraction might spark desire, but emotional safety sustains it. In the next clip, Kendra Nielsen vulnerably shares how learning how to communicate her internal experience without shame completely changed her relationship to sex and helped her stay present instead of just checking out.
Kendra Nielson: Anyway, It’s um, communicating and allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable and processing things verbally. I had a lot of resistance to things. I just went along with a, a lot of things sexually, um, based on how I thought it should and shouldn’t look, and that made it very hard, and I’m getting a little vulnerable here
For me to climax, it took me years. And so when I finally started to have more frank conversations with him
Kendra: about.
Kendra Nielson: Why things felt difficult, why I was, uh, like emotionally just checking out during sex. And until I finally started to talk to him about that experience, and he listened so well, and lo and behold, sex started to get more enjoyable and I wasn’t avoiding [00:16:00] it as much and I was staying more present.
So it was opening up and risking sounding maybe a little bit crazy when I didn’t understand it myself and leaning on him to explore that Together. Mm-hmm. That is one loaded question. Did that make sense or answer? You
Dan Purcell: What I love about, uh, your story right there is, it does take two.
Kendra Nielson: Yeah,
Dan Purcell: it does take two. And what a blessing it is to have a husband that would listen and take it all in without shame or judgment because you’re like, am I crazy? Because what I’m about to tell you just, I don’t know if this is gonna come out. Right. Because that’s probably why you haven’t expressed it to that point in your marriage.
’cause you’re or yourself even just questioning or judging, is this even okay or not? But you’re able to work through that together and, and lo and behold, things got better right after. So that’s great advice.
Jody Moore
Dan: What I like about Kendra’s story is it shows us how healing. It can be to feel heard. Now, Jody Moore takes that idea even further by inviting couples into a powerful kind of conversation. Not to fix each other, but to simply understand what your partner [00:17:00] truly wants for your relationship and for your future together.
Jody: One of
Jody: the things, and this can apply to sex, but it can apply to any part of your marriage. One of the things I think is cool to do is to sit down with your spouse and ask them, what do you really want for our relationship,
Dan: Yes, Uhhuh. Love that
Jody: maybe it’s for your sex life, but just I, I, I think all of it.
Dan: Uhhuh.
Jody: interesting conversation and, again, not because you’re necessarily gonna agree with it all, or that you’re looking for a checklist of what to do or who to be or anything like that, but just like it’s so tempting for us to think that when we’re communicating with our spouse, my main job is to get them to hear me, understand my desires, my wishes.
Dan: Uh huh. It’s kind of funny. We do that. We don’t really listen. Uhhuh.
Jody: Yeah, and I mean, just go into it with the sole objective of better understanding what they want and, and you can even preface it with like, Hey, I’m not [00:18:00] saying this because I’m necessarily gonna change myself at all. I just wanna know you better because you know, we’re not the same people we were when we got married 20 years ago.
Dan: Uh huh.
Jody: And we have different desires and different interests, and I’m just curious. What do you want for our future, for our relationship, for our sex life, for our family, for our money?
Dan: Uh,
Jody: what, what’s your ideal? And, and I just wanna hear it. I just wanna know you better and usually they’re gonna reciprocate and they’re gonna wanna know what you want.
Dan: Uhhuh.
Jody: these conversations, I know I am guilty of not having them enough with my spouse, where it is just so easy, especially once you have kids and jobs and all that, to go through the motions of like getting through each day and who’s gonna pick the kids up from school and who’s gonna take out the trash and like. I feel like we lose sight of the fact that we can create anything we want in the future. And if we have discussions like that and we’re, we are working on things together, we’ll have at least [00:19:00] some shared objectives and goals. I think it can really create, not just like getting through the marriage, but like really having it be an amazing part of your life.
Dan: Thanks, Jody. Now those kinds of conversations create clarity, but clarity alone doesn’t always lead to desire. In the next clip, Dr. Steven Snyder offers a completely different approach showing how awareness rather than effort or performance, is often the missing ingredient to great sex. Now, sometimes I read a really good book and I want that author on my podcast, and it took me a long time to track down this author.
And after six months of trying, he finally said yes, and it was such a great episode. I’m so glad I can bring this clip in to this roundup.
Stephen Snyder: Most of the time we’re not functioning in a situation of awareness because we’re involved with doing and thinking. But if you just kind of lay doing and thinking aside and say, Hey, I’m interested in cultivating awareness, it’s important to do this before you have sex.[00:20:00]
So in my, in my view, in my book, I call this the two step and uh, the two step, step one is simply cultivating a state of awareness. And you can do that in bed together. Or you can do it separately. And it involves really simple things. Takes a couple of minutes, like, eating a piece of fruit and just tasting the fruit or taking a walk outside and looking at the color of the sky or lying in bed and.
Getting in touch with how your feet are doing and what the temperature is in the room. And uh, what you can see is you just look around with absolutely no agenda. So the operative word for step one is a couple go to bed together with no agenda at all, except to do absolutely nothing. As the Zen practitioner said, just don’t, don’t do, don’t just do something, sit there.
so you just go to bed accident, nothing thing. And if you feel like having a little chat together, that’s fine, but you’re basically just cultivating awareness. And once you’ve. Made that transition [00:21:00] from doing and thinking to awareness. That’s the good stuff. That’s the soil from which all good sexual things come.
And so if you want to experience your partner, if that’s something that appeals to you, or if your partner wants to experience you in a way that they know appeals to you well, that’s fine. And my own sense is that, desire, is, is kind of optional when it comes to having good sex, as a religious person.
I think of it as similar to, looking for inspiration anywhere else in life. Yeah. I’m Jewish, I go to synagogue. I’m not inspired to go to synagogue, but once I’m there, I’ve got a couple hours I’m looking for inspiration. I don’t know where it’s gonna come from, but I’m, I’m, I’m open to it. And so to me it’s the openness, the inspiration, which can accompany cultivating a sense of awareness that.
dan_1_05-12-2025_150837: so good and you can’t force inspiration. It’s not
Stephen Snyder: Nah.
dan_1_05-12-2025_150837: just ’cause you want it.
Stephen Snyder: And what I would say is, uh, sometimes in a longstanding partnership you’ll [00:22:00] experience a fair amount of inspiration, and sometimes you’ll experience just a little bit. so sometimes you’d just be listening for that still small voice as, as they say in the, uh, in the prophets, you know, whereas we say in Hebrew the called the Mama daca.
and you just find that still small voice and something about your partner or something about your experience and you go, you know what? I can go with that. Um,
dan_1_05-12-2025_150837: need to be settled enough in order to hear
Stephen Snyder: ab Absolutely,
dan_1_05-12-2025_150837: love that.
Stephen Snyder: ’cause you won’t hear it otherwise.
Dan – eroticism
Dan: That awareness we just talked about sets a stage for something essential in eroticism authentic enthusiasm. In the next segment, I wanna share a core principle about healthy selfishness in sex. While enjoying your spouse for your own pleasure is often what makes intimacy truly come alive. And this is inspired in part by the in-person marriage retreats that we do as we talk about this in one of our segments.
One particular couple at the retreat that inspired me about this talked about how once they learned how to incorporate this [00:23:00] healthy selfishness in their sexual experience, it took sex to a whole nother level in their marriage.
Dan Purcell: In short, there’s a healthy level of selfishness and healthy level of narcissism that makes for great sex. Sex guts routine when it becomes this polite exchange. Okay, now it’s your turn. Instead, you both need to tap into your inner 2-year-old. Sometimes that part that just wants what it wants without overthinking it.
That’s when the real magic happens. Here’s what I mean. Isn’t it way more hot to passionately kiss your spouse because you love the feeling of their lips and their tongue on yours, not because you’re trying to get them to feel a certain way. Or another example, consider oral sex. Don’t just give oral sex because your spouse likes it.
Do oral sex on your spouse because of how pleasure it is for you to feel turned on as you turn on your spouse. Take pleasure in performing it isn’t it way hotter when your spouse is going down on you and they’re generally turned on and enjoying themselves in going down on you?[00:24:00]
That enthusiasm is what makes it so exciting. We did a podcast on this very topic a few years ago with Danielle Savory as my guest, and it’s episode number 1 37 titled Blow Jobs Aren’t Just for Husbands to emphasize this point. For this woman asking this question, if you want hotter sex, tell your husband to stop worrying so much about your pleasure and instead for him to focus on doing you the way he genuinely enjoys doing you.
It may feel counterintuitive for him at first, but encourage him to push himself
And both of you’ll unlock new level of erotic fun. That’s way more exciting for both of you than just checking boxes. I want to clarify that this isn’t giving you permission to touch your spouse or engage in a sexual act that they don’t want or choose.
That’s crossing boundaries and is intelligent behavior. But what I’m trying to say instead is when you can kind of let yourself lose your head a little bit and get in the moment and just do each other because it’s fun to touch your [00:25:00] spouse in that way or be with your spouse in the way, that’s when things can get really hot and neurotic.
Dan: Now, of course, it’s hard to fully enjoy sex when you don’t feel comfortable in your own body. So in this next clip, hope or shares a powerful story about how changing the way a woman sees herself can unlock confidence, desire, and a completely different sexual energy.
Hope: You remind me of, another client who, she was a mom. She’s in her late thirties and, she has all these kids, she’s got little kids, so used to living in her role as being a mom and as a wife, you know,
and she wanted to have a session, um, she was from out of state, we have a number of clients who fly in from out of state to work with us, and she and her husband flew into, Utah to work with us, and, so when that happens, we kind of, shift the schedule around a little, so she had her session one day, and then the next day she was able to come back and see her photos and pick out her favorites. So she had her session, and [00:26:00] during her session, she kept telling me, I don’t like my butt. I don’t like my butt. My husband’s always trying to take photos. just don’t
like it. And I’m like, okay, trust me. I promise you like, trust me. It’s I’ll, I’ll get some photos and then you can see if you don’t like them, that’s okay. So we did her session. She went home and then the next day she came back for her image reveal and she brought her husband with her so that he could help pick out her photos.
And the first thing she said when she sat down was hope. Um, something must have happened in my session yesterday because this morning I got out of the shower and I saw myself in the mirror
and didn’t have any makeup on.
I was just standing there naked and she said, I looked at myself and I said, wow, I am beautiful.
Dan: Uh huh.
Hope: And she said, I’ve never done that when getting out of the shower before.
Dan: Wow. Uh huh.
Hope: was just, you know, the day after her session.
Dan: That’s so cool.
Hope: then [00:27:00] we pull up her photos. And she’s looking through them, she’s got tears in her eyes, she said, I didn’t know I could look like that. And they pick out the photos that they want, they’re so excited, and at the end she turns to her husband and she says, Well, I guess I’ll let you take pictures of my butt now, I didn’t know it looked that good.
Dan: And it was her favorite photo of all of probably.
Hope: that’s right, yeah. she, totally, totally shifted, something that she absolutely hated about herself and didn’t like and didn’t want photos of, totally shifted the next day where she’s like, okay, let’s take photos of my butt. So,
Dan: And a husband’s perspective too, like we, as men, we could be like a blue and a face telling our wives how sexy they are, how much like their butt or their breasts or whatever it is. Right. And they won’t believe us. And then once they do this, but or for those session, it’s like something clicks in their head where they’re like, I am finally seeing myself the way my husband sees me [00:28:00] or rather than the way I see me.
And, and, uh, yeah. That’s, that’s a great thing when that
Hope: Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And
I think that’s why, you know, so many clients end up saying like, I had no idea that this was such a gift for myself. And it’s, it’s a gift, it’s a gift for your husband or your partner in a way that he gets photos, but it’s also a gift for him in the way that it changes how you feel and how you show up in your relationship with him and how you show up in the world.
Dan: Confidence opens the door to playfulness, and sometimes that playfulness shows up in very practical ways. In this next clip, Caitlin shares some bold, honest, and surprisingly helpful insights about oral sex communication and how confidence and curiosity can dramatically change experience for both partners.
And based on my download stats, I know for certain my podcast listeners love episodes about oral sex and how to make it better. So this one’s for you.
So you’ve invested the more part of a [00:29:00] year to getting really good at oral sex together as a couple. I want to hear your absolute best tips.
Kaitlin: Yeah. For a woman to man, I feel like my biggest tip is saliva. Like the messier the better, but I feel like my husband, the best thing he ever said to me was like, I like when you like drool when you spit and everything. And it got me thinking because that’s something he never said to me. We’ve been together like a decade.
We’ve spent a lot of time together. And then to me, it just kind of made me realize that like, it truly is better for both parties. If there is more saliva, there’s more spit, more contact of that, just because everything slides easier. And it’s not, it’s not a grind banking thing, but to me, it kind of like really got me thinking.
I was like, wow, okay, that makes sense. And then also that communication of his pleasure. And then my second best tip would be the mechanic of like your mouth and your hand moving together. Because let’s think
most of us cannot. Deep throat. We are not porn [00:30:00] stars here. We are average people. We need to
be able to Include everything so the rhythm to me of realizing that like, okay You don’t need to actually fully wrap your hand around it by using two fingers and a thumb just enough with the mouth You can get that full movement and that it’s great for men because they’re fully getting pleasured and it’s wonderful but also the confidence that you’re giving yourself because you’re like I know what i’m doing.
I know this is gonna feel good and that kind of excites them As well that
confidence is sexy and that’s a huge tip for regardless of the gender just going and I mean like I’m gonna do this and I can take a criticism like let’s take ourselves
down a notch like
being criticized isn’t a bad thing and I’ve gotten plenty for my husband about things because we’re trying crazy things
Dan: Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Kaitlin: that feedback is important because maybe he won’t like but maybe he wants the full hand okay let’s adjust our expectations
Dan: Uhhuh.
Kaitlin: best tip is um I want to call it throat training also.
Like
there’s a lot of great [00:31:00] tools you can use. Um, they’re called good head, they’re throat numbing sprays, and there are wonderful products that
you use if you want to start off getting a little bit more, let’s say vigorous with your partner and you want to do
things a little bit rougher, it kind of helps numb.
But the one warning I give about these sprays is you don’t want to get too used to them. You want to try them, try them without, try them, try them without, because you don’t want to rely on anything. To give you good head you
want your skills and also you don’t want that barrier that like, oh wait hun I need to grab that.
Like, if you want me now have your way with me is my biggest like word of advice. So just kind of
training ourselves to do things in a different way
by using the spray as a tool but not the product. If you’re going to do that, my best, best way, and it’s very controversial, is if you sit on the corner of your bed and you tilt your head back and
you kind of just open things up and you want to make sure your head isn’t too far back. You can get a beautiful session through that way, but it’s just, word of the wise, [00:32:00] start off slow.
Start off gentle if we’re going to try and then slowly build up your pattern with your confidence, but that has been a game changer doing that just because it is, it’s fun for everyone. Let’s
just say, .
Dan: And so what you’re describing is you’re, you’re kind of laying on the corner of the bed or the edge of the bed with, you’re laying on your back with kind of your head almost over the edge
and he is standing by the edge of the bed or, or near the edge of the bed for that.
Kaitlin: yeah, just kind of laying back, but not like you don’t want your head fully off the side of the bed. So the blood’s rushing, you kind of want just that tilted
up kind of 90 degree a little bit, just leaving things
open so you can enter at your will.
Dan: Very good. Very good. Any other, like creative or like fun ways to incorporate more, I don’t know, just to kind of make it more lighthearted and fun.
Uh
Kaitlin: Yeah, my out of the box very Exciting one is taking a [00:33:00] fruit roll up and wrapping it around your spouse’s um penis and it’s not You It’s not a common thought that a lot of women have, and I totally admit that, but it’s fun just because it’s taking a very, um, tasty product and adding it to a very intimate area, but it has no side effects.
It’s like, not gonna burn, it’s not anything crazy you have to worry about, cause it’s, it’s something you can eat, but it makes it sticky and a very soft texture. salivating way and it gives you something to really work at. You gotta, you’re down
there for a bit and it’s kind of exciting for the man to receive because you, it’s not just a suck in motion.
You have to lick and tease and it kind of creates an exciting experience and a very tasty one if you are doing it.
Dan: Uh huh.
Kaitlin: And my
biggest tip is if you’re doing it, do not wrap it like a candy cane. Just kind of do a little bit, goes a very long way. And then just remember to clean it off before you have any sex.
But it’s just, it’s very fun because I like to do it for holidays, birthday kind of thing. [00:34:00] Not an everyday thing, but it’s kind of a fun once in a while thing as a couple. Just because it’s fun for me and it’s fun for him. But it’s not something that’s very like, you have to pre plan it for it. You can just buy a giant box and keep it in your pantry.
Dan: Nice. Or in your bedroom.
Kaitlin: Yes,
yes.
Dan: All right. What are your best tips then for the other direction? A man, performing oral sex on his wife.
Kaitlin: The biggest thing if I, think about it for me on our, oral journey, receiving it is admitting to myself that I feel very vulnerable, and it’s probably because of internal, external genitalia, if we get down to it, it’s just because, like, how you feel.
But working on it to me, the best way I feel confident is kind of Relaxing and realizing that, like, this is my husband, he knows me, body and soul, and it’s okay to open myself up.
And once I get through that mental barrier, it was like, the sky is purple to me. Like, everything is brand new, just because I found confidence in my body and [00:35:00] myself. So
The biggest thing to me is figuring out to yourself how to feel confident and then embracing it for some of my friends I’ve talked about it’s um allowing like they ride their husband’s face Just because they feel more confident being on top being able to choose like how much weight they press on themselves And that to me
I think is empowering as well because it’s a lot of men out there who love that who love it So it’s just great to see them try to take you that confidence and boom it
Dan: And for some couples, sexual growth isn’t about technique. It’s about perseverance and faith. So in this next clip, my friends, Jennifer and Jeff share their journey after decades of marriage struggles and reminds us that healing, growth, and renewal are possible at any stage.
Jennifer and Jeff: Well, by the grace of God, don’t give up. You know, ’cause there’s answers out there. you know, I truly believe that, you know, God made our bodies to share with each other and it’s finding the right. Counseling and the right answers, [00:36:00] to make your marriage whole. And that’s what God intended for us to share this wonderful abundance that he gave us and so much we’re raised not to talk about it, not to enjoy it as much, and it’s a free gift from God.
So why not do it? That’s my thing.
Dan: Yeah. That’s true. And it contributes to your growth. It contributes to your maturity.
Jennifer and Jeff: inside and out. I mean, our whole, we always had we always had a good marriage, but we wanted a great one. And, um, I feel today, after 43 years, you know, our, I’ve always prayed about this kind of marriage and we always had a good one. We’ve always had fun together, best friends, but just that one thing with Terrace apart, I think it was heavier on Jeff than it was on me.
But it’s nice to be on the other side. And, and we wanna share this with people because it’s so great and, you know, you think it’s gonna take forever, but really once the ball starts rolling, it’s like a snowball. Um, the change happens really fast, really fast. [00:37:00] Um, it’s just, uh, it’s just like a, a switch.
and I wanted to add to anybody listening, uh, and I’m not paid to say this, we’re volunteering. Um, but if any of you, can resonate with our story, I can’t recommend enough plugging in to, uh, you guys, any or Dan or any one of them. and getting some coaching, uh, because the results are remarkable and, The results are priceless. So, can’t recommend it highly enough. You guys are awesome.
Dan: Thank you very much. Thank you.
Dan: And finally, Lindsay Burns brings us back full circle to the power of intentional conversation. She shares how creating a simple daily ritual to talk about sex in your marriage, how to, you know, get more comfortable talking about sex. If you can do that with more curiosity and playfulness, it’ll help keep the connection alive far after the honeymoon phase.
Lindsey Burns: I would say, and this may sound like I’m going back to the basics, but hang with me. I think like [00:38:00] creating space within your marriage where you consistently are communicating about sex is the thing that took. it to the next level for me and my husband. And it started with, we had a book of questions that, ’cause sometimes you don’t know what to ask, you know, but you like wanna like have some prompts or something that like gets you to a fun conversation.
And we would ask each other questions every morning. We would, we husband and I drink coffee every morning together. It’s one of our little marriage rituals and highly recommend that as
Dan Purcell: yeah.
Lindsey Burns: have something like that in your marriage, I think that’s so helpful. But just creating that space where. You’re talking about sex frequently, not just when something’s wrong, you
Dan Purcell: Uh huh.
Lindsey Burns: just you to bring things up and I feel like explore and just have more fun together.
Dan Purcell: That’s good. Is there a particular question that you remember from those days
Lindsey Burns: Um, one of
Dan Purcell: out to you?
Lindsey Burns: was like asking like, what is like something that you do. Or I do that always [00:39:00] turns you on and like, it’s like stuff like that and but then it would also have deeper stuff about like fantasies or, I don’t know. It was, it was basically be having you recall sexual experiences together.
And that’s very intimate and that could be very spicy,
Dan Purcell: Yeah. Yeah.
Lindsey Burns: and if you’ve never written, oh, this is a good, this is a good one too, Dan. If you’ve never like written out as. Story of one of your favorite sexual experiences with your spouse and you know, read it to them or left it somewhere for them to find that is spicy.
Dan Purcell: That’s good. Yeah. I love it. Great.
Dan: All right. There you have it. Those are the highlights of our 2025 podcast episodes with their black belt sex tips, and I hope there’s something you’ve listened to today that you can incorporate into your marriage right away. And 2026 is shaping up to be a great year for Get Your Marriage on. I invite you to participate in all the fun and all the festivities that we have planned.
A lot of them are free, all of them. Are designed [00:40:00] to bring you and your spouse closer together, intimately, and to take sex to the next level in your relationship. I believe sex is very profound. It’s a profound way of communicating love and desire and belonging that words can’t express in a marriage.
It’s a thing that sets your marriage relationship apart from everything else. It can be an incredible source of conflict and frustration, and also an incredible source of joy and happiness. And I don’t know, just puts a smile on your face. The pep in your step. It’s a thing that makes life worth living.
So infuse your marriage with goodness, with, love, with deep, profound belonging and strengthen that bond. Thank you again for listening to this podcast. Go share it with all of your married friends. I’m sure they’ll thank you for life. And now go get your marriage on.
Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.
