Do you or your spouse live apart for part of the time? How do you keep your marriage strong when you may not see each other every day? And can distance really make the heart grow fonder? If you’re wondering these things too, you’re going to love this episode.
What We Cover in This Episode
My guests are Elaine Romero, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and her husband Abe—who happen to live in different states. Roughly four million American couples live apart for part of the time, whether for military service, flying, medicine, the arts, or blended-family reasons like Elaine and Abe’s.
They share the sweet story of how they reconnected after two decades and chose a commuter marriage so their kids from previous marriages wouldn’t have to be uprooted—“we make the sacrifices, not the children.” It’s a beautiful picture of putting your family first.
We talk honestly about the hardest part—missing daily physical touch and connection, including being held after a rough day—and the upsides too, like protected solo time and focused attention on kids and friendships. Mostly, we dig into how to keep a marriage close when you can’t be together every day.
Key takeaways
- Commuter marriage is more common than you think—millions of couples cope with consistent distance.
- Putting kids first can mean choosing distance: “we make the sacrifices, not the children.”
- The hardest loss is daily physical touch and being held—which matters for emotional health, not just sex.
- Distance has upsides too: solo space and focused time with kids and friends.
- Connection across distance takes intention; it doesn’t happen by default.
Whether you’re near or far, closeness is built on purpose. Strengthen your emotional intimacy and connection, make sure you don’t drift from lovers into roommates, and see the full picture in our complete guide to emotional intimacy.
Want help staying deeply connected, distance or not? Our Next Level program can help.
Roughly 4 million American couples live apart for some of the time, whether for military, pilots, artists, traveling salespeople, medical professionals, or for other reasons. Elaine, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and her husband Abe, found themselves in a commuter marriage through some unique circumstances. They help other couples in similar situations maintain a strong relationship while apart. They are the co-host of the “Love Is In The Air” podcast (featuring an airplane as their logo — get it?). Together they have 5 children.
