Blackbelt Sex Tips 2.0

This week, we release our 100th podcast episode! It is truly amazing to see how much this podcast has grown and how much we’ve all learned together. In honor of our 100th episode, Dan reviewed every episode from this year and picked out the “gold nuggets” and black belt sex tips. In no particular order, here is a condensed list of our favorite lessons from the Get Your Marriage On! Podcast 2022.

Tips For Him

  1. Men and women often approach sex differently, so don’t try to read your wife’s mind! Talk with your wife about what you want, and listen to her when she tells you what she wants. Often, for women, it’s the idea of having sex that is arousing. Keep lines of communication open, and remember it goes beyond words. Non-verbal sounds during sex can help guide a spouse and let them know what we enjoy.
  2. Sexuality doesn’t just turn off and turn on, especially for women. As a particularly wise leader told me, men work like a light switch and women work like a crockpot. Therefore, foreplay throughout the day is so important! This isn’t just directly erotic things, but includes small acts of touch, service, love, and desire. Little bits of foreplay all the time is the best way to have a continuously growing intimacy and sex life. 
  3. Move three times slower than you think you need to. Most women want a sexual encounter to last longer so they can become more aroused and savor the experience. Even though you may want to rush to the climax, know it will be better to build to it. 

For Her

  1. Take charge of your orgasm; your partner can’t read your mind! A lot of women feel too embarrassed to tell their husband what they want, but then feel disappointed when they don’t orgasm. You know your body better than anyone; don’t be afraid of getting involved in the process of pleasure! Give feedback, tell him what you want, or even help in the moment by using your hands as well. 
  2. Marriage Hack: Take charge of your wants outside the bedroom as well! Too often as women, we complain about things and expect our husbands to take that as a cue to fix it. Instead, express your desires in a way that inspires. Most men are wired to make their wives happy, we just have to let them know how. Here is your template, I would like/love [final outcome] and then release expectations around it.
  3. Most women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone, but it can still be pleasurable for you! Start from a place of stillness. Feel him inside of you; focus on the feelings and discover the pleasure of connecting with your spouse physically and emotionally. 
  4. If you do enjoy sex, and you do reach orgasm regularly, then it’s okay to say to yourself, “I’m not feeling it now but I’m pretty confident I can get there.” If this is you, don’t wait to initiate! Take control of your sex life! 

For Us

  1. Sex toys! This is a great way to move marriage from good to great by building confidence.
  2. Knowledge can lead to more confidence! Read up and do your research. Learn about your partner’s body. Learn about your body! Learn about new styles and techniques. Introduce some games to the bedroom as a fun way to add newness. 
  3. If sex starts to feel mundane, work for a mindset change! Make it about your partner and focus on making them feel pleasure. If you are both focused on each other, it will lead to the best sex of your life. Remember what attracted you to them in the first place, and keep dating them! Never stop chasing your spouse.
  4. Learn to love your body and not be disguised by its natural processes. We are socialized to believe that our gentiles and natural fluids are dirty. This can stop us from exploring sexually. Examine your feelings and see if your hesitance comes from these negative associations. Remember, mind set is the most important part of our sexual anatomy.
  5. Consider your motivations for participating in sexual activity. In studies with rats navigating a maze, their brain activity is very different depending on if they are moving towards a reward or away from a consequence. When we say yes to sex, is it because of the pleasure or to avoid a negative reaction?  
  6. Learn to roll with what comes at you. When sex is good, it accounts for 10-15% satisfaction, but accounts for 40-50% of relationship dissatisfaction. When you can roll with disappointments and adjust, you are more able to feel love, enjoy sex, and experience pleasure.
  7. Pick out a goal or something that you can do to stretch yourself sexually. Read about it, try it a few times and from different angles. Don’t try to break your comfort zone, however stretching your comfort zone can lead to discovering new pleasures. 

Oral Sex Tips

Once you’ve learned to love your body and it’s natural processes, most couples really enjoy oral sex. Oral sex is a great way to explore your spouse and yourself. It can be very connecting and intimate as you share the most private parts of your body.

Specific Tips

On her, oral sex is usually more about teasing and slow build. Practice edging, which means bringing her to the edge of orgasm over and over. This will make the final orgasm more intense and last longer.

On him, stay focused on the penis but include the scrotum, perineum (spot in between the scrotum and anus), the anus, and the frenulum.

Hard Situations

  1. Loving Through Infertility: It is so important to make sex fun, especially when going through infertility. You got married for a reason; you want to build a family with this person for a reason. Having moments of fun and relaxation amidst the heartache and stress will remind you of why. Try having sex when it doesn’t matter (i.e. when you’re not ovulating) to take the pressure off. 
  2. Couples Who Live Apart: Anticipation leads to having a great sex life. Even while apart, aim to have daily connections with your spouse. Share your life, the ups and downs and funny moments. Get flirty and think of creative ways to “date”.

These are just the tip of the iceberg! Listen to this week’s podcast for the full list of all our blackbelt tips, and tune in to the Get Your Marriage On! Podcast. 

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<h3>Amanda Severson</h3>

Amanda Severson

Hi, I'm Amanda! I'm a grad student on her way to becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. I'm a wife and a sex enthusiast. I am a psychology nerd whose life goal is to help every couple find the absolute joy of sharing your life with someone else.

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