Enhancing Intimacy with Sex Toys

We don’t talk a lot about sex toys and things like that on our site mostly because we really want to focus on the relationship and the intimacy dimension of a relationship to make intimacy and sex great in marriage. But you can’t ignore sex toys! They are out there, and for many couples, they can add a lot to the marriage. Many people have this view that sex toys are dirty or bad or all about solo masturbation. There’s a stigma around them that they are unsavory, but in truth, sex toys can truly be a great addition to you and your partner’s sexual experience. In fact, in the right context, they can add to the bonding and the intimacy that makes sex really fulfilling. Toys can also add critical novelty, which is really important for long-term relationships to make sex a whole lot of fun, feel new again, and continue to be exciting and, of course, really pleasurable. We hope today to shed some light on sex toys whether you’re new to toys or really experienced.

How Sex Toys Can Enhance Intimacy

Trying something new is a great way to keep the spark alive in your marriage and continue to have spontaneity and novelty in your relationship. So using sex toys can be a great way to change things up! Another reason you may want to try out sex toys in your marriage is if the wife struggles with orgasm. It’s generally harder for women to achieve orgasm than men, and using a vibrator can help stimulate the correct areas to enhance the sexual experience for the woman and get her closer to orgasm. Vibrators can also help men who struggle with erectile dysfunction be able to become and stay aroused longer. You can also use vibrators to explore different types of orgasm, as there are more than just the typical penis in vagina g-spot orgasm. We will talk more on this later!

Don’t be afraid to try new things. You never know what is going to be pleasing, fun, and connecting for you and your spouse. If you plan to stay married for a long time, novelty in the sexual relationship is vital. It’s human nature to crave newness and adventure from time to time! We like variety in our food. We like new cars, new computers and gadgets, new houses, new hair styles, new outfits, new music, and so on. So it’s probably no surprise that it’s also perfectly natural to crave novelty in sex, to desire new experiences with your spouse. When you’re first married, there’s plenty of sexual novelty. After a while, you get used to each other and you gradually fall into your familiar patterns of what works for each of you. If we stop pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones, we risk having sex that feels routine, blah, and a bit boring. We don’t want this to happen to you. So go try something new!

Types of Sex Toys and What They Do

There are a lot of options, and shopping for the first time can feel overwhelming. If the phrase “sex toys” doesn’t sit right with you, call them intimacy aids or marital aids, because that is what they will be for the two of you. As you look, think about three things: material (soft, body-safe silicone or something firmer like glass or metal), intensity (the speeds and vibration patterns you enjoy), and control (some come with a remote or an app, so your spouse can be in charge). Start simple and experiment together.

The basics

• Lubricant. Lube is so, so important! If you get nothing else out of this article, realize that you need to add lube to your bedroom experience. Try out different ones. There are some that will feel better for you than others, so don’t be afraid to experiment.
• Lingerie. Men and women can wear lingerie. Lingerie not only is beautiful or pleasing for the partner looking at it, but the person wearing it can gain a lot of confidence in their skin when wearing something designed to make them look amazing.
• Massage oils and candles. Some warm the skin, some cool it, and some come as candles that melt into a warm massage oil. Keep these on the outside of the body, not inside the vagina.
• Pillows and ramps. Firm wedges that support new positions and help your body relax into the sensations.
• Bedroom accessories. Bedroom games (the Intimately Us app has plenty), special sheets, blindfolds, or anything else you have both agreed to. The sky’s the limit!

Vibrators

Vibrators are the most common sex toy. They come in many shapes, each made for a different kind of stimulation:

• Bullet. Small and simple, and one of the most popular. It is just the right size to use on the clitoris during intercourse, which helps both of you reach orgasm.
• Classic vibrator. Long and cylindrical, made to be used inside the vagina. They come in many lengths, shapes and materials, so choose one that suits your body.
• Egg. A curved vibrator that sits against the g-spot. Many are remote-controlled, so your spouse can decide when to turn it on.
• Rabbit. Two arms: a longer one for the g-spot and a shorter one for the clitoris, so it stimulates both at once.
• Couples (U-shaped). Worn during intercourse so both of you feel the vibration at the same time.
• Finger vibrator. Worn on your spouse’s finger. Many couples find it especially intimate, because it is still your spouse’s hand doing the exploring.
• C-ring. A flexible ring worn at the base of the penis. It can help him last longer, many have a small vibrator that stimulates her clitoris during intercourse, and it can also limit deep penetration if that is painful for her.

Toys for her and for him

• For her. Many toys for women have a shaft that goes inside the vagina, and some add a second piece that vibrates or uses gentle suction on the clitoris. They can be a great way to help a wife get closer to orgasm.
• For him. These usually go around the penis to bring pleasure to the shaft and head. Some are made for the prostate, or “p-spot,” the male equivalent of the g-spot.
• Dildos. Similar in shape to a classic vibrator, but without the vibration.

Fears Behind Sex Toys

If you are brand new to the world of sex toys and marital aids, you may have some fears surrounding introducing these into your bedroom. We want you to know that that is completely normal, but these items are designed to enhance your already established relationship with your spouse, not to replace you in any way. There is always a possibility of addiction to anything that brings pleasure. If you find yourself becoming addicted to an item or behavior and changing your positive interactions with your spouse, notice this and stop that action that is causing this. We want these things to make our relationships better, not worse.

God has never, to our knowledge, said anything sexually that we can’t do in a consenting marriage, outside of being sure to stay true to our partner. We don’t need to worry that adding these items to our marriages is a sin or something dirty. God designed us to have pleasure in our sexual relationship with our spouse, and wants for us to enjoy this relationship! If you have fears surrounding adding sex toys or other marital aids to your marriage, feel free to reach out to us here and we would be happy to discuss it with you! Be sure to talk to your spouse as well, and pray to God to know what He feels about these items. Decide on what’s right within your marriage.

Different Types of Orgasm

To start off, there are shallow and deep orgasms. You may experience shallow orgasms more often, but by playing around with different positions, toys, and more, you may be able to experience a much deeper type of orgasm that is quite mind blowing. This can lead to you experiencing such immense pleasure that you have a headache after or are brought to tears. This is an amazing experience. If you struggle to achieve orgasm at all, definitely play around with some marital aids and different positions with your spouse to see what helps you be able to reach the point of orgasm.

There are also different types of orgasms that can be experienced at different parts of the body. There is the well known g-spot orgasm that comes from penetration of the penis into the vagina. However, many women are not able to achieve orgasm in this manner, and it isn’t well known that pleasuring other erogenous zones can also lead to orgasm. For women especially, their entire bodies are their erogenous zone. However, the most likely areas to lead to orgasm outside of the g-spot are the nipples, the clitoris, the anus, the prostate for men, and even just behind the ears, elbows, or knees. Play around and find which erogenous zones are most pleasurable for you!

Safe Places to Shop for Marital Aids

We know one of the scary things about adding marital aids and sex toys into your marriage for Christian couples is shopping for them. So many stores show way more than we want to see… Which is why we’ve worked hard to find some different online shops that are safe and clean for you and your spouse to shop at when wanting to add something new to the bedroom! For toys, see our reviews of where to buy Christian sex toys: five Christian-friendly, nudity-free stores. For lingerie and lube, these are our favorites:

• Mentionables is a great shop for lingerie. They don’t use any models, so you don’t have to worry about seeing too much of another man or woman’s body while scrolling! Shop here and use code DAN for 10% off of your order.
• Honoring Intimates is another great Christian-friendly lingerie shop without any models or nudity. Shop them here!
• If you’re looking to try an amazing new lubricant, consider trying out Coconu! It is our absolute favorite lube we have ever tried in our marriage. Go here to try them out, and use code INTIMACY to enjoy 10% off your order.

Want to go deeper? Dan’s workshop Incorporating Toys and Aids for Enhancing the Sexual Experience walks you through choosing and using marital aids together.

We hope this will help you feel more confident in trying out something new in your marital relationship to enhance your sexual intimacy. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you have questions or concerns!

Like what you read? Be sure to listen to the full podcast episode here!

Sex Toys in Marriage: Common Questions