Active listening is underrated. Sure, we hear the words our spouse says, but how often do we truly listen? Not just with our ears, but with our hearts and minds fully engaged?
I’m reminded of a story shared by McCall Booth, a guest on my podcast (see Episode #54), about research she conducted for her PhD. McCall and her colleague spent weeks in a restaurant people-watching, recording and observing every guests’ interactions. Their goal? To study how couples and families interacted during meals. It was fascinating—and a little heartbreaking. She noted the stark differences in the way couples interacted.
Some couples leaned in, hung on each other’s words, and rarely picked up their phones or interrupted the other while they spoke. Their attention was like a spotlight. She guessed this couple must be on a first date.

The majority of other couples were distracted, scrolling through phones or letting their gazes wander while the other spoke. It’s almost as if familiarity had dulled their curiosity. She guessed these couples must have been together for a while.
This obse
rvation raises an important question: when you’re with your partner, are you actively listening? Or are you merely waiting for your turn to speak? Too often, our internal chatter competes for attention. We’re preoccupied with how we’ll respond, instead of simply being present.
Here’s the truth: our full, undivided presence is the greatest gift we can offer. Think about it—what better “present” than being fully in the moment with your spouse? That’s intimate!

Active listening fosters intimacy because at its core, intimacy is about knowing and being known. When you listen deeply, you signal to your partner, You matter. I see you. I value you and your thoughts. It’s a simple act that strengthens the foundation of your relationship.
If you’re unsure how to start, try conversation starters inside the Intimately Us app. There are hundreds of these to spark meaningful dialogue and practice the art of active listening. Start small. Put down your phone. Make eye contact. Lean in, just like you probably did on your first date.
Your relationship deserves that kind of attention. So does your partner.