It’s All About The Positivity, Baby!

In Seattle, there’s a “Love Lab”.

The Love Lab is a lot like what you’d expect for a nice nightly rental condo: a stocked kitchen, comfortable room, and cozy bedroom. Except for the cameras and microphones everywhere recording your every interaction (except in bathroom and bedroom for privacy, of course). Also, if you stay there, they hook you up to sensors that monitor things like your heart rate and blood pressure.

Whao! Check out those wires and sensors!

Hundreds of couples have stayed at the Love Lab. Whether it’s about keeping the clothes off the floor, parenting, in-laws, spending too much money, or sex, conflict is inevitable in every marriage. Researchers study couples in how they deal with conflict. They’ve found that the ratio of positive to negative interactions between a couple separates the healthy and strong marriages from the struggling ones.

What’s the magic ratio?

At least 5:1.

That means 5 positive feelings to every negative feeling in the relationship. Having a fundamentally positive view of your spouse and your marriage is a powerful buffer when bad times hit.

Cultivating positivity takes practice, like any other skill. Here are some ways you build your positivity muscles in your relationship:

  • Remind yourself of what you like and admire about your spouse, even amidst their flaws.
  • Smile 
  • Try to make the other person laugh
  • Tell them qualities about them you’re fond of
  • Gratitude: list things you’re grateful about the other person.
  • Or look back on a happy time together.
  • Allow your partner to influence you to do good

Positivity in the relationship can be further developed by serving each other and looking for the good in each other. 

What things have you done to cultivate positivity in your relationship? Share in the comments below.

Phone Screens of Intimately Us App

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<h3>Dan Purcell</h3>

Dan Purcell

Dan and his wife Emily Purcell are the founders of Get Your Marriage On! Their marriage went through a bit of a renaissance a few years ago and wanted to share what they learned with other couples. They created a fun & sexy bedroom game app called Intimately Us that has been downloaded over 300,000. They put on events and retreats for couples.Dan is the host of the Get Your Marriage On! podcast. Dan is a Life Coach that coaches other couples and individuals on how to have a great marriage, deeper intimacy, and fulfilling sex life.Dan and Emily have been married for over 18 years and have 6 kids. Dan loves cracking dad jokes, running marathons, planning the next creative date night with his sweetheart, and enjoys the magnificent outdoors around their St George home.

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