There’s always hope if you don’t give up.

“I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this from me!” Melanie shouted at the top of her lungs. She  doesn’t remember feeling more angry and violent than in that moment. 

On a Sunday two weeks after their second child was born, Seth was wrestling with a difficult decision. He had been hooked on porn for a long time and hiding it from his wife. He hated the heavy weight of shame and guilt, and wanted to change. Taking a deep breath, he told himself that today was going to be the day he’d quit for good. He mustered all the courage he had to confess to his wife he loved dearly. He was penitent. He approached his wife, seeking support, help, and forgiveness.

Instead he got a black eye!


Ironically, Seth was in graduate school at the time studying to become a marriage and family therapist. Although their marriage teetered on the edge of divorce as they went through hell over the following months, they never gave up on each other. And then things got better—a whole lot better!

Sound familiar? Are you or someone you know dealing with a major trust crisis in your marriage? You’re not alone. I want to assure you that there’s always hope if you don’t give up.

I asked Seth and Melanie Studley, founders of the Anatomy of Marriage podcast, how they got through their crisis 8 years ago. Besides never giving up on each other, they shared three specific things that helped them through the struggle. 

Have A Clear Mind

Our brain’s higher level thinking doesn’t function well when it’s emotionally stimulated. Slowing things down leads to better and clearer solutions. Voice-recording drafts of what you’re thinking about saying to your spouse and playing it back to yourself helped Melanie clarify her thinking. 

A clear mind leads to better solutions

Melanie and Seth also created the popular Clearing Structure, a step-by-step process to getting at the root of problems using the thinking part of your brain. You can use a digital version of the Clearing Structure for free in the Get Your Marriage On! app.

Genuine Forgiveness

True healing won’t come without forgiveness. Taking responsibility for your own actions while giving grace to others that have hurt you takes courage and isn’t always comfortable.

A major turning point in their healing came when Melanie stopped playing the victim. She was reading in the Bible with the intent to find scriptures to convince Seth how terrible of a person he was, but in that moment could only find verses about loving and forgiving. Through tears she realized that she needed to let go and love again.

“I’m not the one with the problem, you are” turned into “Oh my gosh, I’ve been so awful and hurtful to Seth. I’m sorry for the way I reacted and treated you.” 

Embrace The New Reality

When major trust-breaking incidents such as the one Seth & Melanie experienced slams into a relationship, things will never be like they once were. Acknowledging that things are going to be forever different going forward is an important part of moving on and healing.

There’s Always Hope

Seth & Melanie are now sharing their story and the things they wish they knew during their crisis via their Podcast, Anatomy of Marriage. Along with their podcast, they’re the co-creators of the Get Your Marriage On! App. They also facilitate masterminds, coaching, and offer other resources for couples. They’ll also be speaking at the Get Your Marriage On! 2019 Live Event next week.

Phone Screens of Intimately Us App

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<h3>Dan Purcell</h3>

Dan Purcell

Dan and his wife Emily Purcell are the founders of Get Your Marriage On! They are on a mission to strengthen marriages by making lovemaking incredibly fun and deeply connecting. Dan is a sex coach. They are also the creators of the popular Intimately Us and Just Between Us apps that have been downloaded over 750,000 times. They are the host of the popular Get Your Marriage On! podcast with over 1 million listens. In addition to their coaching program, they host romantic retreat getaways for couples, and put on workshops on how to have a great sex life and deeper intimacy. Dan and Emily met in middle school and have been married for over 20 years and have 6 kids. Dan loves cracking dad jokes, running marathons, planning the next creative date night with his sweetheart, and enjoys the magnificent outdoors around their St George home.

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