What Makes a Wife Sexy?

What makes a wife sexy? Although it seems like a silly question to some, I can almost guarantee every wife has asked herself (or her husband) a form of this question. It may sound more like “why did you marry me?” or “Do you even want me?”, but the general sentiment is a feeling of insecurity. What is it about us wives that will keep our husbands wanting to have sex with us? I know I have struggled with this at times. So how can we feel confident that our husbands find us sexy?

This is a tricky topic to handle, and I have certainly asked myself if it was worth taking on several times while writing this post. Let me be clear, I am not saying women NEED to make themselves sexy for their husbands. However, I have seen many women in my life (including myself) feel a lot of anxiety and worry about their husbands potentially falling out of love with them. Some of us go through periods where we worry we will become boring, basic, or ugly to the ones we hold dear. In this blog post, I will show that what makes a wife sexy is her self care. It’s in learning to love ourselves that we will remain attractive to the right kind of man. 

What Makes a Wife Sexy?

More Than Physical Beauty

When thinking about what makes someone sexy,  physical attraction is often the first thing that comes to mind. We may get stuck thinking we need to keep looking like we did when we got married for our husbands to keep thinking we are sexy. However, true sexiness is about much more than just looks. According to a recent article published in Psychology Today, the key to a wife being considered “sexy” lies in her confidence, positive self-image, her alluring personality that captivated her husband in the first place and her love for her husband.


Confidence is an attractive quality in a person because it shows that they are secure in themselves and comfortable in their own skin. When a woman feels good about herself, it shows in the way she carries herself, the way she interacts with others, and the way she approaches life.

Now, we can’t be confident all the time, and that’s okay! Our spouse is the one who can be there for us when we are feeling particularly down on ourselves. Please don’t read this as a condemnation (“oh man I’ll never be sexy to my husband because I’m not always confident!”). What this does mean though is that we don’t need to worry about the effect of age on our attractiveness. Our bodies will inevitably age, but we can continually work on loving ourselves and staying the sexy woman our husbands married (even if we look different than we did when we got married). 

Positive Self-Image

In addition, a wife who takes care of herself and has a positive self-image is considered sexy. A woman who not only knows her own worth but works to take care of herself will attract the best kinds of love. This self care includes taking care of her physical health by exercising and eating well, as well as taking care of her mental and emotional health by seeking support and help when needed. When a woman feels good about herself, it shows in her appearance, her energy, and her overall demeanor.

Sense of Humor (Personality)

Another trait that makes a wife sexy is her sense of humor. A woman who can make her husband laugh and smile is incredibly attractive. A good sense of humor can help to lighten the mood and reduce stress in a relationship, which is important for maintaining a strong and healthy connection.

Remember, your husband has already fallen in love with you! He thinks the world of your personality! He is not secretly hoping you will become a comedian/model/vixen overnight (and if he is, that is his problem, not yours). Staying sexy means staying connected to your authentic self and continuously working towards who you want to become. 

Love Your Husband

Finally, a wife who is supportive and understanding of her husband is considered sexy. A woman who listens, offers advice, and is there for her husband through thick and thin is incredibly attractive and creates a strong bond between the two of them. Many women downplay the wonderful ways they support their husbands. Seek to love and understand your husband, and he will do so in return. 

How Can I be Sexier?

I hope that after reading that list above, you feel comforted knowing that your husband thinks you’re sexy for who you are! However, some of us struggle with our self-worth and feeling confident. If this is you, you may see my list and feel like you’ll never be able to measure up. Here are a few things you can try to help you deepen your love for yourself. If you need more help, reach out to a life coach, or therapist, or even a good friend to help you find your self-worth. 

Discover your why and work towards it

Tammy Hill run’s a podcast called live your why. Her philosophy is that we each have a purpose or a “why” at the core of our being that informs everything we do. We can live authentically to ourselves by discovering and living true to our why. When we are living our why, we can feel fulfilled in who we are. This, in turn, will make us more attractive to the people who love our authentic selves and want to aid us in our why. 

Take care of you

Wives and mothers very often spend a lot of time and energy on others. While serving can be a great way to live our why, it can’t take the place of caring for our own needs. As the saying goes, you can’t give from an empty cup. Take stock of your everyday life. How are you doing emotionally, physically, and spiritually? What do you do daily to fill your cup? Take the time to cultivate the habit of taking care of yourself. 

Learn to love who you are

Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, is to learn to love who you are. Neither of the above suggestions will make a lick of difference if you use them to beat yourself up. As humans, we will never be perfect and will always have things to work on. Instead of letting this fact paralyze us, we need to learn to love who we are now. Not the person we will be when we start working out, or when we have the career we want, or when our kids grow up. Love who you are now. Take some time to meditate on what you love about yourself. Practice giving yourself genuine compliments. You can start by setting a daily alarm on your phone. When it goes off, come up with one thing you love about yourself today. Come up with a new one every day. 


In conclusion, true sexiness is about much more than just physical appearance. A confident, positive, and supportive wife who takes care of herself and stays true to her personality is sexy to the right man. These qualities help to create a strong and healthy relationship, for both spouses! Instead of worrying about keeping your husband in love with you, focus on learning to love yourself. 

Written by Amanda Severson with Get Your Marriage On!

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“What Makes a Wife Sexy?” Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/2022/06/what-makes-wife-sexy.

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<h3>Amanda Severson</h3>

Amanda Severson

Hi, I'm Amanda! I'm a grad student on her way to becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. I'm a wife and a sex enthusiast. I am a psychology nerd whose life goal is to help every couple find the absolute joy of sharing your life with someone else.

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