Do married couples role play? For many marriages (including mine), the answer is a big yes! When I was a kid, I was always playing imaginary games. I loved pretending to be a princess, or fairy, or mermaid (or a butterfly fairy princess, my speciality). As an adult, I still am very much a thinker who needs a lot of mental stimulation. Therefore, I enjoy sex a lot more when my mind is fully engaged and I get to use my creativity and imagination!
This is what role playing can do in a marriage. It only has to be as “spicy” as you want it to be, but even the “tamest” role play can activate your imagination and engage your mind! But how do you come up with role playing ideas? It will take some stretching as you may not have used your creative brain in a while. Here are some role playing ideas to help get your imagination going…
Is Role Play During Sex Okay?
I, nor anyone else, can tell you a definitive list of what is okay in marriage. However, your guiding question should be, “Is {this thing} going to bring me closer to my spouse and help build our intimacy?”
If you think role playing is something you would like to try, or if you have a role play idea you’d like to try out, talk to your spouse about it! Remember this person loves you! Create a safe space with them to share your desires, and set the precedent that there will be no guilt-tripping or pressuring. Let your spouse share their concerns and their own desires with you! Start small if that’s helpful!
For more on how to decide what is “okay”, read our post on it!
Why Should I Try Role Playing?
Maybe you’re not the spouse wanting to try role playing. Maye you feel more hesitant, or are wondering why your spouse wants to pretend to be someone else. But for two happily married people, role playing is not about pretending to be with someone else but discovering new facets of your spouse, yourself, and your relationship! Here are a few reasons to try role playing…
1) Play
As kids we got to play all the time, and that play helped develop the creative parts of our brains. We used play as a way to release, have fun, and connect with our friends. As an adult, we lose a lot of our opportunities to play. Take the chance to exercise your imagination by getting creative during intimacy!
2) Activates the Mind
It has been said that the brain is the biggest sex organ. It is vital to engage the mind in order to have a satisfying and bonding sexual experience. Role play during foreplay will help each partner stay engaged by requiring another level of thought.
3) A New Experience
Trying out role playing may be a new experience for you. But having new experiences together will bond you and your spouse together! If it feels silly, lean into it. Even if you end up not preferring the role play experience, you can come away with a silly or fun memory that is just for the two of you.
4) Getting to Know Yourself
A lot of people wonder how role playing can bring a couple closer together. How can you learn more about your spouse if they are pretending to be someone else? In my experience, the opportunity to role play has actually taught me more about myself and my spouse. I’ve been able to learn about what turns me on, and what personality traits I love and which I don’t.
Through role playing, I have seen new sides of the man I love. Oscar Wilde is quoted as saying, “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth”. Although I tend to be more optimistic than Wilde, I do agree that sometimes it takes a mask to help us be comfortable revealing our innermost desires.
How to Get Started
It can feel intimidating to come up with role playing ideas! It exercises a muscle we don’t use often, and it can feel embarrassing to propose your ideas to your spouse. I would recommend starting with “sexy storytelling”. Open up a shared doc (or use the Just Between Us app) and write a story with your spouse. Set up the expectation that none of this will be acted out if you don’t want, this is just a place to explore. Check out our “How to Talk to Dirty Without Feeling Dirty or Awkward” guide for more ideas on sexy storytelling and talking dirty.
Here are a few role playing ideas to get you started!
Role Playing Ideas For Married Couples
Princess and Knight
Many little girls pretend to be princesses, waiting in their tower to be saved by a handsome knight. Reignite that fantasy with your real life prince charming! This is a role play that’s easier for some couples to fall into. The wife gets to feel so special and beautiful while her husband feels pursued; it’s a win-win!
Princess: You are a beautiful princess who has fallen in love with an honorable knight, but your love is forbidden! Get dressed up in your favorite fancy outfit, and maybe even a tiara (there are several chic options on Amazon for 10$!). Message your husband and tell him his services are required in the royal bedchambers. When he comes home, ask if he will be a good knight who will protect you tonight. Tell him you require him to take care of you tonight, in lots of different ways. Touch him and tell him nobody needs to know what you do together.
Knight: You are an honorable and dedicated knight. You have fallen in love with the beautiful princess, but you don’t want to risk your reputation (and life!) by having a relationship with royalty! Refer to your wife as “your highness” and “m’lady”. Tell her how beautiful she looks. Take it slow, tell her you can’t do this, but eventually give into her loving gestures.
Senior and Freshman
For this role play idea, we are throwing it back to high school! An experienced senior sneaks into the room of their freshman boy/girlfriend while their parents are asleep. What trouble can you get up to before your parents catch you?
In this sexy scenario, you and your spouse can decide who will be the pursuer and the pursued (maybe try mixing it up). It can be a good one for a couple who are hesitant to pretend to be someone else.This role playing idea allows you to be just a younger version of yourself falling in love with your spouse in a new way! Both of you pick out an outfit you would’ve worn in high school. Remember to just have fun with it!
Senior: You are an experienced upperclassman who has fallen in love with this innocent freshman. Pretend to sneak into the bedroom; remember to whisper! Tell your spouse what you love about them (include real compliments, maybe mixed in with silly things like “you looked so hot in the cafeteria today”). Promise them that you are really in love with them, and will walk them through each step.
Freshman: You are a freshman who is SO flattered that the coolest kid in school is dating you! You are a bit nervous about your first time, but feel safe as this person gently guides you through the process of intimacy. And you feel just a bit naughty doing it when your parents don’t know!
Researcher and Participant
This is another “gender neutral” idea! One of you will be a researcher who is studying what turns on women/men. Your participant is fully briefed in the procedure, and is eager to get going. This will be a slow and methodical experience, giving you room to explore your spouse and treat them to a delicious experience.
Researcher: Set it up by saying something like, “I am trying to study what actions will best turn your body on. I encourage feedback, both verbal and non-verbal. But I ask you to refrain from orgasm as it will disrupt the experiment”. You start by touching the participant very gently, running your hands over their body. As you touch them, you can say things like, “your body is incredible” “you are a very special participant” and “something about you is so amazing… oh I’m sorry that wasn’t very professional”. Keep amping up your touch until you both can’t handle it any more!
Participant: As the participant, try to lay very still. Give feedback on what feels good (if you have trouble finding words, give your feedback through sighs and moans ;). Tell the researcher that you find them very attractive, and would do anything for them. When you start to build, try your best to hold back. And then when you can’t take it anymore, have each other.
Mermaid and Pirate
We are taking it back to the world of fantasy with another classic imaginary game! If you have a big enough bathtub (or hottub) this can be a water based adventure. However, it is easy enough to say you are a mermaid who has gotten her legs and transition this scenario to the bedroom.
Mermaid: You are a siren who is trying to attract a handsome sailor. Pick out your favorite lingerie or bathing suit and lay in wait. When you catch sight of your prey, lure him in with compliments. Ask him if he has ever been with a creature like you, or if you are the most beautiful creature he has seen. Convince him you won’t keep him long, and that he will definitely enjoy himself.
Pirate: You are a scoundrel who ravishes the 7 seas. On this trip, you have gone farther than you have ever gone and stumbled upon something wonderful. A beautiful mermaid. You have heard the dangers of these creatures, how they will make you fall in love, and know you should move on. But there is something so intoxicating about this creature you can’t help yourself.
Strangers in Venice
Now it’s time to get historical. Did you know Venice Italy was the original Vegas? Yup, what happened in Venice stayed in Venice! Merchants would come to Venice for trade. While in the city, everyone would wear masks to preserve their reputation, but would indulge in all the finer things. This role play involves masked strangers meeting in the alleyways of Venice. In this role play, you can both try your hand at being coy and seductive. Sneak your partner into your gondola and enjoy an evening with a stranger.
Conclusion
There are so many fun role play ideas for married couples! You can customize your experience so both of you are comfortable, but stretching a bit in order to explore new parts of yourself and your relationship. If you want more role playing ideas, check out Faithful Fling, a website that helps married couples add some spice through planned and prepared role plays.
Written by Amanda Severson with Get Your Marriage On!
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