Many couples feel that their marriage and sex life need “work” but put it off because it seems hard. But that is exactly why we’ve create our apps and intimacy challenges. We all need more fun and play and small moments of joy!
These couples experienced just that by participating in the most recent “Sextember” challenge on the Intimately Us app. With three challenges a year, there’s always one coming up (like the one in a couple weeks, February 1-14). However, you don’t need to wait for a challenge to make your intimate life more intentional. The apps Intimately Us and Just Between Us are meant to be used each day to build a pattern of small connections that produce big results, as these couples will testify.
One more note about the Sextember challenge: couples were encouraged to take a before and after picture to document the changes in their countenances after focusing on their intimate connection for 30 days. Several couples were kind enough to share those with you below.
Anticipation Made it All the More Satisfying
We had a lot of fun with the challenges this year. I’d say the most meaningful challenges were actually the less steamy ones. Taking the time to plan a month of challenges and then having intimate moments built anticipation for when we had time for more.
The biggest challenges didn’t end up being the challenges themselves, but remembering to prioritize taking a moment when life threw us a curve ball. We had a cold go through our home, so taking care of a sick kiddo then both of us fighting it off, really emphasized those small moments throughout the day. There was a lot of anticipation built by the time we were healthy which made it all the more satisfying.
Josh
Marriage “Work” Doesn’t Have to Be Hard
I had never heard about your blog, podcast, or app. A few months back I started to feel very frustrated with the intimacy in my marriage. I love my husband, and we’ve been married for 16 years, but I felt like we were just going through the motions when it came to sex and emotional connection.
I thought something might be wrong with me because from the earliest days of our marriage I didn’t love or crave sex like my husband did. Sure, I had orgasms on occasion, and I loved how that felt, but I always felt like it was such a burden for him since it took me FOREVER to get relaxed enough or comfortable enough to be in a headspace where I could enjoy sex.
Through my searching for something more, I found a few programs that were designed to help women increase their libido, or help men and women have a more connected sexual experience, but they came with a high price, and my husband wasn’t too interested. A few days into September, my sister sent me a text that said, “Happy Sextember” and “I think you may appreciate this podcast and specific episode,” along with a link to your “Eyes Open or Closed During Sex? What It Says About Intimacy” podcast episode.
I listened to it and was fascinated. I listened to several other episodes and felt unnecessary guilt start to fall off my shoulders. I felt the desire to extend grace to my younger, newly married self, for being completely normal in my responses to sex early on in my marriage. I wasn’t broken or dysfunctional. I was just highly ignorant and unlearned.
I downloaded the app and started the challenges. I tried to get my husband to download the app as well, but he wasn’t interested. He was open to trying some of the games and loved being the recipient of the challenges.
Over the course of the month, we went from duty sex and occasional intimacy, to feeling like we were dating again, but with all the benefits of married life. We went for walks together, made out on a drive through the woods on our golf cart, enjoyed deeper conversation using the conversation starters in the app, and my husband even opened up about some deep pains that happened before we met each other.
We have a greater closeness as a result of the challenges. We have continued doing the daily challenges and are loving the growth we’ve experienced. We recognize that we have tons more work to do, but are enjoying the journey and look forward to a stronger marriage day by day.
Thanks for being a part of our journey. I am still a little shocked at how quickly we’ve grown as a couple the past month and a half. I guess I didn’t realize that the “work” marriage requires doesn’t have to be hard or laborious, but rather small daily actions that over time add up to greater connection and closeness. And, it’s been fun and doesn’t feel like “work.” I love the way my husband looks at me, tells me I’m sexy, grabs my hand just for fun on drives, and looks forward to the daily challenges as much as I do. It’s not that those things were totally lacking before, but now we’re just way more intentional, and it feels amazing!
Whitney
Refreshing to Break Out of Our Routine
My husband and I absolutely loved participating in Sextemper! Most of the challenges were simple and only took a few minutes out of our day, which made it easy to stay consistent. We really appreciated how the program was flexible and mindful of couples in different stages of life. It was refreshing to break out of the routine and everyday busyness, and instead spend a month intentionally focused on intimacy. It gave us a wonderful opportunity to reconnect and rekindle the spark that brought us together in the first place!
Anonymous
We love it!
My husband and I have been following this fun program for a long time and we just love participating in Sextember every year! We love connecting everyday and it has strengthened our marriage!!
Choosing to Initiate Intimacy with Connection, Not Outcome, In Mind
This was my first Sextember Challenge, and it turned out to be one of the most meaningful experiences I have had in our 23 years of marriage. The most impactful challenge for me was choosing to initiate intimacy with connection, not outcome, in mind. I actually made that my very first challenge, and it set the tone for the entire month. Shifting from focusing on physical results to emotional connection led to a deeper closeness between us and made space for quicker repairs after disagreements and more genuine affection throughout our days.
The most difficult part was stepping up to initiate physical connection more often. Normally, intimacy for us happens about once a week, but through this challenge, that doubled. What made it especially challenging but also rewarding was that I did this as a solo mission. My wife did not know I was participating. I wanted to see if my own growth and intentionality could create change without asking her to do anything differently (no pressure for her). That vulnerability was hard at times as I didn’t have a “Challenge” to hide behind. It required me to push through discomfort and engage in authentic ways, not just because of a challenge but because I genuinely wanted to grow closer to her.
What I have learned is that real change does not require both people to start at the same time. I used to believe lasting transformation in our marriage had to be a team effort, but this challenge showed me that working on myself first can change everything. It is amazing to see how that effort has opened her up too, in her own way and at her own pace. Our connection now feels lighter, more joyful, and more deeply rooted in love. Sextember reminded me that daily intentional connection, emotional and physical, can completely reshape a marriage. It is not about perfection. It is about being willing to grow closer, one day at a time.
Unfortunately I don’t have a before photo, but I do have a couple after photos. Thanks for all you do in putting things like this together. On another note this has been the most transformation year in our marriage and it is due almost exclusively to the Get Your Marriage On program. This challenge was just icing on the cake.
Derrick
This Sextember Was My Favorite So Far
The difficulty this year definitely came with some pre-planned trip/events. We spent a weekend in a rented house with like 20 people for a friend’s wedding, and I started a new full-time job on the 8th!
I hadn’t worked full-time in a couple years because of school, so it already felt pretty tough this September. I was missing my wife (and frankly still do) a lot throughout the weeks – with so little time together each day. I think that honestly contributed to this Sextember being my favorite so far – it provided a small connection to each other that I could look forward to and helped soften the blow of having so much less time together during the weeks.
Samuel
Good Reminder
We had a lot of fun doing the Sextember challenge! We tried new things and learned a lot. It was a good reminder that any activity we do together can build intimacy.
Allie
Third Year in a Row
We’be been doing this challenge for 3 years now, so I’m very thankful for all the fun you guys have offered. We love going through the app and adding things to the calendar. We love seeing the added sex positions when you offer the free app upgrade during the challenge.
Leanne
More Closeness and Desire
My wife and I thoroughly enjoyed our recent “Sextember”! Having celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary this past July, we are blessed with three lovely daughters: twin four-year-olds and a three-year-old, which certainly keeps life lively.
Our romantic life has experienced quite a journey this year. We started the year with a strong connection, but then illness swept through our home. It took several months to rediscover the intimacy we had at the beginning of the year. While we have found our way back, those months were challenging in finding time for closeness. We had a wonderful “Sextember” with the app.
We have been doing a weekly dance class together with Better Sway online. We also shared prayer and enjoyed a Family Date night with our daughters. One of the most memorable nights was when we played the Connect Four game within the app. Although I won most of the games, I allowed her to win the final one to share the love, haha. We had a fantastic month and feel we achieved the desired outcome of feeling closer and desiring more.
Greg and Deanna
Increased Intimate Creativity
Thank you for the app and the work that you do. This is at least the third year that we have tried out the Sextember challenges. This year was especially challenging because of recent surgery, so that increased our creativity in terms of what challenges we tried and what we were able to do. In addition, we have two teenage children that are involved in minimal activities, so we are often driving them to and from activities (as neither is old enough to drive yet).
Nathan
Nudge to Be Intentional
Our most meaningful challenges:
Husband: He felt the most growth through the challenges we selected to use the Just Between Us app, e.g., sending a spicy message to each other. It’s something we haven’t really done before. It was fun to experiment in that way.
Wife: she most enjoyed the structure of setting a specific challenge for each day. It helped her to intentionally plan and make time for connecting with her husband in small and big ways.
Difficulties:
– We’re new parents of, at the time, a five-month-old. Finding time to be intimate can be challenging. Having the energy to be intimate takes work and intentionality.
– We got sick at the end of the month and had to prioritize recovery.
We did get a before photo. Unfortunately, we missed taking an after photo due to illness. Kind of dropped the ball at the end of the month. 😛
More thoughts:
– Setting aside time once a week to plan out specific challenges for the week helped us be able to complete those challenges. We did this on Sundays as part of our regular weekly planning meeting.
– Since we’re learning how to still be a couple after adding a child to our family, we set challenges for emotional and intellectual intimacy as well as physical intimacy. It was so fun to plan time to do things that we had enjoyed together before our little one came, such as playing a board game together one evening or doing some yoga together after she went to bed.
– We’ve participated in Sextember previously, but at least for me (wife), this time around it felt the most fulfilling and connecting. I appreciated the additional motivation and nudge to intentionally focus on being a wife/lover. It’s so easy for all my time and energy to fill the mom bucket.
Kate and Dillon
Kickstarted a Habit of Intentional Connection
My husband and I have both been working through a lot of mental health challenges as we’ve been moving through a new phase of our lives. During this challenge we felt some highs in our relationship that we hadn’t felt in a long time, and at the same time we fell into some scary lows as we opened up to each other and were finally honest with each other and ourselves about how we were doing.
Some days, we had to switch up our plans from our original challenges, and yet that intentional time we spent together was worth more than anything else we could have done. I am incredibly grateful for this year’s Sextember challenge for how it helped us kickstart this habit of intentional connection that we have now. Our relationship, marriage, and family is stronger thanks to our time participating in the challenge this year.
Anonymous
Closer and More Optimistic
We’ve been married a little over a year and haven’t quite figured out our sex life yet, so it was a welcome opportunity to commit ourselves to putting intentional effort into it. It was challenging in that we had never had so much intimacy in such a concentrated amount of time – up until then we were averaging about twice a month, unfortunately. We feel much closer and optimistic about our sex life following the challenge.
Anonymous
Added an Extra Spark to Our Relationship
We have been married for over 40 years and are in our late 60’s. We have an ongoing interest in improving our relationship and drawing closer together. It is not limited by the number of years we have been married nor our age. Participating in this Challenge added an extra spark to our relationship as we looked forward to the activity we had scheduled each day.
What proved to be challenging was that both of us became sick during the month. One or the other of us was sick for over two weeks. We were concerned that this might throw off our ability to complete the Challenge. We ended up skipping some days and changed a few of our activities on other days. When we felt better, we doubled up on several of the remaining days in the Challenge so we could successfully finish it. Using our creativity to push through this roadblock made our experience that much more rewarding and fulfilling!
40+ Years and Counting
Making the Commitment to Be Intimate Made a Difference
We heard about and downloaded the Intimately Us app a few days after the challenge started, so we were a little late to the game. We joined the challenge thinking “This could be fun” but didn’t realize how much we would enjoy it.
Just like all good things though, it was a challenge to keep up. My husband had recently changed jobs that caused him to have to be in bed earlier, he started working 6 days a week, and we had several late and/or overnight commitments we had made with the church and our kids’ extra curriculum programs. But we were determined, so even on days that we couldn’t get in our scheduled challenge, we were coming up with other ways to be intimate and keep up our streak.
Just making the commitment to be intimate made a difference. I find myself thinking about sex and intimacy daily now as opposed to occasionally before. We both discovered a new favorite thing to do together: the lingham massage. Both my husband and I love it. The most difficult challenge was shower sex. It just doesn’t work for us.
S.M.
We love to hear these results and hope that they can be yours too! “Marriage work doesn’t have to be hard!” Check out our next challenge on the Intimately Us app!
