I am so excited for what’s coming up in September! For the next four episodes in the month of September, we will focus on the theme of spicing things up in the bedroom. We’re just adding a little more creativity to your lovemaking routines!
It’s going to be fun and we’re doing all this because September for us is Sextember. If you don’t know what that is, listen to the podcast or check out the rest of our website or Instagram for more.
Today’s topic is all about initiating and flirting, which I think are two vital skills any couple needs to spice things up in the bedroom. So I’ve invited my friend at Tammy Camp, a fellow coach with me in my Get Your Marriage On program, to share some ideas together.
We get a riff off of each other about how to initiate more creatively, have more fun, and just give you some ideas and inspiration for you and your spouse in your marriage.
Resources:
Intimately Us App (join the Sextember challenge here!)
Women’s Small Group Coaching (Cohort starting in October)
Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Episode 204
Hello, my friend. And welcome to the, get your marriage on podcast. I am so excited for what’s coming up in September. So for the next four episodes in the month of September, they’re all going to be around a theme of spicing things up in the bedroom. We’re just adding a little more creativity to your lovemaking routines. It’s going to be fun and we’re doing all this because September for us is sex timber. And it’s a month long challenge that you can participate in which I’ll tell you about in just a second. Today’s topic is all about initiating and flirting, which I think are two vital skills.
Dan: Any couple needs to spice things up in the bedroom. So I’ve invited my friend at Tammy camp. She’s a fellow coach with me in my, get your marriage on program to share some ideas together. We get a riff off of each other about how to initiate more creatively or have more fun just to give you some ideas and inspiration for you and your spouse in your marriage.
This idea of sex. Denver started for Emily and I, a few years ago, I read this book by this woman. She was in TV broadcasting. It was a very high stress job. And she was in the season where she had a lot of deadlines because she was stressed all the time. She wasn’t in the mood for sex and she kept pushing her husband away, but she kept telling herself after I get this deadline done or after I get this report submitted or after we’re done with this big project. Then finally I’ll be able to have an intimate relationship with my husband.
The problem is all those deadlines just kept stacking up. And months went by without any sexual connection with her husband, she kept pushing him away and he was really patient and tried to be understanding, but she could tell there’s a lot more distance between she and her husband. One day, she, after saying no for the thousandth time to her husband, she finally said yes.
And she’s like, holy cow, I had forgotten how could this feels? I’d forgotten how much I love sex. I have forgotten how good it feels to be pleasured and deeply loved by this man who matters so much to me. So that day she vowed, I am going to try, no matter how stressed and busy I’m at work, I’m going to try to say yes for seven days straight. And that was a new record for her that really pushed her out of her comfort zone. So for the next seven days, she and her husband had sex and she could feel a difference at work.
She was less stressed. She was happier. She had her creativity back. She just had a bounce in her step and. Other people started to notice the glow that she had. She was standing in line at a coffee shop and the man behind her mentioned, like, what are you on lady? Like, you’re so happy and you’re radiant.
What is it? And that’s when she realized other people can probably tell what, how happy she is. And so she told the man her little secret and I’m sure he was a little shocked. Anyway. so she and her husband continued this for the rest of the month. It wasn’t every day. It was like maybe two or three times a week for the rest of the month.
Towards the end of the month, she was looking at photos of her and her husband. And she could tell like looking at the before and after picture. A big difference. She is a lot happier. She is a lot more radiant. So that’s kind of what I want for you. This is an experiment to try. So what the challenge is is to make September a sexy sex timber, if you’re to ramp up intimate connection, whatever that looks like for you for the month. Of September for 30 days.
Can you tell a difference? So at the beginning of the challenge, I encourage you to take a before photo. And at the end of the challenge, you’re going to take an after photo and compare the differences. You’re going to be happier. Hopefully you’ll have that pep in your step, that smile on your face and be more radiant as you really invest in. Putting your relationship first. The reason why September’s a great month to do it is for a lot of couples.
It’s the back to school season. There’s a lot going on and it’s so easy to let intimacy and sex in your marriage. Slide to the back burner. So that’s what we’re going to counter and push against and the month of September and just to prioritize each other and whatever that looks like for you. So I encourage you to put your phones away.
I encourage you to look at each other and encourage you to get your [00:05:00] hands on each other. I GERD you to do things that delight one another and bring more light and pleasure and joy into your marriage this month. If you download the intimately S app, it changes of new feature is unlocked only for the month of September, where you get a track and measure and do all your progress with sex timber.
You get to set your own challenges and so on. If you complete 20 out of 30 challenges. So that’s the goal, right? Can you get 20 out of 30 days of September done
then you’re automatically entered into a drawing to win prizes and these prizes are awesome. These are things for the bedroom.
These are toys, lingerie furniture, premium lubricants. There’s also books and courses and there’s, there’s something in there for, for everyone. It’s fantastic. Prizes that you and your spouse can win. So download the intimately. App today, tell your married friends all about the app and start participating in our sex timber challenge.
As I’m preparing to release this podcast episode, we just had a last minute cancellation for upcoming couples retreat, which means we have a spot open up for grabs. Would you like it? The retreat is October 10th to 13th in beautiful Southern Utah. This is romantic and. Great way to boost intimacy in your marriage, and you can find those details. At get your marriage on.com.
All right. Let’s talk about the first step and that’s all about flirting and initiating.
Today, Tammy, we get to talk about, romance flirting and initiating sex in the context of a committed marriage. And I think this is really relevant, right? Because a lot of couples, they’re like, how do I flirt with my husband or my wife? They need like tips and help with that. So to start things off, Tammy, tell me of a time when you flirted with your husband.
Tammy: Okay. I think I have a really fun one. So, think last summer it was, or a couple of summer ago, we were going to be heading out with family. And we wanted to keep things alive. It was something kind of new that we’d been working on in our marriage. And so we wanted to keep things going and keep things fun. And so we downloaded a digital dice and they’re available. So it’s right on your phone. It’s a little app. And then we sat down for just a few minutes and we each decided six things that we would do when that number was rolled. So number one would be rolled and then we had items in just a note that we could do during the weekend to kind of keep things alive and flirty, even though we were with family, extended family and with them for the weekend, it was so much fun.
So just every once in a while, each one of the two of us would send a text time to roll the dice. And so wherever we were at, I would roll the dice and send him a picture of the number. And then both of us would jump onto that notepad. and see what it was. So one of them was like, find a spot to make out or, Get away on a walk. Just let everybody know that it’s time for the two of you. And we had some fun, you know, maybe ones that were a little bit, you know, find, find a time to, just hold each other for a hug. And then we have some fun ones in there too, which made it just really fun and exciting and flirty through the whole weekend.
But we were very connected, even though we were with family. So it was a
lot of
Dan: fun. It sounds like you kind of kept it covert, right? Like, no one knew you had this going on, right?
Tammy: nobody knew. Yeah. We
did really well with it. It was great. I mean, they know we love each other. They know
passionate and touchy, but it made some of the others just a little sneaky. It was fun.
Dan: Kind of that sneakiness or that little secretive, like, you and your husband share a little secret. That makes it really fun.
Tammy: Yes. How about you, Dan? Do you have a fun story?
Dan: Yeah, I have a fun one. For work, I was on the other side of town. And, I usually, just because where we live, I, Our house is out of the way, but this day it was near where our house was. So I’ll be passing by our house on my way back to my office. So I messaged my wife and said something like, Hey, I heard your husband isn’t home right now.
And she picked up right on that cue and says, the back door might be unlocked. And so I took that as an invitation. I swung by home, but I didn’t park, you know, anywhere near the house. I parked off to the side and I snuck around to the back without our kids knowing. And I went in the back door. My wife was there waiting for me.
She had locked the bedroom door. And anyway, that was a really fun and flirty way to just in the middle of the day, just, it felt really spontaneous at the time, but also again, like what you said, it’s like a little secret. We shared just something kind of a little naughty to
Tammy: Yes,
Dan: middle of the day.
Tammy: Oh, I love that. That’s super fun. I did think of one more story. Do you want me
Dan: Oh yeah, yes.
Tammy: Yeah, Jake is really good at being creative with stuff like this. And so I really appreciate that because it’s not always been my easiest way to do it. So I love it when sometimes he is flirty and playful. And one night, you know, it’s time to get on the comfy clothes at the end of the day. And I go in there and there was an envelope for me just sitting [00:10:00] there by my comfy clothes. And it said, only open if you are wanting a fun play time with your honey.
And says, if you are not in the mood, please just leave this here.
We’ll go for another time. But if you are inside, open it up for something fun. Well, I wasn’t going to not
Dan: Curiosity, right?
Tammy: So I definitely opened it up and read it and it was so fun. It just was a fun way to, you know, initiate in a different way and just keep some of that playfulness and flirting alive.
And yeah, for sure. I opened that envelope and we had a great time.
Dan: Now all our listeners want to know what’s in the envelope, but I’m sure that’s for you only. But here’s the principle, right? Anticipation. Part of flirting is building anticipation. It’s a flirt, it’s a tease, it’s like a, uh, Hey, you kind of want this and then, but you don’t quite have it all yet. You only get a sample, right?
That’s what makes flirting fun. It’s an invitation.
And I think the other ingredient is variety. Cause if you’re doing this same thing over and over, it does lose its charm pretty quick. So. I like your examples because they’re like kind of out of the norm, something you don’t do every day, right?
They make them special. And I think the third ingredient is there’s some sort of a secret component. It’s just between you and your spouse.
Tammy: Mm hmm.
Dan: All right, Tammy, how about we give our listeners each, you and I, 10 ideas to flirt, how to flirt or initiate sex in their marriage. What do you say?
Tammy: Oh, I love that.
I
Number one, something that has really changed the funnest and flirting us is that we have the get your marriage on just between us. Uh, we love it.
We use it on the regular daily, in fact, and
of funny that we kind of have a challenge of who is going to message who. Who first
leave, we start our day really, really early in the morning and it is usually within 15 minutes, 20 minutes that either one of the two of us is using that app. And so that is something that we really, really love and cherish is just having this secret, right?
There’s that secret app that’s just between us that we use and love.
Dan: I love that. Mine is open when notes. So, you can prepare in advance. This takes a little advance planning, but can you write a few, maybe four or five notes, and then leave it for your spouse. Open this one at 10 AM. Or open this one after, you know, this part of the day is complete. And then, there’s a series and you can, like, build on each other.
And that’s kind of builds anticipation throughout the day. Like, I wonder what’s in the next note, or I wonder what the next one’s gonna say. And if you can end each note with a little bit of a cliffhanger, and, like, hint as to what’s coming in the next note, it builds even more tension waiting until the time you can open the next note.
can do this if you’re traveling, too. Like, open this when you get to this leg of the journey. Open this when you get to that leg of the journey. Open this on day two, or open this on day three. And it’s a way you can build anticipation while you’re apart, too.
Tammy: Yeah. I really like, I think that’s so fun. It’s like a scavenger hunt, right? During the
Dan: Kind of. Yeah, yeah.
Uh huh.
Tammy: I like that.
Awesome. Okay. Number two that on there is learn how to love what your spouse loves. I think that we’re really good to love in the way that we like to be loved. But being flirty means that you know what they love and just leaning into that and using that a little bit to, to know that that could get them excited, instead of just doing what you love, do something they love to flirt.
Dan: Alright. Like, what’s an example in your marriage, maybe?
Tammy: Oh, Jake loves touch. Uh, it is not something that is as much me, but it is so him.
So know that if I touch. Him that if I hold him, if I’m the one that initiates a really good hug, that’s pretty flirty to him because that is not the thing that I normally would do, but I know that it is really great for him.
So I have to lean into that a little bit because it’s, it’s not my norm, but it is his love. So I know that’s, that’s flirty and fun for, for him. And then for me too, right?
Dan: Yep. My, second suggestion is, if you’re competitive with your spouse, some of, some people are, like, challenge them to a game, but have, like, consequences, like, stripping. So, I challenge you to a game of Uno, or, or whatever, right? And, the loser loses an item of clothing, or something like that. I think that could be really flirty and fun.
Yeah. Yep,
Tammy: really fun game ideas on your app as well. So if you’re just like, that does sound fun, but where do I get them? Go to the app. Um, and also think of any game. This is what I have found. Any game you own in your house, you can make it work, right? Twister, [00:15:00] Uno, War, anything.
You can play Solitaire and make this happen. Any game you have in your house, figure out how to make it fun and flirty. It’s, it is very doable.
Dan: You can even
Tammy: right? Like.
Dan: can even bring it you’re a trash can and you know wad up some paper and like shoot hoops right if you miss the basket you Lose in the mind of the clothing you can do all sorts of fun things.
Tammy: Yes. I love that. Oh, clue. We even did clue one time, right? Like, uh,
Dan: sexy clue. Uh
Tammy: So you can do all the things. Okay. Um, number three, I have Tell them things that you really love about them. I think that this is flirty and fun. You can kind of get a little naughty if you would like about the things that you really love about them.
Uh, they like to hear that and it’s not necessarily for validation for them, but just something that you truly, truly love about them. And I think it goes both ways because it’s It makes you be more aware of what you truly love about your spouse and best friend, and it also makes them feel like, Oh, they really love that about me.
And that makes me. Feel great. So that is, that is a flirty idea for me. Ah,
Dan: I put on my best newscaster impersonation. Like I’m here with the winner of the local beauty pageant, Emily. Like. Hey, how, how do you feel having been voted the most beautiful woman in all of America or something like that?
Tammy: yeah. I
Dan: She looks And she looks at me says I feel judged And we laugh so hard
Tammy: That’s fantastic. That’s, that’s awesome.
Dan: response, but I like that idea it’s about what do you love about them? Can you tell me you love about them and you can do it in a funny way even?
Tammy: Yes. Yeah. I love that.
Dan: Alright, my third one is, uh, dance in the kitchen.
Like, we spend a lot of time in the kitchen, because there’s always dishes to do, meals to prep, and whatever. And so, turn on some romantic music. Like, pause the dishes for a second and dance. That’s a great way to build romance and fun.
Tammy: Yeah
I do love that. We sometimes will listen to music and, we love to dance. And what’s funny is it’s, it’s funny that it kind of embarrasses the kids and it’s not that we’re like crazy dancing. Sometimes we’re slow dancing and they’re just like sitting there like, Oh my gosh. My parents are weird and I’m like, this is awesome.
This is so fun. But it’s funny how awkward it makes them feel just this close embrace dance. But, uh, we do love dancing time. It was one of our first dates that we got to dance together. So that’s always something fun that we enjoy taking a moment to, to dance together.
Dan: I love it. I love it. Alright, what’s your next idea? What’s
Tammy: Okay. number four?
plan a date.
including the adult time playtime portion at the end. I think sometimes generally in relationships, one of the two from what I’ve learned often are the date planners, the date making sure it happens from start to finish. And that often, not always is sometimes what we consider the higher desire partner kind of makes this effort and puts it forth. but I would encourage you to either switch off or take turns, and flirt and initiate and do all the things from date from start to finish, including adult play time, for each of you, because then you’re going to step in in a different way.
You’re
Dan: Oh I like that
Tammy: do things the way you want to, which is lovely and beautiful and helps you get creative. instead of feeling stuck, like, oh, that’s his job or, oh, that’s her job. And I have no idea where to start. Just give it a try and you’ll see that it’s, it’s doable. And you’ll love that date because you have made all the effort to do all the flirty things, all the fun things, and even the adult playtime.
Dan: That’s good, too. Cuz when you like, okay, I’ll plan the date. We don’t plan all the way to the end We just think about We’re going to go to dinner
or whatever. Right. And that’s, and then after dinner is done, it’s like, what’s next? I don’t know. Like you didn’t, you got to plan, including the playtime after if that includes sex, then plan what’s going to happen in sex to
Tammy: Right. plan all the way to the end.
Dan: That’s a great suggestion.
Tammy: Yeah.
Dan: right. My fourth,
my fourth idea is to find an older photo of the two of you and just send it to your spouse and say what you like about it. And what. Memories that evokes, what emotions it evokes from that time together. I
Tammy: I
Dan: think it can be really sweet.
Tammy: Yeah
Just last week was our 24th anniversary. And yeah, know. Yes. Thank you. And on that [00:20:00] 24th, I went through our photos and found a picture a year or try to find a picture a year. So Some were not as easy to find, but I found a picture of us from each year, um, and then just made a little video and sent it to them.
And it was really fun. And from those 24 pictures, we decided a fun date night for our anniversary was 24 activities, kind of from the ideas from those pictures. In a night, it was so much fun. And it just was like really remembering those 24 years. And some of them were not like all sexy date night ideas, but it was just memories.
That we’ve created as a family and together. And so I love that idea. It just kind of leads into a fun date that we just did.
Dan: I Love that. Yeah, take the number of years of married take that number and then do something with that number whatever it might be That’s beautiful.
Tammy: Okay. Mine is kind of similar to one of yours. You’ve already shared, but mine said sneak a kiss and I put like in the kitchen pantry. But really wherever in your house, right? Like being playful and flirty and fun when your kids are around where there’s people around and just sneaking a kiss or sneaking a butt grab or whatever you want to do, or you think that you’re being this secret idea, right?
Like, Um, our kids kind of think it’s funny when all of a sudden we disappear into the pantry and we’re not even all the way in the pantry because our pantry is not huge, but we’re like in the doorway of the pantry and it’s just fun that even though it’s not fully secret, it still is. And they’re just like a kiss and it’s just kind of real fun and playful and just in the moment.
And I also love showing our kids that this is a portion of us that we love together. So.
Dan: I love that. I heard of a couple where there’s a significant height difference between a husband and wife. Husband’s a lot taller and so they kept a step stool in the pantry for that very reason. So she could step on the step stool and they’re at the same height and they’d kiss.
Tammy: Awesome.
Dan: makeout spot in their home.
I thought it was
Tammy: like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,
Dan: suggestion is to plan a little scavenger hunt. Can you make a list of four or five things Uh, around the house, or, or hide items that are, might have some meaning, some intimate meaning between you and your spouse. And leave little clues on where to find them.
Those, that’s all. It’s a fun way to flirt and initiate, I think.
Tammy: that is a fun way to flirt. And it’s just right at home. A lot of people think that date night ideas, and flirting, and fun, and initiation is, Needs to be outside and it can so much to be inside your home. Uh, what a better place to feel comfortable enough that you’re playing just right inside your home.
So I love that idea.
Dan: That’s good.
Alright, what’s your sixth?
Tammy: Okay. , this one’s more about initiating and, sometimes this becomes very hard for us to initiate. And it just kind of is because of dynamics or patterns or all the things in our marriage. and so it is just putting it out there. It doesn’t mean it will necessarily happen, but being brave enough to just say, I want you, I want to be intimate with you in a text, in the app, just between us app, wherever it is, just putting it out there.
I’d really love to be intimate with you tonight and your spells gets to choose. Right. But you have really, that’s a great way to initiate. oftentimes the initiation comes where it’s like 10 o’clock at
night and you don’t know how to say it. So you’re just start to get touchy and then the spouse may move away or slap away or whatever it is because you have waited the full day.
Do this at 9 a. m. in the morning, right? When you’re really feeling like you want to initiate, just put it out there. And then your spouse has a choice to think about it and step in or step out and you get to also be okay. So I think just like, just putting it out there, the initiation and being okay with what may come from that.
Yep.
Dan: with long term relationships here You have one person that’s a lot more Spontaneous for sex they can be ready in a moment’s notice. Well, the others it doesn’t happen that way for them They need to think about it really put their mind in gear and move towards that.
So when it’s 10 o’clock at night, you’re both tired. Hey, can we have sex now? Sometimes it feels really intrusive or sprung upon you. But if you can, like, I would really like to be intimate with you tonight. If you can get there that you do that earlier in the day, right? Like what you said, it helps you move towards that.
If you tend to be more responsive. So I like that idea.
Tammy: Yeah. bold. you
Dan: my sixth tip is to use the Intimately Us app, and inside the Intimately Us app we have a section called Sexy Invites. And these are fun and flirty messages, some are pretty sassy, some are pretty, uh, more explicit, and some are more romantic.
So you can like pick one that really fits the vibe of your relationship. But there’s a lot of fun ones in [00:25:00] there. And you can send one to your spouse. One of my favorites in there is, you’ve been on my mind all day. How about you be on my body now, too. It’s something along those lines, right?
Tammy: Yes. Yes.
Dan: They’re gonna, they’re like, they’re like pickup lines, kind of, but they’re fun, right?
So use those. And
Tammy: Yeah. And they’re cute and fun. And yeah, so use them. They’re in there and they are super fun. It kind of gives you an idea. So where you feel stuck, it helps you get out of that stuck and be like, Oh, somebody else did this for me. And it, it rings true. And I would like to share this to my spouse.
So Thanks for having those in there. Okay. Number seven, send pictures during the day. Okay. and some of them could be fun, playful pictures. Um, this is something that we really enjoy sometimes. It is just a picture of me, right? Like, must be missing this, right? Or he will even ask, I forgot what you look like. And, or, you know, like he’ll send, yes, exactly. He didn’t really forget. Or he’ll send me a cute picture of him just sitting at his desk, just thinking, like working or, um, just, it is just fun. It’s just a fun, full place that even though we’re, you know, working two different places, we can still see each other and, and be fun and playful.
and just one thing that I’ve learned to love and. is that I actually send workout pictures to him. It’s something that I do every single day. I do a workout. And so it is something that is really fun and playful to me. It’s learned, make me learn how to love myself a little bit better. Cause I’m proud of those pictures.
but it is just my workout pictures and whether it’s my buff muscles or whatever it may be, it is just sending those pictures and just keeping that alive during the day.
Dan: Yeah,
Tammy: we really enjoy,
Dan: I can see how husbands would love workout pictures from their wives.
All
Tammy: them too. That’s really good is it’s not just for him. It is something that has
Dan: And that’s a
Tammy: been good for me. Yes.
Dan: right? That’s
Tammy: if I was doing it just for him, I probably wouldn’t like it. But I’m doing it for me. I enjoy sending the pictures as much as he receives, enjoys receiving them on the daily. So that’s, that’s something I think to, to really think about if you’re going to do that.
Yes.
Dan: charge them up and let your spouse know that they’re charged and ready to go. So it’s a little bit of a planning ahead, but it’s also a way of, it’s, it’s very direct, but like, I can’t wait to use this toy with you tonight. I can’t wait to play with you with this tonight.
Tammy: Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Or just make sure that those are always charged up, right? So are ready that, for that moment, even if it is a quickie, per se, but yeah, I love that. Make sure those toys, because they are definitely something that I have learned to, find important in our relationship and just bring some fun and playfulness.
So have them ready for sure.
Dan: All right, what’s your eighth one?
Tammy: Yeah. I put touchy touchy. your touch means a lot and the way you do, it makes a difference. I know that this is something that Dan you’re very passionate about and I am too. The way that we touch our spouses, they, they know they can tell whether you’re being flirty or whether you’re just doing it out of duty.
Or a sense of like, uh, he does like this. So I better do it.
Dan: Or being grabby, or
Tammy: yes, right.
Dan: also a turn off, right?
Tammy: yes. Yeah. Which one are you doing and how are you doing it? Are you doing it because you love the person next to you and you really have a desire to be close to them. And so that touchy touchy, I mean, those words kind of sounded tacky, but they also can sound like touchy touchy, right?
Just depends on your tone. And I think that’s, that’s what you need to do with the way that you touch. You have to have a tone with your hand or whatever you’re doing. That the tone means I love you and I cherish you. So,
find those times to always be touchy touchy.
Dan: Great, yeah. Touch is a powerful, powerful language. It’s a non verbal language, and it conveys a tremendous amount of meaning in how we touch. hold and regard our spouse in that touch. My eighth suggestion is to work on the environment. So do you have twinkle lights that you like to turn on or get some, get some and decorate your bedroom with them?
Or is it candles? Can you tidy up the bedroom fold and put away the laundry that seems to always be out or, play some music. Can you like set the ambiance to make this an inviting, like romantic place to be in the bedroom?
Tammy: Yeah. Oh, I love that. There’s white noise machines you can get. There’s lots of things that you can do. Our bedroom is our safe place.
And so we always make, make an effort to have it be that it’s, we want it to be clean, we want it to be. A place where we don’t feel cluttered or disorganized and it is a place where we just feel safe together.
And, um, so it’s home to both of us. And
I, I love that and you can do fun, playful things inside of [00:30:00] that, but just the idea of how safe do I feel in my own room and what can I do to change that just a little bit so that this feels like home, I think is an awesome challenge to take on for, for everyone.
Dan: Great. All right. What’s your number nine?
Tammy: Number nine, be spontaneous. I sometimes this is hard, especially when we are older and we have a lot of kids and we have things going on and the kids are busy and we are busy and we have so much. And everything needs to, or feels like it needs to be scheduled. Um, Jake and I are learning how to be spontaneous and we are very planned people, both of us.
And so this is something that we’ve had to really learn, but it is flirty and it helps initiate. New newness and fun and secretness in a marriage. So how can you be spontaneous? How can you step in and be like, yeah, I can figure out a way for us to get away from the weekend and I’m going to make it happen.
Uh, we did this just probably about a month ago and it worked out beautifully and things didn’t go exactly as we have planned, but it made it all the more fun because we were just together. Uh, we even left the house without a hotel room. We
Dan: That’s right you’re like hey it’s friday we’re leaving the house right now without Much much more than an overnight bag like it was really spontaneous, right? It’s not like somebody had planned Alright, let’s go. We’ll figure this out on the way. We’ll find a hotel along the way. Uh huh. We’ll
Tammy: was really fun.
Dan: to eat.
Yeah, that’s
Tammy: Yep. We just kind of had a direction that we were going and we actually stopped in one parking lot. of a hotel. We walked around and we’re just like, this isn’t the one. And so we just went across the street to a different one. And, um, it, it would just was kind of fun and different and there was no stress in it.
We had to take that out. Uh, but it was a really fun, playful weekend that we just were going with the flow. I
Dan: That’s good.
Tammy: Yeah.
Dan: Alright, so my ninth suggestion is very different from the others. And it is the idea of really caring. about your spouse and caring for them. This is different than caretaking them, but this is about you care about them as a person. I think a lot of people get turned on because they really feel like their spouse genuinely cares about them as a whole person and then just not after their body or what they can produce for them, but because they care about them as a whole person.
So this might be my Most unsexy suggestion, but I think it is absolutely vital because it sets the foundation for everything else. So as unsexy as it might sound at first, I think it’s ultimately the sexiest because it’s about really genuinely caring. for the whole person. And that might look like, Hey, tell me about your day.
Cause you really care about them. It might be, what’s your biggest stressor right now? And how can I help reduce your stress? Or it can be a lot of those kinds of things. So, um, care.
Tammy: Yeah. I love that. And I think that a lot of people will say, you know, my spouse really doesn’t want to know about my day. But you would be amazed how much each one of us really wants to know about your day, even if it was super boring, like those things are just still important to us because you’re our person.
Dan: Good. All right. You’re number 10.
Tammy: Okay. My number 10 kind of sounds boring, I guess too, but it’s make each other a priority.
And, I think This is something on the daily Jake and I strive to do. I think that there was times in our marriage that we were not top priority for each other. Lots of other things became more important, or we felt like they became more important and we really do now make each other a priority.
Examples is we have our spots on the couch and they’re next to each other. If we are watching a show together, it’s next to each other. It’s where we can, you know, hold hands or touch or do whatever we can. We have our spots on the couch. The kids know that they’re aware of it. If it’s time to watch a show all together, we have our spots, at church, we choose to sit next to each other.
And that’s not always the case with, you know, ways that you serve in your church, but find those efforts to be together as much as you can in all things that you do in your life. Um, choose to sit by each other in the movie, even if you go as a family, just all these little things to make each other a priority.
Make it the closeness that you have that you want to be next to each other, that you want to be, uh, by each other. And that to me is constant flirting, uh, family events. Where are you? Do you know where your spouse is? Just make that a priority still, even though there’s lots going on. Just know where they are and that they are still your top priority always.
Dan: That’s so good. It’s symbolic. Right? Right. And they always sit by each other. Good. All right. My 10th suggestion is. Just pick them up, strip them, and do them.[00:35:00]
Tammy: Very good. Yes,
Dan: just do your spouse.
Tammy: yes,
Dan: Or just be done like it’s it’s about the idea of like surrendering to each other It’s it’s like choosing to want to it’s fun to surrender to each other It’s fun to like just give in to the passion of the moment So sometimes we’re so timid about wanting to have sex with your spouse Like don’t be timid just be very direct and confident about it.
I don’t mean any abuse or anything against consent. That’s not what I’m talking about. But, sometimes it’s fun just to be taken and just to be done. Or to do, right?
Tammy: yes
Dan: absolutely, absolutely fun. So,
Tammy: yes,
Dan: yep,
Tammy: I think what I would say to
Dan: take
Tammy: and
yes, one of the ideas that I thought about putting on there, but it goes right along with yours is that,
when you have worked on your relationship that is not about duty, that a quickie is just about just do it, right? Just find that quick moment, that secret moment in the closet or. You know, close the room really quick. Or we have 20 minutes before all the kids are going to come home. Find that time that you’ve worked on your relationship enough.
And that’s why I want to say, don’t do it out of duty. Don’t do it because you’re having to, or you just want the box checked off and then he or she is going to be off your back, but do it because you’re cherishing each other and quickies can once again, learn how to be fun and playful and flirty and initiating in your bedroom and in your life.
So add your, to your number 10.
Dan: great. All right, there you have it.
We’ve got Tammy’s 10 ideas, my 10 ideas. Everyone listening, please build anticipation and create variety and care and fun and make your marriage something to be delighted to have. Now, if you don’t have it yet, download the Intimately Us app. This is where we’re going on this month in September is Sexy September, aka Sextember.
We have a special challenge going on. All those details are in the app, and you can even win some prizes for you and your spouse in your bedroom. Also, if you’re like, hey, My wife and I, or my husband and I would really like help implementing these ideas. We want to move the needle forward in the positive direction when it comes to intimacy in our marriage.
Then we have a very special program for a very special offer. And that’s what Tammy and I, we both teach in that it’s our get your marriage on program. It’s our signature program. And it’s great for couples who are. in an otherwise happy relationship but wish things were a little better or they feel like there’s room for improvement in the intimacy department.
And we’ve had over a hundred couples in our program now and it really gets results. I believe so strongly in it because of the setup and all the things that you get in the program. So those details on our website too, getyourmarriageon. com. right, thank you.
Tammy: Yeah. Thanks for having me.
And yes, I, I double encourage the program. It’s amazing. It’s awesome. It is, it is changing. It’s changing couples and it’s changing the way that people step in. So I encourage you to check it out.
Dan: Great. Alright. stay tuned for next week for more, fun ideas to make your sextember sexy.
