Have you ever felt stuck in a sexual rut? Maybe you and your spouse have found a sexual routine that works for you, but after weeks or months of doing the same thing you are starting to miss the novelty and creativity you once felt. Maybe after years of marriage, it feels like having sex just doesn’t have that air of mystery or “spicyness” it used to. Creating a fun and exciting sexual environment using foreplay can help spice up the mundane or routine sex life.
If you’re wondering how spicy foreplay can help you in your relationship, here’s a real life example! I know a couple who, after getting married, found a pattern that worked for them. Let’s call them Nathan and Olivia. They would touch each other for a few minutes, take off clothes, and then Nathan (who had previously experienced ejaculation problems) would penetrate and finish. After a break, Nathan would then manually stimulate Olivia so she could orgasm as well.
This pattern worked well for them but eventually Olivia started to feel restless. She had a creative imagination and felt like she was missing out. Nathan was happy with how things were going and was confused about why Olivia wanted to change what was working so well. He was nervous to change things up too much, as he didn’t want to struggle again to ejaculate. They decided to mix up their foreplay and introduce more creativity leading up to penetration. They found new ways to flirt with each other, and created some fun roleplays that they would hint at during the day. By the time it came to sex, Olivia was much more excited than before as her biggest sex organ, the brain, had been stimulated throughout the day.
For them, the answer wasn’t so much changing up things in the bedroom (although that could certainly help!). What did help was learning about and creating a pattern of creatively stimulating foreplay. Fun foreplay could be just what the doctor ordered when it comes to a fine, but kind of dull sex life.
What is Foreplay?
Foreplay is a key component of a healthy sex life. Foreplay is anything that happens before or during a sexual experience that builds connection, desire, and wanting. For women especially, this can be crucial as the majority of females need to feel pleasure before they feel a desire to have sex. For more information on what foreplay is and why it’s important, read our blogpost on it here or listen to our podcast here!
Next Level Foreplay
The word foreplay includes anything that creates intimacy and desire in a relationship. However, the type of foreplay we’re talking about here is something more than holding hands, doing chores, or asking how your spouse’s day was. We are talking about engaging the part of us that wants to play, and using it to create fun foreplay. Sex is how us adults get to “play” and use the imaginative part of our brain that too often gets left behind in childhood.
Fun foreplay brings creativity and imagination to your sex life. Sometimes in monogamous, committed relationships, couples can feel bored or almost “too comfortable” in their sexual relationship. Creative foreplay is a way to recreate the excitement of dating and getting to know your spouse. It can make sex seem novel, electrifying, and intoxicating. And once you have the foundations down, foreplay can help you have creative and exciting sex your whole life long.
The 4 T’s of Creative Foreplay
The first principle of foreplay is time. Although a hot and steamy “quickie” can be really fun, too often as married couples fast sex means just getting in and out so we can move on to the next thing. More often than not, couples need time to switch our brains to a “sexy” mindset. For foreplay, it’s best to let desire build up over time. Plan a sexual encounter, then build tension throughout the day or even week!
Think of your foreplay as creating erotic potential energy. As you tease and flirt with your spouse, their desire builds. Then, when you finally do get to the bedroom and start taking clothes off, that potential sexual energy built throughout the date/day/week can convert to kinetic sexual energy.
Ideas For Fun Foreplay!
- Propose a sex fast, then see if you can tempt your spouse to break it
- Plan a date a week in advance. Keep them guessing about what you’re planning for them.
- Sped your lunch break together, being flirty and teasing them about later tonight
Too often, the dreaded to-do list is the killer of erotic energy. Especially for women, being busy and having a lot on our minds can distract us from our sexual selves. So make that to-do list work for you and add tasks throughout the day that help you feel sensual. Add a self-care bubble bath to help you destress, or put on your lingerie for a minute when you’re getting dressed. Remind yourself you are a sexual being, even in the midst of cleaning up cheerios. It can also help to rach out to your spouse and help them remember that they are a sexual being, even in the middle of their own to-do list.
Ideas for Fun Foreplay!
- Download the Intimately Us app and do the daily intimacy challenges!
- Set a reminder on your phone to dream about having sex with your spouse. Take a mindful minute to be grateful for the sex you’ve had, and get excited that there’s more to come!
- Take the time to get dressed up, just for you! Put on your favorite outfit, walk the cat-walk in your room (or just enjoy looking good)
We’ve created a time and a space for our foreplay. But what do we actually do? The next principle is talk. A lot of people in the Christian community feel very embarassed talking about sex or trying to talk sexy. For the first part of our lives, before we were married, sex was treated as a taboo topic. To get comfortable talking sexy, start by writing down (in a safe place) all about your favorite sexual encounters. What have you really enjoyed doing? What do you find sexy about your spouse, and what do you find sexy about yourself?
Once you feel comfortable talking about sex with yourself, start trying to talk about it with your spouse! Text them something you find sexy about them. Explain your favorite sexual encounter, and tell them what you loved about it. Find ways to keep the conversation going throughout the day. Tell your spouse what you want to do to them, and what you want them to do to you. Find a chance to whisper in their ear, or call them on their way home and let them know what’s waiting for them.
The Just Between Us app can be really helpful for this! It has prompts for recording favorite sexual encounters and personal fantasies. You can message your spouse in a safe and secure medium with helpful idea prompts. The app is completely encrypted, so there is no chance anyone else will ever see these messages. We know how important this is, so download that app and start the sexy texting now!
Side Note: Role Play
Role playing is a great example of creative and fun foreplay. Pretending to be someone else, or your same self in a different situation, can help stimulate your sexy side. It can make sex with your commited, loving partner feel dangerous, forbidden, or thirlling. Pretend to be strangers throughout out the day, text your husband like a prostitute just hired, or imagine your love is forbidden. Role play can be used in lots of fun ways, skys the limit on what sexy senarios you can imagine!
If you want to learn more about role play, check out our podcast episode!
Ideas For Fun Foreplay!
- Take separate cars and pretend you’re having dinner with a stranger. Get to know each other all over again or make up new characters!
- Take a moment and describe what you experience during sex. You could even have your partner close their eyes and picture what you describe.
- Describe your partners sexual body. Tell them what you’d love to touch, kiss, lick etc on their body.
The last principle is touch. Too often, we underestimate how big an impact a little touch can have. Sensual touch can mean grabbing your spouse’s butt as they pass you in the kitchen. It can be slyly putting your hand up their shirt or down their pants. It can be the gentle touch of cheek on cheek as you whisper. It can be an ear nibble or a guiding hand on their lower back. Sensual touch can be as steamy or as silly as you two are! For example, my husband and I sometimes like to make it a competition and see how many “sexy touches” we can secretly get away with while visiting our families (sorry mom you had to find out this way ;)).
Please note, context is everything when it comes to touch. If your spouse is feeling overwhelmed, annoyed, or is not in an amenable mood, sensual touch is most likely not the best idea. These fun foreplay ideas are for situations where everything is going well and both parties want to add spice to their encounters.
Ideas for Fun Foreplay!
- As a husband, hug your wife from behind and let your hands linger for a moment on her private parts.
- As a wife, sneak your hands under his shirt and just a little bit into his pants.
- As a husband, put your hand on her inner thigh while sitting down. Let your hand wander a bit.
- As a wife, find an excuse to cut in front of him. Wiggle your butt near his penis.
- For either partner, sneak kisses in sensitive areas (like the neck, behind the ear, the stomach etc)
Fun foreplay is a great way to access our creativity and spice up our sexual life! These principles can guide you and your spouse as you seek to level up your foreplay game. For specific ideas, use the Intimately Us app . Find the sexploration list under the discover tab. Take the quizzes and compare your answers to your partners. Take time to figure out your own fantasies and your spouses. When considering how to seduce your spouse, spend time learning what makes them feel sexy. What makes you feel sexy? Use that amazing imagination and have fun playing with your best friend.
Written By Amanda Severson with Get Your Marriage On!
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