Shower sex! You’ve seen it in the movies. That steamy couple who finds themselves sharing a shower and making out and …
If you’re anything like me, you were super excited to try it out! But the reality of my first shower with my husband was slippery, cold, and ended up being more mundane than spicy. For a while after that, we stuck with utilitarian showers. We loved washing each other, but it very rarely led to anything else. However, I was not content with that. I was determined to find out the secret to shower sex. Here’s what I’ve discovered!
Why Would You Want to Have Shower Sex?
Before we jump into the ins and outs (pun intended) of shower sex, let’s talk about why you might want to try it.
Some people feel uncomfortable with the idea of shower sex. Others think it sounds impractical or not worth the effort. And that’s okay! Having sex in the shower (or anywhere else) is not a prerequisite to a great sex life. What is key to a great sex life is communicating and seeking to become more intimate with your partner. That being said, here are a few reasons I like shower sex:
- Mixing it Up
Often in committed relationships, we can find ourselves bored with the routine. We love our spouse, but have fallen into a rut sexually. We miss the excitement of the early days when every encounter was new. The answer here is not to throw in the towel. We can combat the doldrums by learning and exploring with our partners. Take the time to dream and discover what sexual expeirences you would like to have. Find out what turns your spouse on, and learn together about new ways to be sexual. For more on getting out of a sexual rut, read our post Fun Foreplay!
In addition to mixing things up, trying something new can help activate your childlike instinct to play. As children, we often nurtured the parts of our brain that are creative and linked to imagination and play. As adults, those parts of the brain can get neglected. Sex and intimacy is a perfect medium for adults to activate their “play brain” and be creative together. Playing not only helps your brain, but helps your inner child connect to your spouse. If you want more ways to be creative in the bedroom, try our podcast episode on play!
- Easy Clean Up
Another reason to try sex in the shower is that all “evidence” washes away. The shower is a great place to try new things, like a hand job or oral sex, as the water makes clean up easy. The shower can also mask smells pretty well. So, if you’re a clean freak like me, the shower may be a great option for getting sexy without stressing about the mess.
- It’s Sexy
For me, shower sex carried a very sexy connotation. I had seen it alluded to in my favorite rom-coms and TV shows, so just the idea seemed provocative and alluring. I wanted to try something that seemed a little naughty, and this hit the spot for me. Ask your spouse how they feel about shower sex. Their enthusiasm alone could make the effort worth it. If you don’t find the idea appealing, that’s okay! The beautiful thing about sex is that it is the best when we feel like our authentic selves. Don’t do anything that makes you feel disingenuous.
At this point, if you are still reading it’s safe to assume you are interested in shower sex. But how do you transform the necessity of getting clean into an arousing experience? You first need to set up, lead up, get up, and then (if you’re game) spice it up!
The first step to transforming your shower experience is a proper setting. Start by decluttering your shower! Get rid of all those shampoo bottles and the kids’ bath toys. Leave only what you might need, like a soft luffa and a nice smelling body wash. Set the scene with candles, flowers, and/or a message on the mirror. Get creative! (Just a suggestion: Aqua Notes is a great product to use to write sexy messages to each other. You could write a little message and leave it in the shower the day before to build up anticipation)
Set up also includes adding some practical items. Silicon based lube is pretty essential if you intend to try penetration in the shower. The water will wash away any natural lubrication and will dissolve other types of lube. We like to use the AstroGlide brand, but any silicon based lube with work. You may also want to add a shower stool to make positioning easier and a shower mat so you don’t have to worry about slipping. Some couples even like to add a suction cup handle to their shower wall as another precaution against slipping. Don’t forget a clean towel to dry off after.
Often, when we see shower sex on tv, one character will suprise the other by slipping into the shower after them. Although this can be a great idea, I find that to go all the way in the shower I need a little bit of build up. Usually when I’m showering, I’m thinking about my day and to-do list. It can be hard to transition from “I need to clean myself” to “sensual, steamy shower sex”. My advice would be to plan it in advance, and don’t use this as a time to clean yourself. Instead, focus on the sensations your body is experiencing and go with what feels good.
Start your seduction outside the shower. Make a big deal of taking your clothes off, or show up in a robe and invite your spouse into the shower with you. Start touching and making out while the water gets warm. Leave time for both you and the shower to get steamy.
Congratulations, you made it to the shower! The biggest rule here is to do what feels good. You could kiss each other passionately, with one person pressed against the shower wall. You could work more slowly, gently washing your spouse and slowly working toward their genitals. Don’t forget your silicon-based lube! Even though this shower session isn’t for getting clean, you could wash your spouse’s hair with a soothing scalp massage or wash their body with yours. Again, you can’t go wrong if you focus on what feels good!
Your biggest enemy here is going to be that narrow stream of water coming from your shower head. One of you may end up pretty cold if you aren’t careful. You can combat this by pushing the showerhead all the way up, standing very close together, taking turns in the water, or letting the shower run for a bit to build up steam. Unfortunately, even with all these tips someone may still end up cold. Remember, you can stop whenever you want! You could dry off and keep going outside of the shower. This is for you, so do what feels good.
Spice (it) Up
Now you are ready for penetration! Shower sex is great because it leaves so much time and opportunity for foreplay. If you want to focus on foreplay in the shower and then take it to the bedroom for penetration, then do that! Some couples also like to try oral sex or hand jobs in the shower. These options don’t need uncomfortable positions and are pretty easy to clean up in the shower. Communicate ahead of time about your expectations and maybe prepare some towels so you don’t get the bed all wet.
That being said, here are a few positions to try if you do want to “full send” in the shower!
If you have a bench in your shower, you can try having the husband sit with his wife on top, or the other way around!
If you don’t have a bench, you might want to bring a chair or stool into the shower with you. Have her lean over the stool and come in from behind. You may need to experiment with different heights to figure out which works best for your bodies.
As most couples have significant height differences, it is usually difficult to find a great position without a stool or bench. If you are both comfortable with it, you can both just sit or lay on the shower floor and play down there! Remember that this is about exploring and experiencing with your spouse! If it takes a while to figure out the best position or strategy, that’s okay! The goal should be to learn and have fun with your partner. If you had fun, it was a success!
Want more ideas? Here are some hot tips from the Get Your Marriage On! Team.
- Try penetration in the bathroom! You can step out of the slippery shower but still enjoy the steamy bathroom and feel a bit naughty doing it outside the bedroom. And tile floors are a lot easier to clean up than sheets.
- If you have a detachable shower head, running the water at the right angle on the clitoris can be quite exciting
- Lights off in the shower can feel super sexy (and naughty) too!
- Leave a note inviting your spouse into the shower. Or leave your underwear on the bathroom door handle and let them do the math 😉
- Sit on a bench or the floor with your partner in front of you, facing the water. Offer to “clean” them. Gently wash their whole body, starting from the scalp and slowly move toward the gentiles. Move into a hand job from there.
Written by Amanda Severson with Get Your Marriage On!
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