When I first started learning about fantasies, I assumed that if someone had a sexual fantasy, it must mean they wanted to act on it in real life. But I’ve since learned—that’s not always the case.
Sometimes, when a spouse hears their partner’s fantasies, they might assume it’s something their partner wants to do. But fantasies don’t always translate into real-life desires. In fact, many fantasies are exciting in thought but not something someone would actually want to experience.
For example, someone might fantasize about having sex in a public place because the idea feels thrilling—but when it comes to reality, they have no desire to actually do it.
When it comes to fantasies, it’s up to you to decide if a particular one is something you:
✅ Keep to yourself.
✅ Share with your spouse but leave as a fantasy.
✅ Share with your spouse and role-play (e.g., pretending you’re in public while in the privacy of your room).
✅ Share with your spouse and try out in real life (e.g., experimenting with new toys or exploring dominance/submissive roles).
Bringing up fantasies with your spouse can feel vulnerable, but open communication fosters deeper trust and connection. A simple way to start the conversation might be:
💬 “Hey babe, I’ve been thinking about some things I may want to try during sex to build our connection and add some fun. Can I share them with you and see if you’d be open to them? If not, I completely understand and respect your boundaries.”
The key to discussing fantasies is communication and consent—it’s about exploring together in a way that feels safe and exciting for both of you. No one should ever feel pressured into something they’re uncomfortable with. Some fantasies are best left as just that—fantasies.
If you want help starting the conversation, we’ve created a fun questionnaire below that explores common fantasies and how to navigate them with your spouse. Use it as a conversation starter and discover what you both may want to explore.
Here’s to embracing your desires with confidence! 😉
