The Complementary Nature of Male and Female Sexuality

by | Jun 11, 2024 | General Posts

Male and female sexuality are different, but they complement each other in beautiful ways.

I was standing in front of a group of 20 other couples, who had quickly become friends, at our last marriage retreat in March. It was the third day of the retreat, and I was leading a discussion about one of my favorite topics: improving sexual intimacy in marriage, specifically how to understand your own erotic nature better.

Understanding the Biggest Turn-On for Men

I asked the men in the room, “What’s the biggest turn-on for men?”

Without hesitation, John (not his real name) raised his hand and said, “Being with a woman that’s turned on.”

All the men in the room agreed and applauded. And he’s right. Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned therapist and researcher, backs this up: For men, being with a turned-on woman is the biggest turn-on.

Shifting Focus to Women’s Turn-Ons

And then came my next question:

“If the biggest turn-on for a man is to be with a turned-on woman, ladies, what would you say is the biggest turn-on for women? Is it being with a turned-on man?”

All the women laughed and shook their heads. That sounded ridiculous to them. For most women, seeing their husband super turned on and ready to go isn’t a turn-on.

What Women Really Find Arousing

If you were there, how would you have answered?

I was highlighting a critical difference between male and female sexuality. What is a turn-on to most men is NOT a turn-on to most women!

“So what is the biggest turn-on for women?” I asked.

“Knowing that I matter and am cared for just as I am,” said one woman.

“Being able to relax into my own body and not have to worry about taking care of someone else for a moment,” said another wife.

“Knowing that I’m attractive to him and that I am the reason why he’s turned on in the first place,” said another.

The women in the room were nodding in agreement now.

The Key Takeaway

The takeaway is that the biggest turn-on for a woman is knowing she is his turn-on and that she doesn’t have to caretake others during sex.


Try It in Your Marriage

Try this out in your marriage this week and let me know how it goes! Ladies, give yourself full permission to be the center of whatever pleasurable experience you want with zero guilt.

Understanding and embracing these differences can bring a deeper connection and fulfillment to your intimate life. So, take a moment to appreciate the complementary nature of your desires and how they can beautifully align to enhance your relationship.

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<h3>Dan Purcell</h3>

Dan Purcell

Dan and his wife Emily Purcell are the founders of Get Your Marriage On! They are on a mission to strengthen marriages by making lovemaking incredibly fun and deeply connecting. Dan is a sex coach. They are also the creators of the popular Intimately Us and Just Between Us apps that have been downloaded over 750,000 times. They are the host of the popular Get Your Marriage On! podcast with over 1 million listens. In addition to their coaching program, they host romantic retreat getaways for couples, and put on workshops on how to have a great sex life and deeper intimacy.Dan and Emily met in middle school and have been married for over 20 years and have 6 kids. Dan loves cracking dad jokes, running marathons, planning the next creative date night with his sweetheart, and enjoys the magnificent outdoors around their St George home.

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