If someone were to ask you what’s your definition of intimacy, how would you answer that question? And how would you explain to another person how to develop more intimacy in your marriage?
Also, how important are communication skills in an intimate relationship? What things interfere with our ability to communicate effectively with our spouses?
That’s what Dr. Dave Schramm and I talk about today. Dave and I go way back. He was one of the keynote speakers of my second Get Your Marriage On! Live event back in 2019. He’s a professor of Family Life in the Human Development and Family Studies department at Utah State University. He has his PhD from Auburn University.
What We Cover in This Episode
What actually is intimacy? My friend Dr. Dave Schramm shares my favorite definition: intimacy is “into-me-see”—letting your spouse see past the surface into your soul, and being willing to truly see into theirs. That kind of closeness takes vulnerability, which is why intimacy is more about will than skill.
We talk about how, in a world of constant screens, love is less about time and more about attention—one of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse. And Dave shares a principle I love: a happy “we” starts with a healthy “me.” Caring for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s an investment in your relationship.
He’s refreshingly honest about his own early-marriage season—newborn, grad school, work, staying up until 3am, feeling like ships passing in the night—and the changes that got both of them, and their connection, back on track.
Key takeaways
- Intimacy is “into-me-see”—mutual vulnerability and being truly known.
- It’s more will than skill: the willingness to open up matters most.
- In a screen-filled world, attention is a greater gift to your spouse than time.
- A happy “we” starts with a healthy, well-cared-for “me.”
- Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s an investment in your marriage.
To keep building this kind of closeness, explore what emotional intimacy really means, learn how to reconnect if you’ve become ships passing in the night, and read more on approaching intimacy with intention.
Want help bringing more attention and intention to your marriage? Our Next Level program can guide you.
