In the thick of raising children or building a career or juggling the many demands that life imposes on us, it’s easy for couples to feel like relationship matters have been put to the side. You don’t intend for this to happen, of course. It’s easy for things to feel so vanilla, routine, or monotonous between you and your spouse.
So how do some couples work through these challenges effectively? I love releasing podcasts episodes like this one, because these guests aren’t so-called “experts” that pretend to have everything figured out, they’re ordinary men like me and you. They have regular normal challenges; yet, their stories are inspiring because their insights are applicable to everyone.
My guests, Clint and Tony, were part of the latest men’s small group coaching program that I run periodically. You’ll get to hear all about their experience as well as other special insights that they’ve gained as a result of participating in this life changing program.
One thing I’ve learned over the years of doing this work is that men need men. When good men band together, committed to helping each other become better husbands and fathers, great things happen.
Registration is now open for our next cohort for our men’s small group coaching program, like the one Tony and Clinton just did. This 12-week program is limited to just 8-10 men, and it starts September 4. The program includes a comprehensive course and coaching to help you apply proven principles in your unique circumstances.
I’m absolutely certain this program is a good fit for you if you’re in an otherwise healthy relationship, yet feel like something is missing when it comes to intimacy. You’ll definitely uncover what’s missing and witness a transformation in yourself over the 12 weeks we meet together. All of these details are here on my website.
By the way we also have an equivalent women’s program starting in October, so check back for those details too.
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Episode 202
Dan: In the thick of raising children or building a career or juggling the menu to bands that life imposes on us. It’s easy for couples to feel like relationship matters have been put to the side. You don’t intend for this to happen. Of course, it’s easy for things to fill. So vanilla routine or monotonous between you and your spouse.
So how do some couples work through these challenges effectively? I love releasing podcasts episodes like this one, because these aren’t so-called quote-unquote experts that pretend to have everything figured out they’re ordinary men like me and you have regular normal challenges yet. There are stories are inspiring because of the insights that they share or applicable to everyone. Clint and Tony are my guests today.
They were part of the latest men’s small group coaching program that I run periodically.
You’ll get to hear all about their experience as well as any special insights that they’ve gained as a result of participating in this life changing program. One thing I’ve learned over the years of doing this work is that men need men when good men band together committed to helping each other become better husbands and fathers. Great things happen. Registration is now open for our next cohort for our men’s small group coaching program.
Like the one Tony and Clinton just did. It starts on September 4th. It’s 12 weeks long and is limited to just eight to 10 men. The program includes a comprehensive course and coaching to help you apply proven principles in your unique circumstances. I’m absolutely certain this program is a good fit for you.
If you’re in an otherwise healthy relationship yet feel like something is missing when it comes to intimacy. You’ll definitely uncover what’s missing and witness a transformation in yourself. Over the 12 weeks we meet together. All of these details are on my website@getyourmarriageon.com. Click on programs, then men’s coaching program. By the way we also have an equivalent women’s program starting in October.
So check the website for details there too. Speaking of which our upcoming retreat for couples in October is nearly full. We have just a few spots left that you can snag.
The dates are October 10th to 13th, but if you can’t make that work, the next retreat we have scheduled is March 27 through 30, 20 25. Couples who attend these retreats, walk away, empowered, inspired, and transformed. These couples retreats are like nothing else out there. Couples put away everyday distractions for a weekend and focused on what matters most they experienced, what it truly means to cherish and to be intimate with each other. All of these details are also available on the website.
Also in the month of September, it’s our sex timber and you are invited to join Emily.
Dan: And I am making sex timber September, the sexiest one you’ve had yet. And all those details are going to be available. If you download the intimately us app. And you’ll find that those details there
Hey, Tony and Clint, welcome to the Get Your Marriage On podcast. How are you today?
Tony: Doing good, doing good. How are you?
Dan: Great. Um, fantastic. And what a privilege it is to meet with you tonight and to talk about the things we’re going to talk about. It’s kind of fun that three grown men getting together, talking about why we love sex so much.
So, right? Right on. Right. real quick, we’ll go to Tony first and then Clint. Can you introduce yourself to everyone? Please talk about yourself and a little bit about your
Tony: family. Yeah, my name’s Tony. I’m down in, Georgia, here in the states. My wife and I have been married, uh, 13 years, 13 and a half years.
we have five kids, aging from 12 down to nine months. so we are always busy on the go and just loving living life right now.
Dan: That’s good. Great. And Clint?
Clint: Hey, yeah, so my name’s Clint. Um, I’m in Right next door to Georgia and Alabama. Uh, I’ve been married to my wife for 17 years. The 18th is June. we have four bio kids.
Um, 15, 13, and twin boys that are 11. We adopted a little girl March of last year, so almost been a year. Uh, she’s two and a half. She’ll be three in [00:05:00] May. we’re also foster parents. So we have three, I guess, siblings that are placed with us right now. So we’ve got eight kids in the house. You know, five of ours, but eight total in the house right now.
Um, but yeah, things are busy and loud and crazy and fun and all the, all the above. Wow.
Dan: Wow. And I have six children too. So here we are, right? Yeah. We’re in the thick of parenting and fatherhood and everything. Right. That’s right. Absolutely. Is it easy, in your experience, for men in this stage of life, like the stage of life we are all in, to feel a little lost in our marriage relationships?
Tony: I think it’s definitely easy, um, because Priorities get out of whack. and not necessarily on purpose, just naturally, you know, more kids, more demands, kind of deal. Mm
Clint: hmm. Yeah. You have the things that have to get done, and sometimes those, you know, kind of, you know, linger and don’t go away, and it’s easy to put something else to the side.
And unfortunately, that’s often the common thing, is your relationship with your wife, and then, you know, overall with your family. But yeah, I would agree, 100%.
Dan: Yeah, very good. so you’ve both been in the latest cohort of the men’s coaching program. I just want to hear, let’s go Tony first, then Clint. What was it like for you before you joined the program?
What was the state of your relationships? And, um, let’s start there.
Tony: Okay. For us, we were, kind of in a stalemate, I guess we would say in a relationship. Things were very, just status quo. a lot of people would kind of use the term vanilla, like just. loved each other and stuff, but it was just, there was definitely room for improvement.
Clint: Yeah. I would say for us kind of going back to the comment we just said, you know, everything else was taken priority. We, we had to get the kids taken care of. I mean, we had our own, we also had other kids that were in our home, that, you know, had, had to be taken care of. And it was easy to just put all that first.
And at the day, you’re exhausted. Like you just want to go to bed. You didn’t talk about the day you had, you know, you knew what was coming up the next day. Get up and go the next day. I start, you know, 5 a. m. You’re going again and, you know, you go all day long and you may talk about, hey, there’s an appointment and cross and pass, but it was easy to, you know, you’re always, you always had an excuse.
Oh, we can’t meet for lunch or we can’t go out for a date because we got this or, and it wasn’t that we were doing it on purpose. It just, that was the easy answer. Um, you know, it’s hard to get someone to keep the kids. Um, so I wouldn’t say things were terrible, but it was very evident that the priority was not where it should be.
And then. You know, saying, if, you know, everything’s not good with you and your wife and everything else kind of trickles down from there and you can start seeing just a stress that for us not connecting, you know, we get more frustrated at something that was something simple. I mean, whether each other, the kids, it was just all that carried over and became clear, that it was time that we had to put all that to the side for a minute and figure out getting us back on the right track and then everything else will come together.
Right.
Dan: So Clint , I’ve been there too. In a way, it feels like Groundhog’s Day. Right? It’s like a repeat. That’s a
Clint: good way to put it. I hadn’t thought about that.
Dan: I mean, there’s bright spots here and there, but the general going just feels a little, uh, a little mundane. Right.
Clint: Right.
Definitely. I mean, there were times that, you know, we would have to split. Tony and I were talking about this earlier, you know, I had, I took some here, she took some there and we crossed paths sometimes, but it was never like us intentionally less cross paths. Like, it was always, we just happened to cross paths because we had to change kids to keep going on the next errand.
So, yeah, it was, it was hard. It was hard.
Dan: And you two know each other before coming to this men’s group. How did you two meet each other?
Tony: We actually met each other in, uh, dad’s group, from another podcast, through a Facebook chat group thing from that. where they talked about different podcast episodes and stuff like that.
And we met on that, and I had already been listening to get your marriage on. And we have been using the intimately us and just between us apps. And I actually told Clint about those. and then, so when he was doing all that, this is when the men’s, Emails started coming out about joining the group and stuff.
And I was like, Hey, we should do it. And so we did that together. It was, it was nice going in with somebody you kind of already knew. Um, so complete strangers.
Clint: Uh, yeah, it was, it was, I mean, I can still remember it was a Sunday afternoon, I’m thinking September or first part of October that I did a post on this group of dads.
Um, I asked the question was asked now, um, but Tony and several people responded, but he was 1 of them. and then he mentioned these apps and the, you know, your, your podcast and your stuff and it just kind of went from there. And, I mean, we, I would not say we knew each other well before, but we knew who each other were and realized, oh, wow, this is really like, he was telling me he’s used to apps and, you know, how great it is.
So I went on and. Paying for the subscription of both of not, I didn’t want the one that’s free. I wanted the full, I went all in from the very beginning. Let’s go for the full version. Right. [00:10:00] Yeah. I’m actually headed on a work trip. I think when I downloaded them, I was headed to the airport on that trip and told my wife, I was like, got these, here’s the code for you.
and I mean, we kind of started just kind of connecting while I was gone, which is kind of interesting through the apps with her, um, kind of letting her look at them for when I got home. and then, I mean, it’s been ever since then. Yeah. It’s been magic
Dan: ever since.
Clint: Good.
Dan: So, uh, you two joined our men’s program, which there were about 10 men in our program.
This cohort, was it kind of weird or awkward joining on zoom with? Other men that you don’t know very well, at least in the beginning.
Tony: I think that’s kind of, um, a yes and a no to that one. Uh, it was kind of weird and kind of awkward, but then at the same time, not because sometimes the having to be open and share some pretty deep stuff can get a little awkward.
But then the fact that none of us really knew each other and we’re near each other and we didn’t have to see each other like at work or anything, definitely helped.
Dan: Yes. Uh huh. Yes. How about you, Clint?
Clint: Anything to add to that? Yeah, I would say almost the exact same thing. Like, I mean, I think anybody who signed up for it knew to expect this is not going to be easy.
And when I say easy, meaning we’re going to have to talk about things that we do not want to talk about. But just like Tony said, None of us are in the same city. I mean, Tony’s a couple hours away from me. So, you know, we talk, we still don’t see each other. but I think that makes it easier for people for us to break down that wall.
It’s like, well, this is safe. Like we’re all like, I’m going to hang up tonight and go to work tomorrow. They’re not going to cross the hall for me and say, Oh, I know what you just like, you know, like bringing it up and like, be quiet, like what are you talking about? Um, but then as time went on, I mean, I’ll be honest, like.
You start wishing everybody was close so that you could connect to see each other. I mean, like, it’s interesting how it changed. Like, at first, this is safe. This is weird and awkward. This is good. But then toward the end, you’re like, dang, like, I wish we were close. Like, you know, we all live, we can hang out and see each other.
So it’s kind of funny how it evolves throughout the weeks.
Dan: So, Tony, how would you describe the dynamic with 10 of us in
Tony: our group? we were like, we had kind of a wide age span with our group. we had some who I would classify newlyweds in that first three years, no kids kind of stuff. To like those of us in the thick of raising kids and parenting and all that to those who are empty nesters and having to Re establish.
What is the relationship now? That kids aren’t the center so to speak of their relationship. And so that was neat because Like from where I’m at, I got to help and kind of feed into the newlywed guys. But then the ones who have already gone through raising all the kids and stuff could feed into us. And it was just this very nice symbiotic kind of relationship going
Dan: on.
And if I can add a little to that, I loved seeing just us men gel together. Like, you know, in the first week, maybe the second week, there’s still a little like trepidation. But then once you realize Hey, we all have the same sort of vulnerabilities and we’re all scared of the same things and we’re all learning the same things.
All of a sudden there’s like a bond there that’s, that’s beautiful.
Clint: I think then what you just said is the key to that is that I think at least for me, especially like, just like Tony said, we’re all at different, but like, I’m not the only one going through this stage now and what I went through when I was 1st married, I wasn’t the only 1 then, even though I’m already past that, you know, hearing people and then looking ahead, like, it’s not going to end, but at the same time, I’m not the only 1 doing it and it finally makes all that real when someone else is on the screen saying the same thing And then maybe a couple of years ahead of you, a couple years behind you, like, this is, this is all, it’s okay.
It’s all normal. Like, it’s not me. And I think that’s huge. I think that’s huge as well with that, right?
Dan: As you reflect back on the last 12 weeks, Tony, what are some of the key ahas or insights that you’ve had for you and your relationship that you’re willing
Tony: to share? yeah, for us, perspective is a big one for me.
just kind of not airing our laundry on here. But, with some of the issues that we were overcoming. And facing through the time, making sure I was looking at it, just not from my point of view and trying to put myself in my wife’s shoes, so to speak. How, how is she dealing with this? Like, definitely being open and honest with my wife, cause there were several things that I was.
holding back, I would say to protect her so she wouldn’t have to deal with it or whatever. But really it was just because I didn’t want to open up and I didn’t want to be the one getting hurt, you know? And so having that open communication, that open dialogue, um, has been a definite game changer for us.
Gotcha.
Dan: So what you’re saying is just through it and reviewing it and the things we discussed, there was a point where you realized I can have more courage in this aspect here. I’ve been Holding back where I’ve been behaving out of [00:15:00] fear. I can step in here a little more full heartedly and honestly with this Absolutely.
That’s good. Great. How about you,
Clint: Clint? I would say that first part about being open and honest was also one for me. you know, there were, I mean, like I said, we’ve been married 17 years, and there were conversations that we had that we hadn’t ever had, and some of it was just, it just hadn’t ever come up.
Like, I never asked the questions, she herself had never asked the questions to me, or, kind of what he’s saying. I just didn’t want to. Answer them completely, because you don’t know how One how she gonna take it but I mean all honesty She took it better than I ever thought she would the things that we’re talking about like being honest like just being Then it turned her in the same way.
She started telling me things and I was like see like to myself I’m thinking well dang you idiot like why’d she wait 17 years? But Like, and I guess I had built into my head her response, and that wasn’t fair to her. Like, I assume she’s going to say this based on whatever I based it on. Um, so I think just being open and honest and having those conversations, but at the same time asking her as well, like giving her a chance.
To talk like I didn’t get on talking like I can let her do the same thing and not feel like I had to carry the burden of our relationship on my own either. Like, yes, I’m the man I have to leave our family. I have to leave our, our marriage, all that’s on me. But at the same time, I can share with her, like, this is really hard right now.
Like, I’m struggling in this and I need your help and support in this, which may impact us. Um, and that’s, that’s hard for a man to do period, I think. Yes. Something’s hard right now, like I’m struggling and this sucks and I need help, but to tell her and not that I want her to fix it, but just to her to be aware.
Yes,
Dan: to kind of share the emotional burden. Yes,
Clint: exactly. And then that in turn lends to her helping me in some other ways, take off the stress from something different. Um, that’s, that’s been hard. but it’s been great to do that. And then, I mean, again, you start asking yourself, you know, why is it you waited 17 years to do some of this and that’s not to say that things were bad before.
I mean, they were not. I mean, we’re 17 years and, you know, we’re great, but just it makes you wish you had done that earlier and how much better things would have been the whole time. Cause right now, things are awesome. I’m not gonna lie, things are awesome. I mean, we are probably at the highest we’ve ever been in our relationship ever.
And we have eight kids in the house and we’re still doing that. You know, we’re still, we’re still good. So yeah. those, that’s probably the two biggest things for me that I kind of had to wake up and either hear from other people or even just in some of our conversations we were having, like, okay, like you’ve got to do this, like you’ve got to come out of your shell, you’ve got to be.
You, you have to be open, vulnerable, honest, and you can’t, you can’t predict her response and you can’t control her response, but you got to give her a chance to
Dan: respond. That’s really good. That’s really good. So we have a format in our men’s coaching program Where you sign up in advance to be a hot seat in a certain night? Meaning, you know when you’re all kind of have the center of attention for the group And then the other nights you’re there to observe, what was it like being in the hot seat?
Tony: I was the very first person in the hot seat. Um, this class, it was very nerve wracking. because you don’t quite know what to expect a hundred percent. Um, Dan likes to throw curve balls every now and then. actually, and you think you’re going to know what’s coming and then it’s something different.
It’s very easy. I will say the first time I did it was very easy to get defensive, um, and put a guard up because I mean, it was literally, I think our second night together and I mean, I don’t know all these guys yet. I don’t like, Whoa, you’re getting a little too close for comfort there, fellas. But by the end, it was like, this is what’s going on.
This is our crap this week. You know what you got for me. Um, yeah. And, like, it just became more natural to open up and share and not get defensive because you learn the guys really do have your best interest in your marriage at heart when they’re talking to you.
Dan: Right. Good. Good. And then, Clint, what was it like not being in the hot seat, being just the observer that night?
What was that experience
Clint: like? I would say early on, probably a little awkward as well because you didn’t know. How open they were going to be either. And I mean, I mean, the only person who knew ahead of time was you, Dan. You’re the only one who knew what the topic was and the purpose. And of course in the hot seat, cause the rest of us are just kind of watching it unfold as we go and trying to suck up all the details.
Um, like you almost felt empathy a little bit from like, dang, this is hard. Like, and you can tell for some people, it was hard. You’re like, I’m glad that’s not me, but you also know your time’s coming. But at the end, by the time it was over, when that person’s session was over, everybody’s given. Feedback or saying, hey, that was me too, or this is how I did [00:20:00] that or asking questions if they had not been there asking questions of the people.
So they would kind of learn. Um, I think that was the part that was kind of cool was. After, you know, we talked through it with you, then everybody else had a chance to either comment or ask questions or give help. but it also kind of gave you a small insight into, into, into them as well. And saying this, you know, for example, Tony or whoever it would be is opening up and sharing that this is huge and this is hard, but I think at the same time, if you don’t do that.
You’re not getting anything out of it. I mean, like, we’re in this group for a reason. We want something to change. Like, we’re here for a change of something. Everybody’s something is different, right? The reason they’re there. So, for anybody in the future who would do this, I would tell them, yes, it’s hard, but anything, and I’ve told, I’ve told Tony this before, anything that’s worth having is hard.
I mean, if it’s easy, it’s not worth having. You haven’t worked for it. So, going through the Hot CD. Be open, be willing to share and get something out of it because otherwise it’s just gonna be a waste of time. and the other guys who were, you know, listening, dive in and, and help and, and learn and.
you’re up next, so, so get ready, you know. Right, right,
Dan: right. There’s a particular man in our group, not you two, another man, that had some extraordinary challenges. And I really admire how you two, Tony and Clint, kind of rallied around him and helped him. You’d text him, you’d call him.
This isn’t, this is like not an assignment or anything like that, this is just what you wanted to do. And what was that experience like for you being on that end of things?
Tony: for me, when, the guy shared his first hot seat and told us what was going on, um, it was, I’m gonna use the term heavy. It was a heavy, they were going through some heavy stuff.
Um, and I could relate to a lot of what they were going through. And so that night afterwards, I messaged him through the online app or whatever. and just said, you know, buddy, I’m here. I’ve been there. know what it’s like, holler at me if you need me kind of thing. and so we chatted a little bit back and forth that way.
And I was like, look, here’s my phone number, text me if you need to. And I’m super glad he did. He texted me within 24 hours and we have talked, several times. There were a couple of days in a row when it was really hard for him. And we were texting. multiple times throughout the day. and right now they’re still going through stuff and everything.
Um, and still here supporting them, giving them advice when we can give advice, checking in how they’re doing all the time. And for me on this side of it, It’s great because it’s, I know this sounds weird. It’s almost like it’s like my little brother. Like I really, I’m like, it’s just that kind of mentality.
I feel like, like, all right, this is my bro. I got to look out after him for a little bit, you know, help him out, give him some big brother advice, um, that kind of thing. Um, which, um, it’s been great. Like that was really something that surprised me about the group that I was, I was really surprised it would come out of the group until more individual.
Level
Dan: anything you want to add to that
Clint: Clint? I guess the only thing I would add would would be You know because I think he and I were the first on the hot seat the same night the first time And I had sent him a message again through the app and just saying are you ready for tonight? Like we’re you know, just just kind of just make it.
I mean, whatever and he didn’t tell me what the topic was, but he said I hope I am. And I said, Oh, have you not prepared with Dan? Like I thought he was being like, he was not, he had not given you the stuff ahead of time or something. And he’s like, I said, okay. And he’s like, this is just some heavy, hard stuff.
And I was like, Oh, okay. Well, thanks for the heads up. And I mean, I didn’t, you can’t guess what somebody’s going to say. Yeah. Yeah. So kind of like Tony said, when it was over, I was like, dude, I’m here. Like. That was huge for you to even share what you shared with us. Um, you know, while I’m not there with you personally, I’m here if you have any questions.
because again, kind of like what Tony and I said earlier, like, there were people all different, I guess, they’re a different stage. He’s behind us, but kind of like Tony, like, like, I can give you some advice, but at the same time, we didn’t really, like, I think it was week 2 or 3, I guess we’re week 3 of the actual, um, group, right?
He doesn’t know who I am and I don’t want to push him and be like I know everything and you don’t because I don’t know it all trust me. I don’t know what I’m here to But so it’s just the unknown of how’s he gonna take it and he was like, come on I want some more like you’re here here I am and we kind of got our group a group our group chat text going and Yeah, I mean it’s it’s been it’s not constant, but we’ll check in and you know, he’ll say Sums up whatever, and we’ll talk, or he’ll like, hey, he’ll reach out and say, can y’all pray for me now?
Or whatever. so it’s, it is been awesome. And I would agree with Tony. It’s an unexpected outcome at that level.
Dan: That’s good. That I had not expected. Someone once told me, everyone needs a mentor. They need peers and a mentee, someone there, someone else to [00:25:00] mentor. And I love that advice. Yep. And I think this group in a way provided all three.
All right, I want to hear, uh, what are some of the unexpected side benefits. side effects of taking this coaching program in this course. Let’s go Clint and then Tony.
Clint: I’ll give you one funny. Um, yeah, well, I guess go match just what we were saying about the other guy. Like that was one unexpected was kind of three of us and I’m kind of going for that, but I’ll give you a funny and I’ve told Tony, so he, he knows, but, um, You know, my oldest two were 15 and 13, and they are like grossed out.
They’re like, y’all are gross because like, we’ll kiss and make out in the kitchen or like, I’ll come up and grab her or whatever. I mean, nothing inappropriate in front of my kid. I’m not, I’m not that, but my oldest two were like, Oh, that is so gross. Would y’all stop? Like, would y’all just go to your room?
Like, whatever. And I think it’s. Awesome. I mean, I really do. Like, I think it’s crazy because I’m like, and I actually told my, my daughter tonight, I was like, I hope you have a husband one day. He will do that to you. Yeah, he will be that much in love with you that he wants to be affectionate and touch you, love you, whatever.
And not that we did do that before, but I think we’re doing way more than we used to more and more intentional. some of our conversations we had in the group, you know, it doesn’t have to always just be a certain time, but all day long, you’re showing love to your spouse. so I’ve, I’ve taken that to heart and yeah, there are probably some times that I, I mean, the kids are like, that’s disgusting.
Please stop. But I think it’s awesome. I mean, I think it’s awesome. Um, And not that we do it for them to catch us or see us, but I mean, I’ll walk up to her in the kitchen and come up from behind the hooker, I mean, kiss her or whatever. But yeah, so that was an unexpected, um, just for the kids to see something’s different.
I guess all that goes back to, the kids are aware something’s different. And they don’t know what, but they know something is different.
Dan: Yeah, and that’s your secret between you
Clint: and your wife. Right, I mean, and I’ve told Tony, like, oh, the kids are grossed out, and he’s like, good. Go like keep on like that’s what that’s our goal, right?
Like yeah, I mean, I think the benefit is the kids The kids are aware something has changed
Dan: Yeah, and deep down inside if they’re there’s they feel a little more secure mom and dad really like each other
Clint: And I’m like, I think it’s not for you to see your parents love each other, you know, right,
Dan: right, right hopefully deep down inside your daughter’s like Yeah, I want my future husband to do that.
Oh, I’m
Clint: sure she is. She’s just, she’s 13 and she’s like, that is gross. Like, why are you touching her all the time and kissing her and whatever? But, I think, putting aside the part that is funny, that they realize something’s there. And as they get older, they’ll start to click what that is. As they have relationships and they get older and mature.
Um, but, I’m okay with it. I mean, you know. Good. Go for it.
Dan: Good. Great. How about you, Tony? Indirect benefits from
Tony: the program. So one that’s really kind of looking over the whole 12 weeks back or whatever. my wife would be definitely the lower drive, not the initiator. I’m, I’m pretty much always the one that was initiating higher drive.
I mean, just the guy, but I’ve noticed when I look back over our progress. Through the work and the stuff that we’ve put in, not just on my end, doing this and doing the exercises and stuff, but the conversations we’ve had. It’s starting to balance out to where she’s opening up to stuff. She’s more receptive to flirting and, and I don’t mean like romantic flirting.
I mean like stupid middle school. Hey baby, how you doing? Kind of stuff. Um, and to the point where she’s actually initiating and it’s like a 50, 50 thing now, which is great, great benefit for me right now. It’s definitely, super nice.
Dan: Um, and you’ve shared with me Tony to hope it’s appropriate to share here.
You’re doing more adventurous stuff in the bedroom now than you have before because you’ve got a good relationship foundation. You can actually enjoy those things now. Yeah,
Tony: um, yeah, we actually did an exercise and I don’t mind saying this. one of the first exercises you gave me to do to open up to her was to sit down, just take a few minutes and write down all of my Thoughts or fantasies anything we wanted might try or interests or whatever and it’s kind of interesting We’re going back to that list now how many have gotten checked off over the past 12 weeks and I was uh, Okay, okay.
Uh huh.
Dan: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that’s good. That’s good And you know kudos to your wife too. She’s she’s courageous and stepping into this and she’s she’s doing her part, too But that’s fantastic any last words, uh, parting words you’d like to [00:30:00] give or advice you’d give to a man considering the program, but he’s on the fence, not sure if he’s going to do it
Clint: or not.
I would say just go all in. I mean, kinda like I said earlier, um, I mean, if you’re going to the point of taking a step to sign up for the course or the program, so you’ve already done the hard part to me. Like you’ve already made the decision, you gonna do this. So now that you’re in, you’re not gonna get anything outta it.
If you don’t call all in and the other guys in the group, whoever you’re in the group with, are not gonna get anything out of it either if you don’t go all in. so don’t, don’t hold back. Be open, be willing to receive feedback and also self reflect a little bit because I think it’s easy for people to say, you know, I have X problem and it’s all them.
It’s all my, it’s all my wife, whatever. But, you know, we have to take ownership of our own crap, too. I mean, you know, and some of that comes out of this group, and I think it’s great. I mean, there are things that I’ve realized, I mean, even, you know, just from my own hot seats, like, some of it is, was, the issue was how I was responding to something.
Like, I, like, I was controlling the, narrative that then created the problem. And if I stop and change how I responded to that, the whole thing is different. I guess be in a nutshell, go all in, be willing to grow. Otherwise you’re not getting much out of it.
Dan: So good. Great. How about you, Tony?
Tony: so I know that like, for me, one of the biggest benefits, um, don’t just rely on the weekly zoom meeting. You’ve got to go outside of that. You’ve got to get involved with the messages back and forth because it’s hard to cover a whole topic and get everybody’s opinion and stuff.
Um, one thing that really, I think, helped our group mesh in jail is before the official zoom meeting started, we were already logging on 10, 15, 20 minutes early and having conversation, like just normal guy conversations, back and forth, checking in and all that before we kind of got to work, so to speak, um, that.
really helped the cohesion of the group. it loosened us up a little bit. It wasn’t so stiff and rigid when people would talk or whatever. It was much more relaxing. I think that’s a big one. Um, I would echo, um, what Clint said. If you even have like an inkling that you might want to do it or whatever, you just need to do it.
Because that one little seed of doubt or whatever is, is enough to say, okay, there’s stuff that can be improved on in our relationship or there’s stuff I need to work on. and doing that, it’s a huge thing. Cause like, I thought I was going to come into this group honestly and be like, okay, I thought it was gonna be two things.
How do I fix my wife? And how do I get better at sex? Like, that’s what I thought was going to happen, but really that’s such a bad product of every, it’s really like, how do I own my own crap and take responsibility and alter the course. And that kind of aspect.
Dan: I love it. That is so good. Thank you very much.
Thanks, Tony. Thanks Clint for your time and for, for sharing your sextimony here. Very good. Thank you.
Now I have a tradition on this podcast that, I will read a review.
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