Last week, my family and I spent some time in Maui, Hawaii, and it was pure magic. There’s something about the island lifestyle that makes you slow down, breathe deeper, and truly appreciate the beauty all around you. Life moves at a different pace in Hawaii, where time isn’t something you chase—it’s something you savor.
This, of course, is the opposite of my regular life—like many of you, my days are full: calendars packed, goals to reach, people to guide. It’s a more fast-paced, driven energy—almost like New York compared to Hawaii. But what struck me during this trip was how these two energies—the slower, savoring side and the goal-driven, fast-paced one—are both essential. And they aren’t just essential to life; they’re also essential in relationships, especially when it comes to intimacy.
Let’s call them “yin” and “yang.” You could think of the “yin” energy as more like Hawaii—slow, receptive, and savoring every moment. The “yang” energy, on the other hand, is more like New York—goal-driven, energized, and focused on reaching that next milestone.
Couples often struggle because they haven’t learned how to balance these two complementary and interconnected energies in their relationship. They expect their spouse to match their energy style: to be like Hawaii as they are, or be more New York as they are.
For most men with more of a “yang” energy in the bedroom, their passion often thrives on the excitement of reaching a destination, like seeing their partner experience orgasm. It’s exhilarating, it’s direct, it’s achieving the goal. For many women who lean toward “yin” energy, it’s less about the destination and more about the emotional connection, the feeling of being chosen, cared for, and deeply seen. For them, it’s the moments of closeness and connection before sex that make the experience fulfilling.
Just to clarify, this isn’t about strict gender roles. Yin and yang aren’t tied to being male or female. There are plenty of men who excel at nurturing emotional intimacy, and many women who thrive on the passion of a milestone. The key is understanding that all of one energy isn’t a good mix in the bedroom, and neither energy is better than the other—they are different, but they complement one another. Like day and night, sun and moon, both are necessary.
So here is my black belt sex tip today: bring more of the yin or yang energy you naturally lean towards, and work to draw out the complementary energy from your spouse. This will lead to a deeper intimacy than neither energy can achieve alone.
