Summer is here (at least for those of us in the northern hemisphere!). School is out, and the kids, especially teenagers, are up late every night. Our regular routine is out of whack. We have travel planned and visitors coming to stay with us too.
During these busy summer months, it’s easy for intimate connection with your spouse to take a back seat. But it doesn’t have to be that way. This summer can be your hottest and most intimate yet!
Make Your Marriage Sizzle This Summer: Schedule Sex
My #1 tip for making your marriage sizzle this summer is to schedule sex. Here are three reasons why this works.
The Myth of Spontaneity
First, to some of you, the idea of scheduling sex may not sound sexy at all. After all, isn’t it far more romantic when it’s spontaneous and “just happens”?
The reality is, after you’ve been married a while, spontaneously jumping between the sheets doesn’t happen very often, if at all. You’ve reached a different stage in your marriage. You have lives full of responsibilities, children, work, volunteering, and other obligations. Besides, you’ve come to learn your spouse’s quirks, patterns, moves, and habits. There are no more secrets!
At the same time, don’t we pull out our calendars and plan our vacations, kids’ camps, doctor’s appointments, and everything else? Why not make sex a priority too and give it the time it deserves?
Redefining Obligation
Secondly, some couples struggle with scheduling sex because they see scheduling it as an obligation. I get it. Everyone can agree that obligatory sex is the worst kind there is. If that’s you, I want to offer you another way to think about it.
Ask yourself, what are you really scheduling? Is there a minimum level of physical contact you would generally never say no to, such as:
- A back massage
- A make-out session
- Cuddling while watching a show you both enjoy
- Enjoying a relaxing bath together?
That’s what you schedule then. Agree beforehand that in order for this plan to work, it doesn’t always have to lead to full-on sex. It’s about enjoying intimate connection with an important person in your life.
Easing Anxiety and Building Anticipation
Lastly, a benefit of scheduling sex is it helps the higher-desire spouse be less anxious, wondering when the next encounter might be. It also helps the lower-desire spouse plan ahead, anticipate, and even look forward to the time together.
So schedule it and enjoy the fireworks (in your bedroom)!
Join Our Virtual Retreat
Speaking of scheduling… on July 12-13, Emily and I are hosting a virtual retreat. You should come. You’ll feel left out if you miss it.
This retreat is the kind where you join from the comfort of your bedroom or a hotel room. We will guide you through a few really fun sexual practices where you are guaranteed to laugh, have fun, and learn more about your spouse!
I should also say that this virtual retreat is very sex-specific with a strong emphasis on making love (where it’s just as much about a deeper emotional and spiritual connection). This virtual retreat is different from our in-person retreats.
Here is a link to learn more: https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/
P.S. Communicating About Intimacy
If you struggle with communicating with your spouse about this, you might benefit a lot from our program. Many couples are getting real results. Check it out: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/
