Variety Adds Vitality (Sexpert Interview)

Variety keeps a long-term sex life vibrant. Sex therapist Laura M. Brotherson shares how to add healthy novelty—new ideas, settings, and senses like touch and sound—without turning to questionable resources, how female sexual wiring works through her “12 T’s,” and how to talk with your spouse about what’s okay and what isn’t.

Do you plan on staying married for the long haul while enjoying a passionate love life? Do you wonder if things get a bit repetitive or boring in the bedroom sometimes? Are you looking for healthy ways to come up with new things? Or are you concerned about establishing limits or how to handle pressure from your spouse to try sexual things you’re not comfortable doing?

This Sexpert Interview with Laura M. Brotherson is for you!

Welcome to this special Sexpert Interview Series with Laura M. Brotherson, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. She’s also the author of three fantastic books.

In this video, Laura covers topics such as:

• The importance of adding healthy doses of novelty and variety to your lovemaking route to keep your marriage strong for the long haul
• Her 12 “T”s that explain female sexual wiring
• Specific ideas on how to come up with your own ideas to add fun in the bedroom without needing to turn to questionable or damaging resources
• The importance of auditory arousal
• A discussion about what to consider when using lingerie, vibrators & sex toys, etc. in adding variety to your lovemaking
• How to have discussions with your spouse about what is OK and not OK in your marriage

Laura finishes the interview by offering a few “black belt” / advanced intimacy tips for couples wanting to take their intimacy to the next level.

Why does variety add vitality to your marriage?

It’s easy for lovemaking to settle into a familiar routine—same time, same place, same script. That predictability can quietly drain the spark. Laura makes the case that sex is a kind of secret weapon in a healthy marriage, and that intentionally adding novelty is one of the best ways to keep passion alive for the long haul.

Variety doesn’t have to mean anything extreme. Often it’s small shifts—changing the setting, slowing down, engaging different senses. Laura highlights auditory arousal in particular: what you say and hear can be just as powerful as what you see or touch.

How do you add healthy variety without turning to porn?

One of the most practical parts of this interview is Laura’s encouragement to generate your own ideas rather than reaching for questionable or damaging resources. You and your spouse already have what you need to keep things fresh—curiosity, communication, and a willingness to play.

She also walks through how to think about lingerie, toys, and similar tools, and—just as important—how to talk openly about what’s okay and not okay for the two of you. Her “12 T’s” framework (from her book Knowing Her Intimately) helps women embrace their own sexuality, starting with transforming how they see themselves as sexual beings.

To build on this, learn how to get in the mood and build arousal, try 20 simple ways to spice up your sex life, and ask for what you want in bed.

Looking for a fun, easy way to add novelty and connection? The Intimately Us app is full of ideas, games, and prompts to keep your love life fresh.

Check out Laura’s work at https://www.strengtheningmarriage.com

Follow us on instagram at @getyourmarriageon for more great content to strengthen your marriage.

If you prefer to listen than watch a video, check out our Podcast. Search for “Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell” in your favorite Podcast player.