What popular media has taught us
The media and stereotypical culture norms show that men are the ones usually sexually pursuing while the women are seducing and being pursued. Our culture is saturated with these tropes and themes: think James Bond, Indiana Jones, or many other shows that show this theme.
But what happens if you’re in a marriage where you, as the wife, find yourself often pursuing him? And he’s the one withdrawing, needing to be wooed? Or you’re the one with more acceptance and freedom about your sexuality, eager to explore and pursue novelty and sexual fun while he’s not so sure about his sexuality or has a lot of hangups?
Is it because you’re not attractive enough?
It’s common for women in these marriages to feel like they must not be attractive enough. You might have gone through a lot of effort to look and dress pretty (or undress) for the occasion and his rejection can really hurt. It’s disregulating to feel rejected, and you wonder what’s wrong with you. It’s easy to get reactive in these situations, and start a downward spiral. You may even be wondering what you can do to get him interested in you sexually, or wonder why he withdraws, encouraging you to pursue even more.
Let’s ask a therapist AND higher desire wife
My guest today is Dr. Laurie Watson. She’s a sex therapist and marriage therapist and also a married woman who is the one with more sexual desire and the pursuer in her own marriage. I figured she’s uniquely qualified to answer questions I’ve had about higher desire wives. I’ve found this conversation enlightening and refreshing. Laurie even gives very specific step-by-step suggestions on how to approach the subject with your spouse and how to build a better sexual relationship.
If you’re in a marriage where there’s hard feelings because of a gap between the pursuer or distancer, or find differences in sexual desire levels to be a sore topic, don’t stay there in misery. Get help. Check out Next Level, my coaching program for couples. You can meet with me and my team. It’s really affordable, flexible, has TONS of value, and geared towards busy couples.
Another option is our in-person intensive in Dallas Forth Worth Texas area this October. Our retreats are 4 days, 3 nights and are in-depth and challenging in a good way. They’re also really fun and romantic too! We have a few spots left. You can reserve your spot here!