“Dating is the worst!” said my best friend as she flopped onto my couch. She had been single for quite some time and considers herself pretty shy, meaning it takes a lot for her to go on a first date. I turned on the oven and pulled out the frozen cookie dough, ready to do some consoling.
“You’re so lucky you’re married and don’t have to worry about dating!”
Although I understood her point, I couldn’t help but clarify, “actually, dating is one of my favorite parts of marriage!”
I love dating my husband. A date could be anything from IHOP pancakes at 11 pm to a romantic getaway in Vegas. But it’s not the vacation (or the pancakes) that I like most. Continuing to date has helped us progressively deepen our intimacy and connection, as well as making our sex life better and better! Not convinced? Here are 3 ways dating your spouse can strengthen your marriage!
Why Should You Keep Dating Your Spouse?
- Developing Friendship
Think about the friends you’ve had throughout your life. What made you friends? How did those relationships grow or fade with time? Most people consider someone a friend when they spend time together, and when some of that time is meaningfully spent to grow the relationship. For example, not every coworker or roommate (who you might spend a lot of time with) is a friend because neither of you have put work into growing the relationship.
In the same way, your spouse should be your friend! Even after getting married, spouses need to set time aside to purposefully grow their relationship. Spend time together having fun, relaxing, doing something silly, whatever sounds best for you! At some point, you and your spouse became friends (that’s why you got married) so you can do it again!
- Continuously Learning About Each Other
People change over time. Maturing and having different life experiences will cause you and your spouse to grow throughout your life together. This scares some people; they get worried that their spouse will develop into a stranger. But you don’t have anything to worry about if you are continuously getting to know your spouse. And the best way to do this is regular dates where you spend time just the two of you, having experiences together!
- Setting Your Spouse as Your Priority
Lastly, a regular date night will let your spouse know they are your priority. More than our words, we show our priorities by what we put time and effort into. Setting aside special time for just your spouse will show them (and help you remember) that this relationship is the most important.
For more information on dating your spouse, and how to make it happen, check out our blog post Prioritizing Date Night!
How Is Dating Sexy?
So now let’s talk about sexy date nights! I know it can feel intimidating to have to come up with something “sexy” to do, and I don’t recommend every date night be a particularly sexy one. Like I mentioned, date night could be any number of experiences that help you and your spouse grow your friendship, get to know each other, and show priority.
However, a sexy date night every once in a while can be amazing! Planning a whole date around sex can give you and your spouse time to transition into feeling sexy. These dates can be great foreplay and awaken the imagination. Sexy dates are also a great way to shake off anxieties and turn being sexy into play time with your spouse!
Planning a sexy date ahead of time can help set the atmosphere, make sure you are taken care of (i.e. reminds you to clean yourself, eat a good meal etc) before you start, and can simply be really fun!
Sexy Date Ideas
Dessert’s On Me
Prep: Prepare an area ahead of time so you don’t have to be worried about making a mess. For example, lay a plastic sheet over the bed. Buy some of your favorite foods; like fruits (i.e. strawberries, cherries, bananas), chocolates, whip cream, or even honey or chocolate sauce if you don’t mind getting a little dirty. Help your spouse get excited by sending them flirty text messages, maybe with a hint of what you’re planning (ex: “Tonight, dessert is on me!”).
Date Time! Maybe start with a nice dinner together, then invite them to the bedroom to have “dessert”. Have one person lie down and add small amounts of food to wherever they want their spouse to explore. Invite them to come, “have a taste”. Take turns being the “dessert table” until both of you are satisfied.
**Please note, it can be risky to put food in your vagina. It is best to keep any food items (especially sugary ones) away from that area.
Lingerie Fashion Show
Prep: Pick out some of your sexiest outfits! These can definitely include lingerie, but the only limit is what you feel sexy in! Invite your husband (or wife!) to a very exclusive sexy fashion show. Create a space for you to show off. You could even dim the lights, or add a mirror so you can see yourself (note: if this will make you more self conscious, then don’t do it!). Pick out a song or two that makes you feel hot. Do your hair and make up, or whatever helps you feel attractive.
Date Time! Show your spouse to their seat and set some “ground rules”. These could be things like, “no touching” or “no photography”. You could also give your spouse a flashlight to be their “spotlight”. Start the music and get on with the show! Strut around in your outfit, maybe taking a few pieces off. Lightly touch him, and remind him he can’t touch you. Change outfits out of sight, and then do it again! Encourage audience cheers or cat calls 😉
Prep: Dress like you used to in high school (or maybe how you wished your mom would’ve let you dress). Plan a date that reminds you of high school. Maybe it’s a drive in movie, maybe it’s ice cream at Baskin Robbins.
Date Time! Pick up your date! (Walk up to the front door and knock). Have a fun time relieving old memories and see if there’s any stories from high school your spouse doesn’t know. Slowly make your move. Start by kissing, then making out in the car. “Sneak” back into your house. But be quiet, you don’t want her parents to catch you! See if you can go all the way tonight.
Prep: All you need is two pieces of paper, something to write with, and your wits about you. Wear about the same number of clothing items as your spouse to make it fair. Again, you can build anticipation by trash-talking each other during the day (“boy, I am so getting you naked tonight”).
Date Time! Each person thinks of about 12 or so facts they think their spouse doesn’t know about them (For example: the name of your third grade teacher, the street you grew up on, what color shirt you wore yesterday etc.). Take turns asking your trivia questions. If you answer wrong, take something off!
Sexy Twister (and other Intimately Us games!)
Did you know the Intimately Us app has bedroom games? Spend a few date nights playing around with your spouse, Try out our sexy twister game to discover all the ways you can get “tangled up” together! Or play Connect 4-play and be the first to make a “sexy move”. Want more options? Upgrade to premium for even more bedroom games!
Continuing to date your spouse will help you deepen your friendship, better understand each other, and prioritize your spouse. Sexy date nights can add fun and spice to your relationship and your sex life! Download the Intimately Us app for more sexy date ideas (for free!) and Get Your Marriage On!
Written by Amanda Severson with Get Your Marriage On!
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