Date night is easy to make a priority before we get married. But once we’re married, we start to forget the importance of spending time together in a dating scenario. As divorce rates go up, a big reason for that is not continuing to date each other and spend time together. When you don’t spend this time together, your communication begins to wane and communication is essential to a healthy marriage.
One of the ways to increase your communication with your spouse, is to go on dates with them. These can be all sorts of dates- at home, out on the town, or even little vacations. Continuing to date is essential to progressing within our relationships and our ability to communicate.
How to Date Your Spouse
Pay attention to the little things your spouse does for you and thank them for it. We tend to take the little things our spouses do for us for granted, not always noticing them. As you start to pay attention to and thank them for these things, you will start to notice more and more of the good things they do for you. Amberly Lambertson, an expert in prioritizing date night with your spouse, recommends getting a gratitude journal and writing 3 things every day that you are grateful for that your spouse did for you, your home, or your family. Consistently doing this will increase your communication and make it easier to enjoy your time together when you do go out on a date.
When spending time with your spouse moves off of your to do list and becomes something you want to do, your intimacy will become more rich. There should never be a “you owe me” vibe that comes along with your dating and intimacy. Work together! Find things you both like and want to try, then go do them! Your dates don’t have to be anything crazy. Perhaps there’s a meal you would like to try, so go ahead and find a recipe for it and make it together at home. Or go try a normal date idea but add a spin, such as our rollin’ and bowlin’ date night found in Intimately Us app that puts a fun new spin on a normal game of bowling.
Dating with Young Kids
At home dates will become your best friend when you have young kids. Take advantage of the times when your kids are in bed before you or set them up with an activity to distract them while you have some fun time with your sweetheart. When your kids are old enough to all be in school, take a day off of work together and go do a fun day date. You may just want to stay home and enjoy some time with your hunny and no kids around. Or maybe you’ll want to get out on the town, go to a museum, a fun restaurant, or have a picnic. It’s up to you, whatever interests the two of you!
One of the hardest parts of dating with kids is finding and working with a babysitter. However, there are a few tricks to working well with a babysitter. Be sure to book them early. Plan your date times at the beginning of the month and find a babysitter then, even if you don’t know what you will do for your date night at that time. You don’t want to be scrambling for someone to watch your kids at the last minute, and will be glad to have them in place when it comes time to get out on the town. Maybe try a friend swap! Have several friend families with kids around the same age as yours. Then take a week each where you watch the kids. During all the other weeks, you get to go out while your kids go to one of the friends houses. How fun!
Amberly’s 3 Favorite Date Ideas
Amberly Lambertson has TONS of fun date ideas! She even wrote a book with date ideas written out in ways that help you know when and where to do it, at all different times and circumstances of your life. Her book is called “Prioritizing Date Night in Your Marriage”. Check it out for more date nights like the 3 favorites she shares below.
- Music Memories- if you don’t both have all of your music digitally, get it digitized. Then set aside some time (at home, in the car, waiting in line, wherever!) to go through your music and talk about your first albums, concerts you’ve been to, your current favorite song, and any other memories that songs on your playlist may bring. Turn on some of your music in the background and just really take some time to talk to each other!
- A Trip Down Memory Lane- Do dates that bring back good memories. Maybe try and recreate your first date, or the date where you first said “I love you”. Watch movies you watched while dating that you may have introduced each other to. Do things that take you back to that strong spark you felt while dating.
- Date Night Bucket List- Create a yearly bucket list to complete for date night. Put on restaurants or places you are always saying you want to try or go to. Add activities you’ve always wanted to do but never have. Then cross them off throughout the year as you complete those date nights!
Black Belt Tips
Remember that intimacy isn’t just sex. There are different types of intimacy! There is physical intimacy, of course,but there is also financial intimacy, emotional intimacy, recreational intimacy, and so much more. Explore the different types of intimacy that can bring you closer together! Find ways to be intimate in all areas and keep communication flowing through your marriage. Focusing on all of these different types of intimacy will ultimately increase your physical intimacy as well.
Like what you read? Be sure to listen to the full podcast episode here and download the Intimately Us app, the fun and sexy app for your marriage! It’s full of games, connecting activities, and ideas to increase connection and pleasure in the bedroom.