I love helping couples through Get Your Marriage On to help them through challenges, to overcome issues in intimacy, and to walk away with feeling like they have a brand new lease on their marriage and realizing how much joy and fun that a good sexual relationship can bring.
And one such couple is who I have on my podcast today: Jennifer and Jeff (names have been changed). They’ve been very generous and vulnerable to share their experience with their marriage journey with you.
Some things to listen for:
- Oftentimes the challenges we face in marriage are because we don’t want to look at the truth of something.
- We often try to manage people–sometimes it’s through beating a person down or sometimes we feel like we’re doing it out of love, but either way is self-serving.
- How to develop better emotional connection (even if you’ve been married a long time)
I hope this episode inspires you to look a little bit deeper within your heart and to build a stronger emotional and intimate connection with your spouse. This is a special episode and I’m grateful you get to hear it.
News and Resources
Free Live training on April 10th
Free Masterclass: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives in Your Marriage (Without Therapy or Pressure) – Get a jumpstart in overcoming desire obstacles
Get Your Marriage On Program – The perfect solution for couples to get the education from the retreat but on your own timeline. Besides education, you get the benefit of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a community to support you in your journey.
Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.
Transcript
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors or inaccuracies. For the most accurate and complete experience, we recommend listening to the full podcast episode.
Episode 233
Dan: You know, I really, really love my job. I love helping couples through get your marriage on to help them through challenges, to overcome issues in intimacy, and to walk away with feeling like they have a brand new lease on their marriage. They walk with more gratitude. They praise God in the process. They find each other and they, it’s like unlocking a new area in their house, this new area that never knew existed about how much joy and fun that a good sexual relationship can bring. And that’s who I have on my podcast today. This is good friends of mine, Jennifer and Jeff. Their names have been changed to preserve their anonymity, but their story is true.
They’ve been very generous in coming on very vulnerable for them in sharing their experience with their marriage journey with you. There’s a lot of things they point out in this episode you’re about to hear that. I hope you listen for. The first is, oftentimes the challenges we face in marriage are because we don’t wanna look at the truth of something.
Something is painful, it hurts, but we don’t want to give it the attention it deserves because. By recognizing it means we have to admit to something within ourselves. We don’t wanna admit you’re gonna hear a lot of that in their story. Another thing is about managing other people and sometimes you do it through being a bully or kind of beating them down, or sometimes you do it through, you know, trying to take loads off of them in the act of love.
But really it, there’s a self-serving interest in that. You’ll also learn about emotional connection and how even. Quote, unquote, old people can learn new tricks as, uh, Jeff is about to say in this episode and how emotional connection looks. And last of all, there’s tremendous amount of freedom and peace.
I’m doing a live training on April 10th on this topic, and you’re invited to join me live. I’ll drop the signup link in the show notes below.
I hope this episode inspires you to look a little bit deeper within your heart and to build a stronger emotional and intimate connection with your spouse. This is a special episode and I’m grateful you get to hear it.
All right, Jennifer and Jeff, welcome to the Get Your Marriage On Podcast. How are you today? Good. So good to have you. I’ve known you for a long time. I love your story and you’re an inspiration to me and our listeners are in for a treat as they get to hear about you two today. But first, let’s introduce you to our listeners.
How did you two meet?
Jennifer and Jeff: Well, we’ve, um, we’ve been together a long time. in fact, we’ve been married 42 years and, um, obviously I, I was seven and she was 17. But we’ve made the age, age gap work,
Dan: uh
Jennifer and Jeff: about three, we’re two years apart, but we had been together, been together a long time and we knew each other, from the time we small town, so our families knew each other a very, very.
actually came together in kind of a strange way. I was dating her best friend and
Jennifer had, a surgery and, uh, her friend my date, and I went to visit with her. Well,
my girlfriend falls asleep. Well when she falls asleep. Uh, Jennifer and I just continued to talk for like an hour and a half and
um, that was just the beginning of the end.
I mean, it was just sparks and, and the rest is history. we took off from there. So basically, you know, she stole me from her best friend.
Dan: Nice. Fast forward a few years, and I know something about your story, but there’s this point where you’ve kind of hit rock bottom where things got really difficult in your relationship. Can you describe what that was like?
Jennifer and Jeff: well, four.
Um, for the first, uh, 30 years of our marriage, you know, I worked outside of the home in sales, and so I worked, you know, long hours, long weeks, and Becky stayed home and, and raised the kids. you know, things, were okay. Uh, just I guess because I wasn’t there that much. and so you know, I left the corporate world and we went into, went into business.
We’d already started when, when I.
So she was, she was starting the business. She was running it [00:05:00] day to day. Well, when, when I quit and came home, you know, all of a sudden we’re together 24 7. In fact, our desk, our desks were butted up, you know, head to head. So, you know what a transition I was going through the transition of, separation and identity crisis, because, you know, I’ve been tied up in this identity all.
Dan: Thank you guys. Mm-hmm.
Jennifer and Jeff: Jennifer, had been the boss. And here I step in and say, okay, I’m here. Um, you know, I’m taking over. Well, you know, that didn’t work so well. And so that was really the beginning of about, 10 years of. Really tough times for us. you know, again, I was trying to find myself, we were in a growing business.
We were together 24 7 so, you know, there was just a lot, a lot of friction.
the, the intimacy side of our life. You know, I was,
um, always
wanting for more. I, I felt like, That I wasn’t getting enough, um, in, in all areas. you know, the, the erotic side of your, of your intimacy,
you know, really wasn’t where I wanted it to be.
the frequency wasn’t where I wanted to be and so, you know, I blamed her. I. You know, she’s broken. Mm-hmm. We, if we could fix her, everything would be good. Right. Because, because I’m, you know, I’m perfect, right? We can fix her, you know, life is gonna be good. So, you know, I pressured and pressured and pressured, and that just doesn’t work.
and, and we struggled for, you know, like I said, probably a good part of 10 years. And it was just like a, it was like being on a, on a, a treadmill. you just continued and you just kept getting the same result. The def
definition of insanity. And we were li we were living it because we would follow through the same cycle over and over and over again.
And, you know, we go days without talking. we would come back together. You know, we, we clearly, you know, love each other very much, very committed. we never let quit be part of the, the equation. We certainly could have many times. but. Anyway, we, we listened to, podcasts. We, uh, went to counseling.
We counted, I think we went to seven different counselors over that period of time. Wow.
Never finding the answer. just never really related to what it was we were truly going through. And, um, we never found the answer. We never happy.
Dan: Same.
Jennifer and Jeff: That just didn’t, didn’t take us anywhere. I agree the hard part for me was always being compared to be the low desire person, so I really believed that. I was the problem. I was the issue. And if I kept working hard enough, I would figure it out. and then the more demanding Jeff got, the more I would pull away. And, it became a chore.
The intimacy became core, and then with adding the business into it, It just created a lot of friction in our marriage. Not only outside of the bedroom, but inside the bedroom. It was hard to separate the two. And then, I agree. Counseling, counseling. And you had made a statement one time, in one of your podcasts or next level, I can’t remember.
Well, you had read a book and highlight it and set it next to your wife’s bed and read this, read this, read this. Well, doing the same thing to me, shoving all this stuff at me. And then I’d read it and say, well. Jeff, you need to read this ’cause this applies to you more than me. So I think basically we’re both pointing our fingers at each other and not looking within to fix the problems.
Dan: So it became a power struggle
between the two of you. Who’s gonna prevail here? Who’s, who’s the louder
voice? Who’s, who’s right,
who’s wrong? And it’s always the other person, not yourself. And it just keeps perpetuating. Right. What things did you try in that that didn’t work? Maybe, you know, you’ve touched a few things like the book and the podcast and some counselors, but is there anything specifically that you did that you walked away from and you were worse off as a result?
Jennifer and Jeff: I think, Some of the counseling actually took us down paths that were not helpful at all. Um,
Dan: Oh yeah.
Jennifer and Jeff: one, one had suggested that we abstain for 30 days completely. No physical relationship, and I think that was bad advice.
Dan: Okay, great. Why was it
Jennifer and Jeff: I certainly thought, I certainly thought.
Dan: two of you? Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Jennifer, I wonder if you’re like, yes. Yes. What a great counselor we found. We need to them a tip. That was great. And Jeff’s like, she’s fired.
Jennifer and Jeff: It was a duty in.
Dan: Any other bad advice that you received?
Jennifer and Jeff: You know, I, we, we, we got a lot of advice. some of the advice was just, you know, just keep, just keep swinging. But when you keep swinging and you, you’re, you’re using the same tools over and over and over again, and so you’re swinging, but you don’t know what you’re swinging at.
And, it just, it did obviously we, we failed and, and we failed. Felt like we failed over and over and over again trying different things and we continued to fail and, you know, we really started to look within and say, you [00:10:00] know, you know, what’s wrong with us? are we meant to be?
You know, obviously we’ve tried everything, all of these really smart people have told us to do and nothing’s working. So,
Dan: Yeah.
Jennifer and Jeff: um, our marriage is broken,
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer and Jeff: lemme back up just a hair. We got along in every area, raising our children, the way we budget money, the way we come at business, the way we come with our church, our foundation, our faith.
But the one thing that we could not agree on and come together on is our intimacy. And, you know, and it was always just, He was higher desire, I was low desire. So we just have to figure out how to make it blend and Once we figured out the solution, it changed things. But that was kind of where we were at.
It was just everything else was fine, but man in that bedroom, it was just a disaster for us. That’s a good point. We, we could, we could have an argument or a disagreement or a fight over. Something work related or kid related or whatever. But we thought so much alike in those areas that we were able to put that back together and heal that up really quickly.
but then the one, you know, thing, the one catalyst, the intimacy side of our life, that was just a hot button. I mean, it was, uh,
it would fester and, and, you know, those would go on for days and, and, you know, that was, that was really, uh, the source of our struggle. Well, and every time we’d have an argument, I was always thinking, you know, what’s wrong with me?
Or aren’t I good enough? Aren’t I enough? And it was all those head trips that you get with a lower desired or what I thought, I wish we wouldn’t label us like that, but, but we thought that, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I have that same sex drive or, want for that intimacy all the time that he does?
So it was a struggle for a long time. Thank you.
Dan: you. And then what happened next?
Jennifer and Jeff: Well, I mean after, that 10 years of struggle, which just takes us up to a couple of years ago, you know, we wandered into, in our search, we were constantly searching for answers in our search. we found your podcast and, get your marriage on. Yeah.
Dan: Yes.
Jennifer and Jeff: we,
You
know, I think, I think I started first mm-hmm.
Um, found it and started listing and saying, boy, this, this makes so much sense. You know, we’ve never,
we’ve never heard it like this. and so I, you know, I, I gave it to Jennifer and I said, you know, just this is faith. And she was always wanting faith-based material. And I, I
said, this is, this is faith based.
Would you listen to it? She did, and we concurred that. Wow. I think we’re onto something here. And then from that point, we became junkies to the podcast. I mean, we, we just listened relentlessly. And, it was, uh, the beginning of, Where we are today, and it’s been an absolute miraculous, conversion or turnaround in, in our married life.
I mean, um, I wish, you know, you can look back and say, gosh, I wish we had found this, you know, 10 years earlier we wasted so much time. But you can’t do that. You, you move, you move forward from where you are today. And, um, and then we went to the retreat, a year ago in Utah.
And you know, that actually all kind of opened up a can of worms, but it led us to where we are today. I mean, it was actually kind of a difficult time because, you know, I found things that I thought, okay, aha. You know, that’s it. That’s me.
Dan: huh.
Jennifer and Jeff: And that’s what’s wrong with her. That’s what’s wrong with you.
So, so I was using my same old tools. but yet
Dan: I hope she’s listening to this right
Jennifer and Jeff: Exactly.
Dan: All, uh, Jennifer’s elbowing, Jeff, like, I bet he better be paying
attention to this.
Jennifer and Jeff: And, but yet we came away from it. there was so much to build on. I mean, it was truly part of the journey.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer and Jeff: after that, we had counseling sessions with you. We’ve had them with Amy and both of you have, uh, just, piece by piece, you know, brick by Brick helped us just tremendously I think one big thing about the next level, weekend is we really found out how far apart we were in our communications and our interpretations. Because one of the exercises we had at night was what stage?
You’re at, Jeff’s was thinking he, we were at a four and I was at a two. And that night he was, I remember that night he was just devastated of the way I felt. But that, I think that was the catalyst that made us both realize that we had some real work to do. but That course that weekend taught us really how to communicate and get back to that basic level, like Amy says, it’s like remodeling a kitchen.
You’ve gotta tear back the old linoleum, get to the foundation and start rebuilding again. And so I think, you know, that’s what Next level has done for us was. We had to tear all the garbage out, which wasn’t fun or easy. And then rebuild and rebuild through communication and, through your course. And there’s a lot of exercises that you guys talk about that are truly, truly, truly foundational in learning to [00:15:00] communicate and listen to each other, which all intertwines with outside of the bedroom.
And then your intimacy just gets so much better through those exercises. Well, we were at the retreat. I, I actually had an opportunity to counsel with Greg of a session, Uhhuh, and I, I remember he, he told me, he said, you know, he said, because he, he’d lived it, he’d been through it. And he said, you know, he says, if you can get to the other side, he said, you’re gonna be blown away by, your wife.
I said, I said, Greg, you have no idea what you’re talking about. You have, you don’t know my wife. Right. Looking back, he was spot on. He couldn’t have been more true and right.
Um, because once we came out, um, and again a a, a number of coaching sessions and, and putting the pieces together, you know, when I finally realized that.
I can’t fix Jennifer. I can fix me. and all these years, you know, I’ve been pointing the finger out instead of back and I started working on me and working hard on me. our life changed dramatically and, you know, with no expectations, um, just, just, just genuine work
on me. And, I’ll tell you, I mean, it’s been absolutely life changing.
our relationship is spectacular. Um, everything that I had ever hoped for or dreamed of. And she is anything but low desire.
Dan: Right.
Jennifer and Jeff: And that’s why we’re here today. I mean, this isn’t something, you know, we’ve, I told you earlier, earlier that we’ve listened to hundreds of podcasts and never in our wildest dreams thought that we would be the podcast. And, um, so, you know, we’re just here because somebody out there may hear this and resonate with, with our story and know that it’s not hopeless, by any means, that there is hope.
And that, you know, the other side is amazing.
Dan: If you’re willing, I wanna dig a little deep deeper into this.
Jennifer and Jeff: Absolutely.
Dan: Often what happens in marriages when there’s difficulty is there’s inconvenient truths. That we turn away from, that we kind of ignore because facing them means some painful realities that we don’t want to accept. And because of that, it’s so much easier to turn a blind eye to that and look to our spouse as the, the problem or other things, or blame the church or whatever people or their parents or whatever people do, uh, rather than really look inward or look at what it is. Can you name maybe two or three of the. Inconvenient things that you had to finally face and accept that were probably painful once you finally did accept them. You alluded to one when you’re at the retreat and Jeff was like, no, we’re at a four and Jennifer’s no, added a two. Whatever that meant to you in that moment.
It was like a wake up call that we’re a lot further off than we thought we
Jennifer and Jeff: Yeah.
Dan: That’s like an example. Are there others that kind of, as you unpack this over the last year or two that you faced?
Jennifer and Jeff: One of the big things, Dan, when I was counseling with you, we were talking about how I handled and I manage him,
Dan: Yes,
Jennifer and Jeff: and you had made a comment
Dan: and you didn’t like
Jennifer and Jeff: No, because, you know, I thought it was out of love because I cared about him and I didn’t want him to go through this emotional rollercoaster and if I just took care of everything.
He was gonna be fine, be fine. And you told me that that was being selfish and that was probably the hardest piece of advice that anybody ever or, um, admitting that
and hearing that. And once I took away and I went and thought about it, I thought, you know, Dan, you’re right. I was being selfish ’cause
I didn’t wanna have to deal with the moods and I didn’t have to deal with all of that. But yet, once I learned that I was, not allowing him to experience deep emotion and deal with his own emotions, I was robbing him of, a lot of his own intimate feelings by managing him. So once I let go and let him manage his own, if he was having a bad day, I love you.
I would come and touch him and give him a second, let him know I’m there. But it was up to you to get in a better mood.
Dan: I bet that was really hard for you to
Jennifer and Jeff: Yeah, because I’m a manager, I take care of everybody and everything and I’m still working on that. But
Dan: Uhhuh
Jennifer and Jeff: that was really hard for me hearing that. ’cause I, all these years I thought it was because I love my husband so much.
Dan: I wanted take care of everything and find out I.
Yes, yes, Jennifer. There’s that, uh, self betrayal piece that, that you goes in when you try to manage other people’s emotions. You giving up the higher version of yourself temporarily. and it doesn’t [00:20:00] serve the greater good. It doesn’t serve the marriage,
Jennifer and Jeff: and then you build up animosity and then you build triggers and you don’t really know where they come from, but once you digest it and go back, like you said, go back to that foundation and getting rid of that dirty linoleum, it makes a lot of sense.
Dan: Great.
Jennifer and Jeff: That’s another one?
I, I don’t know if this perfectly applies, but what I think of.
I guess they were triggers, but if I was stressed, I wanted sex. If I, had a bad day, I wanted sex. If I had a good day, I wanted sex. I had all of these. And, that’s selfish and, and I was being selfish because then I would apply pressure, when you, uh, again, work on yourself and start to recognize those, those triggers and deal with them.
everything changes when you give, um, your wife the freedom to find herself. and then also take that pressure off. And just give her, empathy and loving support. it’s just a, it’s a game changer. And so, but it was a very difficult and painful thing for me to look at myself and, and, and realize all of those triggers, all of that pressure, how selfish that was really.
and again, in another part of this is, and I’m getting going down a rabbit hole, but when you get out of your own head and quit thinking of yourself. And have empathy for your spouse and what, how they’re feeling and what they’re going through, and how it would feel to receive that again.
you completely changed the way you come to your wife and to your marriage.
Dan: but that takes an enormous amount of courage, doesn’t It
Jeff? Because it means you may not get what
you want in the short term, and that’s scary.
Jennifer and Jeff: Yeah. And you know, sometimes you don’t, but you know. When you come to grips with that, and that’s okay. You know, when you realize that’s okay. And that’s, that’s not easy, especially after 40 years of pouting and insisting and love, love, withholding, withholding affection and all of the things that we do, um, you know, that’s a habit.
And so yeah, that’s not comfortable and it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Um, and you know, you can teach an old dog new tricks.
Um, but, but it’s not easy. but again, it’s, it’s completely worth it because, you know, although sometimes it doesn’t work out the way I, see it more often than not it does.
And, uh, wasn’t that way before. Right. so it’s, it’s been an amazing change.
Dan: And then you started working with Amy. Any other ahas that came work with Amy? Amy is my colleague in my Get Your Marriage on program. She’s a fellow marriage and intimacy coach, and she’s phenomenal.
Jennifer and Jeff: she is. I think for me, the biggest thing, is the emotional connection time. The, I think there’s three minute or five minute. We chose the three minute.
Dan: uh huh.
Jennifer and Jeff: What we found out through that is we truly didn’t listen to each other, that whenever
one of us would be talking about an emotional experience or a conflict, the other one was already trying to fix it.
So just being quiet for three minutes and allowing you to express your feelings without judgment or comment or someone fixing it, um, has taught us how to really communicate in a deeper level. It took a while, but now we, we use it sometimes when things are heated in, in our work relationship and able to say, Hey, I need three minutes.
And that it’s a calming thing. ’cause it just gives you a moment to think about it, to talk and, step away. And our fights are less, they’re resolved faster, and our intimacy is just so much greater. And I, and I attribute it besides all of our work. But that three minute or five minute moment during the day just to stop.
Talk about your emotions and the other person isn’t interfering with what you’re thinking and you can get it all out at one time. And I’ve gotta, I’ve gotta also add to that, that that three minutes and, you know, when I first heard it, I thought, you know, that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. you practiced it at your class?
Yeah. Yeah, we did.
That’s the craziest thing I’ve heard. I just don’t see any value in that whatsoever. And, but okay, I’ll do it. Right. And, um, boy was I ever wrong? I don’t completely get it completely, but there is real power in that and it works. it’s not easy, especially, you know, I don’t know about the other guys out there, but I have a really hard time not saying anything for three minutes when my wife is, you know.
Dumping all of her emotions, right? Good and bad. Good and bad. Uh, because, you know, I wanna interject [00:25:00] 20 times and, and fix it. You know, she a problem. I got an answer for it right now. And so it really takes some training and some time to be able to sit still for three minutes and keep her. Dead gum mouth shut.
Right. but once you do, it’s a, it’s a powerful tool. Um, like she said, we, we do it, you know, regularly. I think for me, Dan, I finally feel like I’m being heard.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer and Jeff: Not just listen to, but actually I think Jeff really hears me and it, it, it’s just, it’s opened up that it intertwined into the intimacy thing.
It just, you know, you’re finally being heard and you’re finally figuring out who you are too through that three minutes a day also. And I agree, I don’t understand it all, but it works.
Dan: That’s so good. And, and Jeff, this is more for you. This is from a dude going talking to another dude. A lot of us men are not socialized to be emotional unless it’s about anger or you can be happy or it can be horny. Those are legitimate. But all these others, it’s, we’re looked at, this is kind of weak, but. I would argue it takes even more strength to do what you just did. Like to be able to settle yourself down, to listen as your wife shares something emotional and you yourself, it takes even more strength. So I think the real strong men have this ability or power to communicate at a deep emotional level with someone in a very intimate way. Would you
Jennifer and Jeff: Absolutely, absolutely. There’s no doubt about it. It, it, it too, I’ve said it several times, but that, that’s been a game changer as well, just for the way that we communicate because it really, we not only do it for the three minutes, but ourselves. Throughout the day. And communication was something that, that we were really not good at, uh, in any facet of our life really.
Um, especially intimacy. We just didn’t talk about it. But now, um, we talk about it all the time and freely and so it’s, it’s, it’s changed the way we communicate. One thing I wanted to add, because I skipped past it, and for me it was really, really, really a big deal, and that was something that Amy, uh.
Taught me. And that was, and, and I think it was touched on in, at the, uh, retreat, the voices that we, we get in our head, right, the
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer and Jeff: I was the worst. I mean, when things weren’t going my way, the voices would start, she needs to treat you better.
I mean, you, you’re her husband. she should do.
Dan: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer and Jeff: your only, you know, she’s your only wife. Your only woman. And she has,
Dan: Yeah. Your only legitimate
outlet,
responsibility and, and it just builds and builds and builds and build. Well, when you recognize and put a name on those voices and you call out, the minute they start.
You call ’em out, you change the narrative. I mean, you say, I’m not going here. and you change that voice to a positive voice. Now that’s difficult because you know, the first, you know, hundred times you do it,
Uh.
Jennifer and Jeff: just wants to continue and get louder. Um, but it’s, it’s a process. And truly when you shut those voices down again, another game changer.
Dan: Yeah. Did he give your voice a name?
Jennifer and Jeff: You may have bleep
Dan: We’ll just label this, uh uh, a PG 13 episode. Good. Good, good. And, and, uh, Jennifer, did you have a name for your narrative voice too?
Jennifer and Jeff: No, I didn’t have, um, mirror the issues with the voices. I just got tired of Jerry clubbing me.
With all of it. ’cause he would club me, you know, that’s what we referred to as clubbing. But
in, in being the low desire in parentheses, you know,
I would hear, you know, I don’t go out on you, you know, you’re my only wife.
You owe this to me. So then it became do it chore and duty sex. And so you, it’s so hard to find being, you know, being a lower desire. If I wanna label it, it’s hard to find yourself when someone’s constantly demanding this
Dan: Yeah. Or they’re entitled.
Jennifer and Jeff: Yeah. Entitlement. So it’s hard to be free, but, you know, through the counseling and through get your marriage on and next level, um, learning yourself self, it’s, it’s freeing.
And through learning, communication, you know, intimacy is wonderful when you have a voice.
Dan: Mm-hmm. Yeah. You can feel really
free and
Jennifer and Jeff: Insane. Yeah. Yeah,
Dan: Yeah.
Jennifer and Jeff: The, you know, I, I, before we’re done today, I, I just have to drill home to the guys that are listening to this because, you know, if I can help one of them, not go through the pain and struggle that I did, and then we did. once you again start [00:30:00] focusing on, on yourself and give your wife the freedom to find herself in this space and quit pushing, you know, just back off and let her find her own place in this space, it’s life altering.
And, you know, we’ve been at the bottom, I’ll tell you, I’m, it’s amazing that we made it. I think anybody else would’ve quit. We were, we were that bad. So to come from there to where we are today is just amazing. And, you know, I’ve gotta tell this story because it’s,
just the essence of how far we’ve come. I mean, Several months into this process, and when things were just getting better and better and better every day. So I get a text message and it’s, it’s, uh, from Jennifer and she says, I want sex tonight. And she says, I have a menu. And then she went on to tell me explicitly what she wanted and she.
Dan: Uh huh.
Jennifer and Jeff: That. And it was on your app though, the secure app?
Dan: Way to
Jennifer and Jeff: It was, but you know, it rocked my world. Um, I said I had to check to make sure that that was coming from Jennifer. Um, but it was, and it was, uh, anyway, it just, that’s where we are. It’s, it’s awesome.
Dan: Mm-hmm. That is so good. Great. Anything else you wanna share before we conclude today? Day?
Jennifer and Jeff: Well, by the grace of God, don’t give up. You know, ’cause there’s answers out there. you know, I truly believe that, you know, God made our bodies to share with each other and it’s finding the right. Counseling and the right answers, to make your marriage whole. And that’s what God intended for us to share this wonderful abundance that he gave us and so much we’re raised not to talk about it, not to enjoy it as much, and it’s a free gift from God.
So why not do it? That’s my thing.
Dan: Yeah. That’s true. And it contributes to your growth. It contributes to your maturity.
Jennifer and Jeff: inside and out. I mean, our whole, we always had a good, we always had a good marriage, but we wanted a great one. And, um, I feel today, after 43 years, you know, our, I’ve always prayed about this kind of marriage and we always had a good one. We’ve always had fun together, best friends, but just that one thing with Terrace apart, I think it was heavier on Jeff than it was on me.
But it’s nice to be on the other side. And, and we wanna share this with people because it’s so great and, you know, you think it’s gonna take forever, but really once the ball starts rolling, it’s like a snowball. Um, the change happens really fast, really fast. Um, it’s just, uh, it’s just like a, a switch.
and I wanted to add to anybody listening, uh, and I’m not paid to say this, we’re volunteering. Um, but if any of you, can resonate with our story, I can’t recommend enough plugging in to, uh, you guys, any or Dan or any one of them. and getting some coaching, uh, because the results are remarkable and, The results are priceless. So, can’t recommend it highly enough. You guys are awesome.
Dan: Thank you very much. Thank you.
Jennifer and Jeff: Thank you. Yeah.
Dan: Thank you again for listening to this episode and my dear friend, if you would like help in your own marriage, like Jeff and Jennifer did, check out my Get Your Marriage On Program. This is coaching. This is the best. Of the best marriage help that you can have. It’s like therapy, but more applied to action.
We call it coaching. As a result, it’s myself and I have an incredible team with me, and we’re here to invest in your marriage to take it to the next level. It’s also very affordable. All the details are on the website at get Your Marriage on.com. And even if you don’t get coaching directly from us, I hope by listening to this podcast and the other many free resources that we have, such as our apps are all there to elevate you and help you have a stronger, more intimate marriage.
’cause that’s what the world needs more of right now.
