Fellatio: Oral Sex for Men

Note: This article is an in-depth, classy how-to guide for wives on how to do oral sex (blow jobs / fellatio) for your husband. We also have an in-depth guide for husbands on how to do oral sex for their wives (called Cunnilingus)!

It is well known that oral sex is pleasurable for a man. While the penis doesn’t have the amount of nerve endings in it that the clitoris does, it still has a large number and stimulation of the penis produces a pleasurable experience for a man. Fellatio (the proper term for “blow job”) is often part of a healthy and great sex life for couples. It can be as pleasurable (and for some even more so) as intercourse.

What makes fellatio so enjoyable is the combination of a hot, wet mouth being wrapped completely around his penis, the visual presented while you’re performing fellatio on him, the addition of suction that only a mouth can provide, and the inclusion of the tongue movements (which will be covered later).

When you add all this up it creates a great experience for him. Fellatio can be part of a sexual encounter (foreplay) or it can be in the main event. Regardless the role it plays in each encounter, learning how to go down on your man can add a great deal of pleasure.

Ground Rules

Before you go down, it’s important to address a couple of things.

I realize that if you’ve found this post you’re most likely eager to get to the nitty-gritty, but rein in the horses for a bit. The best way to add this to your repertoire is to talk about your interest with your spouse. Communication is absolutely key to success during oral sex. Without communication, a wife may end up using teeth or doing something else that is uncomfortable or unacceptable to her husband and he may push her away or make her feel uncomfortable in other ways. Not only is communication important in figuring out what each spouse doesn’t want to happen, it is also an important tool to help us find out what each spouse does want to happen!

There is nothing medically wrong or dangerous with oral sex. And, even though this post will lay it all out here in vivid detail – all the ins and outs, the tricks, the techniques – you’re going to have to put them together in a way that makes sense for your husband receiving this gift.

I’ll give you the notes, but you’ve got to create the music.

Where Does the Semen Go?

This usually is THE biggest reason for communication! We all know that men ejaculate when they experience an orgasm and if they experience an orgasm during fellatio, then it’s likely that the ejaculate will end up in your mouth. Depending on your preferences, this may or may not be a turn on for you. You may be indifferent to it or the very idea may repulse you and send you running. This is why it’s so important to discuss where the semen will be ending up before the fellatio session – it is definitely something that needs to be decided upon prior to ejaculation to avoid any mishaps!

  • In Your Mouth – Is probably the easiest and cleanest place. It is “disposed” of quickly and does not need any cleaning up, except for the possible washcloth wiping the mouth afterwards, depending on each spouse’s preferences. For some women there’s enjoyment in this option, for others, no way. That’s where it’s important to discuss your preferences with your spouse.
  • Outside of Your Mouth – This is a wide ranged technique. “Outside of Your Mouth” can really mean anywhere – into a towel or napkin, onto her breasts or stomach or his stomach if you’re on top or anywhere else that isn’t inside the mouth. It is important to discuss how this will be accomplished however – you don’t want to disrupt the orgasm just as he’s beginning to ejaculate. 

An orgasm can be ruined if you take his penis out of your mouth right as he’s about to climax and ask him to have a discussion about where the ejaculate can go. An example of a simple technique is, at the beginning of the orgasm, quickly take the penis out of your mouth and keep pumping up and down on his penis with your hand (like a “hand job”) while he finishes ejaculating in the designated area. Make sure that he knows to tell you when he is about to reach climax – you don’t want to be surprised with semen in your mouth when you weren’t prepared for it! Also, he may want to do the “hand job” part as he is having an orgasm himself – if so, let him. You can place your hands on his hips or on your breasts to show him that you are still with him and enjoying the time together. 

Hand Placement

This can be a big issue for both women and men when it comes to fellatio. Remember husbands, every woman is different and it’s important to know what your wife prefers during fellatio – having hands on her head while she is going down on you might make her uncomfortable and may even gag or choke her. Make sure you know what she prefers and also keep in mind that her mood may change and one night she may be feeling particularly jazzed and like the sensation of her head and mouth being guided or pushed down on your penis and another night she may be completely turned off or even repulsed by the idea.

The size of the husband’s penis may present a challenge when sucking. To help the process, either of you may place a hand at the base of the shaft to control the depth of penetration. Doing so may give him some freedom to be able to thrust into your mouth without a fear of you gagging or choking.

Getting Ready

Your husband doesn’t likely require as much preparation for fellatio that you need before cunnilingus. Most men will be pleased with a surprise “blow job”, so don’t think that preparation has to be done every time. But foreplay can get your husband’s mind and body ready for what is to come (pun intended) and will give you a higher chance for success.

If you want to include some foreplay, physical touch is great but you’ll get him really jazzed when you add a visual element to it. When you incorporate visual stimulation (such as lingerie) your husband will likely be totally psyched and ready to go.

Stripteases are usually a good way to begin, but many women are not only self conscious about their bodies but their dance moves as well, so this is not an option for everyone. If you like to dance though, throw on a cute outfit and pop in a sexy song while giving your husband an eyeful and a lap dance. (Check out our post, “How to Do a Sexy Lap Dance” if you’re curious to learn!)

Things can sometimes get smelly around his pubic area. Ask him to shower beforehand. Husbands, trimming your pubic hairs may be considerate – nobody wants pubic hair stuck between their teeth.

Is the goal the big O or no?

Oral sex can be a direct and easy paths to orgasm for your husband, or it can be part of of foreplay and a segue in to sexual intercourse. The goal is to pay attention and keep the lines of communication open throughout the entire show.

Quick Summary

Although you don’t usually have to spend much time getting a man aroused (especially if you’re using visual stimulation) it is still worthwhile to put in a bit of effort before working your way down his body.

A great way to get a man aroused before fellatio is to caress him gently but firmly. Begin by caressing his thighs and inner thighs and his stomach. All of these areas have sensitive nerve endings that lead right to the groin. When you make your way to his groin, you can also caress his scrotum and the base of his penis – the idea is to build tension and give him just enough stimulation to keep him going but not so much that you’re in full-blown pleasure mode. The goal – keep him wanting for more.

Once you have built enough anticipation with your hands and other gestures, you can begin building anticipation using your mouth. You can do several things here and get creative with them, but it’s a good idea to wait a little bit before taking your husband’s penis into your mouth fully and beginning fellatio. Use short licks here and there and kisses are great too. Just be careful not to tease him too much or he may lose his erection. Talk to your husband about how much teasing is enough or too much and gauge his physical and emotional reactions to the teasing to judge when to tease and when to stop.

Kisses and licks downward on his abdomen and along his thighs signal your looming approach toward his penis. As he is readying for more, his breathing becomes more rapid and shallow. He may begin to touch you and/or himself. Arching his back, moving his hips, sighing, moaning, moving his head side to side and facial expressions are common signs that he wants you to advance your progression toward his penis – or to keep the rhythm all the way to climax. It is important that you listen and observe his cues.

Get Down to Business

No worries if you’re a bit shy about trying these moves for the first time. Most husbands don’t know the difference between an “ice-cream swirl” and a “top to bottom lick” – they just like what feels good. Don’t be afraid to use a new move at any time. If he likes it, he’ll be sure to let you know. This is also a great learning experience – by trying out new moves on your husband’s penis, you can learn what he likes and what he doesn’t like and use that to build your repertoire.

To begin, find a position with which both of you are comfortable. The man on his back is a popular position. However, the positions that are reportedly most enjoyed by men are standing and kneeling. Both positions may make it a little more difficult for the wife but proper accommodations can be made. These preferred positions are most likely related to the sense of power and level of control presented.

  • Begin by using your lips – Lips create a soft, swirling motion or a tight squeezing motion depending on how you position them. Although your tongue is great to add during a fellatio session, your lips are your go-to when performing fellatio.
  • Make an “O” with your lips. You can make a loose “O” or a tight one, depending on what mood you and your husband are in and even depending on which stage in fellatio you are. Tighter, harder and faster moves are best when your husband is close to experiencing an orgasm and lighter, softer moves are great for when you’re building him up to a climax. Slide your “O” completely up and down his penis (as far down towards the base as you can get all the way up to the head) – this will allow your partner to feel the full effect of your lips on his penis.
  • For a little extra something during this move, try rotating your “O” like you were going down a twisty slide. Kiss the head. Think French Kiss, so you may want to incorporate a little tongue here – but not too much! This move is still meant to put your lips in the spotlight. There are so many sensitive nerve endings in the head of the penis that a wet smacker right on top will put him directly into bliss mode.
  • Kiss the head of his penis just like you would French kiss his mouth – only this time, the sloppier the better. You can use your hand to massage the base of his penis up and down for added pleasure.
  • Suction. This is not to be confused with whole-mouth suction. This is just lip suction at this point. This is not a move you can do while your mouth is full of his penis – utilize this technique on different areas of the penis and groin or use it just on the head of his penis. Create a soft, gentle sucking motion with your lips only. This move is a great way to tease him and get him warmed up.

Licking Technique

Although whole-mouth techniques are usually more pleasurable than just licking alone, the tongue plays an important part in the fellatio technique. When you can vary your sucking and lip techniques by utilizing the tongue techniques, you’ll build a fellatio repertoire that sure to leave him wanting more.

Lollipop lick. Remember those long, twisty lollipops from the carnivals? When you lick those you start from the bottom and work your way to the top. That’s the basis for this tongue technique. Start at the base of your husband’s penis and lick all the way from the bottom to the top (no stopping!) and make a swirling motion while doing so. Spend a little extra time on the head if you can, using this motion. This is a great teasing move.

Flick his head. The area where the most pleasurable nerve endings are hiding is right there in the head of the penis. So take a page out of the cunnilingus book and flick the head with your tongue much like he would flick your clitoris. This move is not something that’s likely going to suffice if it’s the only motion you’re making during fellatio but it could be the difference between being close to climax and being well over the edge. You can also do this while your husband’s head is in your mouth (this will add extra sensation – especially if you press your lips together to create more pressure in the tip) and will give him the most for your effort. You can also do this move outside of your mouth, with just your tongue touching the penis.

Sucking Technique

Sucking techniques are the most important part of fellatio. Your mouth has the unique ability to create suction, or a vacuum feel. This is what will drive your husband wild and bring him to orgasm again and again.

Head sucking. One word of caution using this technique, it can do one of two things – either cause discomfort because the sensations are too powerful or cause an almost immediate orgasm. Place your mouth over the top of his penis, covering the head and the frenulum completely. Make an up and down sucking motion (swirl your tongue around for added effect). You can do this soft or hard, depending on both you and your husband’s mood during any particular fellatio session.

Shaft sucking. This is different from deepthroating. Take your husband’s entire penis into your mouth, without straining yourself or activating your gag reflex. Move up and down methodically (you can do this either quickly or slowly, depending on your husband’s preferences as well as how far along in the fellatio session you are and how close to having an orgasm he is) while creating a sucking motion – much like sucking on a popsicle. You can also do this with a great deal of suction or with very little.

Closing the Deal

Do whatever you know best at this point. Then try adding the different techniques. Don’t forget to use your hands as part of this process. This will give your mouth relief and help you last longer. Hold the shaft of his penis in one hand, and use the other to make a circle around the frenulum. Use the webbing between that hand’s thumb and index finger while making circles at the frenulum.

You can use your saliva as lubrication on his head. Dry rubbing the penis can be stimulating but will irritate it if done long enough.

Stroking and sucking the scrotum is another method of providing indirect stimulation. Also, licking the perineum, the space between the scrotum and anus, is pleasurable for many.

Doing these activities intermittently provides a variation that makes it a better experience overall.

Make frequent eye contact. Talk to him. Tell him how much you are enjoying him. This is how and where you really show him how comfortable you are with him and how much you are committed to what you are doing. Use the audible element of lovemaking. Make noise when licking or sucking. Slurp. Moan. Continue to make eye contact when and if you can. Tell him how much you enjoy him…the taste of him…the smell of him…and the feel of him. Remember, you are creating anticipation, promoting intimacy, and using the power of the mind as one of many tools to do this.

Climax Vs Transition

At some point, he may want to orgasm. You will have to have made some determination as to whether or not this is the goal. If it is, you will see signs of increased writhing and hip movement, heavy breathing and the like.

You want to now create a rhythm of repeated sucking/manual stroking, paying particular attention to the head of his penis. Be certain ahead of time as to where the semen is going to go. This is a very important point: DO NOT interrupt the orgasm by making some drastic change of motion. Whatever got him there will keep him there. Keep doing what you are doing and follow any verbal or nonverbal cues he may give to enhance the experience.

If it appears that ejaculation is close and you don’t want the semen in your mouth, use your hands to complete the task. If this is foreplay or an interlude during sex, determine how far you will let him go before pulling back. Communicate with him as early in the experience as possible so as not to ‘disappoint’ him by mistakenly creating an expectation you do not plan to satisfy. A man has a longer refractory period than most women. So unlike most women, a man is not able to immediately transition to intercourse following ejaculation.

Deepthroating

Deepthroating can be a great experience, but it’s not for everybody. This involves taking your husband’s penis into your mouth completely – all the way down to the base. A good portion of his penis will end up past your gag reflex and into your throat, hence the name “deep throating.”

Some women cannot perform deep throat fellatio due to large glands, tonsils or a particularly strong gag reflex. Some women have no issue at all. If you are like most women, however, and are in the middle of the deep-throating road (you can deep throat, but your gag reflex sometimes prevents you from doing it as much or as well as you or your husband would like), not to worry – practice really can help alleviate any issues you may have.

The key to deep throating successfully is positioning. You can be creative, but any position in which your head is facing your husband’s feet will allow his penis to go more smoothly down your throat and avoid hitting your gag reflex directly. Even if you utilize this positioning during deep throating, you may still need lots of practice. Try just doing a few deep throat strokes per session or for a designated number of minutes and then increase the time spent deep throating during each subsequent session until you have built up a good tolerance. You may find you begin to enjoy deep throating and the wonderful sensations it gives your husband.

Surprise Fellatio

You can only go so far with actual tips, tricks, and techniques. That’s when you can add the element of surprise.

Many husbands love to get fellatio when they least expect it. Take your husband by surprise in the kitchen for a few minutes while fixing dinner or even at his desk while he is on the computer. A surprise fellatio session during your favorite movie can rev him up and you can even take him to the bedroom for a more intimate experience. The possibilities are endless!

To up the ante even more, giving your husband surprise fellatio in different places:

In the car. Make sure you’re on a slow, deserted street or even highway later in the evening or at night. And stop the car for your safety.

In the shower. This may seem a little bland, but husbands love fellatio in the shower. A lot of women do too because if he has an orgasm, clean up is easy.

In a pool, Jacuzzi, etc. Make sure these are private (or semi-private) before you start.

In the backyard. Or the front yard if you have a fairly private place. Or in a field or open area – the feeling of a cool breeze and the grass on your husband’s naked body can add to the thrill. Plus anywhere else where the two of you can steal some time together.

Just remember to be discreet and private, after all, there are lot’s of people with cell phone cameras just looking to capture moments for the world to see!

Spice Things Up!

Some more ideas:

Pop rocks. Adding pop rocks is probably one of the best fun tricks that you can use. Use only a few pop rocks at a time – the sensation will be lost if you have a huge glob of them in your mouth. You will also want to suck him lightly while the pop rocks are in your mouth. Pressing down on his penis while Pop rocks are in your mouth can push them into his penis and cause discomfort or pain.

Give him a hummer. As mentioned above, humming creates minute vibrations that travel through his entire groin. Don’t be shy – he probably won’t hear the tune you’re humming anyway.

Ice. The cold receptors in his genital area react greatly to ice or a cool touch. Do not use too much cold, however. The best way to incorporate a touch of cold into your fellatio routine is to put either a small piece of ice in your mouth while you suck him, or drink something ice-cold before you begin. The combination of the cold along with the anticipation of stopping and starting while you take sips of your cool drink will add a great deal to the experience.

Menthol. This will create a similar sensation to the use of cold drinks or ice. You can suck your partner off with a mint in your mouth or even a Hall’s Menthol Cough Drop.

Saucy! You’ve heard of adding honey, chocolate sauce or whipped cream to oral sex – you can use also a variety of other things as well – just make sure if you are using anything with sugar that you aren’t planning to have intercourse later. Sugary substances can change the delicate pH of the vagina and cause a yeast infection. If you’re just planning for oral sex, adding some fun “toppings” can make the night a lot more interesting.

Hot. But not too hot! Drink some warm tea or hot cocoa before you put your husband’s penis in your mouth. The added heat will add to the feelings. If you really want to throw your husband a curveball, alternate between hot and cold drinks or throw a mint in the hot cocoa. The different sensations will give your husband all kinds of pleasure.

Some Oral Positions

On Your Knees – perhaps the most versatile fellatio position that there is, and probably the most widely used. You can do this with him standing or with him in a chair (or on the edge of the bed) and you positioned on your knees in front of him. This is probably the position that you will want to use if you’re performing fellatio on your partner in different places, such as in the car or in the laundry mat, etc.

Upside Down – this is any position in which your head is facing your husband’s feet, it’s also ideal for deep throating. This position is most comfortable while lying on a bed or other flat surface and can be incorporated into a mutual oral sex position or just oral sex for him.

Sideways – this is exactly how it sounds. You can both will lie on your sides facing each other, with your head facing your husband’s feet. This allows for mutual oral sex or for pleasing only him. Or you can lie side by side facing the same direction and you can work your way down his body.

Sitting (On Your Face) – in this position, your husband will sit mainly on your chest, bringing his penis downwards and into your mouth. Usually, his knees will be resting on either side of you on the bed to avoid putting too much pressure on your body. To do this, however, you and your husband will need some kind of signal that you can use to let him know if he is penetrating your mouth too deeply, if you are gagging, or finding it difficult to breathe.

Lying on Your Back – this one’s a little tricky, but if positioned well, you are at a prime angle for deep throating. Lie on a bed with your head at the edge of the bed (this is important – other flat surfaces won’t do because you’ll need to be raised up a couple of feet). Your husband will get on his feet or knees (depending on how far off the ground your bed is) and guide his penis into your mouth.

Other Hot Tips

  • Suck his toes and/or fingers before or during oral sex.
  • Create a playlist of his favorite love songs. Place earphones on his ears and let him listen to music as you orally please him.
  • Blindfold him as well as place earphones on him. Sensory deprivation will feed his imagination and anticipation.
  • Bathe him before performing fellatio. A sensuous bubble bath prior to oral sex is intimate and will assure both of you of his cleanliness … to the extent that either of you may be concerned.
  • Perform fellatio while you shower together.
  • Hum a song he likes as you take him into your mouth.
  • Place an ice cube in your mouth. Give him an icy hot experience. Be careful not to let the ice cube rest in any one place too long.
  • Talk to him during. Obviously the mouth will be otherwise employed. However, offering a few suggestive phrases feeds the auditory sense. Great lovemaking is about engaging as many of the senses as reasonable.
  • As you lie down on your back, have him place his penis between your breasts. As he slides himself in and out of them, press them together. Lick the head each time it comes toward you.

Erection Issues

Not every man has the ability to swiftly get an erection and keep his penis hard during fellatio or at other times as well, even if his wife is completely arousing him. If your husband has difficulty getting or keeping an erection, don’t beat yourself up about it! This does not mean you are not “sexy” or “good” enough. It’s normal for a man’s erection to wax and wane throughout a lovemaking session.

Be careful about what you say when this happens. Men can be very sensitive about the size of their penis and whether or not they can get an erection and keep one. Remarks, although seemingly harmless to you, may have long-term ego scarring that can affect future sexual encounters. Here are some tips when this happens:

Get him to relax – this is an important first step in beginning fellatio on a man who has difficulty obtaining and/or maintaining an erection. Physical and emotional stress (particularly if the stress is in relation to the sexual act about to be performed) your husband may find it difficult to get aroused, even if he has never had this happen before.

Turn down the lights. If you’re planning on incorporating some visual techniques, complete darkness isn’t going to work. Candles are an excellent thing to have – everyone looks great in candlelight! The soft, flickering lighting will provide you with enough light to do your job (pun intended) while discreetly hiding any physical flaws that he may be worried about.

Give him a rubdown. While this is traditionally something that a wife enjoys getting from her husband but that does not mean that a good rubdown will not relax your him and help get him into the mood. Use scented oil or plain lotion if you prefer and get to work! Stay focused in the neck and shoulder area and don’t be afraid to let your thumbs gently work their way in between the creases of his muscles – this is where the endorphins are released from. Kiss him. Everywhere – his body and his lips. A great make-out session before going down can help bring a slack penis to attention by mimicking on his lips what you’ll be doing to his penis in a few minutes.

Talk to him. Your attitude here goes a long way. If your husband has difficulty getting or keeping an erection, it’s important that you discuss things in a non-judgmental way. Give him some stimulation – whether be it by hand or mouth, give his penis some direct stimulation if you find that he has difficulty getting an erection. If oral sex is the main act, you can gently use your hands to bring his penis to life. A flaccid penis is still sensitive so techniques that you use on an erect penis can sometimes still apply.

Just be gentle! Stroke his penis and touch it tenderly, the way you would want to be touched to get aroused. Pay attention to his head (of his penis). This is where the majority of the sensitive nerve endings are bundled.

Begin licking immediately. You don’t have to wait for him to be hard before putting his penis in your mouth. Although with fellatio, he is generally aroused beforehand, it’s not always the case. It actually feels quite pleasurable to have his entire penis wrapped up in your hot, warm mouth.

Final Thoughts

The whole experience of oral sex is not meant to be done alone while with each other. Talk to each other. Communicate that you’re into the experience, and him. Your husband will love it when you can demonstrate that you understand his body and his needs.

And above all, enjoy the time together. This is not meant to be a routine, do this, then this, type of occasion. Talk to each other. Go slow. Let go of attachment to an outcome and simply follow the connection.

Note: This article is an in-depth, classy how-to guide for wives on how to do oral sex (blow jobs / fellatio) for your husband. We also have an in-depth guide for husbands on how to do oral sex for their wives (called Cunnilingus)!

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<h3>Amanda Severson</h3>

Amanda Severson

Hi, I'm Amanda! I'm a grad student on her way to becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. I'm a wife and a sex enthusiast. I am a psychology nerd whose life goal is to help every couple find the absolute joy of sharing your life with someone else.

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